A/N: We're coming up to the home stretch. There's just this chapter, and one more left. Thank you to all who've been following and supporting this story, it really means a lot. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

I do not own Mai HiME/Mai Otome.

White Fence
Chapter Nine

Shizuru's line of work gifted her formal settings more often than not, and she was always up to the occasion to speak at black tie functions. There were also lesser events she attended at local museums, and there were even times when she would find herself visiting classrooms. Most of her time, however, was spent in the quiet of her own home, or at the library doing research. For every hour of speech, countless hours of study fell onto her shoulders, her best findings some of the most daunting of tasks. While it was true she preferred speaking with university students, there was never a time she would turn down a local high school.

Her specialty was in nutritional anthropology, so when she was asked to speak as a guest, she catered to a few classes. The cooking and history classes were two of the most populated, as they'd exited out of the small theater that the high school had. The social sciences class, a university preparation course, were the last to leave, and also the class that had the smallest, but most promising number of individuals. Shizuru hadn't stayed long after her speech, the large crowed of students were eager to get on the buses and go home. Shizuru fully agreed with the sentiment.

While she liked to teach others, a fundamental part of her job, she was more adept at dealing with adults. Teens and children asked questions that were both very simple, and also complex. Both answers unfitting for those ages, and she often struggled with how to find a middle of the road answer. Even if she had one, it would inspire even more questions, and not all of them were appropriate. Still, with her materials packed away safely in the trunk, Shizuru had to compliment her job well done.

It was still early, and with that in mind, she decided she would try and make herself useful to people whom she actually cared to spend her time with.

It wasn't every day she took any interested in gathering Kane and Aki from school, but since she was out and about anyway, and their school was not so far out of her direction, she thought it might be nice to pick them up...at least offer a ride, even if nothing came of it. It was odd however, when what should have been a common sight greeted her for the first time. She'd heard of Aki's brawls, and had even see the aftermath often, but never had she actually witnessed a full blown fight.

It wasn't on school grounds, thankfully, but that fact only troubled Shizuru more, as she realized Aki had likely skipped class. She'd sighed in defeat when she stopped the car and slowly got out, realizing it had only taken a few seconds for a few punches to do enough damage. The other combatant, whoever he was, had fled the scene, afraid of Shizuru's car. Aki merely stood there, bracing the fence. "Yeah, run away." She called to him, slouching as she tried to steady herself. "Idiot." She held her own again, and took pride in that, a smirk across her face something cheeky.

"You shouldn't fight like that." Shizuru said softly, coming up to give the girl a hand. "It was reckless, you left yourself wide open."

"Yeah right." Aki could only spit some of her blood onto the pavement after she had bit her lip. "As if you'd know anything about fighting."

"I know a great deal more than you'd ever give me credit for." Shizuru could admit her classes had only been applied in theory at best, and a hobby in her youth. "Though, you've taken up such a sport, as if it's your way of life. I'm not one to search for violence like that." Shizuru handed Aki a few napkins, not having much else in her car to use. "We'll take care of that when we get you home."

"I'll go chill with Nao." Aki replied, not all that bothered by her lip, and more tormented by the soreness in her back from having actually hit the fence. "This isn't that big of a deal. It looks worse than it really is. If you think this is bad, you're lucky you didn't see some of the other fights."

Shizuru knew that. Some ice, and a little bit of time, and everything would be fine. Still, it was the fact she'd even witnessed such a thing that bothered her the most. "I know this doesn't seem like much, coming from me." Shizuru gripped the wheel of her small economy car tighter, hoping she didn't appear as strung out as she'd felt. "However, if you want to fit in, and have a place in this world, fighting won't always be the answer. In fact, I can almost promise it will yield negative results."

Aki shrugged, her eyes facing forward, and not at all in Shizuru's general direction. "Giving up isn't the answer either." Aki mumbled then, her eyes focusing on anything far away. "Fighting's really the only things I'm good at." Like Nao, she'd learned a wicked temperament early on, and like Natsuki she refused to put up with anything sent her way by her peers. "I don't have anything to lose, so it doesn't really matter. Fist fights never do any real damage to anyone."

