Chapter Five.

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AN: Upsetting scenes.

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Draco watched as his latest vapid bedmate dressed and left his room without so much as a goodbye. He sighed and rolled over, closing his eyes, squeezing them tightly when a vision of a beautiful blonde flashed before them. Opening them, he growled. It hadn't escaped him that every single woman he had slept with over the last couple of months, and there had been many, had been blonde. He knew, deep down, that he was trying to find a replacement. But it was impossible. They were all too vapid, too empty, too interested in his money and his connections. She had never wanted any of that. She had just wanted him.

He rolled over and opened the top drawer of his bedside table and pulled out a crumpled, stained piece of parchment that was far too familiar to him. He had read this letter at least once a day, as much as he tried to avoid it. He couldn't help himself. It was like a magnet pulling him in and tempting him. He unfolded it and a photo fell out. Smiling shakily, he picked it up and gazed into the eyes that he still dreamed of every night.

Wondering something, he picked up his wand and nervously flicked it at the photo, gasping as the changes he had made took effect. Where the hair of the girl in the photo had been blonde, it had been replaced with brown hair and he felt his stomach flip and his heart clench as he took in what he saw. She hadn't changed anything... She had only ever changed her hair. Blaise had asked what else was so different about her that he couldn't love... And suddenly he couldn't seperate the blonde he had fallen for and the brunette he had always thought he hated.

Everything that he loved in Eloise was a part of Hermione. Her story had been false, sure. Her friends had different names and perhaps she had lied to protect them. She had lied to protect herself. He knew that Blaise was right that he would never have given a chance if she had been herself, and now he was kicking himself for it. Was she as wonderful as she had appeared for those five years? She must be. Noone can hide such intrinsic parts of themselves for five years.

He closed his eyes and let the photo drop to the floor as he hung his head. The women he had taken into his bed had been nothing compared to the girl he had lost. It was true that he could never get that girl back. But there was a girl out there who had loved him so deeply that she had covered up who she was for fear of rejection. And he had rejected her, in the worst way possible. The only words he had spoken to her since he had discovered who she really was had been a half assed insult because that was how he was programmed to react to her.

Could his programming be changed? Could he look at her and stop comparing her and hunting for who she had pretended to be? Had the lies been too much, had it erased all the good that they had shared? They had shared it, those experiences and moments hadn't been erased because she looked different. Her thoughts had been her own, her words had come from her heart and he had taken that heart and... Shattered it.

Reading her letter again, he sighed. He wondered where she was, what she was doing. He wondered if she ever thought of him and smiled. Was she hurting? It couldn't be true that her friends had abandoned her, could it? That was unbelievable, if it turned out to be true.

He loved her. He had lost her.

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"Potter?" Blaise gasped as he looked up to his floo. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Uh..." Harry muttered, glancing around the apartment. "Hermione sent me?"

Blaise jumped up from his spot on the couch at the mention of his friend. He knew that she was meeting the man before him today and had been wondering what was taking so long, but he had no idea what he would be doing here. Had something happened?

"Is Hermione okay?" He snapped, looking concerned.

"She's asleep at mine. She uh... She had a breakdown at the pub and I took her there. I wanted to talk to you, about her, actually." Harry stuttered, nervous around new friend of Hermione's. Blaise smirked.

"Don't look so nervous Potter," he chuckled, "As long as you're gonna be a friend to her, we won't have any problems."

Blaise watched as Harry's entire body relaxed and he slumped into a nearby chair. He was glad that Potter was scared off him, it meant that Ron was, too. He had been beyond angry with the way that Ron had spoken to Hermione that day in Diagon Alley. His body had reacted before his brain, but once it had caught up, it had backed his body completely. She had been so scared at seeing them again and his heart hurt to imagine how much Ron's words would have stung.

"What's up?" Blaise asked, taking his seat again and eyeing the black haired man.

"Has she... I mean how has she been doing? Really?" Harry asked, grimacing. "She didn't say much before she broke today, and I just... I'm worried about her."

"Not great, Potter." Blaise sighed, leaning forward on his knees and frowning. "She's missed her best friends, she misses the man she loves. She's had only me to talk to, and her therapist obviously-"

"Therapist?" Harry interrupted, "She's going to therapy?" Blaise nodded.

"Ever since she was released from Mungo's... She's on an Anti-Depressant potion, too."

Blaise watched as Harry groaned and brought his hands up to his face, dragging them across his five o'clock shadow roughly. He looked pained by the thought of his friend being in such a bad place. Blaise could also read the guilt in his eyes, too. He considered it to be a good thing, it meant that he realised how much it hurt Hermione to have been without him for such a long time.

"I honestly had no idea things were this bad." Harry muttered, meeting his eye, "And the therapy, is it helping?"

"I think so," Blaise shrugged, "I think the only thing that will really help is time."

"Is Malfoy... I mean is he... What's he doing in all this?" Harry gasped.

"She's only seen him once since they split, and he insulted her. Same old bastard." Blaise growled.

"I know that I had my reasons to be angry with her, but he does realise she did this all for him, right?" Harry asked anxiously. Blaise shook his head.

"He can't get over the fact that she turned out to be... Her." Harry growled and opened his mouth to speak but Blaise held up his hand to stop him, "I've called him out on it, believe me. I've tried to make him understand but he's either too stubborn or proud to see that she is still who he thought her to be."

"She loves him, you know." Harry sighed, "She is utterly lost to him and it's killing her to see him hate her again."

"Is that what she said?" Blaise groaned as Harry nodded. "He's such a twat."

"Can we do anything?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Teaming up with the snake now, Potter?" Blaise snickered but sobered quickly, shaking his head. "He's off with his slags, and she is slowly dying without him, trust me, I can see it. I don't know what we can do, but we need to do something."

Harry nodded his agreement.

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Hermione stared at the full vial of Anti-Depressant potion that she pulled out of her handback as though it could answer all of her prayers. In a way, she supposed it could. She pulled the cork and held it in front of her, watching as the light from the window shone through the blue liquid. This next act would make her happy, as she was sure the potion was designed to do, it would take her away from the pain that weighed her down.

She was reluctant to do this for two reasons. Two men who cared about her, who loved her in their own ways. But it was the love of another man that drove her to be here, alone, in her friends house, contemplating the purposeful end to her life. A love that she would never know again and didn't think she could ever be capable of living without.

Glancing at the note she had left on the dresser, she hoped that they could forgive her one last time for this. She couldn't bare to be buried with nobody to stand for her. She briefly wondered if it would be possible for her to know if anyone had come to see her lowered into the ground... But even if she never found out, at least it wouldn't hurt any more.

Lifting the glass vial to her trembling lip, she drank down the liquid and winced at the taste of it. If two drops was enough to help her struggle through the day, she hoped that the whole vial would be enough to take her pain away altogether...

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Draco pulled open the front door to the manor as the pounding continued.

"You need to come to St Mungo's." Said the Italian man on his doorstep without waiting for him to speak.

"Hermione has tried to take her own life." The black haired man said from next to him.

Fuck.