Chapter 2 - Noveria, Of Mothers
Asari cry just like humans do.
"Mother! I... don't leave! Fight him!" she cannot erase the sound of Liara's voice from her mind. She cannot erase the images flashing between her eyes, the young asari holding her dying mother in her arms.
"Good night, Little Wing..." Benezia whispers, before her consciousness fades and her spirit drifts away, freed from Saren's grasp, freed from the indoctrination.
To her credit, Liara never falters, never collapses. She mourns with stoic dignity, even if she can't quite force all the tears back. Somehow the very thought that they are not allowed to grieve properly makes it seem all the more tragic.
The mission debrief after their return from Peak 15 is short and subdued. Nobody feels like saying much. They have discovered more about Saren's plans, the revelation of the Mu Relay, but it feels as if they are still missing important pieces of the puzzle. Despite some objections, most notably from Williams, the decision is made. They will go to Feros to investigate the geth sightings there.
The other part of debrief is spent discussing her decision to release the imprisoned rachni queen. Shepard is still not certain of having made the right call, but at that moment, she simply hadn't been able to condemn an entire race to extinction simply for their past sins. Liara and Tali approve of the merciful decision, Kaidan is on the fence, worried about the consequences. The others, Garrus, Ashley, Wrex, they disagree and feel she has made a mistake. Wrex in particular is vehement, he feels as if Shepard has reversed the results of the decisive victory that the krogan scored over the rachni centuries ago. "No matter," Wrex says, having done some thinking. "If those bugs show up later, we'll just clear the galaxy from them again. More killing for us," he adds with a grim chuckle.
Shepard seeks Liara out soon after the debrief, worrying that despite her insistence of being fine, she is deeply hurting. They spend time talking about Benezia, Liara recalling her memories of happier times with her mother. Times before Saren. Shepard urges Liara to remember her mother how she was then, before being twisted and corrupted by their insidious turian foe. "The best of your mother lives on in you," she says. "Her determination, her intelligence, her strength."
"That is... kind of you to say," Liara says, before turning away. They part soon after that, Shepard briefly reaching out to take Liara's hand, gently squeezing it in support.
The activity on the ship has died down to the minimum during their travel towards Feros, when Shepard emerges from the captain's quarters. She quietly sneaks to the upper deck and into the comm room, hoping not to disturb anyone. With trembling fingers she works the console of the FTL comm unit, trying to open a secure channel, breathing out a sigh of relief when she hears the familiar, reassuring, slowly clearing static crackle.
"SSV Kilimanjaro, this is Commander Shepard of SSV Normandy," she speaks quietly. "Do you read me?"
"Copy that, Commander Shepard," male voice responds. "This is SSV Kilimanjaro. What can we do for you?"
"Can you put me on a secure line with XO Hannah Shepard?" she asks.
"Hold on, Commander," the voice says, then falling silent for a minute, two minutes. When she hears something again, it is a voice of a woman, stern, commanding and confident. "This is Hannah Shepard of the SSV Kilimanjaro," the voice says.
"Mother," she speaks, no, more like breathes out the words. "It's me."
"Morgan?" there is surprise in her mother's voice. They don't speak much these days. Military careers are detrimental towards keeping close family relations. "Is something wrong?"
"No, no..." she reassures quickly. "No... and yes. I don't know... I just. Now I'm feeling stupid. I just... needed to hear your voice. Sorry if I'm-"
"Calm down, child," mother admonishes her, as gently as she knows how to. "You are upset, I can hear that. Tell me what's wrong."
"One of my team lost their mother today," she explains slowly. Her mother does not respond, giving her time to finish. "I know, I know, I've seen plenty of death, we both have. But this was different. We were the ones who had to put her down. She was beyond saving."
"You make it sound as if though you had no choice. Is that of any comfort to know?"
"Only a little," she admits. "My mind keeps putting me in Liara's... my friend's place. The very thought of it makes me sick."
"You know that something like that will never occur," mother tries to reassure her.
Liara also would have never believed that one day she will end up facing her own mother in battle for life or death. And if an asari matriarch could not resist Saren's indoctrination, then... Shepard does not allow these thoughts to be spoken, however, hiding them deep down together with her other worries and doubts, right next to the traumatic memories of the Blitz.
"Let's just talk of something else, something trivial for a bit," she urges after a moment of silence. "That is, if you're not very preoccupied."
Shortly after, the comm channel closes and she remains sitting in silence, then suddenly alarmed by the noise of the comm room doors sliding shut. Quickly, she darts towards the exit and opens it to reveal a very startled asari on the other side of the doors.
"I, ah... I'm sorry, Commander," Liara stammers an apology. "I could not sleep and decided to walk about the ship a little. I thought I heard a voice coming from the comm room and decided to investigate. I... didn't mean to overhear..."
"Did you?" Shepard asks, feeling a little amused at her discomfort.
"No, I... well, only the very end..." Liara confesses. "Your mother?" she asks.
"Yes," Shepard nods. They fall silent, looking each other in the eyes. "Do you want to talk?" she asks eventually.
"I would like that, Commander."
"Then come," she takes Liara by the hand, dragging her back to the upper deck. "The captain's quarters are more comfortable than the medbay."
