Summary: The war between Jotunheim and Asgard draws to a close, but thanks to a horrible twist of Fate (or perhaps not), the nameless runt of Laufey-King is not discovered by Odin and so begins a remarkable journey of life that should not have been. Jotun!Loki AU. Set pre-/during-/after Thor/Avengers Assemble. MCU-verse only.

Warnings: ANGST! Loki-whump! Language, adult situations, violence, child abuse, dub-con, sexual assault (also of a minor), substance abuse, one abortion scene (sort of), slavery, sex trade (maybe), some mild original character/Loki M/M pairings.

Comments: This is not a slash fic. Sorry. It's Loki-centric, although I definitely show the rest of the Avengers and etc. Please review! Constructive criticism welcome.

Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers. Marvel owns it. I do not get paid for this piece of work. Sadly, but understandably. LOL.

Thanks to everyone who is faving and following - but even greater thanks to the encouragement given to me through such kind reviews. A shout out should go those who reviewed the last chapter: The Soul Soldier, NX-Loveless-XN, Yami Vance, Ireland Ranger, DragonsFlame117, Winter Cicada, wbss21 and ClaMiAl.

As a tangible thanks to those who reviewed the previous chapters, I will be contacting everyone soon about the first side-story I'm planning/writing. I will probably provide a mediafire link (with password) or send directly to emails. Just let me know your preference in your reviews.

Sorry... but this is a rather conversational piece...! Massive editing had to be done to this b/c I accidentally called Kol'la Loki! You can tell it's almost time for him to be Loki b/c he feels more Loki-ish and my subconscious is crying out for the name we all love.

Sigh.

So if you see a 'Loki' anywhere, please let me know.

Also, revisiting the Asgard map may be in order...

Distortions In Time
[Bitter Desolation, Incandescent Harmony]

Chapter 38
A Glimpse of Destiny I

[...the skies of Asgard...]

[...open and serene...]

[...split by a hawk's cry...]

[...silences teem with life...]

Sweeping down from the northern sea, Asgarthaharr, across the promontory of the Aestrplat Highlands, the wind brings to the Aestrfold homesteads a touch of the sea – the faintest tang of salt and crispness. Running along the soft pale gold heads of wheat in the early fall or along the dark loamy soil of early spring, it sings brilliantly of adventure on the high seas and starlight beyond.

So it runs, until it meets the eaves of Storrmyrk, the large eastern portion of Asgard's Great Forest, where the wind hesitates among the trembling leaves and creaking boughs. As the now warm wind eases southwards around the edges of the ever cloud-topped Storrfjall mountains, to where the Leysaharr sea laps up against the wilder regions of Asgard. This is where the Rikrfljot River runs down to the Leysaharr alongside the Sothafold and where the wind can once again greet wild waves which drop off into the Void and are returned by rising and lowering clouds and mists. The never-ending magical cycle of Asgardian weather, Asgardian life.

Up and around the wind whistles, cheerfully the western forest of Mikillrmyrk, which is a hillier region that eventually fronts on the Waestrfold. Like its twin, the farmland of the Waestrfold bears crops of wheat and corn and other vegetables and fruits. Isolated hamlets and their outlying farms are far and few in-between – but eventually more and more low-roofed homesteads gather on the plains and gentle folds of hills – as the City of Asgard looms.

Here, the grand Orchards of Ithunn lie and further inward the mystical quarter of the mage's Court, where the Aesir High Council of Magics and Academics are seated. The wind, whimsical as it is, varies from careful to destructive, tugging on the fluttering pennants, flapping flags, clanging bells, clattering shutters and swinging signs. Canvas tents and canopies smooth out underneath the wind's gentler hand – but on other days, everything goes to Helheim in a hand-basket, and noting is sacred from High-Mage Agaeti's stocking cap to the flower girl's petals.

Asgard is a glorious playground – and even now, the wind speeds along its merry way, blasting around corners promising rain and other disastrous things later in the evening. No hall is too grand for its admittance – and eventually, the wind reaches one ornate balcony and a paired set of wide, intricately-carved windows on either side properly curtained with purple and gold.

It is evening now and this is the All-Father's private dining room, which is, as is usual once a week at least, in use as the Royal Family sits down for their evening meal.

[...the wind moves on...]

[...like Time, it waits for no one...]

As the serving girls and men withdrew after laying the table with food and all the dishes, Frigga rose and began to briskly serve herself some of the vegetable soup which sat closest to her. Unlike usual meals in the grand, more public dining hall, the Royal Family did not stand upon ceremony in their private eating rooms and Frigga had a fondness for serving her "boys" - which Thor and Kol'la alike protested. This evening, Kol'la, seated across Thor, on Frigga's right hand side, carefully handed her some steamed sprouts while taking the overly gilded soup tureen.

