A/N: We're hitting the home stretch with this fiction guys, so, just so you know...this not so long journey is about to come to an end here within the next few chapters.

I don't own Mai HiME/Mai Otome.

White Fence
Chapter Eight
(Natsuki POV)

In a world filled with problems, the best anyone can do, is try to stay strong, even when you think there's no point. You can reach out for that glimmer of hope, and pray to any god you can think of...holding your breath as the crash of dreams and nightmares become the world in which you live. That would be appropriate, even if it failed...botched attempts are still attempts. Learning to breath again, even if you're wading in poison, is a step in the right direction. I've tried to keep that in consideration my entire life. I've kept a stupidly impossible hope, and I've lived the life many deem inappropriate.

In the end, when the world faces me, I'm the one watching the sun set on my roof.

There is a sick, twisted, and vicious morality to this world...oddly, it's beautiful because of that. Through the dirt, the tears, and the pain that thunders in the night...there's a strange sense of romance that wafts over our pathetic human lives. In smoky haze of drinking, gambling, sex, greed, and every other horrific sin you can imagine...there are survivors who still stand up in the hell that their lives have become. A woman on the street, walking to her car, or shopping at the market, could be a victim of so much but, would you ever know? If she were a woman who was strong enough to move past the pain, and find good in this fucked up world, well, isn't that beautiful?

I don't think we would know, because we like tragedy as a human race...it makes us feel something...anything, every one is different. Still the fact that a human can feel anything, and determine for themselves what is right and wrong, is by chance, the most amazing thing in the world. It's a great power, and because of that, we set fires of devastation into the souls of many. It's with those same hearts, imperfect, and challenged to do so much by the whims of others, that we mend the wounds, and heal broken hearts.

It may be as simple as a smile to a passer by...or a scowl of hate and judgment...isn't it funny the power such a things holds?

Humans aren't pitiful, we like to think we are. We aren't gods, because death comes for us all. We aren't perfect, because as humans, we fail naturally...to succeed is a triumph to be celebrated. In every child that's born, a future is placed in that child's hands...as parents, our job is to hold, and protect that little soul...to guide that future...good or bad, it's their path, not ours...but that doesn't mean you can let them do everything on our own. When did our world grow to be so distinct...aren't morals gray?

Aren't they as vast as the sky above my head?

I like to think they are...that nothing is right or wrong...it just is...and it's our job as humans, to live...just live and one day...to die. It's that easy...but if we're going to live, why not chase after our dreams? Why not love? Why not lose? Why not experience all of the good with the brightest of smiles, and all of the bad with our eyes shining as brightly as the stars? It may be childish to think that way, but who ever said I had to grow up?

Wisdom has nothing to do with age, and everything to do with the strength of one's own heart.

…

"Mom..." Natsuki looked up from the paper she had been glancing at, seeing that her daughter was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, waiting to be invited in. "Are you busy?" Her voice was filled with childlike hesitation that betrayed the makeup Aki donned, the colors as dark as night.

Natsuki frowned however, when she took notice of fawn colored roots, indicating Aki hadn't recently dyed her hair at all. "No, I'm not." She slid the adding machine away from her, and gathered the papers neatly nearby. "I was just paying bills." All the while she wondered why Aki was suddenly in a mood to talk. "What's up?" Aki hadn't been answering her phone, and had even been ignoring most of Natsuki's texts as well.

She didn't say anything, she didn't even move from her spot. "Nothing really." With her crimson eyes drifting to the floor, her cheeks heated in a mild blush, something Aki was normally brazen enough not to do. "What's it like, to be in love with a woman?" Her voice even became shallow, and devoid of her normal tone, replaced for one filld with nervousness.

"Women are softer." It was a rushed answer, and Natsuki found that even that wasn't good enough. "They say love is love, but, a woman is different than a man." Natsuki said then, she'd never really thought about it. This was the first time she'd seen her daughter in ten days. "I'm not a good example, but women have this way about them." It wasn't something Natsuki truly had an answer for.

