Summary: The war between Jotunheim and Asgard draws to a close, but thanks to a horrible twist of Fate (or perhaps not), the nameless runt of Laufey-King is not discovered by Odin and so begins a remarkable journey of life that should not have been. Jotun!Loki AU. Set pre-/during-/after Thor/Avengers Assemble. MCU-verse only.
Warnings: ANGST! Loki-whump! Language, adult situations, violence, child abuse, dub-con, sexual assault (also of a minor), substance abuse, one abortion scene (sort of), slavery, sex trade (maybe), some mild original character/Loki M/M pairings.
Comments: This is not a slash fic. Sorry. It's Loki-centric, although I definitely show the rest of the Avengers and etc. Please review! Constructive criticism welcome.
Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers. Marvel owns it. I do not get paid for this piece of work. Sadly, but understandably. LOL.
So, first off, I just want to apologize to everyone. I'm so so so sorry for the wait. For the wait for everything. For Jan & Feb, I've returned home for a holiday to Canada... it's kinda... hard for me because it's the first time I've been back home in two years, so my family (who have missed me muchly) really wanna hang with me. As you know, this is a big deal because I have 9 younger siblings, 4-5 of which have significant others in one way or another, so this means a lot of socializing and I am really struggling with finding a routine. I'm so so so so out of it - and this chapter has been a real struggle...
Secondly, this chapter, I think, has been a real bother for me. It's been a long, long struggle for me to write this chapter - and I feel like crap about it as a result... I guess I feel like there's not a lot of bang for the bucks, not considering how much I wrestled with it... It's just really delicate, for me, because I felt like I needed to show how Loki gets to where he gets... so let me know if that's working for you guys... or not.
Thirdly, sorry again to all who reviewed. I've got the side story about halfway done. I'm trying to get that worked out as well. (sigh) I'm a bum.
Fourthly, thank you to everyone who have been SO SO SO supportive. Your reviews and favs and follows have encouraged me and guilt tripped me into pushing past this chapter (hopefully) and I hope to gain some momentum and get another chapter written out in a shorter amount of time than this one. (sigh) Here's to hoping.
So... thank you to: christy68, MusicKitty99, blackcatt19, SilverWings104, alri, acidburned, wbss21, Chiharu-angel, IvySnowe, Double-Gemini, Raila, ClaMiAl and Guest(s). Your support has been so amazing... I hope I can reply to your comments soon!
Distortions In Time
[Bitter Desolation, Incandescent Harmony]
Chapter 55
Wheels Turn I
[...between the silences...]
[...can you hear it...]
[...the dark whispers emerge...]
[...cracks in time, in space...]
[...cracks in the mind...]
[...the cracks which grow into chasms between hearts...]
[...from these...]
[...it is calling...]
It was raining when they returned to Asgard, sore and tired from the battle. Sore and tired and silent – for Loki and Thor were currently not speaking to each other. Looking a little more thunderous than usual, the blonde-haired Crown Prince mounted his waiting horse at the end of the Bifrost Bridge and he watched Loki closely as his younger, adopted brother also followed suit a little more stiffly.
It was raining in Asgard and the music of the heavy drops falling from the grey-black clouds, which lowered over the great city, drowned out all sound, overpowering the senses and bringing to the usually golden, bright city an aura of gray and blue. Water streamed off of roofs and gutters and small gullies and, in heavy currents down the sides of the main streets, then ran down and out to the waterfalls and the ocean. Window panes, closed tight against the storm, ran liquid, now opaque and barely showing the warm red of the fires within the city's homes. Here and there, the odd pedestrian scuttled from veranda to veranda, porch to porch, canopy to canopy, warding off the rain as best they could.
A gray day in Asgard.
It was raining.
-0-0-0-
At the fifth circle, Sif, Hogun, Fandral and Volstagg silently parted ways from the two quiet Princes, knowing that this, more than ever, was not the time to overstay their welcome. Watching the two brothers disappear into the gray, Sif, pulling her hood more firmly forward the better to shield her face from the rain, shook her head slowly and petted her fidgeting mount's mane absent-mindedly.
"Do you think they will be alright?" she asked, glancing at the others.
Fandral, warmly bundled in a royal blue cloak, shifted uneasily. Hogun, stolidly ignoring the rain as it soaked his bare head, rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily and replied after a moment:
"They always are."
"They always are," Volstagg repeated heartily, "aren't they?"
Nodding slowly, yet not entirely convinced, Sif clucked her tongue quietly, twitched the reins and turned her mount toward home – to her sisters and her parents who waited with anticipation for the new tale of adventure she would have to tell. A great tale of Thor's derring-do and Loki's schemes.
Sif sighed. And what a tale this one will make – two brothers fighting for justice and protection of the weak and, in the end, for each other no matter what differences they have. And yet... and yet...
And yet. There was that time, so long ago, there was only Thor and Loki had not been at his side and Thor could do as he pleased and perhaps, some days... some days, he remembers those times... or maybe not... maybe not.
Dark skies lowered over Asgard – but when Sif arrived, the door to her home was wide open, her mother on the veranda and her father waiting in the stables, and within, her family bustling about to prepare a warm dinner for the cold evening. Sif was home.
