ICALLITCHAVESE: Help me I've lost control. Seriously, I don't even control what these characters do anymore. They've cut their strings. That sex scene was...well, it's the kinda thing you write thinking "god I hope no one ever reads this" only to remember that the entire internet is gonna have access to it once you're finished. Aw well...

Also, since they're are only eight chapters left, you can leave me a story-based question in the reviews and I'll answer it, as long as it's not "How's this going to end" then I'll just stare blankly at the screen. But if you have something you wanna know about previous chapters or this one, or a thing you don't understand, feel free to just write it out in a review. Come on, you might be surprised by some of my answers ;)

Chapter 30

Lights. There were lights above him, and they burned. Howard squinted his eyes against them, though it did little to impede the sting. He couldn't see anything anyway.

There were noises as well; muffled sounds. People were yelling. Screaming. He heard a sharp clang of metal striking the floor, and images of Bollo's attack played unwanted across his vision.

He knew he was flailing, struggling now against strong hands that held him down, but he couldn't help it. His body was beyond his control, jerking about as his mind relived its last coherent memory.

Bollo had attacked him. He'd come home to find Bollo in his house. And Bollo had beaten him to death.

No, not to death. He was alive, wasn't he? Howard thought so. You didn't feel pain when you were dead, right? And he felt pain. Sharp pain burning up his sides and over his limbs and in his head that was suddenly going quiet.

The sounds were gone. The pain was going, too. And then the stinging light faded and Howard was left in blissful blackness.

The lights were back. But they didn't sting as horribly, and after a minute Howard found his vision adjusting. He looked around himself as much as he could without the use of his neck. He knew almost at once that he was in a hospital room. They were quite unmistakable, after all. He distantly noticed it was much larger than the one Vince had been confined to as a child. He could even see another empty bed beside him.

Howard was saved from trying to shout for attention as a doctor entered the room, flipping through a chart, reading glasses low on his nose. When he noticed Howard was awake he offered him a friendly smile.

"Hello there, Mr Moon. I see we're finally awake now. How're you feeling?"

"Um, a little confused. What's happened? I mean, I know what happened but...what happened."

The man smiled again, sitting down in a chair that Howard hadn't noticed was right by his bedside.

"You were in quite an accident, Howard. Apparently your zoo's gorilla escaped from his enclosure and attacked you. Do you remember that?"

"Yes, I do; I remember that."

"Hmm, and you were found later that morning by a Mr Joey Moose. Says he heard a ruckus going on inside your Lodge house and he found the gorilla in there with you. Well, naturally, Mr Moose called the authorities, and managed to pull you out of there while other keepers distracted the gorilla."

This information was making the room tilt, but Howard fought to stay aware, and nodded for the man to continue.

"You were immediately brought here and the gorilla was shot by officers. Now, you'll need to be here for about four weeks to give yourself time to recuperate. You're very fortunate, Mr Moon. That gorilla was quite old, and didn't have nearly as much strength as they normally do."

Howard thought the bloody beast had possessed enough strength.

"You'll walk out of here with no lasting damage. Your right arm is fractured in two places, and your head's got quite a gash. You've got a bruised cervical vertebrae as well. But other than that it's just a series of minor cuts and contusions. You are very lucky. I've seen a few animal encounters in my day, and believe me, they can get ugly."

Howard honestly didn't know what to say to any of this, and so let the doctor check him over and then leave in silence. It was only after he was gone that Howard thought to ask about the others. About the other keepers, about Joey, and about Vince. The doctor hadn't even mentioned him, and that brought a cold wave over Howard.

He wasn't even aware of how much time was passing. There was no clock on the walls, and every time Howard looked at his wrist, he found it bare, with only a tanline to stare back at him.

The door opened quietly, and Howard tried to turn his head to see. The neck brace was really starting to make him feel claustrophobic. Mrs Gideon walked over to his bedside, and Howard could see the worry written in her eyes. She sat in the chair, moving it closer and gently taking Howard's left hand between her own.

"The doctor said you had woken up. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, um, where is everyone? I mean, is Vince alright, is Joey-"

"Everybody is fine, Howard. They were all here when you first came in. Moose, Vince and your girlfriend, Ms Butler. Um...but there was...a bit of an altercation."

"W...what do you mean?"

Gideon sighed, looking down at their joined hands for a moment, as if trying to find the words.

"Vince and Moose, they began arguing...and Vince, he started throwing things at all of us. At the doctors, Joey, everyone. They had to escort him out, and Moose as well, because he was cursing up a thunderstorm."

