Summary: The war between Jotunheim and Asgard draws to a close, but thanks to a horrible twist of Fate (or perhaps not), the nameless runt of Laufey-King is not discovered by Odin and so begins a remarkable journey of life that should not have been. Jotun!Loki AU. Set pre-/during-/after Thor/Avengers Assemble. MCU-verse only.

Warnings: ANGST! Loki-whump! Language, adult situations, violence, child abuse, dub-con, sexual assault (also of a minor), substance abuse, one abortion scene (sort of), slavery, sex trade (maybe), some mild original character/Loki M/M pairings.

Comments: This is not a slash fic. Sorry. It's Loki-centric, although I definitely show the rest of the Avengers and etc. Please review! Constructive criticism welcome.

Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers. Marvel owns it. I do not get paid for this piece of work. Sadly, but understandably. LOL.

Thank you, wonderful reviewers! To: Hrosanna, Immortal Sailor Cosmos, Ireland Ranger, Winter Cicada, wbss21, DragonsFlame117, ClaMiAl, TheObsessor11294, a big thanks for hanging in there!

Youthful silliness up ahead! Conversations for the win... I hope!

Distortions In Time
[Bitter Desolation, Incandescent Harmony]

Chapter 33
Golden Rays Burns Deep

[... new seasons, new cycles...]

[... each year passes...]

[... golden and ripe, sharp and poignant...]

[... as fruit...]

There was a rhythm to Kol'la's life now – a new kind of living which he found to be neither repugnant nor desirable. It felt like nothing he had experienced before. A kind of stasis. A kind of numbness. As if he was waiting for something. What he lingered for, Kol'la did not exactly know and on warm nights when the sweet heat of Asgard pressed down on his usually cool skin, Kol'la felt the urge to escape the golden existence of Asgard even more strongly than ever.

And yet...

[... and yet...]

Those times. Those times he watched the so changeable skies of Asgard – clear, filled with puffy clouds or swollen and dark with rain or blackness lit by lightning. Those times he supped alone, too annoyed by the eternal summer heat to properly deal with his noisesome fellow stable-hands. Those times when the evening air hummed with fat bees and the chirrup of crickets and the saw of other small living things which nestled in the cracks of wood and straw and buzzed over the pungent piles of shat which lay in the nearby compost pile.

The compost heap. Here, Kol'la smiled as he considered what rose in the corner of the back stableyard. The compost heap was an alien thing and, having been discovered in Asgard, was forever linked to warriors and wide boards of food and lusty wenches and Life incarnate. It was a strange heap to Kol'la, even after the years that passed – odoriferous, a riot of colours which lost to time and decay and spread as mulch over the less blessed portions of land, bringing a chance for life.

An interesting thought: the compost pile sinking into the grass was eaten by the horse and then returned to the land. Another cycle – a new kind of life Kol'la learned quickly. And he waited. Waited. And he fretted.

Some days, as he went about his chores – feeding and grooming the horses, mucking out the stables and running errands – Kolla wondered why he had remained there. The maturing young man, continuing to slowly grow (and yet showing no signs of Jotun adulthood), knew that part of it was Thor and part of it was hope.

Hefting a pitch fork and attacking a nearby stack of hay for his favourite mare, sweat rolling unpleasantly down his back and chest as the sun beat down on his dark head, Kol'la cursed them both. And as if summoned by his dark thoughts, a loud holler rang across the shat and mud-smeared, intricately designed, dark cobblestones of the stableyard.

A loud "Kol'la!" followed by: "Kol'la! Great news!"

Emerging from Thora's stable, Kol'la squinted upward at the Prince who had, astride his favoured brown charger (not given to Kol'la's 'inexperienced' care), trotted over with a wide bright grin. As ever, there it was – the perpetual smile which Kol'la knew to be as great and vacuous as Asgard's blue sky. A light-coloured barn swallow darted into the stables just then and Kol'la heaved a disgusted sigh. Not entirely vacuous, he allowed. There is also his love of battle, passion for women and feasting and that generosity – devastating, thoughtless and equal to all... Kol'la glared sourly up at the excited Prince, noticing all the signs of a 'great and mighty quest' which translated to 'going on a dangerous, not well-planned jaunt without permission' in Kol'la's book.

"Kol'la! Great, great news! You would not believe!"
"And a good morning to you, Thor," Kol'la grunted in return.
"I am -"
"The answer is no," Kol'la stalked off into the stables, cutting off the Prince effectively.