Back in her quarters, Liara ends up sitting on Shepard's bed, watching as the Commander rummages for something in a wall compartment. "So... I heard that asari can safely eat human food..." Shepard says, turning around to reveal two plates with thick slices of cake.
"You've been... researching, Commander?" Liara smiles as she accepts the plate, curiously peering at the cake before trying a small bite. Shepard decides that her hesitant, careful probing efforts are simply adorable. "Oh, this is... this is really good!" Liara swoons, quickly finishing off the slice. "What is it? And more importantly, is there more?"
Shepard laughs. "That was chocolate cake. And there is more, but I'm not sure how to handle an asari with a sugar rush."
"Sugar rush?" Liara peers at her.
"Eh... never mind," Shepard shrugs, cutting off a piece from her slice and then passing the rest over to Liara. "Here, have the other half. Go on, just take it," she insists, sensing Liara's hesitancy. "I'll make sure to pick up some more when we next visit Citadel."
"Please do," Liara agrees. She finally puts the plate aside, almost looking happy. "So, as I said before, Commander... you've been reading up on asari habits? If there's anything I can help to satisfy your curiosity, you need only ask."
"Nothing comes to my mind immediately," Shepard replies, hoping her grin isn't too goofy. "I'll be sure to remember your kind offer."
"Well, I have a confession of my own to make, Commander," Liara says. "I, too, have been doing some research. Trying to find out more about the woman who was able to resist the Prothean beacon. Do you remember that I told you must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander?" Shepard nods silently. "It seems it was more than just a lucky guess on my part." She turns towards the wall which houses all of Shepard's medals. Liara points at the Star of Terra. "That's the one, isn't it?"
"Yes," Shepard grinds out the words. "That's the one."
"The hero of the Skyllian Blitz," Liara continues. "Single-handedly repelled batarian slavers outnumbering the Alliance forces twenty to one."
"I... don't like the memories of that day," Shepard says quietly. "I am proud of what I did, but... I rarely speak of it. It was... well, I just hope I never have to go through something like that again. But this mission makes me feel like I just might have to."
"I'm sorry, I did not wish to remind you of the pain," Liara is genuinely apologetic. "I merely brought it up to illustrate my point, the reason why I feel there is something incredibly compelling about you, Shepard."
Morgan's eyes immediately lock with Liara's. For a moment she wonders if she has heard the asari correctly. "I believed it was the imprint of Prothean knowledge in me that you find compelling," she says carefully. "And nothing more than that."
Liara holds her stare as she replies. "I admit, at first I believed so as well," she says. "But... I fear it is more than that. I am... sorry if this is disturbing to you, Commander, I do not wish to burden you with such things and I understand that you might not even be interested to hear of it, after all, I heard some of the crew speak that you and Lieutenant Alenko..."
"...are just friends," Shepard finishes, decisively and angrily. I need to address that quickly before it gets out of hand, she promises to herself. I was afraid that Kaidan might misunderstand our off the record talks for something more. "Who told you that, was it the Lieutenant himself?"
"No, no, Lieutenant Alenko has been most kind and cordial with me!" Liara exclaims, shaking her head. "It is not important who said that, Commander."
"Alright," Shepard nods, before facing Liara again. "Doctor T'Soni... I would be a complete and utter liar if I were to tell you that I do not find you equally compelling and fascinating," she eventually admits. Liara's face betrays no emotion, however.
"I had hoped to hear this. But even if your words are welcome, they bring little relief." Shepard faces her with questioning stare and Liara moves to elaborate. "I told you that I have very limited experience dealing with your people, Shepard. I must confess, I find humans... intimidating. Besides, the timing of it all... our mission must come first, stopping Saren and finding the Conduit before he does."
"Yeah. The timing could be better," Shepard remarks, a little bitterly. "So... does that mean you find me intimidating as well?" she asks.
"Well... only a little bit. Not when you offer me such delicious treats," Liara smiles. "I think it is because you are so... so driven, so intense... with a flair for danger." Shepard feels herself blushing from Liara's frank description. Briefly, she wonders if asari blush the way humans do, she has not seen any evidence of it in Liara's face.
"Where do we go from here, Liara?" she asks. "How do you want to handle this?"
The asari thinks for a while before replying, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "More time would be good, Commander. For both of us. Just to make sure we are absolutely certain of..."
"Agreed," she nods. "And let's continue to talk. Get to know each other better."
"I'd like that, Shepard," Liara smiles. "I'd like that very much." She suddenly looks around, troubled. "By the Goddess, I have taken so much of your time, I'm so sorry. You need rest, and so do I." She rises from Shepard's bed and heads for the exit. "Thank you," she stops briefly at the doors. "Thank you for everything."
"You're welcome, Liara," Shepard replies as the asari leaves. There is a muted noise coming from outside her quarters, and she can hear Liara offering hasty apology to someone, having bumped into them. Wonderful. That'll feed the gossip train just right, she realizes, groaning inwardly. Morgan Shepard, your timing absolutely sucks. With the fate of galaxy at stake, this is no time for romantic entanglements!
Commander Morgan Shepard always has great success when ordering her troops into battle to face the enemy. But Commander Morgan Shepard cannot order her heart to behave rationally and stop having feelings. That is one battle she is losing rapidly...