The mental image of Joey, with all his weird peeves, swearing repeatedly, had Howard and Gideon dissolving into mutual grins for a moment. And then gravity came back, and the woman was once again speaking solemnly.

"Ms Butler stayed by your bedside for a long time. I eventually talked her into going home and getting some rest. Vince and Moose aren't allowed back in here, I'm afraid. Oh Howard, this has all been so terrible. To think, Bollo was always such a sweetheart! I can't believe he would do something like this. Oh, you should've seen it, it was so heart-wrenching. Everything happened so quickly. I and the others were getting Bollo's attention, and you were so still. Joey was screaming at you to wake up, and then the police came and Bollo, he went mad. He began running toward them and their sirens, and they shot him! I just..."

Gideon's voice had gotten more hurried and strained as she relayed the tale, and by the end tears were making slow tracks down the woman's cheeks. Howard wanted to be of comfort, but his head was filled with too many questions. Questions he didn't feel Gideon could properly answer. So there was only one thing for it. Howard relaxed in his bed and concentrated on getting well again. Maybe if he put enough mental energy into it he could be out of here sooner than four weeks.

Needless to say, Howard's hospital stay was filled to the brim with comforts, frustrations and humiliations.

He was rarely alone, for which he was grateful. Gideon or Tristan or one of the various nurses was always at his side, giving the man someone to talk to so he didn't go absolutely mad with boredom. He stayed away from the questions that seared at his mind constantly, not wanting to upset the two women who devoted every bit of their free time to sit quietly with him when he knew there were better things they could be occupying their day with. He supposed this was how Vince felt all those years ago when it was he who had been bound to a bed, and Howard found himself wishing more than ever that he had been allowed to stay overnight, even though those days had long since passed.

What was frustrating, and caused Howard to snap several times, was his limited mobility. For a control freak, the fact that he couldn't sit up or stand on his own made Howard feel incredibly vulnerable, and as a result, easily angered. He found himself apologising at least once every day to someone for shouting at them. He even threw his food tray across the room once when he accidentally banged his bad arm against it while trying to eat one-handed. And it was beyond embarrassing to have to be shepherded like a baby to the toilet, and to need someone to uncap his milk every day.

The lack of Vince's presence also had Howard on edge, mind plagued relentlessly with questions and speculations. He felt physically ill when he considered the possibility that something terrible could've happened to the boy, while he didn't have Howard around to keep him in line. But that was ridiculous; surely if Vince had come to any harm Howard would've been told, right?

Left alone in his room at night, these torturing thoughts would dance about Howard's head, giving him little rest. The what-ifs and questions would morph into visual scenarios that played across his vision like a film, and Howard desperately wanted to vacate the theatre. Visions of Vince sitting alone in the Lodge. Of him worrying night and day over Howard, of wanting to come and see him but being unable. Vince somehow being out on the streets alone, perhaps trying to do the shopping as Howard always did, but just getting lost in town and never finding his way back. The kid didn't even know how to cook! Oh, Howard should've taken the time to teach him more things! The man cursed himself as he imagined Vince going hungry, pantry and fridge empty. Of the boy attempting to cook something but setting the Lodge on fire. Of that animal thief making a surprise return and this time coming into the hut to find Vince alone. Of Vince being the one Bollo unleashed his wrath upon. Of Howard returning that early morning, opening the door quietly so as not to wake Vince. He heard the distinct crunch of glass underneath his shoes, and furrowed his brow in the darkness. Surely Vince hadn't broken things again. That's it, Howard was going to have some choice words with the boy. He stepped forward into the Lodge, door closing behind him, and that's when his eyes finally took in the shambles before him in the darkness. Suddenly, movement to his left caused Howard to turn sharply. He stood frozen as his eyes beheld a large hairy silhouette in the corner, and had but a moment to gasp in shock before Bollo was running around madly within the main room, flinging anything that wasn't nailed down about as he roared in anger. He seemed to ignore Howard, and the man made to turn and run, but halted as a spark of light caught his gaze. Howard felt as though he were sinking. He watched mutely as Bollo circled about across the room, flinging something within his grasp. It was large, and made dull thumping sounds as it hit the floor. It was entirely bound in shadow, except for the little chains and glitter that adorned the jacket it wore. The shadows suddenly lifted, and Howard could only howl in horror and heartache as Bollo continued to ignore him, upending the sofa and throwing Vince's limp body around and around in his large hands. Howard was sinking.