Watching his shield mate disappear, Thor sighed and dismounted, the better to follow his annoyed friend into the only marginally cooler depths of the Royal Court's stables. Behind him, Sif gave a gusty sigh of equal annoyance and disapproval at Kol'la's (continued) curt and rude behaviour which had been present since the first day he had arrived. Why the Prince continued to seek out the stable boy was beyond the ken of most of the young people of the King's court.

"Come now, Kol'la!" Thor was saying, coming to a halt by the young man who had begun to polish a particularly fine silver bridle. "Do not be this way! I have not yet spoken -"
Kol'la's long slender hands did not pause, nor did the dark head rise as he replied shortly, "I am busy."
"Oh, now -"
"Busy, Thor," Kol'la reached for a small brush to scrub a little more carefully in the hard-to-reach inlay of the filigree.
"You always say that."

Kol'la stopped his scrubbing to massage the bridge of his nose, feeling the usual headache come on. The conversation was beginning to sound all too familiar.

"I always am."
"No, you are not!"
"You call me a liar now, Thor? I cannot be given to such habits as yours -"
"What are you ranting about now?"
"- gallivanting about -"
"Oh. That. Well – you -"
"- and as a lowly -" Kol'la would not be stopped now.
"Do not say such things -"
"- stable workhand, I cannot go running off on some hair-brained adventure -"
"Kol'la, you need not be afraid, nor cower here in the stables-"
"You call me a coward?" Kol'la glared up at Thor. "You call me a -"
"Kol'la. Listen. I did not mean -"
"- a coward because I obey orders? Is that what cowardice now – to do one's job in the role -"
"Listen!" Thor was bawling now at Kol'la with an incensed roar. "Now you listen to me! I apologized-"
"Some apology," was Kol'la's disbelieving, dead-pan reply.
"And you know that you are as willing to enjoy a fine trick or an opportunity to practice your seithr just as much as I enjoy a good fight -"
"Now -"
"Kol'la Silvertongue. That is who you are and do not forget it! Kol'la Silvertongue, the Mischief-maker, the Strategist Extraordinaire. Thor's Shadow. My right-hand man! That is who you are, Kol'la." Thor leaned down, shoved at Kol'la's shoulder and drew a furious green gaze upward. "You are no mere stable boy, Kol'la." He added softly. "I see you."
"I do not need comforting like those lackadaisical maids at the Court," snapped Kol'la. He snorted. "'See you' indeed!"
"This is about last time," Thor sighed, "is it not? It is!"

Kol'la redirected his venomous stare at the intricately wrought silver bridle in his hand.

"Listen. I said I was sorry -"
"Thor," Kol'la sighed, knowing Thor spoke sincerely. He always did. "It was my fault just as much as yours. However." A pause. Kol'la collected his thoughts. "The whole venture would have gone smoother if you had just..." He sighed. "I often wonder, when you blunder ahead without thought – when you ignore my advice constantly – when you pander to the whims of less intelligent, fawning sycophants who call have less spine then jellyfish combined -" Kol'la's green gaze swung back to Thor's blue one, accusingly. "I often wonder... why am I there?"

Thor shuffled his feet – opened his mouth. Kol'la raised a finger warningly.

"Am I some kind of court jester to provide light relief? A scapegoat to blame? A foil to uphold and add to your glory? Someone who makes your ego puff up as you look at me and pity what I can never become?"
"Kol'la -"
"No, Thor," Kol'la sighed, long fingers suddenly releasing their tight grip on the bridle. "No, Thor," he repeated. "I will not go."
"You are not my whipping boy," Thor frowned, "nor are you my foil, Kol'la. Listen -"
"I might as well be."
"Does your back pain you still? I will speak with Mother; she – OW!"

Thor's obsequious response was cut short by a sharp cry as Kol'la's boot met with his shin.

"Kol'la!"

It was Sif. The tall, well-muscled, tough young woman, clad in light half-armour and gold and red leathers, approaching the door, frowned as Thor cursed Kol'la's nameless forebears and nursed his shin. "Have care how you address -"
"Peace, Sif," Thor grunted. "It was merely the flailing of an infant -"
"Keep talking and I think Kol'la will explode," Fandral's light laughter cut in.

Kol'la did indeed look like he was about to tear off Thor's head. For a moment, it seemed possible that the son of Odin would meet an untimely end hung to his death by bridle gear... but Kol'la managed to rein himself in.

"Leave," he choked out. "Leave. Now."
"Why should we?" Fandral asked in his usual airy, irksome fashion – with barely concealed laughter in his undertones. "These will be Thor's stables one day. And, Kol'la, you will come at his beck and call."

