The Devil
Apologies. This is more of a cross-over between the Discworld and one of Pratchett's non-Discworld novels. For very good reason, as you will see. John, chapter 14, comes from the Gospels and is entirely God's creation in which I claim no share of copyright, et c. The portrayal of Jesus Christ is mine. Anyone from the Southern States wishing to make a bonfire of my fanfic - can I come and watch?
The Devil, often portrayed as the hermaphrodite Baphomet, is the dominant figure in the background as he pulls the puppet-strings – or holds the other end of the chains - for a man and a woman who are unaware they are being manipulated.
Esoterically, the operation of a sentient power of evil in the world – it does what it says on the tin.
Kabbalistically, the character of Satan as revealed in the book of Job – the Tempter, the agent provocateur who remains a honoured Angel of the Presence, only one charged with doing the undoable and thinking the unthinkeable. What are you tempted with, what is your vice? Remember, Temptation only has as strong a hold on you as that rather flimsy-looking chain. This card is also about the Seven Deadly Sins, the lowest urges of the human soul. If the Virtues think they were hard done by, then the Sins only have this one card in which to express themselves…
Judea, Earth, 33 AD. An itinerant preacher is speaking to a small congregation in a crowded upstairs room. It is noticeable that fifteen are gathered therein. There should only have been thirteen, the preacher and his inner circle. But in the throng, nobody was counting.
The Preacher raised his head from whence it had been bowed in contemplation. He took stock of the people around him, Fourteen who, each in his own way, the Preacher loved as if they were brothers. Even if some of them were bloody hard work. He spoke. At opposite ends of the room, the scribe Lucas, who had been a doctor and thought he knew how to take accurate case-notes, and the disciple Thomas Didymus, who had been a tax-inspector and definitely knew how to observe and record, poised their styli over the wax tablets of their notebooks. As the Preacher spoke, they began to transcribe, for the record.
1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; so believe also in me. 2 My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going."
The Fourteenth, aware he was only here on sufferance, could not resist sending out a psychic probe to a receptive mind. Well, he's called Thomas the Doubter, isn't he? he said, as the Fifteenth protested. Listen, Angel, I'm not doing it. It's his own wossname, innit? Fundamental psychological make-up, to doubt. My name is Thomas. I doubt. The way he's made!
Hmmpph! Snorted the Fifteenth. The Fourteenth grinned. The angel had been getting really snotty and superior these last thirty years, ever since that business in the stables. It was really straining their almost-friendship to the limits. Any chance of pricking his new-found priggishness was fair game, to the Fourteenth…
5 Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"
Lord, I strongly protest!
Peace, Aziraphile, faithful angel.
6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."
Even as he spoke, the Preacher felt a shuddering longing for enosis, the re-union with his sundered Other, who watched dispassionately from Heaven. Yet the energy of the Metatron was there for him to draw on as and when he needed it. All he needed was faith… he felt the Fourteenth move again in the psychic atmosphere, and smiled tolerantly. All things made up the Ineffable, after all. All things were necessary, in their place and time.
8 Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us."
There was a pause.
Doubt tinged with false humility. What a wonderful set of people He's gathered around Him!
9 Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? 10 Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11 Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. 12 Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Anything? asked the Fourteenth. Jesus smiled.
"It is not time yet for that Temptation, Crowley. And I daresay one greater than you will be despatched to conduct it.
Just asking, you understand. How are things with Mary Magdalene, anyway? I notice she's not here.
All the Disciples noted was that Jesus occasionally broke off and prayed in the tongue of Angels. They listened, breathlessly. Pentecost was yet to happen, and they had no way of deciphering the second conversation going on in the upstairs room. Which was just as well, really.
15 "If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of Truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them."
He felt and heard the fourteenth stir again. Again he heard Aziraphile's peevish whine of Lord, is this really seemly? Why are you allowing this?
Go on, Judas! Crowley urged, mind to mind. This is your big chance! You want Him to manifest in glory and lead a revolution to throw the Romans out, don't you? And what have the Romans ever done for you, when all's said and done?