-0-0-0-
Loki dismounted even more slowly when the two young men arrived at the palace. Lingering for a few minutes, Thor stood there watching as Loki finally pushed himself away from the dark stallion's withers, obviously shaking from fatigue and, no doubt, pain, and then turned away to trudge out of the stables. Following hard on his younger brother's heels, Thor said nothing as they made their way through the hushed halls of the lower palace. After Loki's second left turn, Thor knew that the dark-haired prince was making his way to the Healing Halls and, for a moment, a frown creased Thor's previously blank face.
When Loki stumbled, Thor's hand automatically moved and before the older one knew it, he was supporting his younger brother, left arm around Loki's stiff back and his right hand clutching Loki's upper arm.
"Loki-"
"I am fine, Thor," Loki bit out, trying to push Thor away – and failing. "I am fine."
"You do not look fine to me," Thor snapped back, helping Loki down the remaining two staircases before entering the Healing Halls. "You should have said something."
"I did, remember?"
"You did? Since when?"
"Since before!"
"When was that?"
"Never mind."
"See! You did not!"
"I did so. I just... I just... do not – do – do not want to talk about it," Loki ended with a breathless rush as he finally made his way to a bed and lay down upon it. Thor, attempting to help his younger brother, moved his left arm upward to grip Loki's left side. Loki recoiled, jerked away and let out a surprised gasp of pain. "Ah! Thor! You oaf! That – that was-"
"What?" Thor pulled back, noticing that Loki's face looked a little grayer than usual (never a good sign).
"I think – I think-"
Three healers, emerging from the side store room, no doubt doing the daily inventory, and catching sight of the two, rushed over. Loki found himself propped up on pillows, Thor found himself forced to sit in a large armchair, while the physicians conferred. After a good while – during which Loki was told he had broken his arm and was given a variety of potions, while his upper garments were carefully removed – Frigga entered, looking worried.
"It is alright, mother," Thor rose clumsily, bandaging wildly hanging off his arms as he pushed past the two healers who had been attending to the few scrapes and cuts he had gathered in his usual way. "He said he was fine. They are setting the bone now – a broken arm and a few broken ribs... Well, that will keep him at home..."
"He did not heal himself?" Frigga asked concerned. "You know how our medicines never heal him as quickly as – well – you know what I mean..."
"I do not know..." Thor blinked, realizing he had never thought to ask Loki why the usually competent warrior-mage hadn't healed himself as usual. "He – he did not – he did not say..."
"Thor!" Frigga turned to glare up at her taller son. "What if his magickal reserves were low to begin with before he left Asgard?"
"Why would they be-"
"He had just arrived from his own quest when you rushed him off on another! I told you that he should stay and rest – but you no doubt pressured him-"
"I did not – what? No! I did not-"
"Loki has ever found it difficult to say no to you – or your father. He is always too willing to please... and that is his undoing – and you must be more thoughtful of your younger brother-"
"But-" Now, Thor was scowling, annoyance already bubbling under the surface rising.
"You should go," Frigga sighed. "I will sit beside him and wait for him to wake up and give him a talking to as well. The both of you! You two remain, as always, like children – the death of me – that is what you two will be!"
Shaking her head, Frigga turned away to pull a seat closer to Loki's side as the healers finally drew away. Thor, feeling more useless and unwanted than ever, edged back, allowed the healers to finish bandaging his arms up, with their crushed powders and potions and pastes carefully applied, and then left the room without another word. Turning one last time at the great door, Thor looked back – his mother leaning forward to clasp Loki's hand as the dark-haired prince woke up slowly. She was leaning forward, talking softly, he knew, as was her wont when they came to consciousness after a bout of illness – and a slender hand rose to brush a dark strand of Loki's hair away.
Mother and Loki, Thor frowned and strode off. Yet, the picture remained within his memory, as though imprinted in stone. Mother and Loki. Those two, always together, always bearing each others' secrets, always talking and sharing some private joke – as if they shared something I do not... Before he came, Thor turned over his early recollections of Frigga, before Loki came, I thought I was her world... and now... it is Loki. In some ways, he mused, he always was... perhaps... he always was...
With that uncomfortable thought, Thor returned to his quarters. In silence, but not silence – for there was the ever-rushing beat of rain and it reminded him of times before when he had been more certain of everything – his place, his future and his past. Comforting thoughts.
-0-0-0-
It was a gray day in Asgard when her two boys returned, but the Queen of Asgard paid no attention to it thanks to the many things on her mind. Frigga waited patiently for Loki to wake, fully aware of how Thor fretted somewhere behind her, but she knew her eldest well. Thor will understand, she thought, in time. Ever is his mind in the present, in the now and rarely does he consider what he has been and to where he is going. These words, these harsh words will, I hope, give him pause and help him to reconsider. He must reconsider. And Loki... Loki must learn as well – the pain of vulnerability is sometimes outweighed by the benefits of support. To be carried, one must admit to weakness first... My two boys, Frigga sighed and then smiled softly in pride. My two boys.