"So," Frigga was saying, "it looks like rain tonight, which is just another added blessing since the Norns know we needed a bit more moisture in the soil. With this clement weather we are having, I think the planting will do even better than before!"

Odin nodded agreeably, skewering a few more slices of roast boar before helping himself to the bread basket and the steamed sprouts which had been carefully (and silently) offered by Kol'la. Glancing at his son on his right hand, Odin watched Thor stack up a pile of meat and couldn't help but smile. Ah... Thor... as always, a man who knows not the meaning of the word 'restraint'.

"And of course, that means only good news for the orchards," Frigga continued on. "Ithunn's Orchard will no doubt provide some fair produce this year."
"Yes," Kol'la said, helping himself to a small slice of bread and meat with gravy on top. "I myself am looking forward to Mage Erik's herb harvesting this year. He was saying that the magical properties of the Realm are especially strong this season which will make for healthy plants."

Underneath Kol'la's comment, Thor's satisfied munching could be heard – which earned him a reproving look from Frigga. Odin smiled indulgently again and then watched Kol'la carefully select food from his plate as if the slender warrior-mage was more of a bird or a rabbit. As usual, Kol'la showed his difference – in those small, not-quite-noticeable ways. In the small things, Odin thought, perhaps... in the important things as well... It is difficult to tell. It has always been difficult to tell with that boy, ever since the first day I laid eyes upon him. A murky destiny, Agaeti said, murky indeed...

"You have your own garden, do you not?" asked Frigga. "I thought they gave every Apprentice a small plot of land."
"Hm, yes," Kol'la nodded, "but it is too small to grow the rather important herbs and considering the usual level of intelligence required to care for, much less harvest, it is no surprise that certain... herbs are not allowed -"
"Father," Thor's booming voice cut through Kol'la's quiet explanation as the young warrior turned to the grey-haired monarch. "With this weather, do you think the stock of boar and deer will replenish just as well? Perhaps this would be a good time to visit the Wilderlands outside Vanaheim -"

Before Odin could say anything, Frigga frowned and sighed, "Thor! Kol'la was speaking!"
"Oh... well..." Thor replied bewildered, "He can still speak with you, can he not?"
"I am certain we can have two conversations on the table," Odin agreed mildly.
"If he uses his indoor voice, yes," Kol'la replied a tad bit snidely. "As it is, I doubt anyone could be heard over your usual racket, Thor."
"Do not blame me if you take after the mannerisms of a mouse, Kol'la."
"I am no mouse!" hissed Kol'la.
"Well, no," Thor smirked, "now you sound more like a snake."
"Boys," Odin gave each of the young men a LOOK, and the two settled down. Ever they must find some way to battle. He continued, "A trip to Vanaheim may come sooner than you expect, Thor, and I am certain that hunting in the Wilderlands would no doubt excite many a young Asgardian warrior and Vanaheim lordling."

-0-0-0-

At this Frigga sighed, remembering days of long ago when she had been younger and with more freedom to do as she pleased, able to ride alongside the other maidens who accompanied the young lords in their hunting expeditions. A time of merry romps and singing and dancing and other such romantic delights. Odin, in particular, she remembered, had been in his element. At the sight of Kol'la rolling his eyes, however, Frigga abruptly realized that others might not understand such pleasures. Going by Thor's grin, the Queen shook her head as she helped herself to some meat offered by Thor, I know he means to put Kol'la through many trials if they were to both go to Vanaheim for hunting... and Kol'la has always considered such pursuits as a waste of time... Frigga smiled indulgently. Those boys... my boys...

-0-0-0-

There was a pause as everyone continued eating and then Frigga began the conversation again, knowing that Kol'la was now rather put out and could not be expected to extend his usual social graces for the rest of the evening.