"I don't think all women are soft." Aki assumed she already knew well, but one look at her own image and Aki knew she wouldn't fit the description. "What type of person do I have to be, to be considered a woman, really?" Even her nails had a dark blue polish on them, with a black tip on the end. She liked to do her nails, and her makeup, but she kept it so thick, while most women she knew were often without the mask. "I'm not soft."

Natsuki shook her head. "That isn't what I mean." Her mind scramble to pull an answer out of a hat, but she knew nothing of magic. "Can I be blunt?" Natsuki asked then scratching her head, and glancing at the stairs to be sure no one was around."Like, really freakishly blunt, like Nao would be?"

"If you have to be." Aki shrugged trying to act uncaring.

"Okay...it's like when you kiss them, they normally have really soft lips, cause they take the time to keep them moist." Natsuki wasn't good at this sort of thing, her feelings were a mystery to even herself on the best of days, and on the worst, her mind was like a tornado. "Or, when you're making love with a woman, there's these things about them, the way they move and feel...the way they smell...a man could just never be the same way. The women I like, they're soft like that...but the men I like, are tough and hard...strong and see things in a definitive light."

"Then why aren't you with a man? That would be normal." Aki couldn't figure it out. "You're always complacent about that stuff...but if it doesn't matter, then why be with a woman?" She crossed her arms, and chanced a glance at her mother who's emerald eyes were burning into her with concern. "What now?"

"I told you, I can't explain it well." Natsuki muttered then, a little bit annoyed at herself for that. "I'm a woman with a hard edge to myself, sometimes I wonder if I was meant to be that way...sometimes I'm afraid that I grew stronger than I should have." Natsuki didn't know what to think, she hadn't expected this conversation to be so overt. "I've slept with men too, but, it takes a special type of person to stand by my side." She sighed as she pulled her thick glasses off of her face, and rubbed her eyes. "What is this really about? Come in here and talk to me."

In truth Aki wanted to bolt again. She just wanted to run, go back to Nao's and stay there. Yet, that was part of the problem right there...Nao was completely lackadaisical about romance too. "Why didn't you pick Nao?" Aki couldn't understand it. "The two of you are like...no one can rip the two of you apart." It bothered her. "Nao's perfect, and you don't even care about her?"

"Aki, Nao's my best friend in the entire world." She ran her fingers though her long hair, knowing this wasn't going to be easy. "Nobody could replace her...but she and I, together? Yeah...that would be a bad idea." Natsuki could remember the times she'd considered that, but it was a line they didn't want to cross. "We had this fling of sorts...when we were younger. That's all we had, and all we wanted. Nao was always a presence in our lives, and I needed that more than I needed a lover."

"So you want that woman in that place?" Aki couldn't explain how betrayed she felt by that. Shizuru didn't belong among then, as far as Aki was concerned. "You want a stranger in your life, over Nao?"

"She's a stranger to you, because you're afraid of her, and the real truth." Natsuki had always wanted warmth in her life, and now that she had some measure of that, she wasn't going to give it up. "I want to be loved by a woman who can share in every part of my life, and accept me for who I am...even if that means she and I aren't conventional. Nao has no desire to be in a relationship, but Shizuru does...and for what little it may be worth, she does want to be apart of our lives..not just mine, but yours too."

"Maybe...I don't know how I feel about that." Aki murmured. "I don't know if I can trust her."

"Whatever you decide to do is between you and Shizuru." Natsuki said then. "I won't force you to like her. Just try to be as respectful as you can manage when she's in this house." It was late, and Natsuki knew she had to get up early. "Shizuru and I are being as discrete as we can be, because we know it still bothers Kane a little bit. I promised him a few days ago that Shizuru won't spend the night over here until he gets used to her. Although, if I go next door during the night, and you need to reach me, you'll know where I am." Natsuki sighed out. "I'm trying to make this work for everyone."

Aki frowned, and leaned back in the kitchen chair. "Do you want her to be over here?" Shizuru was only a moment away. "She's just right next door."