When Loki woke – quietly as was his wont – Frigga took his hand and squeezed it gently in comfort and encouragement, knowing how her youngest hated those few moments upon waking up after a healing session. For a moment, nothing was said as she watched Loki's still face, as he blinked, as he assimilated where he was. There was only the gentle hush of falling rain.
After a moment, Loki moved and Frigga forced him to lay back again with a quiet word - "Rest". Gently brushing a lock of black hair away from Loki's pale brow, Frigga asked softly:
"How do you feel?"
"Fine," was his muted reply.
"Hmmm..." Frigga gave her younger son a look before drawing back. "I sense something else on your mind."
"Nothing new, really," Loki finally admitted. "It is as always – the usual worries... the usual realization that sometimes the things we hope would change never do... never change as quickly as we need."
"Is it Thor again?"
"Thor? Well... I..." Here, Loki's gaze fixated on the blanket which lay bunched up now between his fingers, now nervously picked up. He sighed and then added in a rush, "It was just as it always has been."
"It?"
"Our quest – Garthrana – we accomplished what we set out to do, but as always, I feel as though it could have been done... in a better way, an easier way – if – if he would only listen! If he would ONLY LISTEN!" Loki's voice rose dangerously, before he forced himself to lean back, press back against the white, starched pillows behind his dark head, eyes shut and jaw clenched, to compose himself. "He never listens – he never – he never sees reason; for that reason, I worry. I worry for us, for Asgard..."
"You always worry," Frigga pointed out, calmly, "yet it is not for nothing-"
"It is hard to see it like that," Loki admitted. "Why must it always be a battle?"
"Perhaps there are other things," Frigga suggested carefully, "which exacerbate the whole situation? Other things on your mind?"
"Other things?"
"Your recent quest – dealing with such matters as the Gems... Jotunheim..."
"Jotunheim..." Loki frowned. Then he shrugged, shoulders tightening, "I have no personal views about that place. It is like watching a dying beast... beautiful in a way... and terrible."
"Well, truth is found in the most darkest of places, in the most terrible times," Frigga squeezed Loki's hand again encouragingly, "when we are willing to accept it."
Loki's green eyes met Frigga's blue ones for a second, his thin lips form a straight, hard line. Then, he gaze shifted down and two the left. Frigga waited, knowing that within the usually private young man, a war was no doubt being waged. Yet, after a few long beats, no answer was forthcoming.
"Just think on it," she finally broke the silence with a quiet word.
"I will," he replied calmly enough, but his glance was evasive.
Frigga's heart ached. As always, he does not appear to trust me, trust us with his worries. Always I consider what it is that I have said to cause him to doubt... but perhaps, everything he has experienced has taught him the fallibility of those around him.
"Well, whatever you decide," Frigga added softly, keeping her voice low so that the Healers would not overhear such private matters. "I need you to know how proud I am of you. Of you and Thor. Both of you are wonderful sons as any mother could wish for... and I know that you, my son, have achieved much in these recent years."
"And yet..." sighed Loki, his gaze wandering around the spacious airy healing halls with their grand columns intertwined with delicate leaves and vines winding upward to arched, white and yellow and paisley ceilings glinting with golden marigolds and silver moon blossoms. "And yet, here I am. Again."
"Perhaps some time spent in training would help," suggested Frigga, easing back a bit. "I am certain Master Orfus would be more than willing to take you on."
"I already know-"
"Experience is not merely attained with head knowledge-"
"But there is no way for me to battle as they do," argued Loki, glaring at his slender hands which he knew would never be as strong and brawny as Thor's.
"Hmmm... you may be right... in a way..." Frigga leaned back and considered her son for a moment before allowing her lips to quirk upward in a secretive smile. "Perhaps you merely need to study a different form of combat. Perhaps I should give you a few lessons myself."
Loki's eyes jerked upward and widened as he realized how serious Frigga actually was. For a moment, his mouth opened just a little in shock and then he frowned.
"But, Mother, I-"
"But nothing," Frigga smirked a little at his surprise. Then, she let some disappointment show on her face and sighed. "Do I look so old and incapable to you?"
"No... no, no," Loki hastened to reassure her, "but, I mean, I gathered, I thought-" He trailed off with a slight stammer. Then he glanced down at his hands, once again nervously plucking at the blanket and forced them to still. "I would be honored... if you wished to spare the time..."
"Of course," Frigga laughed then. "I will be able to share my secrets with someone who would have use for them – for I trained with Master Hjorr of Vanaheim as well as Master Megil of Alfheim and I gave neither of them cause for complaint!"
Loki laughed then, relaxing as he recognized his mother's jest.
"Very well," he said ruefully, giving Frigga a wide smile of his own. "With a master such as yourself, I am certain I will become even more capable than before."
"Naturally, dear," Frigga sniffed. "I am your mother, after all."
"Yes," Loki replied thoughtfully. "Yes... there is that."
With that, the conversation turned to lighter things, to the Court and the latest fashion atrocities, to the snobby city councilors and the know-it-all, stuffy mages and their scandals, to the recent delegations from Vanaheim, to the news of a recent herb found upon a planet which had the ability to render one's skin purple and a variety of other topics which Frigga had obviously been eager to discuss with her son. Her garden passed into their discussion and out of it – as well as Thor and his latest paramour at the newest haunt for sailors, how the quality of food had lowered with the arrival of a new chef into the kitchens and other small matters.
