Summary: The war between Jotunheim and Asgard draws to a close, but thanks to a horrible twist of Fate (or perhaps not), the nameless runt of Laufey-King is not discovered by Odin and so begins a remarkable journey of life that should not have been. Jotun!Loki AU. Set pre-/during-/after Thor/Avengers Assemble. MCU-verse only.
Warnings: ANGST! Loki-whump! Language, adult situations, violence, child abuse, dub-con, sexual assault (also of a minor), substance abuse, one abortion scene (sort of), slavery, sex trade (maybe), some mild original character/Loki M/M pairings.
Comments: This is not a slash fic. Sorry. It's Loki-centric, although I definitely show the rest of the Avengers and etc. Please review! Constructive criticism welcome.
Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers. Marvel owns it. I do not get paid for this piece of work. Sadly, but understandably. LOL.
Bruno Coulais's soundtrack for "Oceans" went into the making of this chapter and the following. Watch it! The most beautiful documentary EVAH! WATCH IT NAOW!
Saw bits and pieces of "After Earth", while writing this chapter... and the part where Jaden Smith's character realizes that he's on the edge of the waterfall and can't go any further, I yelled at the screen, (inappropriately, admittedly): "You can do this – you're almost like Pocahontas!" Then it turned out that he did jump. HAHA. Pocahontas!
Thanks to everyone who chatted with me~ Thanks to: soupcan (thank you~), ClaMiAl, Chiharu-angel, Immortal Sailor Cosmos, Winter Cicada, ThePsychoticQueen and acidburned!
Also, a wonderful fanart was made by the lovely "trippuchi": http DOT SLASH SLASH tripoverflatsurfaces DOT deviantart DOT com SLASH art SLASH Vaetki-410959845
Or you can go to my profile and click on the link there... be sure to leave a comment~ I think it's so wonderful! The little Vaetki carrying the book definitely made me squee to high heaven~
Also - a map of Loki's bedroom for reference is available on the profile. XD
Also also also ALSO ALSO ALSO DISNEY GOT THOR 2 INTO THE FINAL FOREIGN FILM SLOT SO I'LL BE ABLE TO SEE THOR 2 AFTER ALL THIS WEEK AND I KNOW I'M GONNA DIE FROM FEELS SO BE SURE TO RANT WITH ME PEOPLE! WE CAN SURVIVE THIS AND THE HIDDLES TUMBLR 'SPLOSION!
Had to split this one... sadness...
Distortions In Time
[Bitter Desolation, Incandescent Harmony]
Chapter 48
Return to the Shadows I
The halls of Gladsheim, the halls of the King, the All-Father, are many and at any one time, the corridors and rooms therein are filled with a good few hundred visitors, such as nobles, subjects or Court officials. Most servants walk in from the lower half of the city, but a few, living in the household, have rooms much lower in the earth, built into the cool rock of the mountains' lower reaches. On the eastern side, the King and Queens personal quarters lie and further north are also the Prince's and other guest rooms.
[...and to the east and south...]
To the east and south in a much quieter corner of the Palace, Loki's chambers were tucked away. Unlike the grandiose nature and hues of the greater parlours and halls and ballrooms and guest quarters, his quarters were decorated in earthy tones of brown, black and green. Larger areas laid open and airy, while Loki appeared to have piled up papers and books up in every possible corner he could find within his chamber. They were ordered, he averred, but to those who visited, it seemed like a jumble of notes and illegible scribblings and scrawls in various languages.
Entering through the double-doors, on either side one was immediately greeted with tall, very crammed black-wood bookshelves. Further in, doors opened to a comfortable bathroom complete with tub and scrubbing stall and to the north, there adjoined a neat, clean privy, small and square. Both rooms open to the larger area which swept round, a little curved with the side of the Palace, built as it was into the rock.
By the privy door on the north-east corner, bookshelves were crammed in, nearly toppling with their variegated coloured burden. Beside the bookshelves, stretched a broad hearth cut into the thick walls with a kettle upon which to heat water alongside a pewter cauldron best suited for potion-making. Before the flat, broad paving stones, there were several chairs to relax in – and on the side of each armchair was a pile of books reaching waist-height. Behind the chairs, taking up what could have been a broad expanse of rug, were small tables littered with notes, crumpled paper, writing implements, potion bottles, glass vials, pastes, crushed gems, runestones, wires and etchings.
