Chapter 45 - Forever

That night I found myself opening my window automatically. I didn't think Alice would be paying me a midnight visit, but there was no harm in keeping my window open ajar, just in case she did.

I recalled the last conversation I'd had with Charlie before making my way back upstairs.

I'd walked back into the house after watching Alice speed away in her car.

I couldn't help but smile, smile at the kiss we had shared, and smile at the way she had embraced me, and smile at her sweet action as she blew me that kiss…

"Alice seems… like a nice girl" Charlie replied, as I glanced up at him.

I nodded, still smiling.

"She certainly knows her baseball" he continued, as I merely nodded.

But my smile was still in tact.

"And she sure knows how to make you smile" he carried on, as he raised his eyebrows and winked.

I felt my cheeks burn slightly.

"Erm, yeah…. She does…" I responded.

"Sorry Bells, I didn't mean to… tease…"

I raised my eyebrows, "Really?" I asked.

"Nah" he answered, as he started to laugh.

I couldn't believe how… cool… my dad was being. I wondered if my mum would take it all on board as quickly as Charlie seemed to be…

I'd have to call her. It wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to. My mum wasn't homophobic, but to find out over the phone that your daughter was dating another girl… perhaps I should go and visit her, and explain. I owed her that much. But now really wasn't the time to be making a visit away from Forks.

The morning soon appeared, as I opened heavy eyelids to find it was nearly 10am. I never normally slept this late.

A quick look at my mobile and I realised I had a missed call from Jake and one from Alice.

Dialling my voicemail, I listened for my messages.

Jake was first.

"Hey Bella. I've spoken to Sam. If you can come to the reservation around noon, we can talk. See you soon"

So he had already managed to speak to Sam. I couldn't really tell by his voice if the conversation has gone well or not, but I guess I would soon find out.

Alice was next.

"Good Morning Sleeping Beauty. You looked so peaceful when I looked in on you this morning, I simply couldn't wake you. Be careful today. I am here if you need me. We all are. See you soon. I love you".

My heart leapt at her last three words as my mind recalled her previous statement… when I looked in on you this morning…

I wish I had been awake to see her. To look into those mesmerising eyes. To take her hand in mine and bring her down next to me so I could claim her soft lips with my own, like I had in my dream that night...

I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. I needed a shower. A cold shower.

The rest of the morning seemed to pass slowly, I was conscious of meeting Jake; or rather conscious of what he may have to say to me. I was also missing Alice.

After lunch I jumped into my truck and made my way over to the reservation, parking on the outskirts. I needed the short walk to calm my nerves.

I was soon leaving the forest, as I spotted Jake in the clearing.

"I've spoken to Sam"

No Hi Bella…

I watched as Jake paced up and down.

He was alone.

"And?"

My enquiry was gentle.

"Well, he wasn't that keen initially… but he accepted it was for the best. This vampire needs… finding. And there is no way the Cullen's can do this without our help".

Jake stopped pacing and looked at me.

"I have a favour to ask, though…."

I pushed both my hands deep into my jacket pocket. I didn't feel cold, but for some reason the action helped me feel in control of my emotions.

"Go on" I replied, as a slight frown appeared across my face.

"I don't want you to be part of this… of any of this…" his voice trailed off as he walked towards me, stopping a few inches away.

I pushed my hands deeper, clenching both fists.

Calm down Bella.

"I am part of this Jake" I answered.

Jake shook his head, "Look Bella, I am only thinking of your safety… while we… while the Cullen's and Sam's pack go looking for this blood sucker, I don't want you around… in fact, it may be an idea for you to get away completely? Go visit your mum, just get away for a week… I don't think you should be around Alice at this time…."

His voice trailed off as I digested his words.

He didn't want me around, because he wanted me to be safe. He also didn't want me to be with Alice…

"And why shouldn't I be with Alice?" I enquired slowly.

Jake snorted, "Bella, in case it slipped your mind, she IS a blood sucker too, and I have no idea how she'll react when she goes hunting… she threw me against my truck when she was angry, remember? I don't want her to… harm you…"

I interrupted as my fists clenched tighter. I could feel my nails digging into my skin.

"Harm me?" I asked, incredulously.

Jake continued, "unintentionally of course, but if she gets angry…."

I didn't allow Jake to finish.

"I appreciate the concern, Jake, but I can take care of myself, and as for Alice… she would never harm me, okay?"

Jake shrugged his shoulders.

"Besides, I think you've forgotten one thing in all of this…"

Now my voice trailed off as Jake scrunched his brow, "What?" he asked, a look of wonder on his face.

"You"

I removed one hand from my pocket and poked Jake on the chest.

Hard.

"You" I continued, "And the fact that you're a wolf… if Alice is dangerous, I'm assuming you can be too?"

Jake shook his head, "I would never hurt you Bella, never…."

I smiled sweetly, "and neither will Alice, so all is good".

Jake folded his arms across his chest, "I don't like it…" he muttered.

I copied Jake, folding both arms across my chest.

"I don't care whether you like it or not Jake. I am glad you are willing to help, but understand me – I am not leaving Alice's side, okay? Not for a day and certainly not a week"

Jake made his usual "humph" sound, adding a sigh on the end to further dramatise the moment.

"Well if she cares so much about you, how come she hasn't suggested you take off? Mmm? I'll tell you why, Bella. It's because she is focused on the hunt, okay? That's what vampires do – they focus on the kill… she hasn't given you an ounce of thought it all of this, which proves to me she can't really care that deeply about you…."

I turned, and started to walk away. I had no intention of listening to Jake's theories any longer.

Jake ran behind me and grabbed my shoulder, but I quickly pulled free.

"Where are you going?" he asked, trying to grab me again.

"To my truck, Jake. And if you want this friendship of ours to survive, you'll let go of me and leave me the hell alone".

I carried on walking, with Jake now at my side.

"You can't walk back on your own, it's not safe…."

I laughed, then.

"According to you, I'm never safe, so what's the difference?"

Okay, so maybe I was being a little petty, but I just wanted to get to Alice.

"Bella, please – let me walk you, it really isn't safe…"

I turned then, and stopped.

"Scared Alice is out there, waiting for me Jake? Waiting to show me how much she doesn't care?"

I was definitely being petty now, but sometimes Jake made me so… mad…

"I don't mean Alice…."

I laughed again, adding "wow that must be a first! Go back Jake; I'm tired of this conversation"

Jake stopped, "Fine, Bella – whatever. Go home, and think about what I said…"

Now I made the 'humph' noise as I carried on walking. If retraced my steps through the forest, it wouldn't take long to get back to my truck.

I stopped again, and turned to find Jake, still rooted to the spot.

"I've thought about it, and…. I'm sorry Jake, I'm staying… and I'm staying with Alice, forever"

Jake clenched his fists at his side, "Forever? Do you even know what you have just said Bella? You can't be together forever…"

I remained where I was, as the anger simmered.

I had said forever. I had thought about forever… I had wondered about forever and I had dreamed about forever but I had never said it out loud until now.

Calmly I looked up at Jake, my voice was but a whisper but my words rang out clear and precisely "I decide what forever is, Jake, not you"

Jake looked annoyed as he spat out "Fine" and walked back towards his house.

Yeah, everything would be just fine….

Of course, as I got deeper into the woods, I started to wonder if it had been such a good idea leaving Jake, as the shadows seemed to get closer all around me.

It's just the trees, their branches swaying in the breeze making that noise and casting those shadows my mind reasoned.

Of course, I was wrong.