"This may not mean anything to you...but to me, even one house away is sometimes unreachable." In truth Natsuki did want Shizuru here with her...but, that wasn't going to happen any time soon. "I've lived in an entire lifetime so fast, you and Kane are starting not to be around much anymore...and that's fine, but what about me?" Natsuki had never asked anyone else that question. "When you are out with your friends, who's with me? My friends have lives that keep them busy...you have Nao and Akira to torment...so, who keeps me company?" Natsuki couldn't deny, she really did want another child, and one of the papers crumpled in the corner, just happened to be a donor list for sperm banks in the area. It was something she'd been pondering for well over a year, but time was fleeting if she was going to try. "I want to live my life to the fullest, and do it without regrets. I want Shizuru to be apart of that, but if she will or not, remains to be seen. I can't promise my heart to her, I live my own life to live. So she either sticks around, or she leaves. It's that simple."

"Would it be so easy for her to just walk away again?" Aki didn't know what she wanted more...for Shizuru to just leave now, and get out of their lives quickly...or to stay, and become apart of their continually obscure family. "If it's that easy, she should go. WE don't need someone who'll just abandon us again. It isn't worth the effort."

"It has nothing to do with being easy...it has to do with the way life works." Natsuki smiled softly then, her emerald eyes fighting through the tiredness she felt. "People come and go, sometimes without any rhyme or reason. Sometimes they don't even say goodbye, they don't have the chance." She wished times like these were easier to explain. "I've listened to Shizuru's reason to why she left you...it's valid. I understand why she did it, even if I don't agree with it." Natsuki suppressed her own guilt too. "If I had opened that convent door sooner, maybe she would have stayed...or, maybe she could have taken you to a better place. That blame rests on my shoulders, but I don't regret it."

"Why couldn't you have just told us from the start?" Aki felt like her entire world was crashing around her, even if it was being rebuilt piece by piece, she wasn't sure if she wanted that. Her old life was fine, everything she knew, it had been okay. "Why'd you hide it?"

"There were two little babies in a white, woven bassinet, with lace trimmings held together by a cotton bow, and there was a shade to block out the sun." Natsuki began, as her voice became soft, as seeing a far off place within reach. "Inside the pockets, there were a few diapers, but no notes...not a single letter to say who you were. The only clue I had to go by was the name Fujino, a name, that as you know, is well known. It was back then too." It wasn't hard to recall, but to talk about it was difficult. "That's was what was on the nameplate. I tried to locate your real mom, but my search came up with nothing, and according to the heath departments, you and Kane didn't even exist."

It was so long ago, but it was still vivid. "I was angry, Aki...and alone. I took you in at first out of pity...out of a sense that I would you better than anyone else in this world, because you were unwanted too." Her fate had been sealed when she sighed away her name on the dotted line, but then, she faced the slander of being a teenaged mother, alone at that. "I didn't plan on keeping either of you, but, I did...it just happened. I wanted that, Aki. I wanted to watch you and Kane grow up, I wanted to be the one who was needed by somebody." She put a hand over her daughter's, even their skin tone was nothing alike. "You gave me that. You can give Shizuru that same gift...I'm still your mom kiddo, I'm not giving you up...You'll gain more than you'll lose."

…
(Natsuki POV)

I didn't go over to Shizuru's that night like I wanted. I actually ended squished between both Aki and Kane in my bed.

I know, lovely right?

One sweaty teenaged boy on one side, and a snippy pain in the ass on my other. So much for packing an over night bag. Sometimes, it's easy to forget that they both still need me around, and that Shizuru's a threat to them. I can let people come and go, and I'm okay with that...but, they aren't. Kane's afraid to get hurt, afraid to get close to Shizuru, but he's working though it...slowly, as I expected that he might do...that's just Kane's normal way. He wants to understand Shizuru, if only because that's his inquisitive nature.

Aki is quite a bit different.

This reminds me of so many nights in our past, when it was literally four people in a bed, there was no room to turn unless you wanted to fall on the floor, or bash your head on the wall. Nao was on end, I was on the other. The twins would sleep between us. I can't tell you how many times I would get slapped in the face by a little hand, or wake up with someone's foot in my gut. I'm actually surprised the twins didn't swear like truck drivers as small children, lord knew Nao and I used invectives as if they were a family creed. It wasn't the best thing to do, but, we never were perfect.

We were however, stuck together like glue. That type of life, that close bond, followed us all the way into our first apartment and beyond. Aki and Kane were best friends, and the worst of rivals when they were younger. They shared everything, even bathing at the same time until near puberty. They just had that bond that couldn't be broken...