The great, grey hearth took up most of the north side with a battered oak table on its right as littered as the mantelpiece with bones, feathers, other bottles filled with nameless ingredients. Further along, an equally cluttered table, with four chairs around it, was buried beneath more papers, books, quills and ink pots tottering on top. Wedged in between, a tray precariously stuck out over the edge while holding the remains of some uneaten lunch or breakfast – for Loki often wished to eat in privacy while jotting down notes or reading some treatise on magick. The table was situated close to the spacious windows and the light double-doors which opened onto the curving balcony outside which also held a small row of pots growing a variety of herbs.
It opened to a great vista of the edges of the city which fell away into the sharp mountains' sides which fell steep into the sea. From his height, the greenery of the thick woods seemed distant – and below, if he stretched out far enough, Loki could see the small white-capped waves of Asgarthaharr. Looking across, there was nothing but mountains and plains fading into the distance and then a great sea meeting a brilliant sky specked with a billion stars. Wisps of gas and space dust wavered like streams of brightly coloured smoke, ephemeral and beautiful in its seeming fragility.
A wondrous sight to behold and something Loki thought he could never take for granted.
To the right of the balcony doors further along the room, moving clockwise, there were more bookshelves offering Loki's bed beyond some privacy. Loki's "bedroom" walls were naught more than bookshelves and a few wardrobes, which suited him just fine, as he was wont to protest when visitors came and exclaimed in surprise over the lack of grandeur.
What was most important, Loki often said, were his books and the comfort of his bed. Thanks to Frigga, no expense was spared on Loki's 'harhvila'. Like Thor, Loki's bed was a wide expanse, easily able to fit himself and a wench – or two. However, unlike Thor's deep red sheets, Loki's colours were a dusky forest green with pale sage trimming and black. The bed, what some Asgardians called a harhvila, was a style more familiar to Vanir and Elves, also known as a raudhaust. Standing higher from the ground than most beds, it allowed for greater storage beneath, where Loki stored his travelling gear, favoured weaponry, winter garments and other bulkier belongings.
Stepping onto the fotr'ro, Loki climbed up and threw himself down on the familiar soft sheets which had been woven for him from the finest threads Frigga could find. Two days ago, Loki had survived (somehow) his birthday feast, had received half-hearted accolades (from some), well-wishes (from others), a spear from Odin – his father, Loki reminded himself – and a set of new, Dwarven-wrought throwing knives from Thor. Frigga had given one of her gifts in public – a lovingly woven outfit, hand-stitched with leather and metal and his usual green, black and gold. Yet another gift he would wear with pride.
Summoning one of Thor's knives to his palm, Loki turned the metal over and over in his fingers and thought of what now lay before him. So much to ponder – what was before and what was behind.
Two millenia, he thought. Well, two thousand of Asgard's years. To my – to the Jotunn, I am still a youngster... Running his hand experimentally through his hair for any signs of thinning or molting, Loki sighed. I still show no signs of age... perhaps, I will never be an adult...
He turned over, banishing the knife back to its magickal storage spot and forced the unwelcome thought away. It does not matter since Jotunheim is – was – never my home. There is only Loki now... Loki...
Loki.
An odd name – an ancient one known by few – so old, one could almost say primeval, until it was lost and even the written word no longer held record of it.
Malekith's words still gave Loki pause – however, thanks to the fallout from Thor's quest in Niflheim, political intrigues in the Royal and Mage's Courts, his birthday celebrations and obvious lack of information on the matter, Loki's research had come to a halt. There are other things to consider, the dark-haired warrior mage frowned, such as my upcoming trip to Jotunheim to hide the Mind Gem. The possibility of you shouldering the responsibility of such a matter has never crossed your mind – and yet here you are...
...this is your destiny...
...you who were meant for great things...
"And this is your chance," Loki murmured to himself in the cool silence of his room. "This is your chance to prove your worth as an Asgardian warrior, as a son of Odin... as a son..."
As a son, doing his duty and protecting the land he has come to call home. Home. At that word, Loki forced away a memory of hard deep blue skies and fields of white and the whispers of an ancient relic. It still spoke to him.
...you cannot forget us...
...we are your Other-Soul...
...come...
It wanted to be used. I can never use it – should never use it – only at great cost and at great risk... Loki turned again and growled at his own useless dithering. He considered the Voice, the Void which had haunted his dreams.
...battle IT with us...
...we are One...
No. No. Nononono. This is madness. Loki forced himself upright and glared at the arched, wood-panelled ceiling of his room. I must go.
He had decided.
It was time to stop thinking. It was time to go.
[...Destiny was calling...]
[...on Jotunheim...]
