Chapter 33
A New Hope
"Jake is alive." The words come from Simone's mouth with such conviction, I feel a shiver crawl through me. Her hands are still grasping my arms and her eyes, those icy blue eyes, are boring into mine. Then, time slows down, everything turns into a blur around me, it's like I'm looking down at myself. I've pulled away from Simone, taking backward steps out of the stall. Daryl's hands are on me, shaking me, saying something, yelling maybe, I don't know. I keep trying to rack my brain, make it work once more, but the shock is quickly settling deep into my bones.
-Jake is alive. Alive. He's alive. How? Why hasn't he come sooner? The questions, all the questions, and I can't answer any of them, which only makes my brain meltdown even more.
-Alive.
How one word can echo through my mind so many times in such few seconds is a mystery, but it just keeps coming back. I look to Daryl now, he's left me alone, saying something to Simone, she's throwing her hands up. I should do something, say something, make them stop arguing, but my mouth doesn't work, so I just keep backing up until I feel the solidity of a wall behind me. It feels so good as I put my weight on it, sliding down until my knees are against my chest, and my arms wrap around them.
-Stop freaking out. Get it together, Rose. Get it together. You need to be asking questions, not wallowing in a pool of your own mental breakdown.
I shake my head once, twice, and one more time for good measure.
"The hell you mean you couldn't tell us?" That's Daryl, and I finally start to hear what's going on again. The slow motion is turned off, too, and everything seems to be happening almost too fast now.
"What? I'm just suppose to get dragged in here, tied up like a damn hog, introduce myself and tell y'all Jake sent me?" Simone spits back, they're still yelling, both of them getting closer to the other. I know Daryl wouldn't hurt her, but whether or not Simone will take a swing is still a real possibility. I stand up, still using the wall to carry this new weight I feel on my shoulders.
-How could you not know your own brother was still alive? You gave up on him, but he's always been out there, he found you.
-But he didn't really find me, he sent a stranger up here, why? The dam in my brain has long since been washed away by the flood of questions I have yet to find any answers to.
"That's enough." Woah. Is that my voice? Yes, that's my voice. It's low and sounds more menacing than I imagine a girl like me can sound, but it does the job. Daryl and Simone stop mid-sentence to look at me walking towards them now.
"Daryl," I look at him for a long moment before turning my eyes back to the source of the life-altering information I've just been given, "go back to the house. I need to talk to Simone." I finish. There's no question in my tone, no asking or even a please, and he stands there for a minute longer, and I can only imagine the smart comments he wants to make right now. Yet, besides an angry sigh and kicking the crate over, he leaves without a word.
My attention hasn't left Simone, neither has her's left me and I suddenly feel too evenly matched in wits with this girl, I guess I'm too used to my authority going untested by anyone other than Daryl.
"You had no right." Is all I say, putting all the fire I can behind those words.
"Sorry if I didn't have the opportunity to tell you while your boys were hogtyin' me." She replies, annoyance written in the lines of her face.
"Where?" I ask, folding my arms in front of me, "Where is he?"
"Down the mountain. We have a camp set up, it's temporary. We've been raiding what's lef-" I cut her off, holding my hand up,
"Just you and him?" I ask, lifting an eyebrow.
"Yeah. A real honeymoon experience." She replies in a sarcastic tone that could just about rival one of mine before giving her head a shake, "No. It's him, my sister, and two other guys we found along the way." She finishes, looking to me again.
I nod my head, trying to sort through all of this. A whole new group, new people I don't know, but if my brother trusts them, I know I can too. Right? "We leave at dawn then." I say, picking up the crate and bowl.
"W-wait, we? Who is we?" She says, a bit of panic crawling through her voice.
"You, me, Rick..or Daryl." I answer her question, not understanding the hesitation to the "we" part. "But, right now? You get to meet the family, get cleaned up." I'm not looking at her, just heading towards the door.
"What, so now you just trust me? You're not mad?" Simone says to my back, sounding truly shocked.