-0-0-0-
There was no mention again of the Gems, of Loki's return to Jotunheim and what that might mean. There were questions, he knew, on Frigga's mind about Jotunheim, Loki's apparent lack of magick, what had actually happened on the quest on Garthrana or how he had come to be injured in the first place - yet none of them were vocalized. With heartfelt relief, Loki embraced Frigga's silence as a chance to consider it all at a later date, when he was alone and able to properly assimilate all that had happened since the day of his coming of age.
For the first time in a long time, Loki felt as though he could just be – without any consideration as to all of the mysteries and questions and doubts which plagued him. For the first time in a long time, he was where he actually wanted to be – at home in Asgard with the one he cherished above all else.
Loki was home.
[...voices drift away...]
[...together entwined...]
[...drowned in the falling rain...]
[...the rains which come and go...]
[...with time...]
The following years were spent within Asgard and its environs with the occasional jaunt or quest to other Realms. Loki, staying closer to home, was able to study, under the watchful eye of his mother, the more fluid forms of combat which he discovered to be more natural and intuitive, combining easily with his natural physical grace and agility.
For several months straight, he worked hard under the tutelage of Master Hjorr's nephew – a good man who embraced other forms of combat despite his partial Asgardian heritage (on his mother's side). After every session, panting and sweating and feeling triumphant, Loki left to wash up – only to join his mother in several exercises in the late afternoons. With perseverance and patience, the young prince continued to practice, although Loki sometimes caught the whispers, the not so subtle grumblings concerning the fact that his fighting styles were gradually becoming less straightforward.
"Pandering to his cunning," they muttered.
"Better off just setting aside those tricks of his and relying on himself-"
"Always a queer one-"
"Why Prince Thor puts up with it-"
"I know that the Prince does not always understand either."
"Only the Norns know what they were thinking, to adopt him in the first place."
"Well, the Queen's heart is filled with-"
"They'll regret it soon enough, mark my words, when-"
Leaving the side practice hall, Loki passed by the open courtyard where the other soldiers were grouped in pairs or companies of four or eight, the better to practice their techniques with others. Sif, Thor, Volstagg and Fandral were standing with another group of four, cheering on Hogun and a younger lord who were battling each other with small shields and maces. Noticing that Hogun's technique looked a little less fluid than usual – no doubt due to the fact he had partially sprained his ankle the other day practicing horse-riding tricks – Loki paused a little, lingering on the edges to watch.
"Loki! There you are! Where were you?" Thor asked, catching sight of him and leaning back to clasp Loki as was his habit on his shoulder.
"Practicing as usual with Master Feytil," Loki replied.
"I really do not understand why you need to practice with the likes of him," sniffed Sif. "I myself find the techniques of Master Brimar to be much more useful, particularly his sword and shield combinations."
"Well, that may work for anyone who fancies themselves a brawny warrior," Loki replied easily, trying to hold onto his previous moments of satisfaction and finding it hard in the face of the other warriors' obvious, dismissive glances amongst each other. "I, on the other hand, can understand what I am best at – and will take any chance to enhance what talents I have."
Unlike others who live in denial of their abilities, was the unspoken snide addition, but Loki said nothing more and Sif had to content herself with an eye roll. Thor just shook his head and attempted to change the subject.
"Then, what are your plans for this afternoon?"
"I will be practicing some other techniques with Mother," Loki smiled a little smugly at his older brother. "You know how she is giving me some lessons on traditional Vanir combat styles."
"Still?" Thor raised a blond eyebrow, now clearly annoyed. "I would have thought you would be behind such tactics... hiding behind your mother's skirts and all."
At those words, Loki's face, draining of colour except for two spots of red which blossomed on his cheekbones. Green eyes flashing, Loki drew himself up to his full height – just shy of Thor.
"Say that again," Loki hissed. Then, he paused, visibly bringing himself under more control before repeating again, this time slower and more measured. "Say it again."
"I have no time to play with you today, little brother," Thor laughed with the barest of emphasis on the word 'little' – and hint of unease showing. He waved a hand lazily, gesturing at the other warriors. "We have much to accomplish today, as you know... perhaps we will have some time tomorrow."
At those unfortunately chosen words, Fandral stepped back with a short curse, Hogun drew away from his opponent instantly and Volstagg heaved a gusty sigh and shoved the other warriors away, just in time to miss the effects of the sideways blast from Loki's magickally enhanced blow to Thor's chest. Sif's voice, calling out the two brother's names, went unheard as full chaos and war erupted between the two.
-0-0-0-
Standing back to watch the brother's battle yet again, Sif found herself wondering yet again, as she had since the very first day she had laid eyes on Loki, what exactly bound the two young men together.