"No, perhaps not." Shizuru could accept that much, even if she didn't agree with it. "Aki, it's alright if you don't live a conventional life, but there are fine lines you must be careful of." Shizuru wondered at all if Natsuki to the time to instill social normality, teaching her children at least the core fundamentals. "Women have a place, and so do men. We don't belong in their world, and that means that fighting back can be dangerous."

"Only if it's you." Aki's snark of a reply filled with mild annoyance, graced Shizuru's ears. "Mom and Nao wouldn't be telling me that...they wouldn't like it, but they'll let me do what I want. Besides, being afraid of guys, is just stupid when you know you can take them on. If they learn their place, I'll leave them alone."

"Sometimes, your mother is lenient, when I would not be." In fact, Shizuru felt the urge punish such irrational actions, but she knew Natsuki of all people wouldn't like it. It wasn't her place to do so. "There are days Aki, when I believe you want to be this way, when you desire nothing more than to be hurt by your own blindness." No, she couldn't scold the girl, but that didn't ease her own temper, well concealed though it was. "Granted, I grew up in a strict household. My father was a heavy handed man, and my mother knew only to speak when he requested. I was raised with such an ideal in mind." Shizuru bit back a shuttering sigh. "What you just did, is something I will never understand." Men were the ones in charge, they ruled everything...in that way, Shizuru found them to be an intimidation. "I know only to bow to them, and that is why I could never fall in love with one."

"Great, you're a man hater?" Aki didn't know what to think about that. "I don't get what's up with you, people are idiots sometimes." Though her bleeding had begun to stop, she rolled her eyes. Escape wasn't something she could have right about now, and she wanted dearly out of the car. "If you're afraid to throw a few punches and take a few names, then yeah, there are a lot of guys that'll get one over on you. I'm not going to be used by that...guys like that are stupid anyway, they deserve to be hit." Not all of them were bad though, and Aki knew that. "Being afraid of some little punk, that's just dumb."

"I'm not afraid of young boys." Shizuru sighed, she knew Aki was treading a little on the wild side. "I fear grown men, Aki. Strong males who have power, and enough clout to back them up. The type of man I'm afraid of isn't the type like your brother, and not even a man like Tate." No, she feared those who had a name, and lawyers...backing in high places. "Your father is the type of man I'm afraid of." Finally home, she put the car into park, and slid out her key. "He's the kind of loathsome male who sees women as property. I was to be married off early in my life, to a gentleman many years my senior." It was something she hated to discuss. "He was chosen for me, and I was to be married, instead of finishing off my high school diploma."

"So, that's the kind of life we would have lived." Aki understood the implication like the dark undertone that it was. "How many times?"

"Several." Shizuru shuttered as she tried to breath normally. "Out of wedlock, but my betrothed expected it of me...and like the woman I was expected to be, I complied with his every wish." It was how easily she was thrown away, that bothered her the most. "When I found out I was pregnant, it was still several months before the wedding. The math would have been shameful, the implication itself would have been a scandal, let alone that I was not yet eighteen. My father however, cared more about smooth alliances, rather than what I wanted in my life." Still when she turned to look at Aki, she could see that Aki was so far removed from the situation, the true horror was lost on her. "I was left with a choice that I wasn't proud to make, but as it turns out, it's my conformity that saved me...it's what gave you the luxury to grow up with Natsuki as your mother."

Yet, as Shizuru said it, she wanted to deny everything, and laugh it off. Aki didn't understand, not truly...but perhaps that was a godsend Shizuru herself would never be aware of.

"Come...we should get you some ice." Shizuru felt numb when she thought about her past, Natsuki was really the only saving grace to any of it. Aki followed her inside of the quaint home Shizuru had taken care to sculpt into a sanctuary. This home was proof that she'd never have to deal with her family again. It was proof she had long ago escaped such sad times.

The pause was not uncomfortable, but it was not warm either. "Is that why you like women?" Aki wondered that. "Because men were assholes?" If Shizuru hated men so much now, Aki assumed that women were her only means of comfort. "It would be okay, if that's the reason."