A lot of that was because when they were little, it was a necessity.

I couldn't leave them alone, and Nao wasn't always around if she was stuck in class. I had to get creative with things. When we stayed at the chapel, we didn't have enough plastic plates, and things like that. They ended up sharing one, or, eating out of the cooking pot with me when they were old enough to control a spoon. When they were on the move I'd end up following them with lunch to make sure they actually ate it...and I can't tell you how many times they took baths or showers with me at the same time, just to preserve hot water. When we moved into our first apartment, we had to eat on the cheep, and sleep on the floor in sleeping bags...it took me a while to learn how to budget things, so there were times we didn't have heat, but they were used to that.

Winters in the chapel were always cold, so we slept huddled for warmth...at the apartment, we did the same thing.

Even now, there's a lot of that mentality that hasn't left them. They don't have a concept of privacy, and think barging into any room is fine...and honestly, it should be. I raised them to be that way, living without a guard up, at least not one around family. Though, that makes it a problem for me. They don't trust Shizuru, and don't want to be hurt by someone they hardly know...and Kane is protective, frighteningly so. He would go to war in an instant with Shizuru, if he thought it would protect this family.

Call it what you want, this isn't conventional...but then again, that's not any fun.

This is why Aki and Kane are important to me. They gave me meaning back then, and give me the same meaning now. They'll always be mine...they're loyal, but even more than that, they know their place. They understand I'm here, no matter what they need from me. This is the place I decided to stand...I don't regret it...not even now, when they make my life hell...

Trust me, as much as I love my kids, there's nothing more annoying then having willful teens who take insistence to an entirely new level. I was tackled, and Kane is strong enough now, I can't fend him off. My growling doesn't intimidate him any more either.

Though, I do wish Kane didn't smell like a footlocker tonight of all nights...that's a problem for another day.

…

It wasn't even dawn when Aki decided to sneak out of the house, knowing Shizuru would already be up. It was an ungodly early hour, but Shizuru was always an early riser, and often by this time, a few of the houselights were on. Shizuru's kitchen faced near the back, and when the light was on, there was a good chance the woman was already dressed and waiting for the early rays of the sun to beckon her. When Aki knocked on the door though, she was met with a woman who wasn't the normal epitome of perfection. A gloom that Aki couldn't describe hung over the woman's head, suddenly, Aki felt guilty.

"I know it's early." Aki began, looking back over to her own home, thankful everyone was still asleep. "I'm sorry, it's just that Kane's my brother, and I don't want him to know. I could only come now." He would try as always to protect his sister, but Aki had no idea what type of villain she'd fabricated. "Mom's still sleeping too." Shizuru was not the monster within the pit of nightmares.

"It's alright. I find the best times to enjoy the company of others, is when the rest of the world sleeps." Shizuru stepped aside, her mind wondering if she was lacking in her normal wit, unsure if this girl had really come to her door. "Would you like something to drink?" Yet, there Aki stood, in her living room of all places.

"No...it's okay." There were frames that protected old, withering photos, from a time long gone. All of them were merely figments of the past. She recognized herself as a baby, saw for the first time, infant pictures that seemed to call out in admission. "My birthday's wrong." She smiled then, though it was forced. "Everything you know about me...you're wrong." She didn't want to know the truths, she realized that now. It wouldn't change the life she knew, the life she wanted to protect and hold near.

"I don't suspect that I know anything about you." No, Shizuru sighed at that, their pasts had been erased when she let go of them. "Your names aren't even the same anymore." Everything, down to their birth certificates had been expunged completely, her father was to thank for that, and inward loathing found the pit of her gut once more. "The only things I truly know about you, are the facts I've seen. I know your family name is Kuga, that you're nearly fifteen years old, and that you play video games every Monday night, if you can...lastly I know that I gave birth to you, watched you grow for as long as I could, and then I had to give you up...I know I'm not the one who raised you. I understand I wasn't there...and I can't blame you, if you hate me because of that."