Always they fight, always they find conflict with each other, and always they attest to some kind of bond, some kind of peace that I can rarely see. In Thor, I see confidence and capability and all that represents the good of Asgard... other things as well, but he will be the great king we all need... Yet, Loki... Loki has never belonged. Questioning, skeptical, innovative and ultimately... unable to find his place... always hungry, always searching... and perhaps, perhaps, he too looks upward and hopes to find his own place – and Thor represents to him, mayhap, everything that Loki would wish to hold. The throne... surely Loki would not even look that high... and yet, and yet, why not? Loki's gaze is far-reaching and sweeps wide and high. His ambitions have ever been limitless – and to one as Thor, who has always had what he needed, such hunger seems so alien...
Now, watching Thor and Loki going at it hammer and tongs – with magick and with might, with hammer and sword and shield and anything that came to their hands – Sif had a feeling that perhaps the conflicts that sparked more and more often between them in recent years had their root in something that she would never be able to guess at.
Coming in between them, will only result in ruin, she mused, and so they must come to grips with each other and make eventual peace... or tear apart Asgard and bring us all to ruin...
-0-0-0-
When the fight ended (and it had to end at some point), it ended as it often did – with Mjolnir upon Loki's chest and Thor standing over him, proudly, demanding Loki's surrender. What Loki thought of it, no one knew, but Thor extracted the words without a second's thought.
"Fine," snapped Loki, laying back, fidgeting, knowing that clawing at the magickal hammer would do nothing to change his position. "You win. Get it off me."
"As long as you do not attempt to start this quarrel all over again," Thor repeated for the third time, a broad grin on his face – but his blue eyes were hard. "I was not jesting earlier when I said I had no time. You know of what I speak, Loki – and with the coronation coming so soon, I must focus on showing what her new king has to offer. Later, when all is said and done, we can return to our old habits and fight again."
"You are so certain of the future," Loki coughed a little as he sat up, dusted himself off theatrically and rose to his feet, a little slower than before.
"Why would I not be?" Thor blinked, puzzled. "Loki, why must you always speak in riddles so?"
"When I speak, why is it that you must be so determined to complicate what I have to say?" Loki returned. "Never mind. I am also busy. Even if I am only second son to the glorious All-Father and his splendid Queen, younger brother to the golden Thor... I, too, must prepare for what my position demands."
"And I am thankful for that," Thor admitted, allowing his hammer to drop to the ground and reaching forward to clasp Loki's shoulders, gripping the thin frame tightly. "To have your support in such a way, Loki, that means much to me – and does Mother and Father proud – and I look forward to our times in council together, as it always has been."
"Then why did you say what you said earlier?" Loki frowned.
"What?" Thor laughed then, nervously. "We were only jesting, Loki! No need to be so sensitive! By the Norns, it is like you wake up on the wrong side of your bed every day – the way you carry on."
"Well..." Loki hesitated. "It did not seem like a – well, never mind. I have to go."
Hitting Thor on the arm, companionably, Loki eased back and then walked away. The gathered warriors parted before Loki as he left the courtyard, quiet murmurs and whispers rising as he disappeared down the sheltered colonnade. Loki sighed. He knew what they would be speaking about for days to come. Sometimes, he thought, drawing his green, now dusty, cloak about him, this life can be difficult as well.
[...so seasons change...]
[...and with each new era, challenges arise...]
As the day of the coronation drew closer, Loki became more and more uneasy. As the courtiers and lords and ladies gossiped and talked during the dances and balls and tea parties and hunts and other numerous outdoor events which increased through the long, clement months of summer, the younger Prince began to feel the weight of what was approaching even more heavily than before. Thoughts, unformed and nebulous, chased each other around and around – and at night, his dreams, vague and shadowy, promised a dark doom.
Everyone about him, whether rich or poor, educated or unlettered, seemed so joyous and excited about the approaching day, praising the young Crown Prince to the heavens. Thor appeared to be above reproach, no matter what his deeds or words may be, leaving Loki more uncertain than ever.
Stalking down one of the side hallways, deep in thought as usual after a particularly difficult conference, in which he had ended up silenced by the rest – the better for Thor to spout his more imperialistic future strategies for dealing with impoverished planets, Loki considered the matter yet again.
What can I say? To whom can I bring my worries? Perhaps... perhaps...
Pausing in the long, grey corridor – newly washed and scrubbed by the zealous servants and hung with new banners and wall rugs, woven by various weavers from Alfheim, Vanaheim and Asgard – Loki contemplated his options.
"Loki."
Loki's gaze jerked upward at the sound of his name in those soft, yet firm tones. Odin All-Father. As though summoned by my darkest thoughts, Loki mused uneasily.
"Father," Loki finally said, straightening and allowing his shoulders to widen a little as he raised his chin and kept his gaze level under Odin's cool scrutiny.
"I was just about to send for you," Odin stroked his white beard and allowed a small smile to briefly cross his face. "This is well-fated indeed."
"Is there some trouble?" asked Loki.
"Trouble? Hm, this is sad indeed if the first thing that comes to your mind is trouble – whenever I call for you. No, no trouble. I merely wished to hear your thoughts on the matter at council today."
"Regarding..." Loki tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.
"Regarding the potential strategies or policies we may wish to set in motion regarding impoverished Realms or planets which may approach us and seek our aid."
"I did not know – I thought that the council had agreed to support Thor and his decisions."