"Oddly enough, it isn't." Shizuru had fished out some ice cubes from the freezer and had wrapped them in a cloth. "Ever since I was little, I've always thought women were beautiful. As I got older, I just happened to take notice of them a little more often than one would deem necessary." Shizuru smiled softly then, as she handed it over to Aki. "I would assume, if left to my own devices growing up, I would have found myself a nice, well to do young woman. It just so happened that my father was a narrow minded bigot, who had sexist ideals." It might have been asking for trouble, but Shizuru had been wondering about that. "What about you? What type of person do you find an interest in?"

Aki flinched at the cold ice. "I dunno." The question was also something she felt unsure about. "No one takes any interest in me, so why should I care about them?"

"Surely you've noticed something." Shizuru smirked then. "You're a healthy young girl, aren't you?" She couldn't help take amusement in Aki's blush. "If you had a crush, what would they be like?"

"It isn't a crush." Aki said quickly, averting her eyes to the floor. "I see qualities in a person that I admire...if I could find qualities like that in another person, it would be kinda cool." It was incredibly embarrassing, but it was also something new to her. "Sometimes though, I think about if those qualities were in another person, and then I realize, they wouldn't compare." She'd never really sat around and gossiped before, not like this. "I think, because of that, I shouldn't worry about things like crushes right now. It would only let me down." Still her guard was up, and this was yet another way to test the woman in front of her. "Before, you said something...about someone being well to do...but mom isn't like that."

"No, she isn't." That was perhaps the most amusing thing in Shizuru's mind, as it tickled her fancy. "Perhaps, in truth, that's why I'm drawn to her." Natsuki was often stuck wearing things that simply didn't compliment her figure, her line of work didn't allow it. She was often stuck wearing a hat of some nature, and that obscured her beauty even more. "Your mother is every bit a woman, but, there's sometimes this aspect that comes out. She has a charm about her than most women of a higher class simply don't have." Freedom...Natsuki wasn't stuck in the lines of being prim and proper. "The rougher edges of her personality, and yours, are something of a gift."

"I think that's elusive." Aki muttered then. "It isn't a gift when people don't like it."

"You said before, that sometimes you wonder if you should really be a girl...that being a boy would have suited you better, so you could explain why you get into trouble." Shizuru sighed, Aki did have that type of charm to her, that boyish rebellion. "This is just who you are, gender really doesn't have that large of a apart to play." Though, it was the luxury of living in the middle class, that allowed such a thing. "If you were raised just as I had been, perhaps there would be some truth to that statement." Aki hadn't been surrounded by dressmakers, tea ceremonies, and other extravagant ideals a girl of high class would be forced into. "But you weren't...you know nothing of the prejudices of the upper class, and you can define yourself because of that."

"I admire Nao..." Aki said quickly, the blush tinging her cheeks. "She's always loyal, and yeah, people don't always like what she does, but they always see her for who she is." Aki wanted to be like that, or at least have a friend of that nature. "If I could find a boy, or girl with half of Nao's qualities...they'd be perfect for me. They would understand me, and I would understand them pretty well too." Aki hadn't found a person like that,she knew she never would. "But, I can't compare anyone to Nao...she's the only person I know who's like that."

…
(Natsuki POV)

I'm not one for taking matters lightly...

I remember thinking about all of the difficulties, and worrying about weather or not Aki should be told the truth. I knew for sure Kane would be a non issue over time. I've always liked that trait about him, still there are times I feel as if he hides behind that exterior of his. Kane is aloof in the best of times, so he can be hard to read, and often times, people can't understand him. However, unlike Aki, he's managed to maintain friends...my little wallflower can't seem to do that.

I was hesitating at first, but I always wanted to remain hopeful that Aki would come around. I wanted Aki to find someone else she could confide in, someone unlike Nao and myself.

When Aki was younger, I prayed she'd latch onto Mai. I wanted Aki to be soft and care free...I wanted her eyes to see all of the good, instead of all of the bad. I had been hoping Mai would give Aki some measure of calm, and perhaps teach the girl some form of womanly ideals. Aki just wasn't interested in Mai's way of doing things, and while Aki is close with Mai...the carrot top doesn't hold a candle to Nao. I think that's because Nao has always been the one loitering around, and welcomes the same of the twins...and lack of decent morals.

I don't take an issue with it, because it's Nao...as odd as that sounds.