"A mom is opposed to be there to fight with her daughter, we should argue all the time." Aki said then, as she picked up one of the oldest photographs. "My mother would nag at me, tell me not to do things...complain when I don't bring a good boy home. She would tell me I have to be more ladylike, because getting into fights isn't what good girls do." Aki sighed then as she turned to face Shizuru. "In my head, I've always had that idea, that's what a real family would be like. They wouldn't let me do the things I do...but then I wonder, if I would hate them for not understanding me." It was harder to forgive than she thought it would be, and she'd thought it would be impossible. "I thought I would be like Aunt Nao...that I could be like Aunt Nao, and mom...and I could make my own way in life...so, it would be alright, if I'd had a family like that." It was beyond impossible.

"That's not what happened. I had mom and Nao around, they are my parents." Aki couldn't imagine giving another term of such importance to a person like Shizuru. "The family you left us with...it wasn't a family at first...we had to make it into one. That's what mom had to do." She couldn't see this woman as her mother, but, she couldn't just walk away either. "So, what am I supposed to do when she says she gets lonely? She wants you around, and I don't want you here...but she needs you, even if I don't." Aki felt lost, but her fury was losing strength as well. "So you tell me, what am I supposed to do about that?"

"You could loath me for the rest of your life. It would be fitting of the Fujino bloodline, and we are blood, if nothing else." Shizuru said then, in defeat. "I hate my father so deeply, there are no words to describe the sickening feeling in my gut. When I so much as think of him, I feel ill. If you were to hate me in the same way, I would accept that blame fully, a repentance a best." It wasn't what she wanted, but, it was a fate she could live with. "You could also take a much harder path, and forgive my transgressions. We could make that family Natsuki so dearly wants into a reality. It wouldn't be easy, sometimes, I doubt if we could." Shizuru wanted it too, to have something so important. "But, not matter what you do Aki, I will love you, and Kane until my dying days. I wish to grow old with Natsuki, and to live out my life with some measure of happiness."

"You don't even know what kind of girl I am." She had no idea why this woman seemed so intent on making everything sound so simple. "It's that kind of idealist crap that will hurt others." Yet Aki couldn't stop the faintest hope that glimmered in a far away place. "We aren't worth your time."

"Then why don't you tell me what kind of person you are." Shizuru sat down on the sofa, she couldn't keep her questions at bay, and she longed to understand this young girl who had so much fight within her. Shizuru wondered where it came from. It wasn't in the genes, that was for sure...so was perhaps, an influence? It was the only thing Shizuru could come up with. "Allow me to decide just what is worth my time, and my worries."

"As of next month, I'm a high school drop out." Aki said then, as if her words were a sudden downpour. "I drink hard liquor a lot, and mom lets me, as long as I don't leave the house. I took up smoking too, I don't know if I want to quit or not. Mom keeps me on a tight chain about it, but Nao's a little easier on me. I don't have a boyfriend...or a girlfriend...nobody's interested in me, because I'm tough girl who gets into fights. I like to fight, to feel strong...sometimes, I wonder if I was really meant to be a girl, and not a boy...sometimes I wish I was a boy, because then I could explain my actions easier...I like being like mom, she used to have a six pack, up until a few years ago. She worked out every day in the basement, and now, I try to do that too." She tried to be exactly like the women in her life, but one thing they all had in common was their hate...their anger...it seethed deeply in Shizuru too.

Was it fate?

Aki wondered if she was destined to be spun in the web of fury her entire life. "It doesn't matter what name I have...Kuga, Yuuki, or Fujino...they're all angry family names." She didn't want to be angry all the time. "Nao and my mom...they don't always say what they're thinking about, but I can see everything in their eyes, and I can see it reflected in yours too." She didn't want hate to consume her any more than it already had, but, it wasn't going to be easy to just accept this woman in front of her. "I've endeavored in this family, to be the one woman who could say she had a loving, wonderful family...that my life turned out for the best, and that it was always filled with joy...because I want to have children of my own one day...I want to tell them those things honestly." She could have said it honestly before. "I can't let you make a liar out of me...I will be a flawed human being my entire life, before I'm pegged as the liar." With clenched fists, she forced herself to admit that. "I will never allow myself to hate you, or to cast you aside...I won't be that person."