Awkward paused. For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of horses nickering and stamping, birds chirping in the rafters, a crow's harsh caw-caw, a far off stable master whaling on a young stable boy, the hup-hup of a horse trainer in the nearby training ring and the further off clang of the blacksmith's hammer striking the anvil. Fandral's horse shook its head and Volstagg's ever cavernous stomach rumbled.

"When you say it like that," Volstagg finally muttered, "it seems too incredible to be true."
"Now, that is a fact," Kol'la rose, bridle in hand and moved over to hang it carefully from its designated peg.
"Kol'la," Sif frowned bristling. "Why must you always show Thor such disrespect -"
"First, he must earn my respect and, having once earned it, keep it," hissed back Kol'la. "Thor one day may indeed become a great King... but presently, he is no king of mine – and at this rate, he never will be."
"Careful now," Hogun's hand suddenly clamped down on Sif and Fandral's shoulders.
"That is sedition!" Fandral sputtered trying to pull away and failing.
"This is why I said -"
"Think through his words carefully," Hogun reminded them.
"And Kol'la is a liar -"
"He grew up among liars -"
"It is not his fault," Thor protested, muscles tensing at the thought of Kol'la's words.
"What are you implying?" Kol'la growled, fists tightening as he tried to keep a leash on his fast rising temper. His patience was wearing thin.
"What do you think?" was Sif's cool reply.
"Come now -" Volstagg stepped forward.
"Sif!" Thor said, his strong voice cut through his friends' babble. "Kol'la and I have things to discuss – and it remains, as always, our own business."
"Ever since that trip -"
"Captivity," corrected Hogun.
"Whatever it was, ever since you have returned with... Kol'la... you have, well, lost all commonsense!" Sif waved her hand dismissively. "Thor, you cannot – cannot listen to this – this – serpent."
"Serpent? Serpent! I was attempting to ignore the idiot!" Kol'la snapped back. "I declined his invitation and he would not leave me alone."
"Oh," Fandral said, a little stupidly and Sif eased away uncertainly.
"The last time -" Thor grimaced, glancing at Kol'la apologetically. "Well, you saw what happened..."
"Hm. He missed out on his duties thanks to your shortcut," Hogun agreed. "Lateness is the worst misdeed in Master Farfin's books."
"Shortcut? Is that what you call it?" Kol'la bit out. "If that was a shortcut, then I am the King of Alfheim! Thanks to Thor -"
"It was unfortunate," Sif finally agreed grudgingly, remembering her own dismay at the whipping Kol'la had received as punishment for dereliction of duties. "Does your back still pain you? There is an antidote, quite cheap, which you may purchase in -"

At that point, it took Thor, Fandral and Hogun to hold Kol'la back from tearing out Sif's throat. When everyone settled down again on various hay bales, the horses still standing outside waiting still for their very delayed masters, everyone took a breath and contemplated the problem at hand.

"Kol'la has not yet forgiven me," Thor finally admitted, poking at the hay absently. Then, he shrugged and smiled. "As usual. You need not understand, Sif. And he will get over it."
"Oh, I will, will I?"
"You always do."
"He does?" asked Fandral.
"These days, you two always look... well..." Sif shifted. "Angry."

Kol'la glared at his hands, Thor contemplated the stable ceiling. Then, the ever active warrior jumped to his feet and hefted his hammer.

"Kol'la will get over it. It is merely how things work between us, Sir. Kol'la," Thor added airily. "I was not intending to press you into our quest. If you cannot come, then you cannot come. I only fear that you will once again bury yourself in the local archives. You are turning into an old man before your time! And it is not for glory. It is my Mother – well, apparently she ran out of a particular stock of some magical herb which she so loves to use for her tea – and it only grows in a certain valley in Vanaheim. So I thought to give her a gift of freshly picked herbs. It would only be a small trip – and we need your aid to find such a flower. Think of it. Vanaheim – my mother's homeland. I know you have not yet traveled there, Kol'la. It is a fair place and most beautiful."
"You wish me to find a flower for you?"
"Well. Yes..."
"In Vanaheim."
"Yes. No battles. No enemies. A short visit and it is entirely the sort of thing you would enjoy – mucking about with magical herbs and whatnot."
"Thor." Kol'la sighed.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and wished himself far away from this too bright, too noisy, too hot place. Kol'la knew – Vanaheim was in his near future. I wanted to go, Kol'la sighed, but not saddled with a pack of dou'ma who do not know the difference between a plant and a weed, much less the difference between clover and mistletoe.