I whip around, giving her a severe look, "No. I'm pissed." I start, "But, if my brother trusts you, then I don't have a choice. Now let's go." Finishing with curt nod toward the door. She says nothing more as we stalk through the tall grasses heading toward the old house. The sun is still casting its fiery colors on the far western horizon, and the first stars are starting to shine in the deepening blue sky above us.
The first thing I notice as we're nearing the house, is a blackened silhouette propped against one of the large support beams. It's kind of creepy for a moment, before I realize who the shadow belongs to. Daryl, and he's still obviously mad about my kicking him out, but I decide he'll be OK as we walk past.
-I hope you warned them.
I think silently, giving him a quick look, but his eyes give me nothing.
-Go figure.
The screen door gives a tired squeal as it swings open, and I brace myself for the impending hailstorm were about to receive. Yet, to my surprise, there is no outrage, nothing harsh to be said, only stares of shock and confusion as they look on at my blonde counterpart. I wring my hands for a second, taking in a breath, "Guys, this is Simone. This is who Rick and Glenn found this morning." I finally say, meeting each of their eyes, trying desperately to tell them everything is OK with a mere look. Naturally though, the others don't quite know how to respond. They don't understand how I can trust this stranger enough to bring her around them, but, then again they've never met my brother either. "She knows where my brother is, and she's going to take me to him."
That's all I say. All I feel really needs to be said. There's no point in a debate about it anymore, her knowing Jake turned those tides. Yet, I feel resentment trickling towards me as I take her past them and head toward the stairs. I hope it's only my imagination, I hope they don't think I'm turning my back on them. I hope. I hope. I hope. I realize now, walking up the creaky wooden steps, hope never ceases to exist within us, just as my grandmother told me so many years ago. No matter how dark the night may get, the sun will still rise once more, giving us a new hope; And may it be only but a sliver, it's still there, threatening to blossom into something you can't control anymore.
Rick, his people, they're my blossom, giving me strength to live on. A purpose, hope, and I vowed to myself I would be forever indebted to each of them, but they have to understand that my own flesh and blood is out there, alive. Flesh and blood, family. Family.
-Your family is downstairs, wondering what you're doing, possibly resenting your choice, resenting you. Flesh and blood? What is "flesh and blood" in this world now? A cliché. That's all.
I shake my head, not understanding what has me thinking this way. Yet, I know exactly why, I'm scared. I'm scared of these people I let in my heart, I'm scared they've taken Jake's, and my parent's, and my grandparent's place.
-Of course they have. You wanted that void to be filled, you welcomed this. My brain condescends, while the all to familiar pain settles in my throat.
"What have I done?" I whisper. A single tear rolls down my cheek, and I slide down into the floor. I'm in my room now, and suppose to be finding some decent clothes for Simone while she showers, but my thoughts are overwhelming, bearing down on me in a way I don't know how to cope with.
-You've given your love to this group, and, in return, lost the need for what you used to hold so close. The hope that Jake and your parents would find you here.
I let the tears pour now, no sense in holding them back. I hate that my brain finally makes sense, hate how it can rationalize my fears now when it's never done so before, and I hate myself for knowing it's all true.
-If you love them now, will you still love your own brother? Or will he be more of a stranger than they were?
"I guess we'll find out." I say, wanting it to be a viable answer to all my thoughts as I gather myself, pushing back the emotions once more. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, the only thing I know for certain, is that while life is changing once again, good or bad, I have all I need. They're sitting just down those stairs, some keeping their faith in me, while, in others, it may be wavering; but, I won't lose them. I just can't. I've grieved for my parents and my brother, I've accepted that I may never see them again. Yet, losing any of this group now, it's unfathomable, unbearable on any level to think of it.
-So what are you saying? If it came down to a choice, you'd pick them over Jake?
"I won't have to pick." I say, starting feel the heat of anger within. Yet, deep in my mind, or maybe it's my heart, I hear one little word that makes guilt rush through me.
-Yes.
I know now, it's just fate. I would always choose them.
AHHHH, I am so sad:( This story has been such an experience, my first fanfiction and I've learned so much thanks to all the readers and everyone who has left reviews, y'all have no idea how much it's helped me! I can't wait to get started on the sequel, I promise to try to not take forever with it! Thank you:)
XOXO