Chapter Thirty Eight

A/N: No reviewers.

Weeks went by, and the constant throbbing ache in her heart seemed to dull somewhat over time. It was never gone, always there, as Narcissa expected it always would be, but she no longer spent her days trapped in a haze of grief. She was able to move on with her life, to be a mother to her son. The only thing she had not regained was Lucius.

In the couple of months since that dreadful night, Narcissa could count the words exchanged with her husband on both hands. He worked horrendously long hours, often leaving before she woke in the morning and returning long after she had retired, and he had not, as far as she was aware, seen Draco at all. It was as if he could not bear to be with his family anymore.

In the end, on a rare night Lucius had returned home early- only to retire to his study almost as soon as he stepped through the door- Narcissa could not stand the silence any longer. Her feet carried her along the hallways once familiar to her and her hand knocked the door before she could stop herself.

There was no answer from inside the room, but the woman pushed forward regardless, refusing to be tricked into going away. As she crossed the threshold, a shiver ran down her spine. The normally warm room was ice cold, the fire black and dead in the grate. The only light came from the dim glow of the candles on the mantelpiece and one harsh work lamp that made the pages strewn across the desk shine white.

Had it not been for the dark leather of his chair back, Narcissa might not have realised Lucius sat in it at all. He was silent and still as he read over the documents, his skin so pale it almost became sallow. The proud man she had always known was broken and small.

Narcissa cleared her throat gently, for Lucius had not looked up at her knock, nor at the slight creak of the heavy door opening. This time, he did look up at her, his piercing grey eyes pale against the dark circles beneath them.

"Did you need something?" Lucius asked, more words than he had spoken to her in one go for weeks.

In response, his wife only sighed in frustration. She had learnt about Lucius not long after she had met him that he had a thousand walls that must be passed to find the man inside. It had been a long time since she had had to pass them herself at all, and she had an awful feeling as she looked into his eyes that he had taken her key from her.

"I want to speak to you." she answered simply, knowing anything more emotional would only build another wall at that moment. "I've barely seen you in a fortnight."

"I have a lot of work to do." Lucius answered, his tone more appropriate for an under-secretary at the Ministry than his own wife. For a man who was so conscious of appearances, it could not have been a mistake, and Narcissa tried not to take offence at the slight.

"You've been working for weeks, Lucius," Narcissa pressed, too stubborn to give up just yet. "Surely you can spare five minutes?"

Lucius dropped his quill down onto the desk beside him, not caring as the ink dripped onto the wood, staining the surface with droplets of black. His gaze was angry as he looked up at her. "What do you want me to say, Narcissa? I'm at fault here and we both know it, but there's nothing I can do to make that right! I should never have left you, it should never have happened, and I will never forgive myself!"

The ferocity of her husband's response left Narcissa struck dumb. She had been expecting another calm dismissal, if she had received any response at all; a small part of her might have preferred that.

Slowly, she moved further into the room, the sound of her clicking shoes muffled by the ornate rug that she had gifted him a few Christmases earlier. She walked past the small couch she could have settled on, walked past the hard chair on the other side of the desk, and came to stand directly beside her husband. Perhaps she should have kept her distance, as Lucius had asked her to, but her instincts took over and she knelt to the ground, wrapping her arms around him.

The moment she extended the embrace, Lucius was clinging to her like a frightened boy, the way Draco might do in a thunderstorm. His face buried in her shoulder, his tears beginning to wet her shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Lucius' voice was so quiet, it was almost a whimper, a desperate plea for forgiveness. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I know." Narcissa sighed. It was not the forgiveness he was craving- after all they had endured the last few weeks, it would take a little longer to find that strength- but at least it was a way for them to move forward.

The two remained inseparable all that evening, settling down on the couch in front of a newly-lit fire, their faces bathed in firelight. They talked about nothing, events at the Ministry and Draco's newest interests, tiptoeing round the edge of the cavern between them. Eventually, they lapsed into a comfortable quiet, Narcissa's hand clutched in Lucius', but it was not comfortable enough for the woman to forget the truth weighing heavy on her heart.

"I gave her a name." Narcissa stated quietly. Lucius look up at her, his eyes wide with every emotion she had ever seen from him. "I didn't want her to just be… the baby, I told you that. So I named her. Cassiopeia."

Lucius smiled a little. "You know, I always thought that would be the name you'd choose. You'd be too humble, if we ever had a daughter, to give her your name, so you gave her your middle name instead. It's beautiful. It would have been perfect."

"It is perfect." Narcissa assured him, holding his hand tighter. "Even if she's gone now, she was still Cassiopeia. She always will be. Our daughter."

"Of course she will." Lucius agreed, blinking the tears back from his eyes. That one simple word, a reminder of a shared grief instead of an allocation of blame and innocence, meant the world to him. It meant that, however long it would take and however painful the journey would be, they would come through the other side of this darkness together.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, it's probably one of the heavier chapters I've written. I didn't think it would be completely realistic that they've got over what happened, considering how it happened, but I think they both love each other and have realised they need each other to get through. Please review!