The Discworld Tarot

by A.A. Pessimal

NC "DEATH" AT chap. 15! The Tarot Pack is either a neat psychological tool, or it offers genuine portals to the world of The Other, or it's a good way for plausible bluffers like me to earn 20 quid a reading. Or it could be about Discworld characters...NOW WITH MINOR ARCANA! (building slowly but surely.)

32. the Ten of Wands

(Return to) The Discworld Tarot

The Minor Arcana

Gods know what I'm taking on here as there are fifty-six cards in the Minor Arcana, the familiar sequence of Ace-to-Ten, then Princess (Page or Jack) Prince (Knight), Queen and King. The parents of the familiar deck of playing cards, each family of court cards is slimmed down to King, Queen and Jack, and the only survivor of the Major Arcana is the Fool, who lives on as the Jester.

In no particular order, I shall tackle them as the Muse takes me – I can always re-order them afterwards - and I know it's going to be a long slog!

The Ten of Wands - "Oppression"

Stress and breaking strains. A natural progression of energy through one to ten leads to a point where a lot of kinetic energy is stored up and is about to release itself. Has come up in readings about nuclear weapons and nuclear power-plant failures – a touch of Chernobyl in the night.

The Beaufort Scale measures wind strength and associated hazards on Roundworld.

0

Less than 1

Calm

Sea surface smooth and mirror-like

Calm, smoke rises vertically

1

1-3

Light Air

Scaly ripples, no foam crests

Smoke drift indicates wind direction, still wind vanes

2

4-6

Light Breeze

Small wavelets, crests glassy, no breaking

Wind felt on face, leaves rustle, vanes begin to move

3

7-10

Gentle Breeze

Large wavelets, crests begin to break, scattered whitecaps

Leaves and small twigs constantly moving, light flags extended

4

11-16

Moderate Breeze

Small waves 1-4 ft. becoming longer, numerous whitecaps

Dust, leaves, and loose paper lifted, small tree branches move

5

17-21

Fresh Breeze

Moderate waves 4-8 ft taking longer form, many whitecaps, some spray

Small trees in leaf begin to sway

6

22-27

Strong Breeze

Larger waves 8-13 ft, whitecaps common, more spray

Larger tree branches moving, whistling in wires

7

28-33

Near Gale

Sea heaps up, waves 13-19 ft, white foam streaks off breakers

Whole trees moving, resistance felt walking against wind

8

34-40

Gale

Moderately high (18-25 ft) waves of greater length, edges of crests begin to break into spindrift, foam blown in streaks

Twigs breaking off trees, generally impedes progress

9

41-47

Strong Gale

High waves (23-32 ft), sea begins to roll, dense streaks of foam, spray may reduce visibility

Slight structural damage occurs, slate blows off roofs

10

48-55

Storm

Very high waves (29-41 ft) with overhanging crests, sea white with densely blown foam, heavy rolling, lowered visibility

Seldom experienced on land, trees broken or uprooted, "considerable structural damage"

11

56-63

Violent Storm

Exceptionally high (37-52 ft) waves, foam patches cover sea, visibility more reduced

12

64+

Hurricane

Air filled with foam, waves over 45 ft, sea completely white with driving spray, visibility greatly reduced.

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Quite coincidentally, research wizard Ponder Stibbons has devised a suspiciously similar scale for quantifying the degree of peril and danger present in any given magical situation in and around Unseen University. All it requires is a Subject.

0

Thaumic energy low (KiloT)

Calm (Blessèd Boredom)

No obvious signs of distress. The subject appears calm and relaxed. He goes about his routine as Assistant Librarian and Professor of Cruel and Egregious Geography quite happily.

Nothing more than usual background magic.

1

kT

Light Disturbance (Canary in a Dwarf Mine)

Subject manifests signs of unease and becomes skittish. Wizards around him are oblivious or confident, and wonder why.

The first stirrings of possibly inimical magic, often imperceptible to those around the subject.