"What, may I ask, is so wrong about that?" Shizuru could see clearly the solid conviction. "You're life isn't conventional, Aki, but that isn't your fault." There was no normalcy to any of their lives. Not a sense of safety to be found when it mattered most. "I don't see some horrible person when I look at you." Shizuru knew in the same situation, she would have been a quivering mess of fears and half truths. "You do what you have to do, and I will go on as only I can. I will try to become a person worthy of your respect, I could only hope it would be enough."

"What if it's not?" Aki asked, a lingering question even beyond that not something she would say.

The fact of the matter was, Shizuru didn't know.

…

As the day ebbed on, she wondered idly about that.

Her future with Natsuki was something unseen, and though she could fully accept the fact that they each had their own lives. They were independent people first, lovers second, and a romantic monogamous relationship sat at a distant third. They both wanted a level of freedom, and Shizuru was thankful for that. Her own plans in life were of a working nature, she doubted she'd have time for any real courtship. Dating wasn't ever her thing, is was so formal, just like her work.

Natsuki had blown away those barriers, so easily in fact, Shizuru often longed for the nights to come loom overhead.

There were many times they liked to share merely comfortable company, something Shizuru assumed, made them more than merely sexual companions. There were other times pleasantries were forgotten, cold, hard sex put in it's place... not even a hello, or a farewell would slip from their lips during times such as those. That happened a little more often, which indicated they weren't merely friends with benefits.

Then there were nights like tonight, when a wind up and a pitch wouldn't end up at home plate.

It was nights like tonight, that made them unsure of their relationship. It was the disinterest in companionship, or even sexual desire...it was something they both had...nights when they wanted to just be alone. It happened more often than not, actually, and it was often something that troubled Shizuru. Though, in truth, they both tried desperately to be considerate, needs were needs...and Shizuru struggled to maintain focus, when Natsuki outwardly displayed hers.

"You know better." Shizuru sighed as she tilted her head to the side, a soft smirk across her features. Her fingers rested upon her keyboard, unsure of if she should push herself away from the desk, or try to endure the sweet torture whilst doing her work. "Natsuki, really, I've got to get this done." It was already late in the evening, so dark out, that the streetlights had come on. Natsuki had been pestering her for the better part of three hours so far. "The banquet is next weekend, if I don't finish this by then, I'll look like a mockery." She took in a sharp breath when Natsuki's hands had stopped massaging her shoulders, and slid down, playing with the exposed skin under the robe.

At first, Natsuki had merely been talkative, but now, it was bordering on erotic.

"I dunno, Shizuru." Natsuki said then as she draped herself loosely over Shizuru's shoulders. "It seemed like a pretty weak protest, if I do say so myself." Her emerald eyes looked at the screen, seeing Shizuru's newest dissertation. With slow movements she placed her hand over her lover's, clicking the save option on the page, and then closing the laptop. "Give it a rest, will ya? I'm working a double tomorrow, so I won't get to see you."

"Again?" Shizuru wasn't pleased at the news. "Natsuki that's-" She was cut off when soft lips silenced her.

Natsuki swallowed her desire and forced herself to pull away, knowing her advances were indeed quite insistent tonight. "The third evening this week, I know." They'd both been busy, and Natsuki had promised her son she would keep a low profile around him for a short time, so, keeping true to her word, Natsuki had found little in the way of time for romance. "But, we've gotta catch up on our work load, it's been hell in a hand basket all week. If I get one more distress call about that water main break downtown, I'm going to cry. People are working around the clock, and the pay is good, but it's driving me nuts." Natsuki wanted to forget about that tonight. "I need to decompress, Zuru."

"Natsuki, you know we can't." Shizuru sighed at that, particularity perturbed by the fact she was on her cycle. "Sometime next week."

"Then I'll be on mine." Natsuki groused, unwilling to think about several more long days and lonely nights. "No sex then, just cuddles." Natsuki was all but begging as she looked at Shizuru with her heart nearly out on her hands. "I'm lonely damn it all." She wanted a peaceful night of relaxation at the very least, and the hours were dwindling. "Please? I'll go find one of those sappy ass movies you like so much." She'd have to be awake and out the door in a mere eight hours, and that was if she counted on being fashionably late. Natsuki wouldn't mind if she was, at least, she couldn't care in the least now. "Think about it Shizuru. A warm bed, a movie, a glass of wine...you and me eating the strawberries from the farmers market...sounds nice, doesn't it?"

