"It wasn't his fault sweetie"

"I know…but…..he still promised……I just cant believe it….I wont….I wont believe it….he wouldn't do this….would he.....why…why has it happened.…"

"I don't know Gabby I don't know"

"We had it all planned out……he was perfect….our life was going to be perfect……and now….it's over……none of it's going to happen……..all because of a drunken man I will never get my happy ending…."

"You can still have a happy ending"

"No I couldn't. I could never have it with anyone besides Josh. No one will ever be able to give me a happy ending like the one Josh and I could have had"

Two hours and many tears from both of us, a lot more from gabby but still, later found me holding a sleeping Gabriella in my arms. She has been crying non stop since I entered the room and I'm guessing since it happened. She got kind of hysterical earlier but I managed to calm her down and now she's eventually worn her self out and cried her self to sleep. Carefully I un-wrap my arms from her and lay her gently against the pillow. I get up and slowly walk to her door and silently into the hall and close the door behind me. I breathe out a sigh of relief that I've been holding in since she fell asleep. Chris told me that she hasn't slept since it happened so I'm so relieved that she's asleep. As I walk downstairs I can hear Maria talking and the worry in her voice is so clear. It must be so hard for her and Richard to see their only daughter in this state. Not only that but it will be hard for them to deal with loosing Josh as well. I mean he was like the son they never had to them. As soon as I step into the living they all go silent and before any of them even ask I know what they are going to say.

"She's sleeping right now. She must have been exhausted with all the crying so she eventually managed to cry herself to sleep"

"Is she any better?" Richard asked hopefully

"No and I think it will be a long time until she is. I've never seen her like this. She's completely devastated"

"Not to mention heartbroken" I looked at Chris as he spoke and I could tell he was feeling the same as I was. A mixture of sadness, confusion, tiredness, helplessness and even a little bit of heartbreak. Whatever it is it's a horrible awful feeling to have.

I wake up screaming again. It's happened every night since…it happened. I dream about again and again. I see the entire thing play out in my mind. It even happens when I'm awake. That's why I can't stop crying all I can see is the look on his face, I can ear the last words he said, I can feel where he last squeezed my hand. But then I remember that's it's gone forever. He's gone forever.

Right now I'm getting ready to go to the funeral. It will be the first time I've left my room since I got back from the hospital 4 days ago. I don't know how I'm going to do it. How can I say goodbye to someone who should be alive. Someone who had a whole life ahead of them.

"Gabriella you ready to go?"

"How can I do it Taylor?"

"Do what sweetie?"

"Say goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye. It's to soon, this should be happening in another 70years after we've gotten married and had kids and lived our lives together. Not now. Not at 18"

"I know but there's nothing you can do to change the past you just have to accept it. We better get going or we're going to be late" she walked out of the room and downstairs. I look down at my dresser and pick up the locket he gave me. I place over my head and hold on tight. Inside is a picture of him and a picture of us together. It was the last and my most treasured thing he gave me. I stand up and take one last look at myself in the mirror before getting my bag and leaving the room.

A soon as I step foot in the living room it goes silent. My mom and dad exchange a nervous glance that they think I can't see. Taylor is fiddling around with her bag while Chris is stood next to her trying to avoid making eye contact with me. We haven't talked since we left the hospital. If I'm honest I'm amazed at how well he's handling all of this. He and Josh have known each other since birth and have always been best friends. Josh was there for him through everything and now suddenly he's gone. It's so hard to take in.

"So we should get going then. Gabriella is it ok if you go with Taylor and Chris and your dad and I go in our car? I just thought you 3 would probably want to stick together today but if it's a problem you don't have to you can come with us whatever you want" my mom babbled out. Se always talks fast and rambles on when she's nervous

"Ok"

"So you're going with Chris and Taylor" I nodded. As I walk out the front door my breath catches in my throat and I feel as if my heart's stopped. That's the spot. Right there as the first thing you see when you open the front door. The spot where it happened. Before I know I'm sobbing into Chris' shoulder clinging to him as he slowly walks me to the car. I get in and sit silently waiting to leave with tears still streaming down my face only silently now. As we drive to Josh's house Taylor keeps trying to start a conversation with me but I just nod or ignore it. Truth is I just don't want to talk, I actually feel as if I can't talk anymore but just cry. That's all I've been doing these past four days crying. I ant help the tears just flow out with out me having any control over it. Not that I have any control of my life at the moment. I've just lost the person I'm supposed to be with and when he left I think I did to.

Pulling up to the church I can see huge numbers of people. I didn't expect this many actually. It just shows how much Josh was loved by everyone who knew him. Ok well here goes. I get out the car and Taylor is immediately at my side. i hold her hand and she squeezes it to show she's there for me, Chris is on my other side and does the same. All the people there are looking at me with such sympathy and sadness in there eyes. It makes me hurt more knowing that I feel more pain than all these people put together.

As soon as the coffin is pulled out the car I break down. I don't care if people are looking I just miss him so much and I cant believe that it's his dead body inside that wood. It can't be. I break away from Taylor and Chris and run towards the coffin but before I get there I feel to arms wrap around me from behind.

"NO LET ME GO"

"Gabriella you can't do this"

"I have to see him one more time. I have to make sure….i cant leave….him…..I need his…face…to hold him…to get him to….wake up…please….make him wake up…please…I love him…." I cling to Chris and sob into his chest as everyone makes there way inside. I know I shouldn't have done that but I don't care. I just want to see him one last time. Just check to see if he wakes up. Just to say I love you one last time and hear him say it back.

As we walk into the church after I've calmed down I can see people looking at me but I keep my eyes on his coffin. Knowing that he's in the same room as me calms me ever so slightly. As we sit the vicar starts the ceremony. I'm sat next to Helen and she's crying as bad as I am so I take her hand to show I know what she's feeling.

"And now I would like to welcome up josh's best friend Chris to say a few words"

Chris is talking I didn't know that. Why didn't he tell me? As he gets to the front I see the tears marks on his face. I've never seen him cry before.

"I've known Josh ever since I was born. We've been through everything together. The first day of school, the first camp without our parents, the first girlfriend and even the first break up. He was always the person I would tell my secrets to. The person I would go to when I wanted to talk and he would always understand. He knew me better then I know myself. He could tell when I was upset or angry and he always new how to fix everything. When we were 10 we made a pact that we would be best friends forever and we wouldn't let anybody come between us. We then used a knife and cut our fingers and touched each others blood so we were blood brothers. Our moms were so mad when they found out but josh being josh managed to talk our way out of it. But we kept our promise and when we started high school we stuck together and it was just us to until freshman year. That's when we met Gabriella and Taylor. And I could see that the first time josh saw Gabriella he had fallen for her. He couldn't take his eyes of off her and he would not shut up about her. Even after they became our best friends he would not pluck up the courage to ask her out. Even though it was so obvious that she liked him to. Every one could see that they were made for each other and when they finally got together I knew it was a love that would last forever. I had never seen my best friend so happy and I'm just so glad he got to experience a love like his and Gabriella's before he died. I just wish he got to experience it for a lot longer. Josh meant so much to so many people and I don't know how we'll survive with out him. We all miss you Josh and no one in this room will ever forget you" he stops talking and the tears are pouring down his face.

I get up and run to him and hold him in a tight embrace. Taylor joins soon after me. We just stand there hugging while the vicar continues with the ceremony. We just hold each other and think about Josh.