If it were anyone else, I wouldn't trust them, but Nao's intentions are pure, even when her reactions aren't. Sure, she may be able to spit venom at a moment's notice...but that's Nao's way. Sometimes, that vicious tongue of hers, sends barbs in all of the right places. She dares to say what few others would dare to try. Aki needs that sometimes, that wake up call, the morality check. Nao can do that when others can't, I believe in that harshness. I have faith in every sip of booze she gives Aki, there's a taste of bitter reality and truth mixed in. Nao is a hard clash, and her personality is strong, but I know that had been the key for a while. It spoke volumes for Aki's sake, and honestly, Aki has always favored Nao.

I should be bothered by that, but I'm not. I think she can relate better with Nao, and I also think, though Nao refuses to admit it, that she feels a sort of maternal protectiveness of Aki. Not that she doesn't want to protect Kane, but, she's always kept her eye on Aki more so, going so far as to following her around at night, fearing Aki's safety when she was a few years younger. Nao is a very odd mix of one of those helicoptering type of parents, while at the same time, sort of throwing the child into the deep end of the pool as it were. Nao's way of doing things crass, but effective.

Aki has a sort of worship for Nao, and flocks to that pain in my ass, as a bee would to a flower.

Needless to say, it was a complete shock for me, when I'd noticed that Aki had begun to sneak out more and more, seeking the attention of someone other than my catty best friend. It didn't happen right away, and I know if I ever approach Aki about it, she would deny every single thing. I'd bet she'd be pissed that I took an interest at all, she would probably bite my head off. She didn't want me to know she was visiting Shizuru.

At first it was little things, the way her eyes would look out the window, as if seeking a hint. The way she'd smell of tea, and less of smoke...it was also a great shock when I'd see her climbing the fence between our back yards, especially knowing that on a weekend Aki would normally have better things to be doing in the morning. If those were the only hints though, I would have overlooked it entirely. It was the fact that a repetition had begun amongst two very similar people, that gave away Aki's newly found companion. It was as if they conspired secretly, to keep me out of the loop, or at least, Aki wished it that way.

So, I played my role well, even today, as I saw her hop the fence...bluntly speaking, I drank my coffee and pointedly ignored it.

There is something interesting about the bonding that Kane and Aki have taken upon their own shoulders. Kane doesn't have a particular love for gardening, and yet, I see him doing it a few times a week, if only to share in Shizuru's presence. Aki, during her time, seems to hold up in the kitchen, though I've no idea what they're doing. I can tell they spend some time cooking, only because the smell of charred, often burnt food, seems to mingle with edible delicacies. Shizuru's refuses to tell me, and Aki quite bluntly tells me to keep my nose out of it, so I've decided not to ask anymore.

Blind faith tells me it's just stupid to try anyway.

Just as I need Shizuru in my life for my own reasons, Kane and Aki are beginning to discover their own. I don't know what their relationship with her will become, if they will ever see her as a mother, or merely an acquaintance. I doubt however, that I would ever be told, if that were the case. That isn't the type of thing Kane would announce, and Aki would never say it, due to her own pigheaded pride. Still, the time they take out from their own lives to forge any sort of bond, is something that means the world to Shizuru.

I can honestly tell that.

…

Natsuki sighed as she finished doing the last of the household's dishes, no small feat when she left them idle for any length of time. Her home was well lived in, and never spotless. Clutter always found a place among them, and while Natsuki didn't mind, she was a bit tired from her double shift. She couldn't have asked Kane to do it, he was on bathroom and laundry detail this week, along with preparing for entrance exams, he was studying hard. Aki was off in hiding someplace, but one glance out of the window indicated she wasn't with Shizuru...that meant she was off hiding someplace with Nao.

Aki's grades had come in recently. A sad state of affairs at best, at worst, they were abysmal. Aki finally had let out a string of invectives that surprised even Nao, before storming out of the house in a fit of blind rage. Natsuki couldn't blame her though, countless hours of studying wouldn't save her, and that failure was something Aki didn't want to accept. She couldn't expect to put more chores on Aki right now, the poor girl was busy trying to figure out if she would endure school yet again, or simply drop out and get a job.