"My word, you are desperate." Shizuru said then with a gentile smile on her face. "It's rare you try to go to so much trouble." Though in truth, normally the roles were reversed. Shizuru sighed at her laptop, before putting the folder of her other work on top of it, her reading glasses soon to follow. "Alright, you get the wine, I'll get the movie." Natsuki had all but scurried into the kitchen, and Shizuru's brows furrowed as she contemplated about that. Normally, Natsuki was the one who wanted to be left well enough alone, and there were times Shizuru had managed to talk her way into a sleepover, and a relaxing night in bed. "Natsuki, is there something on your mind?" Shizuru asked then, peaking unto the kitchen.

"Not really." She was trying not to make a huge mess as she popped off the cork. A small blush came to her cheeks. "I'm hiding from Kane. I told him I would be working late tonight. When I got home, I heard voices upstairs. I think he may have brought his boyfriend over, and I really don't want to scare them off if that's the case. Just like Kane doesn't really want to know what I'm doing, I kinda feel the same about him." Aki was going to be out with Nao for evening, likely passing out in Nao's apartment later on. "I could have gone to see that new horror flick with Aki and Nao, but I thought I'd come over here instead." Leaning over the counter, she pulled two glasses off the shelf. "I missed you." The wine was a white zinfandel, a fruity wine, not dry at all.

"I missed you, too." Shizuru said then, forgoing the mere idea of a movie, stepping closer to Natsuki. "Have you decided on a donor?"

"No, not at all." Natsuki swirled her wine glass a little bit, the clear, yet pink tinted liquid was chilly against her parched throat. "You know, I still haven't figured out if I want to carry a baby yet. My line of work would make it difficult."

Shizuru suppressed a smirk, there was something alluring about that image. "A pregnant foreman, not exactly something one would see every day." She found herself unable to shake it from her mind. "Being pregnant wouldn't suit you. I found that it was rewarding, but I wouldn't do it again." Shizuru couldn't help the giggle that slipped from her lips. "Plus, I don't think you want to teach your unborn child horrid language from the womb."

Natsuki smiled softly at that. "Yeah, I don't think it would suit me either." That was part of her hesitation. "Everyone thinks of me as the problem solver, they seem to hide behind me. Mai always did it because I looked strong. Nao thought I was always more emotionally capable." Natsuki was alright with that, and even enjoyed the attention, to a point. "But, ya know...through all of that, a lot of people seem to forget that I am a woman." She wasn't bitter about it, but at the same time, she couldn't say she was happy about it either. "There was a time in my life I could bench press Tate, without an issue." Yet she'd let that side of her fade away into a more womanly form. "I could still do you or Nao easy though..."

Shizuru nodded, she could see Natsuki's predicament. "What if you didn't have to carry it?"

"Nine months is the easy part." Natsuki grumbled dryly though her smile didn't ebb. "I'm nearly at the finish line with Kane and Aki...I'm not sure I have it in me to go back to the starting gate." In truth, as rewarding as it had been, it took a lot out of her. "I'd bet it would be easier this time around, but I don't think I like the idea of having to worry about every little thing again." Natsuki just shrugged. "I'm still mulling it over. I don't think I actually will, but if I do, you'll be the first to know."

"Natsuki, do you believe in true love? The kind that comes, because you want it to be there more than anything?" Shizuru wondered about Natsuki's views. The woman of midnight tresses often would come and go as she saw fit, not that there was anything wrong with that. "I always find that no matter what I seem to do, you always look right beyond any barrier I seem to throw up at you." Natsuki's aloof behavior was just odd at best, and at worst, it was nights like this.

"I don't think it has anything to do with love." No, being insightful was just something that came her way. "You just have eyes that I know well by now." Shizuru and Aki were very similar. Shizuru was nearly an open book because of that. "It's because I feel something for you, that I want to get through those barriers." Yet they were both so set in their ways, their ideal of a normal relationship was something that would never be like everyone else. "I'm happy the way things are, we have a good thing going, I don't deny that." Her chuckle was smooth, and her eyes looked almost shyly at the counter. "You can take my actions to mean anything you want, Shizuru. I've already told you that it doesn't matter."