22 Then Judas said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?"
Was that really necessary, Crowley?
Anger. Rage. Resentment. Vindictiveness. Desire for revenge. And you heard the one he told about the seed landing on fertile soil, Angel. Can I help doing my Father's work in the garden, so to speak?
Lord, I protest!
23 Jesus replied, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. 24 Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
25 "All this I have spoken while still with you. 26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Aziraphile, faithful friend, you speak out of fear and trouble that the Fourteenth has found fertile ground here among my disciples. So it must be. They are only human and humanity listens to both Voices. It is all part of the Ineffable in the end.
28 "You heard me say, 'I am going away and I am coming back to you.' If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. 29 I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe. 30 I will not say much more to you, for the Prince of this World is coming.
And he is not you, Crowley. Although as John the Baptist did for me, you pave a way for him in the wilderness. No doubt He will commend you for smoothing his road.
He has no hold over me, (I tolerate him for he is necessary. And he amuses me, too.) 31 but he comes so that the world may learn that I love the Father and do exactly what my Father has commanded me.
"Come now; let us leave".
Twelve obediently left the upstairs room. Leaving the Preacher with two. One immediately bowed down before Him in worship. The other lounged against the wall, looking louche and cool. Jesus smiled, a warmth and an acceptance that encompassed both.
Despite himself, Crowley felt uneasy. He wondered what the penalty might be for gate-crashing this particular party.(1)
"Oh, do get up, Aziraphile!" he said, tolerantly.
"I can never have a proper conversation with an Angel these days. They all seem to want to fight for the Most Pious Angel In Heaven award around me. But you, on the other hand…"
"How may I not be of service?" Crowley inquired. As this wasn't nearly enough, and vast gulfs separated them on the divine hierarchy, he added a polite "Sir".
Jesus smiled.
"Just… be you, Crowley. As hard as you can be. I'm not going to insult you by being patronising or smug or condescending. That would be inappropriate. I know that winning the War is not a given thing."
"Lord!" said Aziraphile, shocked. Jesus lifted a hand.
"Let me finish, faithful Angel. I know I'm very soon going to come up against One who makes Crowley here look like a mere cherub. One of the most powerful Princes of Hell will arise and seek single combat with me. I've just tried to warn the disciples, although I doubt if any of them understood. And it is not a given thing that I will withstand His temptation."
"Ah. Mary Magdalene, sort of thing?" inquired Crowley. "Or that business with the disciple you love above all others, with whom you have been known to share a kiss?(1a) Oh, purely Platonically, no doubt, brotherly love, agape, sort of thing…"
Jesus waved him into silence. For a moment, a cool blue light played about him. Crowley, uneasily, remembered that Jesus Christ was the Earthly manifestation of the divine energy known as the Metatron(2) and he wondered if he'd gone too far. That level of the divine hierarchy could swat him like a fly without breaking a sweat.
Jesus smiled, and for an instant looked human and tired.
"I need to go into the Desert – alone - and prepare myself for it."
The angel looked hopeful. "You don't need anyone to…"
"I said alone, Aziraphile!" he repeated, firmly. There was a silence.
"What was that bit about the "many mansions", sir?" Crowley inquired, politely.
"What's it to you?" Aziraphile exclaimed, indignant.
"You know, just in case I have to interpret Scripture for my own ends, as I go up and down in the world, roaring like a lion being strictly optional." Crowley explained. "Can't do that if I don't know what the Scripture is meant to mean!"
Jesus smiled.
"It's all to do with being omnipresent and omniscient." He explained. "Look, I confess that in this human body I don't understand it fully myself, but the whole infinitely immortal and infinitely wise and all-knowing bit doesn't just revolve around this one world and this one set of collapsing probability wavefronts."
The angel and the demon looked politely blank. Jesus thought hard.