"I noticed that the delegation of Dark Elves seemed uneasier today," Frigga noted. "Are the talks not going well?"
"Hmmm," Odin gave the two, suddenly attentive young men a look before returning to piling his plate with more food including some kind of red jelly which had a sweet taste to it. "Well, there seems to be some rising factions within the Realm – strong dissenters who wish, above all, for power. This is never a good thing and with the ongoing power vacuum within Svartalfheim, I fear that sooner than later, a powerful Elf will rise and if his – or her – goals are not peaceable... well," the old king sighed, "we may have trouble on our hands."
"Are there any names currently rising to the forefront?" asked Kol'la.
"None at present, but they will no doubt come forward as our negotiations continue on. Perhaps in the next inter-Realm tournament, they will break with tradition, grace us with their presence and allow us to discern the true state of things."
"This seems to me to be nothing but a waste of time," Thor's fist banged the table rattling the silverware and Frigga swiftly picked up her goblet which was currently filled with the clear cordial of Vanaheim pears. "They play with us and mock our overtures. We should destroy-"
"Ah," Kol'la laughed then, bitterly, "I was waiting for the oh so familiar refrain."
"You disagree?"
"Obviously," was the reply, dripping with disdain.
"You always disagree."
"Because you are always wrong."
"I am not always wrong," Thor protested.
"Yes, you are."
"No, I am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not – there was that time-"
"Boys!" Frigga said, setting her goblet of cordial down a little harder than necessary. "Now you two sound like younglings bickering-"
"They are still young, the both of them," sighed Odin, "and they show it even now."

Kol'la glared at Thor and Odin before returning to stab at a piece of offending boar with his knife. Thor went back to his stack of meat, also clearly insulted.

"Now," Frigga said with a sigh, "there is nothing wrong with disagreeing-"
"He disagrees all the time-"
"On principle-"

Kol'la and Thor's voices cut off as Odin's fist also rattled the table and the monarch said in warning tones: "Listen to your mother!"

The warrior-mage was about to point out that Frigga was not his mother and he had no reason to listen to her more or less than any other person, but then Kol'la realized that Frigga did look genuinely upset and disappointed. A knot formed in his stomach as he remembered all the times Frigga had visited him within his sanctuary at the Mage's Court, how she had always given him things – seeds and herbs and rare magical tomes for his own personal use – and had asked for nothing in return. Kol'la shut his mouth and stared unhappily at his plate.

She is too kind, he thought, and that is why Thor will never learn the truth of the matter, will never know the reality of life...

"Now," Frigga said into the awkward silence. "Kol'la. What were your thoughts on the matter?"
"Well," Kol'la inhaled, calmed himself down and ordered his thoughts. "Looking at this from a – a political standpoint - and I know that I am not well-versed nor educated in such matters, formally speaking - yet, I feel that going to war against Svartalfheim would undercut Asgard's current stance of peace... It would be better if Svartalfheim could be seen as the aggressors, which would then give us license to do as we please." A pause and Odin nodded slowly which Kol'la took as a good sign and he continued onward. "Furthermore, the Dwarves of Svartalfheim enjoy the neutrality and would not accept Asgardian rule as easily as some would suppose, I think. At least, that is the intimation that I received upon reading Kikkabruk's treatise. Kikkabruk is a Dwarf of Niflheim, true, but they are brothers in race and understand each other. In both cases, Dwarves have found themselves most well-suited living in the shadow of Asgard's counterbalance – Svartalfheim and Helheim and Niflheim. Besides, violence cannot solve everything."

A silence and Frigga reached over to give Kol'la's hand a squeeze, looking very proud and Kol'la ducked his head, blushing just a little. Odin's blue eye which had been scrutinizing the warrior-mage closely moved back to the king's plate – but not before catching Kol'la's green eyes which rose uncertainly to meet his. The ageing monarch's face eased a little with a swift smile and Odin nodded approvingly.

"A king should never seek out war," he said after a moment, turning to give Thor a hard look. Then he added, "but he must be ever ready for it."

Kol'la blinked at those words. What can those cryptic words mean exactly? How could Thor even begin to understand... But of course, it is not my place to say anything... not really...

"Well, then," Frigga broke the silence with a light laugh, "that only brings into relief how important our relationship with other realms is. The delegation of Vanaheim young lords and ladies which will be visiting us next month will be important for Asgard's future – as well as a good opportunity to enjoy oneself."
"Ah," Odin smiled then, obviously with fond memory, "the youthful court of Vanaheim. Do you remember those days when we went hunting in the Wilderlands – and chased the wild beasts therein, both fair and proud? And afterwards, wandered hand in hand in the heather or under the trees and found pleasure in-"
"Odin!" Frigga whispered, scandalized, face red.
"Ah!" Odin laughed then, noticing the combined looks of horror on Thor and Kol'la's faces. "My pardon, I beg you... memory took hold of me and – come now, Thor, is it so hard to imagine your father and mother enjoying the days of their youth?"
"No, no," Thor mumbled, now more than a little red. "Not as hard as it should be, perhaps."
"Agreed," Kol'la said incoherently into some steamed sprouts.
"Well," Frigga gave the two young men a fond look, "I am certain you two will make your own memories, for the ladies of Vanaheim are fair indeed, I think."
"They always are," Odin gallantly added with a wink, which left Thor breathlessly hacking up a load of wine – and Kol'la grimaced at the red spittle aimed his way, delicately pushing his plate aside, appetite now almost decimated by Thor's usual bad table manners.
"The girls will love a good song and dance -"
"That is well," Thor grinned, winking at Kol'la conspiratorially, "for I love a good song and dance myself – of many varieties – and usually great company enjoys all the kinds of enjoyments Asgard... and I... have to offer."
Kol'la snorted into his own wine, muttering, "That is the truth."