"Thor is not King," Odin replied coolly, "yet. I would hear of your ideas as well... perhaps you can write them up and submit them to me in an outline within three days?"
"Very well," Loki nodded, following Odin as the older man slowly strolled down the hallway and out the further door and into the west side of the square cloister around one of the inner palace gardens. "I will... I will send them to you within a day or two. In preparation for the meeting, I had already taken notes of possible plans, but in the end... well..."
"Thor has much to learn," Odin said, "and one of those things is the good sense to see good advice when it is offered to him, but I have belief in him – and his heart lies in the right place. With time, he will come to see the way of things as they are... and it is also up to you speak louder. That, or you can take him aside in private and speak to him then."
"Like Mother does with you?" asked Loki shrewdly.
Odin chuckled then, "Indeed."
A paused, then:
"Indeed... until the time that Thor gains a wife of good sense for himself, your position as adviser is most crucial – and even afterwards, I have great belief in your ability to foresee problems no other Asgardian might see. There is also your... how do they call it... your silvertongue to consider. Such an asset for diplomacy."
"Diplomacy with the other Realms and nations and planets?"
"Yes... as the universe grows, as planets are populated, as races stretch out their hands to conquer what they can for the resources upon which they rely, Asgard will have more and more need for men who can understand and discuss such matters with alien worlds and empires."
"We are at peace-"
"For now," Odin shook his head. "We do not seek war, that is true, but we must be ever prepared for it... there are those out there who do not wish us well. How long it was ago – and yet it seems like yesterday that you traveled to Jotunheim, for that... mission... you were set upon. What you saw there – the time you spent there – did you not learn much about that land?"
"Is that why you sent me there?" asked Loki curiously. "To visit that land, to dispose of the jewel, yes, and to take measure of our potential enemies?"
"In part, yes. Your Mother, of course, wished you to expand your knowledge by studying the magicks there, such as they are... for she believes your... shapeshifting abilities to be unique – uniquely able to expand with more study and increased contact with other races."
"Why would you wish for me to change my form to a Frost Giant?" blinked Loki. "Surely that would only horrify - Unless you wish to send a delegation?"
"Ah! Well, what your mother sees is even a mystery to me," Odin shook his head and then added with a chuckle, "best not to question it, I have discovered."
Loki nodded.
"Jotunheim is no danger, I think, to Asgard," he finally said. "At least, that is what I saw when I last visited. A dying Realm – hardly able to attack our land in any great numbers. The few who may travel abroad, thanks to Elves or Dwarves, would not be able to penetrate our defences in any great way... perhaps a few exist who wish to lead the Realm to war and attempt to regain their greatness... and yet..."
...they wish only for life...
...that which you can give...
...what lies within your grasp...
Ignoring the rising whispers, Loki forged onward, "Perhaps I can keep an eye on it as well."
"You mean, travel there and spy out the land?" Odin frowned, paused at an intricately carved balustrade, formed from curving leaves and airy birds. His fingers drummed upon the granite stone. "That could cause more trouble than it is worth..."
Loki leaned back against the column opposite his father and waited, arms folded while the older man contemplated the situation. Watching the aged king under hooded eyes, Loki wondered yet again whether Odin knew the truth of his heritage – if Odin and Frigga knew... if they know, why have they not denounced me? If they do not, why did they name me so? If the All-Father knows, why is he willing to trust my word and consider sending me back? If he does not know, why would he choose me to return at all?
"I think," Odin's quiet voice broke the silence after a moment, his blue gaze distant and focused on something beyond – to the garden which lay before them silent and gray under the cloudy sky. "I think we shall let Jotunheim be at present... for, as you say, there is no power in that land and what few may attempt to grasp at Asgard's glory would undoubtedly fail. No. It is better that you stay close to Asgard and lend us support during the early days of Thor's reign. Let us look for peace and not court the cost and waste of war needlessly."
"You think Thor will be so content to let supposed enemies thrive?" Loki snorted. "You heard him today... I warrant that his first decision will be to attack Jotunheim or any who dare show any kind of disrespect or defensiveness against Asgard."
"Such a low opinion to hold-"
"It is not opinion-"
"-against your brother. Always you seek-"
"-it is fact, Father, listen to me, Thor is-"
"-to find fault with Thor. Perhaps it is your ambition which speaks-"
"-Thor is – wha- what? No. No, I say these things only for fear of our precious peace – the peace which you and Mother have always cherished for our people... I only fear that Thor may, out of a misguided sense of justice, seek to bring about his idea of peace through war."
"Loki," Odin's hand swept down, cutting off his youngest son definitively. "Loki. You worry too much, hold too little faith-"
"But-"
"No, Loki, hold your tongue – and your peace. Your fears drive you, as always, to such extremes. Thor will not be on his own, entirely. There is the Council, there is the Court, there is you. Besides, your mother and I are not dead, nor will we be entirely absent." Odin paused and shook his head, glancing upward at the grey skies apprehensively before turning away. "There is hope, Loki, and never has it shone brighter for Asgard as now. A new era, just as it was foretold at Thor's birth. A king like no other."