"It matters to me, Natsuki." Her voice was a liquid heat she couldn't act upon. Shizuru cursed at herself for her more womanly predicaments, as she gulped down the rest of her wine. "I find that it matters a great deal." She was trying to slow her mind, but it was dancing with glee, memories of things she wished she could have at this very moment taunted her. "Aki and Kane want nothing to do with their past, or, they're too afraid to ask what it may have been." The sinful tragedy was warmed by Natsuki's cool actions, somewhere down the line, all of the hurt had been healed, but it hadn't been taken away. "Does that mean they want nothing to do with me?" Natsuki was a very cryptic individual in her own ways. Kane and Aki had picked that up. "I don't understand anyone's intentions anymore, least of all, your own."

Natsuki didn't hesitate as she rounded the counter quickly, without warning, she hovered over Shizuru, and pulled her into a very passionate, heated kiss, that would do more to their already raging libido that either would want to admit. Natsuki didn't have intentions she could so willingly speak, and she didn't have a pretense in which she dared to act upon. No, Natsuki had done away with that when Aki and Kane were no longer in the dark, but she didn't have a clearly defined answer now. "It's this easy." Natsuki murmured breathlessly as she pulled away to steady herself. "Stop being so worried, and it can always be like that...no one would blame us."

"It would be okay." Natsuki said then, softly as she pushed tresses of fawn behind Shizuru's ear. "I promise."

"What if you change your mind?" Shizuru breathed her hands clutching onto Natsuki's red flannel shirt. "Then what would I do?"

"I won't change my mind." Natsuki put her hands over Shizuru's own. "I like this." Whatever it was they shared. "It works like this, I don't want to fix what isn't broken." Natsuki sometimes wondered if they should clearly define it, but always hated to even try. No, there was something nice about not having to explain, something so relaxing about just holding Shizuru near and dear, without a care for the worries of others. "I'm not afraid of commitment, but I'm afraid of being hurt by saying things I might be ready to say...some things that I might not be able to keep." Above all, Natsuki didn't want to walk on that thin rope.

"The fact that you're afraid at all, it worries me." Shizuru sighed at the warm embrace that fell over her. "I'm used to being on my own." Yet it felt natural to be with Natsuki. "I'm sorry if I'm difficult, I just have my own ways to do things."

"So am I." Natsuki shrugged. "I just don't care." Natsuki wondered when she had stopped worrying so much, she couldn't tell. She only knew Shizuru was the cause of it. "You make me a little reckless, but that's okay, Shizuru."

…

(Natsuki POV)

Time goes on slowly, as it always does. Yeah, you could wait for it to speed by, but, it probably won't. It gets to the point when you have to shake your head and clear the fog that people seem to get. One day is a good way to be narrow minded, and a week is long enough, that you can't predict what can happen. That's something some people never learn. I hope I've instilled that lesson, if my kids learn nothing else. Though, I'd like to think they've learned a great deal more than even I give them credit for.

Life is fluid.

It's meant to be lived fully, and without that acceptance, they will never truly understand why I'm able to live the way I do. Though in truth, having that type of outlook isn't favorable to many. Some say that I'm confused, or that I've no idea what I really want, I've heard enough that Indecision is a bad thing...but, the truth is, acting without having been prepared is just as bad. Life is a muddled thing, and clarity isn't something someone finds over night.

I love Shizuru...but, I won't say it...it's okay, not to say it.

I'll show her what it means to be cared for unconditionally...protected, without the words. Shizuru, she needs that more than those three little words. She needs so much more than what those three little words imply.

I know I've said it once, but I'll always say it again. Life has this strange sense of romance to it, some unnerving way to making your heart stop, and then start again. It has it's unbearable pain, and, it has those moments that take your breath away. I never really understood the second thing though...those moments when life just seems to frame something perfect, and you want to press the pause button, but you can't...I thought just being with Shizuru was enough to show me that, but life, it surprises you.