Frigga sighed and Odin shook his head, chuckling.

"On the other hand, if this is purely a diplomactic matter," Thor gave his father a quick look, "I am certain it will be nothing but dull..." He paused to consider the matter further before adding, "And some girls are dull by nature."
"That is because you wish for a girl who can knock you about," Kol'la teased Thor impishly.
"Well then," Frigga laughed, "that is settled. Lady Sif, it is then."
"Lady Sif, yes!" crowed Kol'la as Thor began to protest. "That is a perfect match."

-0-0-0-

Odin was not so pleased about Kol'la's snickers, but before he could reprimand the dark-haired young man, Thor mentioned someone called Kayra and the conversation which had calmed down quickly escalated into a shouting match. Watching the two young men holler at each other over the small table, disregarding Frigga's interjections, he couldn't help but remember himself at another similar table with his brothers. This is what I wanted for Thor, but... Odin sighed as he listened for the sharp shards of emotion which laced through Kol'la's voice like hidden daggers. But... the knife I wield is double-edged and cuts even itself... Can it be trusted so easily?

"Just because I have standards-"
"Standards? Ha! You were but playing with her-"
"Playing? Playing?!"
"You know how you love a game-"

The aged king eyed the green-eyed warrior-mage, face blank as he digested Thor's words. Standards? So it is true then... Odin mused, that Kol'la does not seem to court women as Thor does – and if he finds satisfaction, it must be only known to himself and the one whom he sought. And yet, if what Thor says is true, then this young mage can only understand it as if it were naught but the rules of engagement, as if it were naught but a game...

This young child...

"ODIN!"

That was Frigga now, more angry than before and obviously needing someone else to corral the two young men who had resorted to kicking each other like young babes underneath the table. Odin grabbed each shoulder and, catching their attention, gave them each another look. Feet stilled but Thor and Kol'la looked like they were about to speak again, so Odin shook his head, coughed and said:

"Now, listen, you two." A pause. Then: "In matters of love, we all have our own rules. That is the way of things. Sometimes," Odin paused, eyeing Kol'la.

Mysterious and incomprehensible.

"Sometimes," Odin continued slowly, "we must agree to disagree, understanding that we may never understand – but we can respect nonetheless. Do you understand this?"

Do you hear me?

"Yes," Kol'la nodded, pushing his plate emphatically aside, avoiding Odin's gaze.

Yes, he would understand first. Odin eyed his blonde-haired son. Thor looked a little lost, but the warrior nodded.

"Very well..."
"Now," the old man nodded as Frigga rose to call the serving girls back for dessert. "Your mother says there is dessert?"

A few of the larger plates (but not the boar, Thor would no doubt want more of that for dessert as well) were removed and a pale green pudding arrived – cool and soft. It was not the usual choice for them – but it was Kol'la's favourite and Frigga was rewarded by an unguarded, wide smile which flitted across the young mage's face.