2

kT+

Light Breeze ("Oh no, I've been here before")

The feeling of existential dread intensifies and the subject begins making gloomy comments to all around him that "This will not end well." and "Mark my words"

More sensitive Wizards may also feel the sense of dread and looming disturbance. (Most) Assassins in the vicinity will also make their excuses and leave.

3

kT++

Gentle Breeze (The tuber-gathering imperative)

As well as continued snarky pessimism, subject surreptitiously checks on potato availability. May visit kitchen, greengrocer or market stalls. Ensure he is observed. Need for potatoes represents a heartfelt desire for security, and to stock up on essential provisions if forced to run.

The calm before the magical storm; everything appears normal but there is a noticeable tinge of tin in the air.

4

Now measured inMega thaums (mT)

Moderate Breeze (The Thing With Many Legs.)

Luggage awakes from hibernation, and finds its master, out of a primal need to serve and protect. Subject's legs and feet begin twitching, If asked, he will call this "warming up".

Watch for natural signs, such as rats, bedbugs, and cockroaches getting agitated and making preparations to evacuate the University.

5

mT

Fresh Breeze

Two Bledlows called to restrain Subject and block any exits. At this point the Subject will start muttering "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I'm about to die!" and variations on this theme. The Luggage will, of its own volition, seek out potatoes and load up.

Things may emerge from under the lawns. Mr Modo, the gardener, may be seen donning Dwarf armour and reaching for a mattock. Gargoyles will seek cover elsewhere.

6

mT+

Strong Breeze

The presence of more Bledlows, ideally younger and faster ones, becomes necessary. The Subject's legs will make involuntary running motions even when physically restrained and held off the ground.

Non-magical staff at the University will be affected by random discharges of stray magic. Be prepared to turn them back to human before Mrs Whitlow complains.

7

Scale moves to GigaThaums (gT)

Near Gale

Miss Butterfly from the Guild of Assassins called, and politely asked to assist in restraining Subject. She can usually restore a degree of calm and sanity, although this is down to her being immediately more dangerous and life-threatening than any putative danger elsewhere.

If the Arch-Chancellor is not aware, send a wizard, ideally somebody on a disciplinary, to alert him. Mrs Whitlow comes round to the HEM to complain.

8

gT+

Gale (Watch Code Twenty-Three)

Subject's nerve completely cracks and he begins running. The imperative to run is so strong that both Bledlows and Assassins cannot restrain him. The Luggage will follow. Remember to add thaumic tracker as well as potatoes.

Draw straws. The loser is to run to the Palace and alert the Patrician to a serious magical disturbance in progress. A second wizard may be delegated to break the bad news to Commander Vimes.

9

gT++

Strong Gale (localised)

Subject will run, but go to ground in Ankh-Morpork. This suggests a magical disturbance that may be safely contained. Look in University cellars, the Mended Drum, potato silos, et c. Follow thaumic tracker in Luggage.

Ravens leave the Tower of Art. The Tower itself may be seen twisting in more dimensions than the usual four. Books in Library become seriously agitated.

10

Scale moves to TeraThaums (tT)

Storm (in space and Time).

Subject actively seeking to leave the City and indeed the continent. Check docks, Hobson's Livery Stables, the Klatchian Carpetways flight terminal, Iron Girder, et c.

If mr Lu-Tze of the History Monks calls round, respect Rule One and be aware it's getting serious.

11

tT+

Violent Storm (the fabric of Space and Time may be rent and need stitching)

Subject still desperately running, but impeded by the emergence of an inconvenient Conscience which has all the force of a separate sentient being.

Structural damage occurs to all planes of Reality. Librarian and books from Library will seek secure shelter. History Monks take a deep interest.

12

Goes off-scale

Hurricane (Full-blown Sourceror)

Paradoxically, the subject realises there is no point in running any more. At this point his Conscience impels him to remove a sock and put a half-brick in it. There is no Level Thirteen.

The most serious form of magical disturbance. Complete disruption of all the planes of magic and reality. This precludes the possibility of a Level Thirteen.