Howard sat up with a jolt; he hadn't realised he'd drifted off into a nightmare. The sharp pain that bloomed in his arm and neck from his quick movements offered him a brief distraction from the horrible images that remained on the edge of his vision. He breathed in and out evenly as he wiped sweat off his forehead, laying back down and closing his eyes with a sigh.

Howard moved a bit stiffly as he walked through the Zooniverse gates, Tristan on one side and Gideon on the other. Howard felt quite warm at the obvious concern these two women held for him. But he had a mission, and that mission was almost complete.

Howard moved as quickly as he could through the zoo, the women falling to trail a few paces behind as his steps grew surer. And upon rounding a corner, the Lodge front came into view, as well as the kid, who was leaning against the wall beside the door, fag between his lips and a few others littered at his feet. He wasn't looking up as Howard approached, but must've sensed him, because as Howard was within a few steps of him, Vince's head shot up.

The two had a silent staring session for a few seconds, and then Howard was closing the gap between them, bringing his hand up, taking the cigarette from the boy's mouth and dropping it with the others. Stepping on it, Howard kept his eyes on the kid.

"I told you I'll not let you maintain that habit."

Vince smiled a bit, and that's when it clicked home in Howard's brain that something wasn't right. Oh, the kid had a cut along the side of his lip, and a fading bruise over his cheek. Howard hadn't noticed at first...

"Oh my god. What happened?"

"Nothin-"

"No, someone hit you. Who was it?"

Vince's eyebrows drew together, and Howard was beyond fucking around. He gripped the boy by his chin sharply, bringing their faces closer.

"Who the hell hit you?"

The boy scowled, grabbing Howard's hand and pushing it away from him, leaning back into the wall.

"I can look after myself, y'know. Don't need you actin' on as me bodyguard all the damn time-"

"Vince just tell me who it is now."

The kid let out a huff, looking past Howard at the two females, who kept at a distance, silent as they listened to the tense discussion. Vince then shrugged his shoulders, looking again up at Howard.

"Look, me an' Moose just got into a bit of a row, alright? I don' want you flyin' off the handl- Howard? Howard!"

The man hadn't waited to hear the rest of Vince's explanation; he'd immediately turned and began marching toward the Chameleon Boudoir where Joey still hung around, one goal in his mind. The boy and two women followed behind, the former yelling at him that he didn't need Howard sticking his nose in people's business. The latter also calling out for him to calm down.

Howard was calm. He was incredibly calm as he reached his targeted building, seeing Moose walking toward its doors, ready to go inside and check up on his animals. It was only their many years of friendship that kept Howard from decking the other man then and there.

"Oi! Joey!"

The man turned to look at Howard over his shoulder, giving Howard a nod as he walked to meet him. Moose glanced back at the other three before speaking to Howard.

"Hey mate, how are you?"

"I'm fine. Now tell me why you decided to go beating on Vince soon as my back was turned."

Moose didn't appear confused or surprised, or even angry. He just licked his lower lip, gaze once again drifting behind Howard before locking eyes with the man.

"Is that what he told you?" The Australian let out a low laugh, shaking his head as he continued, "Well did he also tell you about how he threw pointy medical instruments at me? Did he tell you the things he shouted and how he tried to bludgeon your girlfriend as you lay bleedin' out on a hospital bed!"

The man's voice steadily rose to a shout as he stood back a step from Howard, grim smile set in place as he gestured at Vince, who was silently observing the scene with a blank expression. Gideon and Tristan came to stand next to the Boudoir, faces concerned but holding no evidence that what Joey was shouting was a lie.

"Did he come cryin' to you, the second you got out hospital, Howard? Knew he would-"

"I did not! I told him to fuckin' just leave it!"

Vince took a step forward, voice coming through slightly clenched teeth, face showing indignation and anger, the first strong emotions Howard had seen on him in a while. Moose gave a short laugh in the boy's direction.

"Ah, of course. And ol' Moono just couldn't resist bein' all protective. But y'see, you're protectin' the wrong person, Howard. It's true I punched the little rat yesterday, and I been wantin' to punch him for weeks now. You know why I couldn't? 'Cause the second we was booted out the hospital, he ran off. Just disappeared! Hell, he only showed up here yesterday mornin'!"

Howard screwed his eyes shut against all the words, the conflict and the confusion. He just wanted things to go back to normal, to before Bollo's attack, even to before the fucking Ivan fiasco. When Howard found his voice it was much steadier than he felt.

"Well, I think I'm just going to retire for the day. I'm going to my house, and I'm not going to be disturbed. By anyone."