He said farewell to Frigga the following day in the early morning after a large breakfast of apples and grapes, eggs and rashers, bread and honey. They sat together, sipping her favourite tea and discussing in a general way what he had planned. Frigga, as usual, knew what Odin had planned. Loki wondered if the All-Father, if his father had told her, or if she had seen something while spinning or weaving.
"You will remember to wear your warmest jacket," she said anxiously. At his raised eyebrow, silent and amused, Frigga blushed and glanced down at her teacup, the delicate china handle of which she was nervously fiddling with. "I know – I know..."
"It is..." Loki's green eyes slid sideways and then he glanced upward quickly, offering a shy, comforting smile. "It is... very difficult for me to get cold..."
"Well, I still worry. Getting a cold – or falling prey to some wild beasts in the wastelands of Jotunheim... no one would come to your aid because of the delicate situation..."
"I will take care."
"I know you will. You always try your best to come out of your adventures unscathed," Frigga sighed. "That does not always mean you are successful."
Loki blushed and ran his hands through his hair nervously.
"Yet, I am certain you will accomplish the mission you have accepted," his mother smiled, patting him on the hand.
"You saw something?" Loki asked sharply.
"No," laughed Frigga. "Call it a mother's intuition. A mother's belief and pride in her son's abilities and achievements. I heard about your quest on Svartalfheim..."
"Ah..."
"When do you leave?"
"Soon," Loki glanced at his mother's timepiece and nodded. "Now." He rose slowly, took her hand and kissed it carefully. "I will return – as quickly as I may–"
"Do not return so speedily," Frigga hastened to add, coming to her feet and clasping his arms, staying her younger son. "Loki... I know your curiosity knows no bounds. To explore such a place may... prove enlightening for... some of your research pertaining to Inter-Realm travel. I heard that Jotunn magicks are quite hardy... and considering your ability to, well, weave your workings with other magicks, it might aid you in building endurance."
"You will not worry?"
"Of course I will worry, my son," Frigga smiled, "but I know the desires of young men – to explore, to conquer... and to find pleasure in what they may find whether it is in battle or with some wench-"
"Ah..." Loki's cheeks tinged pink just a little. "That is – I – Mother..." He managed to say in a strangled fashion, eyes fastened to his feet. "I hardly think that Jotunheim has much to offer other than the usual research... and, and by that," he stumbled onward, "by that I mean, scholarly inquiry."
At the sound of Frigga's light laugh, Loki looked up again and then found a smile of his own. Drawing him into a close embrace, Frigga let her arms creep about his slight frame, glad to feel reassuring muscle under his well-fitted leathers and light armour. For a moment, he remained stiff in her arms before finally melting a little and allowing his hands to encircle her and pull her closer. Then, Frigga pulled back a bit, let her hand rise to brush back a stray lock of black hair.
"As far as you travel," she whispered, "no matter into what dark places you stray, no matter what terrible workings you weave..." A pause and then the blonde-haired Queen and mother added, "know that you are always welcome at my side."
"I know," Loki replied softly, as was tradition, words replacing the ones he still could not speak, "I will always come back."
[The skies are empty on Jotunheim...]
[... so wrong...]
[... there is life even here...]
[... and beyond...]
The Saga-Vefr tell of the day Odin's guard removed the Casket of Ancient Winters. It was a day of joy for Asgard, a day of ruin for Jotunheim. With their heart taken captive, the icy realm fell into silence and whatever creatures had struggled previously to survive found living so much more difficult. Sharper, longer winters and shorter, unfruitful "summers" limited the growth of Jotunheim's native creatures and plants, resulting in food shortages for the Jotunn and increased dependency upon outside neutral resources – Dwarf and Elf traders.
A long time ago, Elska had told Loki, the land of Jotunheim had flourished with cities spreading into the Utanheim. Now, the Outer Realm was empty save for the great beasts of whom few now remained, the smaller wildlife and scraggly fauna amidst vast fields of ice and crystal and snow. Jotunheim had fallen into a sleep – such a deep slumber as it would seem to be dead. Loki remembered how the cycles of hibernation would lengthen as the years had passed.
As he landed by the grey shores of the ever dark Vithrvatn, Loki shivered. The small grove of trees which had started to grow on the north-western edges of the large sea were now tall and strong with the years time had blessed them. Spindly and naked, clearly hibernating, the sparse ironwood forest did not herald any positive change within Jotunheim. Listening to the wind, Loki stood there.
There was nothing. Nothing. Nothingness. Silence. As heavy and empty as the Void.