"I – but I – ah, never mind," mumbled Loki, avoiding Odin's sharp eye. He shrugged and eased back. "I need to – I need to go and get those propositions written up."
"I will see you at dinner?" asked Odin.
"Yes," Loki shrugged, paused and then amended, "perhaps."
"Hm. Your mother would like to see you. Lately, she said, you appear to have disappeared entirely – and she misses your company."
"I will do my best," Loki replied stiffly, bowing formally before parting ways with his father.
Watching the white-haired monarch disappear into the shadows of the hall, Loki turned and continued down the cloister, even more deeper in turmoil than before. Careful to keep his face blank, he made his away eastward along the inner walkway, enjoying the silence of the garden. As Loki passed onward and outward along the north wall out the gate and into the south end of Frigga's garden and orchard, he contemplated what had passed between Odin and him.
Again we meet, again we fail to connect, the young prince sighed deeply as he made his way along Frigga's inset paving stones to a small stone gazebo. It was an out of the way nook and Loki's favourite spot for thinking when such times came upon him. A round patio made for small groups of people, it was a cozy, six-sided enclosure with two entrances on opposite sides. Seats ran along the waist-high balustrade, also decorated with sinuous stone leaves and rounded, full stone berries and flowers, blossoming upward and outward, twining together in grey and black ivy upward to sprout along the edges of the roof. The roof rose high and rounded, dome-like and graceful, with a small overshadowing edge and accompanying gutters for the days it would rain. Around the granite and marble pavilion, clustered various hedges and trees, providing cover and privacy for those who wished to spend their time in peace.
For those like Loki.
He sat there, for a while, mind chasing hither, thither and yon after straight thoughts and wild emotions. Rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly, Loki considered his options.
Going to Odin was clearly a mistake. You thought it would not turn well – and lo and behold, it did not... Odin never listens. He never has. Not really. He only sees what he wishes to – and what he sees is the promised one, the so-called great king like no other who will lead Asgard into a time of unparalleled greatness. As if it is not great already!
And Mother... Mother – she has heard my worries and she knows my heart, and yet she cannot see beyond the hope of Thor either. She is so proud of him and although she knows that he is not perfect, Mother believes he will live up to his destiny. As usual, she is too kind. No. Mother can do nothing.
And Thor himself. He is on the throne already in his mind. The coronation will only bring to reality what should have always been in his mind... and from that day forward, Asgard will certainly move into a new era – but I am not entirely certain that it will mean peace for our people. Always Thor has lead with his heart and his opinions and not with any true understanding of how things actually are.
Loki sighed.
He will go to war. That I am certain of. With whom is still a mystery – but I could see him attacking the Kree or the Skrull because of their warring and imperialistic tendencies. Or others – like the Jotunn... And if I was to say it was a bad idea – my opinions would not be considered. So easily cast aside as they were today.
Always I will be known as the ambitious one, the cunning one, the deceitful one, the different one, and thus I will never gain the respect I need for the position which Odin has planned for me. Undercut by the ones who are meant to support me, I will never attain anything as it is now...
There is nothing I can do.
About him, the trees creaked and the branches shifted and shuddered under the indifferent gusts of wind which rose and fell sporadically. Chin propped on his clasped hands, now propped up on his knees, Loki contemplated the nearest tree – its dark brown bark, the strong limbs and the leaves now turning in a forewarning way to the sky, baring their lighter undersides.
It was going to rain.
After a half an hour, Loki's premonition proved correct as dark spots formed upon the leaves, the bark, the edges of the balustrade and the paving stones surrounding the small gazebo. Droplets fell with increasing frequency as far away thunder and lightning rumbled and flared. Weather to match my mood, Loki thought, leaning back and closing his eyes, enjoying the hush of the falling rain which drowned out any sound but that of water and nature. Drowning out all of his thoughts and sweeping away his burdens in a flood-like torrent.
Sitting there in the silence, Loki found himself slowly calming down, his thoughts finding order somehow as he began to seriously consider his options, tote up the chances of success and calculate the risks for each potential venture. Stratagems ran through his mind, some of them worth pursuing, others (impossible or dangerous) rejected immediately.
Perhaps there is a way, he thought. Perhaps...
Then a seedling of an idea blossomed in his mind and, unfurling slowly, took root. Musing over it, Loki sat, surrounded by wet greenery and grey-blue rain and heedless of the cold. Considering the idea, he looked at it from every side imaginable, went through the process step by step, thought as much as possible on what could go wrong... what contingencies he should have in place should some of his plan go awry... and how to deal with the aftermath.
Odin will understand in the end, Loki vowed to himself, a smile growing on his face. He will have no choice but to see what I meant. Frigga will be proud of me – and Thor will learn his lesson... it will work out...
[...between the silences...]
[...can you hear it...]
[...the dark whispers emerge...]
[...cracks in time, in space...]
[...cracks in the mind...]
[...the cracks which grow into chasms between hearts...]
[...from these...]
[...it is calling...]
Another grey day in Asgard.
It was raining – but Loki paid the weather no heed.
He knew just what to do.
This subdued chapter was brought to you by Tomas Dvorak and his subdued OST for "Machinarium" and James Newton Howard's amazing work for "The Village".