Moose stared incredulously after him as the man turned and began walking back in the direction he came. Thankfully no one followed him. Well, no one except Vince, who he could hear quietly moving behind him. But when he'd said 'anyone' he hadn't been including the kid, and he knew that the boy understood that.

Once inside the Lodge, Howard immediately sat down on the sofa, brushing a stray bit of torn fabric off; Vince joined him soon after. Howard honestly didn't want to know anymore, but he found himself asking anyway.

"Is what Joey said true, Vince?"

The boy took a moment before nodding slowly, and Howard let out a long sigh, next question out before he could reign it in.

"Where'd you go? I mean, I was in that hospital for almost five weeks."

The boy looked down at his hands, picking at his shirt, before his eyes moved up to Howard's face.

"What's death like?"

The question to his question had Howard's already bogged down mind taking a turn, and it took a few stutterings for him to actually speak coherently.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's it like, when you're dead? I've heard lots of people mention a heaven, so what's that like? Did you see any angels?"

The boy was now leaning forward, looking up at Howard with nothing in his eyes but casual curiosity. And Howard didn't know what to say to him. True, he could just give the easy answer, that there was a heaven and angels on clouds and that he saw pearly gates. But truth be told Howard had seen nothing. In fact, he hadn't actually died, so the boy's question was faulty.

But Howard didn't want to give either of these answers, so he sent his mind into overdrive, thinking up something that would satisfy the boy as well as perhaps lighten his mood.

"Well, uh...you see...first Death comes. And he's just like in the cartoons, you know, with the black hood and the scythe. And he whisks you away into his...into his taxi cab."

"Taxi cab?"

Now Vince had a grin overtaking his features, and this spurred Howard on as he continued his tale.

"And so you're riding in this cab, and there's more than one Death, 'cause just one can't ferry all the dead. And they've all got damn cockney accents." The boy gave a laugh at this. "And Death basically takes you to uh, y'know, heaven."

"And that's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, like, are there animals in heaven? And what about horrible things like spiders. Do they go to hell?"

"No, Vince, spiders don't go to hell; they're just spiders...Um, there's different heavens for uh, different things. Like I would go to a people heaven, and Cooper would go to fox heaven, and-"

"D'you think Bollo's gone to monkey hell? I mean, he did kill you."

Howard sighed heavily once more. He really wanted to correct the boy, to inform him that he hadn't actually died; that all of this was just hypothetical. But he couldn't find the words, and so pressed on through his fable, voice going low and solemn.

"No, Vince, I don't believe Bollo's gone to monkey hell. Right now this minute, he's up in monkey heaven, swinging from trees and having fun. And you know what? I bet he's loads happier there than he ever was here. 'Cause up in monkey heaven there's no circus, and no zoo enclosures, and no men. And there's also no sickness, or blindness or deafness. See? So I'll bet he's having a great time."

Vince grinned at the thought, but soon his smile lowered into a frown and he swallowed thickly, inhaling a shaky breath. Howard immediately moved closer to him, bringing an arm around his shoulders. The boy's voice was unsteady as he spoke quietly.

"Howard, um, I know Bollo killed you an' all but...I really miss 'im."

"I know, Little Man. It's alright, I don't hate him, for...you know."

Howard didn't hate Bollo, but he'd be a liar if he said he wasn't glad the ancient ape was finally gone for good. But like hell he'd ever say that to the kid. No, best to just say comforting things, at least until his pounding head slowed enough for him to get back to questioning Vince on where exactly he'd been since Howard was committed to the hospital. He also wanted to get back to Moose and ask him for details on what they'd been fighting about in the first place, but Howard wasn't certain he could face the man just yet. Better to simply spend the rest of the day in the quiet of the Lodge with the boy.

After Vince seemed a bit back to his old self, Howard got up from the sofa and immediately took a long warm shower, until the water ran cold. He didn't even dry before slipping into his pajamas and collapsing onto the sofa. He was so very tired, and now that he knew for certain that Vince was alive and whole, he felt his eyes droop downward beyond his control.

Vince curled up at Howard's feet, scribbling in his book and glancing over at the older man every few minutes. Howard observed him silently, wondering for the millionth time just what it was that the kid put into that thing. It was nearly at its end!

The man's eyes eventually could no longer keep their silent vigil, and Howard was slipping under consciousness and into a dark dreamless sleep.

(Woohoo! Eight more to go! And if you have any questions, any at all, fling 'em at me like a satsuma.)