Loki resisted the urge to call out. Call out what? Call out to what? He snorted to himself. There is no one to hear you... No one...
[... and the land of Jotunheim fell silent...]
[... can you hear it?]
[... it is even here... in the silence...]
The wind howled, but it was wordless – and after a few minutes, Loki stirred, shifted his form, his figure, until he was wearing nothing but his blue skin, his leather pants and boots and a rough wolf's cloak.
If I stay here long enough, he mused, I could make a new wolf's cloak... From grarulfr, of course, he amended, remembering his old... his old family. Will I see them again - the Great Thurblakulfr Pack? Great-Father... Great-Mother... and the others – youthful Groenn. Paunchy Feitr. Cautious Hraustr. Impatient Beini. Motherly Reka. Rambunctious Skathi. Thoughtful Fenris. Unseperable Digor and Dolge... and the ever lively Vaenn.
Pushing away the memories of running with the pack, riding on the rough furred back of Great-Mother, hacking at fish with a sharp flint knife and hiding in the Offaer Skogr woods, Loki made his way over the uneven ice through the creaking trees toward the vast sea that was Vithrvatn.
As always, it looked daunting – and Loki remembered the few time, when the cold suns had moved far enough away in the heavens to gift Jotunheim with a short summer, allowing the ice to thin enough for the youngling to break through and test out Vithrvatn's dark waters. A treacherous sea and full of unknown creatures, best left alone. Today, however, I must plumb its depths, winter cold or no, Loki sighed.
Weaving a working carefully over himself, Loki ensured that the cold which could stop a Jotunn in its tracks would not penetrate his skin, allowing him a measure of comfort and protection against the icy waters of Vithrvatn. Making his way across the sea, Loki was once again struck with how difficult it was to tell where the shoreline lay – the ice hid everything like a thick blue-grey-white blanket of smoky glass. Hard beneath his feet, small pebbles of ice stones, snow crystals and hardened snow crunched, magnified by a hundred in the unnerving quiet.
Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Loki walked inward further still, testing the ice with his summoned spear's sharper end, looking for any sign of weakness in the hard shell which covered the lake. There was none apparent. After walking an hour toward the centre of the sea, Loki stopped recognizing the impossibility of finding any natural breakage through which he could slip. With that admission, the warrior-mage, looking about to see if anyone was about to see his dark figure upon the ice (there was no one in sight), began a new working – first, his cloak of invisibility, which he extended to several spans about him in a rough circle, and then a magickal spell designed to create a small burst of flame and heat within a designated set of runes.
Summoning one of Thor's throwing knives, Loki scratched out radiating lines of runes and then another set encircling the centre, creating a rough depiction of a sun with energy bursting from its middle. The small pillar of heat and flame would be limited to the area covered by the runes and, he knew from hard-learned experience, would burn bright and long for a period of five minutes before ending rapidly. With the ability to burn through ice and even puncture soft soil, it was a useful kind of magick used by Dwarves for general mining blasts in large operations.
With a short gutteral utterance of the Dwarven tongue, Loki activated the working and shielded his eyes. Minutes later, vision still a little spotty from the force of the glare, Loki dropped his shielding and surveyed the result. Judging by the dark shadow moving below, the blast had cut evenly and in a circular fashion straight down to the still-moving waters of Vithrvatn.
Success. Now... Loki reinforced his initial working, stored away his spear, knife and other important items which he had bound about his waist, removed his glamour wolf's skin cloak and dived in. Hitting the water, even though prepared and protected, still was a shock to the warrior-mage. So cold, he thought, cold and thick and murky... Shifting his form to that of a serpentine eel, Loki made his way through the waters slowly, extending his magickal senses outward in hopes of finding something similar reaching back.
Jotunheim is empty, he winced as he made his way around some black coloured sea plant which drifted up mournfully from some hidden embankment below. Empty of life... and slowly but surely... one day... it will be emptied of its magick and fall to the Void in its entirety.
...yet, there is hope...
...there is always hope, dear one...
Loki swam on, determinedly, trying not to imagine how long it would take him to find the Great Serpent Iormungand. If he still lives, a treacherous thought insinuated itself into his mind. If he ever existed. Shaking his slender black eel head, Loki brushed away his doubts and forged on in the darkness and in the silence.
[...the silences of the depths...]
[...below, they are gaping...]
[...a picture of what is waiting...]
[...It is waiting...]
Loki/Iormangund sexy times up ahead! (joking) No Loki/Iormungand stuff. LOL. That'd be... weird. And. Just. No. Hahaha. I don't even know why I joked about it. Must be the night time crazy setting in...