"Thor," he repeated. "What is the name of the flower? Where can we find it? In what manner do we harvest it in order to maintain its original magical powers? Is it against the laws of Vanaheim to harvest this plant? Will we need to pay any kind of tax or toll or farmer for the harvesting of such plants?"

Another long pause. Volstagg took out a lumpy package of brown paper and proceeded to unwrap a couple savoury pieces of what looked like mutton. Sif shifted further away from the curly-headed, heavily bearded man and focused instead on Kol'la and Thor. Thor who stared at Kol'la dumbfounded.

"I thought you would know – what with all those books you read night and day -"
"Night and day?" Kol'la's voice rose sharply. "I hardly read books night and day, Thor! Merely when I have spare time – which is only in the very early hours of the morning and at night."
"Well, you just look like you are reading all the time -"
"Did I look like I was reading when you first interrupted me just now?"
"Uh, no..."
"Well then."
"At any rate," Thor said lamely. "I thought you would know."

Kol'la stared at Thor's obvious disappointment with great incredulity. Somehow the fool thought that he would be able to know the Vanaheim herb! Seriously... the dou'ma... And yet, another part of Kol'la warmed at the thought that Thor had thought to first come to him instead of going to the Mage's Court for advice and guidance. That Thor had expected me to know... Kol'la did not know if he wanted to laugh or cry. He opted for a shake of his head and a deep sigh.

"This afternoon, I can spare some time at the local archive and we can research the matter after Lady Sif investigates the matter in more detail."
"Me?" asked Sif.
"Yes," Kol'la eyed the young woman shrewdly. "You are a girl, after all... are you not?"

Volstagg muttered something, Fandral chuckled, Hogun sighed and Sif bristled.

"Of course," she said.
"Well then, you enter the Queen's Court and ask of her serving maid the name of the herb in question. Once we know that, we can better research how to get it. Then, then we may go – perhaps two days from now... Who knows? It may be such an easy matter, you will not even need me to be there."
Thor looked betrayed, "You must come, Kol'la!"
"We shall see." A beat, then: "Does this not seem to be a better plan, Thor?"
"Yes," was the reluctant reply.
"Very well then, I shall see you after lunch," Kol'la rose to his feet and dusted off his pants before stepping away. "I have other duties to attend to. Until then."

With that he disappeared. Sif shook her head.

"Thor. I do not know what you are thinking. He is not to be trusted!"
"You do not know him, Sif."
"No, you do not know him -"
"He has shown no sign of dishonour or disloyalty toward me," Thor replied evenly. "In the bonds of captivity, in the heat of battle, he was there – protecting my back. Kol'la... I do know know what his past holds, but this I can say that he wishes for a better future. Do we not all deserve a chance?"
"Yes," Fandral eyed Thor, considering the oddly wise words coming from the usually hot-headed warrior. "You sound rather grown up."
"I do?" asked Thor, frowning.
"In a way," Hogun rose as well. "Do not let it get to your head however. Early days."

And with that, they left. Another day in Asgard. Another cycle.

[... another cycle...]

We'll see how things turn out and how the centuries have passed for our young men. XD I hope we can see here how Thor doesn't mean harm - but he is clearly insensitive. He is NOT MALICIOUS... just... insensitive.

A few questions from readers:

Q: Will we see Sleipnir? Is Sleipnir around?Author's Note: Yes, I will mention Sleipnir when I can fit it in without seeming like a huge deal - because it's not a huge deal in the movies and it won't be in this fanfic either. Remember Loki has no kids and so Sleipnir is only mentionable in passing.

Q: What was Thor thinking putting Loki in the stables?!
Author's Note: This was not Thor's call - it was Odin's. Odin is... a very complicated person. Think Dumbledore. In armour. With one eye.

I also anticipate people asking questions about Frigga. She will show up - but in a very specific situation. I feel that in the movies she is very much relegated to certain duties and as such wouldn't necessarily have bumped into Loki at this point. Yeah... Hope this is believable!

-KI

Alien Glossary:

'auzha – fucker
Dou'ma – idiot
r'senk'ne – a kind of deer/cow hybrid
n'ch'nka – a kind of cow
chi'iano – a radioactive piece of rock similar to uranium
cho'ai - lover
kol-sava'atha – a titanium-rich ore
Morning-star - a mace.
oma'auzha – mother-effer
oto'oa - big sister
udji'oo – a drug, like opium