Natsuki bit her lip and sighed in frustration, dearly wishing she could just escape into a warm, impassioned embrace. One that only Shizuru could give. She wanted to taste something other than the bland tea she kept in the cupboard. It wasn't good enough to quench her thrust, but she supposed that was the painful joy of being in love.

Life was not so forgiving, Natsuki knew, because Shizuru had other things that were occupying her time. Most of all, a busy week pondering over many thick tomes and other materials, kept Shizuru's normally bold advances away. Natsuki suppressed a curse when she thought about the lonely evening she would spend with the house quiet. She much rather preferred the ruckus and arguing that filled the halls when Aki was on one of her vocal tirades. Her daughter was so full of spunk, and intended to be heard, even if the others around her decided to take offense to it. Yet tonight wasn't met with a single peep, and Natsuki had a few moments of calm.

Unnerving...pointless...calm.

She was nearly praying for Nao to come stumbling through the door drunk, because at least that would have provided her some entertainment. It wouldn't happen though, she knew that well, so she decided some attention to detail was in order. She didn't often have time to play idly with thoughts in her head, or muse about different outcomes. Natsuki knew first hand that she was not often a deep individual, mostly because dwelling took her to bad places she dared never to venture into.

Memories were a fickle thing, but so too, were the facts surrounding each and every joyous memory she'd ever had.

It wasn't that Natsuki didn't enjoy solitude, but when it went on for more than just a few hours, it seemed deafening. Still, she had little else to do as she meandered into the the living room. Even the television was devoid of anything with real merit. Sitcoms were well and good, but they seemed uncaring of reality...the reality shows failed in deliverance, only gifting drama that lesser minds could be absorbed in. Natsuki knew better. Just as she wanted nothing to do with explanations within her own life, she couldn't stand seeing the publicity of some poor sap, feeding redundancy into the eager eyes of viewers everywhere.

It drove her crazy, when even the late night animation that was geared more for adults, showed little more than a shallow cesspool. Natsuki turned it off immediately.

She wondered why she felt particularly bothered by those things only when she was alone. Only when she had no one to sit with, talking about the lack of common decency. Natsuki knew, of course, that part of it was a pained truth about her life, having missed out on those little, sinful pleasures for a good portion of her teenaged youth. So, it came to no surprise, that as an adult, she hadn't any use in things like that. Natsuki was a collector of many things, clothing being one of her first, and foremost on her list, especially undergarments. It was not her only collection, there were other things she stored in mass as well.

Old, withered, and abandoned books also occupied her time. Tomes written in a past long ago, often forgotten by the youth of modern days. As Natsuki flipped through one, reading the words for a countless time, she realized how fond she was of repetitious things, even thought it would seem like quite a task to read, and reread the same book over several years. She supposed it was the way she'd spent idle time in the past. It was much easier to pilfer a book, than it was any sort of electronic device. She had to fill up her lonely hours with something...books had become that thing early on.

Natsuki's eyes were so focused on the yellow pages, ones that were soft under her fingertips, that she hadn't noticed the time speeding by, nor that she'd had a visitor, until after she found cool hands perched at her shoulders. "It's after two in the morning." Shizuru's voice was tired, and smoky with an unlit passion. One barely there, hidden under the depths. "I thought you'd be in bed by now."

"I thought you'd be asleep." Natsuki replied quietly, unsure if she wanted to disturb the peacefulness attained only in a quiet setting, now that she had grown accustom to it. "You need your rest." She put her book down only after sliding in her bookmark.

"It seems that I need Natsuki more." Dressed in only her nightgown, with her robe hanging over her shoulders, she hadn't put any thought to the others that might see her in such a state. "I can't sleep unless I know you're near. Even if I do pass out for a few hours, it isn't restful. When I wake up, I hate the feeling that the other side of my bed is cold." Shamefully, she lowered her eyes. "Your scent lingers in places, so when you aren't there, it's lonely. Especially because I know you could be, that you're not far away at all." Still, that wasn't the worst part. "There are nights I go to bed alone, like tonight, and when I wake up, I want to be touched. I want to hear you breathe softly in your sleep...anything to feel like I'm not alone again."