OK. So... um... a short chapter. Sorry... but there will be more in a week. Hopefully.
As you know I'm doing NaNoWriMo - and I need to get that done as soon/quickly as I can. If you wanna follow that, be sure to visit my profile and follow the link! Thanks~
See ya round!
Let me know what you think of this story!
-KI
Alien Glossary:
'auzha – fucker
Dou'ma – idiot
r'senk'ne – a kind of deer/cow hybrid
n'ch'nka – a kind of cow
chi'iano – a radioactive piece of rock similar to uranium
cho'ai - lover
kol-sava'atha – a titanium-rich ore
Morning-star - a mace.
oma'auzha – mother-effer
oto'oa - big sister
udji'oo – a drug, like opium
Asgardian Glossary:
bikkja – bitch
Brenna-Fir – the Immolation
Drakka Thyod – Dragon Race
ergi - womanly, weak, "gay"
Fiendfyre – a phoenix-firebird
Flauguna – flying feet/teleportation
fotr'ro - footstool
Ginnung – the Void
harhvila - high bed
Hiti-mothr – Flame Fury (also known as Lachruth)
Kaesia-Seithr – Spirit-Spear style
Koma a Aldr – Coming of Age
Kveykva-herklaethi – Light Armoured style
Laegja – the Immersion
Ofolr Leith – Dark Paths, Other Ways (crossing the Void)
Ominni-tith - the Forgotten Times
Rikr-Hringraevi – Grand Cycles of Time
Runa a Fyrsta – Rites of Initiation
Runa a Kelda – Rites of Spring
Runa'a'vetr – Winter Solstice
Saga-Vefr – Story-weavers
seithr - magic
seithrmaster - mage, sorceror
Skjald-borhyrr – Wall of Flame
Skipa – the Infusion
Skokkr-a-Mir – concealment skills, Box of Mirrors (also known as Col'ca-cenedril)
stormerki – mysteria
Tveir-Andlit – illusionary skills, Double Face
Velspara-Speki – the Well (of Wisdom)
Elvish Glossary:
skreyppa – slippery one
gargani – snake
fintalenir – trickster
vanwa – defeated one, impolite term for "loser"
caitahto – liar
curunar – fiery one
Lachruth – Flame Fury
Col'ca-cenedril – Box of Mirrors
Cebir-Gondlug – Spike-Stone Dragon
Am'loce Norie – Dragon Race
raudhaust – high bed
Jotunheim Glossary:
Aldinn Stathr – Ancient Place
Atfirth – energies
blakkrbjorr – black beer
Blakkrbjorn – black bear
blakkrgras – black grass
blargras – blue grass
Dagaheim
dvegr – dwarf
dyrspeki – zoologist
Eybjarg (Chasms of Forever)
fauld – a part of armour around the lower midsection
Flara River – Treacherous River
For-Eldra – Ancestors
Forn Vegr – Old Ways
Gastropnir
Gnottvatn (Lake of Abundance)
Gothahus – temple
Grarfjall – Grey Mountains
grarulfr – grey wolves
Griotunagardar
hafnathr – sea serpents
heillgrjot – healing stones
Heimsrsal – Soul of the Realm
heithrsker – crystal flowers
Holdra River – Hero's River
holkimurtr – small flat fish
Holkn Vollr – Flat Plains
holmganga – a method of ending feuds/disagreements
hota-eik – white oak
hvaeta – wheat
Innaheim – Inner Realm
jarnkottr – iron cat (beast which Laufey released in Thor)
jarnvithr – iron wood
Kaldrfjall (Cold Mountains)
Kero Fornvetr – Casket of Ancient Winters
kostrboth – a method of proving virility for the purpose of marriage
lagreinn – small one (epithet)
Lengi Ofrithr – Long War
luthrblom – trumpet flower
manisilfr – moonsilver
melrakki – white fox
Myrkr Skogr – shadow forest
Nattura – spirits
Northri Stjarna – North Star
silvralmr – silver elm
silvrfiskr – silver fish
Sithr Efingi – True Heir
Skalldi
skordyr – Jotunheim goat
snaerharra – snow rabbit
Storrholl – Great Hall
thurblakulfr – giant black wolves
tunglbom (moonflower)
Utanheim – Outer Realm
Utgard
vaetki – nothing
ventrmellin – winter melon
villrkyr – wild ox
Virtha Aevi – Coming of Age
Vollrvatn – Lake of the Plains