"Mint pudding!" he sighed, fidgeting a little as he waited for his serving. He stared down at the bowl offered him and sighed, "My favourite."
"I know," Frigga gave a bowl to Odin and Thor before serving herself. "It has been a while since you could sit down with us for a meal, Kol'la – so I thought it would be a nice treat for us all... and it is perfect for warmer weather like today."
"Today was hardly warm," grumbled Thor poking his bowl in a dissatisfied manner, "here, Kol'la, you can have mine as well. I'll have more boar."
"Thank you," Kol'la hastily took Thor's bowl and placed it by his own, ignoring Odin's amused, raised eyebrow.
"It is a bit more tart today," Frigga noted, sampling her share. "Perhaps some lemon."
"I think some lemon," Odin agreed. "It is more pleasing this way, I think."
"Hm, yes, and it is cooler than the last time," Kol'la nodded happily.
"More congealed," Frigga agreed, "and less soupy."
"That was not such a good batch," Odin nodded, "You are missing out on a good dessert, Thor."
"I do not like it so much, even if it is done right," Thor shrugged, skewering more meat, "and besides, why waste good food on someone who has no taste for it? Better that Kol'la enjoy it. It is not as though he can eat such kinds of food everyday."
"Now, Thor," sighed Frigga.
"It is true!" Thor protested uneasily, knowing from the look that Frigga gave him he had said something wrong again.
"It is true," agreed Kol'la quickly, starting on Thor's share now, "and I am thankful, as always."
"Well, we are blessed to have your company," the gentle queen smiled.
"Even if you two do end up squabbling like children underneath the table," Odin said trying to keep a smile from forming on his face. "I will have something amusing to tell Lord Tyr and High Mage Agaeti tomorrow... and the ladies of Vanaheim when they arrive," he glanced up to catch twin looks of horror aimed his way – and he chuckled.
"I am sure he will not tell High Mage Agaeti," Frigga consoled Kol'la who still looked a little chagrined and frightened. "He is just having a small joke. Now, Kol'la, have some more – seeing as Thor will not be asking for extras – would you like more, dear? No? Kol'la? Here..." As she ladled out more of the mint pudding, she smiled at the slender young man and prattled on reassuringly, "So, now that you are nearing the end of your tenure within the Mage's Academy, how do you feel about your studies as an Acolyte? Do you think you will stay in the Mage's Court or study elsewhere for a while?"

With that the conversation turned to more mundane topics.

[...and the night brought rain...]

[...and the days brought the ladies and lords...]

[...of Vanaheim...]

This and Chapter 39 and Chapter 40 were meant to be all in one chapter - but... alas... things got a bit out of control when I realized I had planned too much detail into one chapter... We'll see how crazy it gets. Sorry that this was one long conversation... but this is really necessary to show how their family dynamics are working out. Although they aren't technically a family... THEREFORE LOKI WILL BE CALLED LOKI AROUND CHAPTER 43... SORRY!

BUT I WROTE IT! YES! THE LOKI NAMING CHAPTER IS DONE! (passing out from frothing at the mouth thanks to her inner excitement) Hopefully it'll be exciting for you when you get there.

Anyways, let me know what you think~! I always appreciate comments!
Update will be around Sunday or Monday, depending on how motivated I feel and life and stuffs...
-KI

MORE SKETCHES AVAILABLE ON MY PROFILE!

AND BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE A TABLE OF AGES... so I don't have to keep calculating this stuff all the time. (my maths are terrible) On this picture, you'll not only see the ages of Thor/Loki as the story progresses, but also how it fits in with Realm time and relative Earth ages (but not Earth time, I'm not that interested yet) - AND also a freebie! JOTUNHEIM TIMELINE! (What the heck am I doing? I just spent an hour on this. I've got no life! AH!) There will be parts of the Timeline, where you'll be, like, "What's going on?" All will be explained in one way or another... and if you use logic, you may be able to spoil yourself a little about the direction of this story. So, don't click unless you are a real nerd about this story...

I hope someone can appreciate it... I spent an hour on it...

Author's Note on Writing Dialogues: I scanned in a part of my writing notebook to show folks how I plan dialogues, since a few have mentioned how they have enjoyed my dialogues, and I thought I might show my techniques for the very important dialogues which dot this fanfic. Might be useful for those who want to see how other authors plan their writing! See my profile for the link to the scanned pages!

Author's Note on Frigga: The Vikings had a very patriarchal system, true, but they were also realistic and knew that there were times that women had to operate outside the usual parameters - (thinks of Tolkien and his women) - and that is rather fair all things considering, I think. So doormat!Frigga isn't a very kind portrayal of her because it's saying she is powerless/unable to do ANYTHING, which is an exaggeration. On the other hand, in the movie (and in other forms of canon), we do see Frigga give way before her husband, accepting his "wisdom" (which btw, I thought was pure bull-crap, but hey, whatevs)... which I think shows a different kind of strength. Meekness isn't weakness, you know? So, I think my Frigga doesn't just take charge and whoop Odin's a$$ (as some people like to write her) - but she does enact awesome destruction-control measures when the men mess up. [Hope this makes sense.]

Alien Glossary:

'auzha – fucker
Dou'ma – idiot
r'senk'ne – a kind of deer/cow hybrid
n'ch'nka – a kind of cow
chi'iano – a radioactive piece of rock similar to uranium
cho'ai - lover
kol-sava'atha – a titanium-rich ore
Morning-star - a mace.
oma'auzha – mother-effer
oto'oa - big sister
udji'oo – a drug, like opium

Asgardian Glossary:

seithr - magic
seithrmaster - mage, sorceror
ergi - womanly, weak, "gay"