Their love was undefined, this come and go attitude was taking it's toll on both of them. "At first, I thought I could do this. That I could live in the best of both worlds." But she couldn't. There came a difficulty with living life so differently from the rest of the world. Natsuki didn't come with labels, or definitions, and as free as it seemed, as easy going as it was, the price was also a difficult one. "I need something concrete. I need to know you're going to be where I need you, when I need you." She released a shaky sigh. "Bluntly speaking Natsuki, I need to know where we stand." She couldn't take the booty calls anymore, though the release was something she needed more than she let on. She couldn't take the days of mindless banter, if she had no idea where that banter might take them. She couldn't live with such a life, one little more than uncertainty at best.

Natsuki stood, feeling the weight of such a thing. It was bothering her as well. "Sometimes, I wish I knew." It was so easy to keep people at arms length, but Shizuru was one of the few she felt a dire need to keep near by. Still, as that ache slammed into her gut like an oncoming train, so did the venom of knowing she'd become dependent on someone so fully. "I don't like it, that I need you as much as I do." The past few hours alone had been driving her bonkers, she knew if they shared a home, and their lifestyle completely, she wouldn't be so restless. "I'm possessive, when I find something I want." Just like in her teen years, when she took the twins under her wing. "So when I can't see where you are, when I don't know if you'll come back..." She was feeling the same way now.

There were many people who'd proven their undying loyalty, but Shizuru hadn't been one of them. Not yet, not with something it would take years to do. "I keep people at arms length so that I don't feel this way...so that I don't truly need them." And yet, she'd allowed Shizuru to get that close. "I fucked up, this time."

Shizuru shook her head, the vulgarity could easily be ignored this time. She could see wavering in Natsuki's stance. The frightened look in emerald eyes. A rejection would slowly kill her from the inside. Pressing forward into a territory they had not yet dared to cross, just might trigger some unpleasant things. Natsuki was on the highest alert, as if she were ready barricade a path, or, perhaps even run away herself. Fleeing entirely from the thick want that graced the room. One not entirely sexual, but not innocent either.

This was a game they'd played before, the first time they'd had sex...it wasn't making love back then, that was for sure.

The hard romp that took place in Shizuru's living room, had only occurred because of a broken truth. Shizuru knew they would have taken things much slower if they hadn't been looking for a way to cut the pain away from them as quickly as possible. This was one of those heart pounding, definable moments. One that would make or break them, but Shizuru could see the real difficulty of the question. It lingered in Natsuki's eyes. Shizuru wasn't a kept woman anymore, she'd walked out on that life long ago. She didn't have any desire to be cadged, and Natsuki seemed to have held the greatest respect for that wish. The fear however, was real, and Shizuru realized Natsuki had never actually recovered from her fears of abandonment, she just knew how to hide it.

Somehow, Natsuki had become an expert at it.

"You weren't the only one, Natsuki." Shizuru could see that now. If she agreed to be with Natsuki in such a manner, to move passed their barrier into something much more definable, an explanation wouldn't be the only thing they'd gain. There would be a clear ownership, Natsuki would be hers...but she would also be Natsuki's. "I'm sorry, I didn't see it." Still, their old habits that died hard, it was their only true solace. Taking off her robe was something easy to do, but to take the gown that was draped over her body and pull it over her head, well that was quite a bit more difficult.

It wasn't the first time her body had been on display, but, it was the first time she'd even considered letting herself slip into a completely monogamous relationship. It was the first time she ever considered trusting another person to take care of her. It was even the first time she'd ever promised herself to someone so fully, because she wanted to be that person.

Never before in her life, had someone come along so deserving of such a thing.

The muted thud, wasn't met with a lustful gaze, and Shizuru closed her eyes for a moment, wishing it was going to be easier than this. "I can be yours, Natsuki." Shizuru said then, her voice trembling not of being cold, but of the raw emotion within this admittance. "Just don't break me...don't use me. I can't handle that a second time." Natsuki was not appraising her like a prize to be one, or merely an object for personal gain. Natsuki had never looked at her with intent in mind.

"I'll love you, Shizuru." Natsuki said then, going over to the woman who was giving her all in hopes it would be enough. "That means I'm not allowed to hurt you. I promise that I won't."