Upcoming: Loki's machinations and the proper beginning of Thor...
Let me know what you guys thought...
-KI
Alien Glossary:
'auzha – fucker
Dou'ma – idiot
r'senk'ne – a kind of deer/cow hybrid
n'ch'nka – a kind of cow
chi'iano – a radioactive piece of rock similar to uranium
cho'ai - lover
kol-sava'atha – a titanium-rich ore
Morning-star - a mace.
oma'auzha – mother-effer
oto'oa - big sister
udji'oo – a drug, like opium
Asgardian Glossary:
bikkja – bitch
Brenna-Fir – the Immolation
Drakka Thyod – Dragon Race
ergi - womanly, weak, "gay"
Fiendfyre – a phoenix-firebird
Flauguna – flying feet/teleportation
fotr'ro - footstool
Ginnung – the Void
harhvila - high bed
Hiti-mothr – Flame Fury (also known as Lachruth)
Kaesia-Seithr – Spirit-Spear style
Koma a Aldr – Coming of Age
Kveykva-herklaethi – Light Armoured style
Laegja – the Immersion
Ofolr Leith – Dark Paths, Other Ways (crossing the Void)
Ominni-tith - the Forgotten Times
Rikr-Hringraevi – Grand Cycles of Time
Runa a Fyrsta – Rites of Initiation
Runa a Kelda – Rites of Spring
Runa'a'vetr – Winter Solstice
Saga-Vefr – Story-weavers
seithr - magic
seithrmaster - mage, sorceror
Skjald-borhyrr – Wall of Flame
Skipa – the Infusion
Skokkr-a-Mir – concealment skills, Box of Mirrors (also known as Col'ca-cenedril)
stormerki – mysteria
Tveir-Andlit – illusionary skills, Double Face
Velspara-Speki – the Well (of Wisdom)
Elvish Glossary:
skreyppa – slippery one
gargani – snake
fintalenir – trickster
vanwa – defeated one, impolite term for "loser"
caitahto – liar
curunar – fiery one
Lachruth – Flame Fury
Col'ca-cenedril – Box of Mirrors
Cebir-Gondlug – Spike-Stone Dragon
Am'loce Norie – Dragon Race
raudhaust – high bed
Jotunheim Glossary:
Aldinn Stathr – Ancient Place
Almror'ganga - Long Range Weapon Contest
Arlang'leith – the Annual Caravan
Atfirth – energies
ausa'songr fugl - flow-songbirds
blakkrbjorr – black beer
Blakkrbjorn – black bear
blakkrgras – black grass
blargras – blue grass
blar'iss hros - black ice horse
Blaufe'irsteinn - blue fire stone
Brandr'ganga - Unarmed Combat
Dagaheim
Dauthr'ganga - Death Duel
dvegr – dwarf
dyrspeki – zoologist
Eybjarg (Chasms of Forever)
Faetha'snaer - "Mother", "who births the snow"
fauld – a part of armour around the lower midsection
Fjor'fylgja – Life Mate
Flara River – Treacherous River
For-Eldra – Ancestors
Forn Vegr – Old Ways
Frothleikr'ganga - Battle of Magick
Fylgja'snaer - "Father", "who aids the snow"
Gastropnir
Glima'ganga - Battle of Swords
Gnottvatn (Lake of Abundance)
Gothahus – temple
Grarfjall – Grey Mountains
grarulfr – grey wolves
Griotunagardar
hafnathr – sea serpents
heillgrjot – healing stones
Heimsrsal – Soul of the Realm
heithrsker – crystal flowers
hjarr'veithr - rabbit chaser (a kind of eagle)
Holdra River – Hero's River
holkimurtr – small flat fish
Holkn Vollr – Flat Plains
holmganga – a method of ending feuds/disagreements
hota-eik – white oak
hvaeta – wheat
hvitr'steinn - white fire stone
Innaheim – Inner Realm
iss'hona'by - ice honey bee
jarnkottr – iron cat (beast which Laufey released in Thor)
jarnvithr – iron wood
Kaldrfjall (Cold Mountains)
Kero Fornvetr – Casket of Ancient Winters
kostrboth – a method of proving virility for the purpose of marriage
lagreinn – small one (epithet)
lagr'hyggr – fool
Lengi Ofrithr – Long War
luthrblom – trumpet flower
manisilfr – moonsilver
Meir'brothir – Older Brother
melrakki – white fox
Myrkr Skogr – shadow forest
Nattura – spirits
Northri Stjarna – North Star
rjothr'auga haukr - red-eyed hawk
silvralmr – silver elm
silvrfiskr – silver fish
Sithr Efingi – True Heir
Skalldi
skordyr – Jotunheim goat
Smar'brothir – Younger Brother
snaerharra – snow rabbit
snjarlang'hvartha - snow camel
Storrholl – Great Hall
thurblakulfr – giant black wolves
tunglbom (moonflower)
Utanheim – Outer Realm
Utgard
vaetki – nothing
ventrmellin – winter melon
villrkyr – wild ox
Virtha Aevi – Coming of Age
Vit'ganga - Battle of Wits
Vollrvatn – Lake of the Plains