"Look, this one reality is not all there is, by any means. Every choice we make sets up alternative paths and alternative futures, yes? Believe me, there is a whole infinity of parallel realities out there, and the Father, the Ineffable, exists in all of them simultaneously. It is not given yet to me to see them all, but I have this recurring bad dream, a nightmare if you like, where at the end of my ministry here, I get sent to somewhere called America, to preach to the Lost Tribes of Israel, who made their way there and founded a civilization. The peoples of Mormon.(3).
"And I know this to be true, but not for me in this world. A version of me in a nearby parallel universe has to do that. And look up into the stars. Do you think this is the only place to have evolved intelligent life?"
"For a given version of "intelligent", at least…" mused the Angel.
"Where intelligent life evolves, spirituality evolves." said Jesus.
"And where spirituality evolves, the Two Forces evolve. Heaven and Hell. Some planets might make their own arrangements with different Gods. There might be an infinity of me doing this mission all over again in a million different places. To liberate people drawn astray by your side. "
"Ouch" said Crowley.
"Gopher day." mused Aziraphile, and then wondered why he'd said it.(4)
"You don't believe me?" Jesus said, tolerantly.
"It's a lot to take in, Lord." Aziraphile said.
"Then let me show you one such world. I heard about it when I was in India.(5)"
Jesus flexed his fingers. He prayed to the Metatron for aid. And then the Angel and the Demon were no more.
He smiled. They would be returned when the time was right. And it meant Aziraphile would not be hanging on like an obsequious butler or a fan-girl when he retired to the Desert to build strength for the Final Conflict.
He went downstairs to join the disciples, who he knew would be faithfully waiting for him.
And the Angel and the Demon found themselves in deep space. This was not a problem for either – the cold was a tad uncomfortable, admittedly, but neither needed to breathe.
With disbelieving eyes, the watched the turtle swimming through space. On its back were four elephants. And on their backs…
"Somebody's having a laugh, right?" said Crowley.
"Oh dear." said Aziraphile. "Paganism. The world-turtle of the Hindus, I'm afraid."
"Well" said Crowley, decisively, "At least we're sure of a decent curry. I'm going down. Coming?"
There will be a Part Two, chronicling Aziraphile and Crowley's brief stay on the Discworld. Coming soon!
(1) Although before it was all over, he and Aziraphile would gate-crash another, more significant, party held in an upstairs room on a Thursday night. A long time later, Crowley would persuade daVinci to include them both in a first draft of the Last Supper.
(1a) Jesus does exchange a kiss with an anonymous Disciple, identified only as "the one whom he loved more than all" on the night of the Last Supper. OK, this does not necessarily impute anything later Christians interpret as an automatic Hell-bound offence. A kiss between men was not un-known in those days and presumes nothing homo-erotic. Or the beloved Disciple might not have been male at all - Mary Magdalene, perchance.
(2) Really true. The note on the Metatron in the Pratchett-L-Space Wiki reads
In Cabbalistic theory (Judaic mysticism) the Metatron is the "bridge", the "gate", an intermediary between the Godhead and his human creation. Christianity takes the logic of this a step further, identifying the Metatron with the Second Person of the Holy Trinity. (who of course, in Christian theology, is God made man, a living bridge between the Godhead and humanity, who we know better as Jesus Christ.) Perhaps, with one eye on the US market, TP and NG would have had to disguise any direct appearance in this book by Jesus Christ lest they reallybe accused of blasphemy. Even though the return of Christ in glory is, of course, one of the culminating events of the Apocalypse. (which in Good Omensis switched off by the principal characters before it gets to this stage…)
The full theological explanation is on the Notes page and gets heavy.
(3) Really true. This is the starting point and USP of the Mormon religion in the USA.
(4) Groundhogs were not native to Palestine. Gophers were.
(5) There is a huge gap in the Gospel records as to what Jesus did and where he went between ages 13-30. It has been speculated that he went seeking wisdom, which as we all know is never to be found at home, and visited places as far-flung as Glastonbury and India. The parable of the Fig Tree indicates he knew something about Buddhism – in which fig trees play a significant role.