Chapter 19
Tig walks into the clubhouse and grabs Juice by the kutte. "Ring. Now you piece of shit." Tig pushes Juice towards the door. Jax stops him. "What's going on?" Jax asked. "Stupid fuck here couldn't keep his dick in his pants and now Maci's gone. Won't tell me where she is." Tig says. "Well, he can track her." Jax says. "She turned her phone off. Called me from a burner." he tells Jax. Looking at Juice he says "Do you know how bad this is? She's God knows where with no protection. No one to watch her back. What are you gonna do if something happens to her?" Tig asks. "I know. I fucked up. Let me call her." Juice says. "You better make this right." Tig tells him.
Sitting in the motel room, my burner rings. Seeing Tig's number I say "Tig I told you I was safe." There's silence for a second before I hear someone speak. "Maci." Juice says. "Juice." I say. "Please don't hang up. Please." he says. "What do you want?" I ask. "I want to make this right. I need you baby. I know I fucked up but please just let me make this right." he says. "Juice, I left Happy and Koz because of cheating. You promised you wouldn't hurt me and you did. I have your crow. I share your bed. Do you know how worthless it makes me feel that out of three of you, I wasn't good enough to keep any of you faithful? Why wasn't I enough?" I say as the tears start to fall. "Maci, you are enough. You're more than enough. Please baby just come home and us talk. We all need to know you're somewhere that you have protection. Being out there alone, you aren't protected. Please just come home." He begs. "I'll come to Charming but I won't be staying with you. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk." I tell him. "Okay but please head back now. We want you safe." he says. "Fine." I say before hanging up. Calling Happy he answers on the first ring. "Yeah." he says. "Hey Hap." I say. "Where are you?" he asked. "I'm just north of Bakersfield. I'm getting my things together and heading back to Charming. I'm gonna stay at the motel until I figure things out." I tell him. "Text me when you get there so I know you're safe." he tells me. "I will. Will you tell Tig and Koz for me please? Juice knows I'm coming back but doesn't know where I'll be staying." I tell him. "I ain't telling him shit but I'll tell Koz and Tig. Be safe little girl." he says. "I will." I say before ending the call.
Putting my things into my car, I check out of the motel and head back to Charming. It's early morning when I pass the Welcome to Charming sign and I go to the Charming Inn. I check in and once I'm inside I call Happy. "Hey." He says. "Hey. I'm at the Charming Inn. Room 12." I tell him. "I'll be there in a few." he tells me before hanging up. A few minutes later, he knocks on the door. Opening the door, he walks in and pulls me to him and just holds me. I feel the tears start to fall again. He just pulls me to the bed and pulls me into his lap and rubs my back while I cry. After a few minutes, I pull away from him and stand. Wiping the tears I say "I'm sorry." I head to the chair and he asks "For what?" Looking at my hands I say "For crying. For not being enough. Just, for everything." I tell him. "That what you think? That you ain't enough?" he asked. I nod my head. "That's bull shit." he says. "Really? You cheated on me. Koz cheated on me. Now Juice. I gave my heart to three people and you all cheated. That tells me that it's an issue with me...not you guys." I tell him. "That's bull shit." he says. I don't say anything. "That what you really think of yourself Princess?" he asked, kneeling in front of me. I just nod. "Baby, you're wrong. Me and Koz fucked up. Juice fucked up. That's all on us. None of that is on you." he says. "I think I'm gonna head to bed." I say. Showing him to the door, he says. "I'll tell Koz and Tig where you are." I nod and say "Just not him." He nods before kissing my forehead and heading out.
Sitting there on the bed, I start thinking about things. I walk across the street to the liquor store and bought a bottle of Jack. Getting back to my room, I remember the pills that I had in my bag. I took some of Tiggy's sleeping pills while Juice was gone because I couldn't sleep. Throwing six of them in my mouth and downing the bottle of Jack. It isn't long before everything goes black.
Beep...Beep...Beep. Is all I can hear. I open my eyes and see bright lights. Once my eyes adjust a little, I see Tig, Happy, Koz and Juice all standing around. Tig looks at me and sees me awake. "Hey Doll. You're awake." he says but I don't say anything. Happy and Koz walk over to me and Koz stands by my head and Happy sits on the bed next to me. I look over at Juice and he walks to the foot of the bed. "You scared us." Koz says but I still don't respond. Happy tries to hold my hand and I pull it away from him. "Leave." I say. They look at me and I say "Please. All of you. Leave." Tig looks at me and says "I'm not going anywhere." Happy kisses my cheek and says "We'll be outside." Koz kisses my cheek before leaving and Juice tries to but I turned my head. I see the heartbroken look in his eyes.
"What were you thinking baby girl?" Tig asked. "That I didn't want to be here anymore. But can't do that right." I say. "Why?" he asked. "Uncle Tig, I gave my heart to all three of them and they all cheated. What's wrong with me that they can't love me back?" I asked. "Baby, it has nothing to do with you. They're assholes. Hap and Koz still love you. So does Juice. Us men, we're dumb fucks. We don't know a good thing until it walks out. Don't think this was you. You don't realize how amazing you are." he tells me and I start to cry. "Can you send Juice in here please?" I asked. He nods and walks out the door.
A couple of minutes later, Juice walks in. I pat the bed beside me and he sits down. "Why did you do it?" I asked. "I was drunk and she looked like you." he says. "So you just kept going back?" I asked softly. "I was stupid, Maci. I love you so fucking much. I need you and I know I fucked up but please just let me make this right." he tells me. "I need time. I won't be coming back to your house. I'll figure something out but until I get my head right, just give me space to figure shit out." I tell him. "What about my crow?" he asked. "I won't cover it up until I figure out what I'm going to do but I won't do anything before talking to you. But please just give me space." I say. "Okay. I love you." he says. I don't say it back. He kisses my cheek and walks out the door. I feel the tears start to fall when Koz walks in.
He walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. "Can I ask you something?" I asked. "Yeah." he says. "Why wasn't I enough for you?" I ask. He takes my hand and says "Baby, it wasn't that you weren't enough. You were. You were fucking perfect. It was me. I'm the one that fucked us up." he tells me. "I don't know what to do." I tell him. "What's your heart telling you?" he asked. "My heart is gone. There's nothing there anymore. I love you Koz. I love Happy and I love Juice. Maybe I should go back to Tacoma." I say. "Or, you could stay. Just stay here and let us all show you that you're worth it. We love you so fucking much, Maci. It killed us when you left us. It's killing Juice. But, baby, you're not the one that should be suffering. We should. You know, Happy and I haven't touched anyone since you left us? We all want to be with you." he tells me. "I just want to be alone for a while to think." I tell him. "Okay. I love you. We all do." he says and I nod. He walks out and Happy comes in to tell me goodbye. A little later, Tig has to leave but Gemma is staying with me. "You okay baby girl?" she asked. "Not even close." I tell her.