A/N: Well, this was pretty painful to write. Hopefully I did the scene justice. And do not despair, dear readers - before things can get better, they first need to get worse. Much, much worse!
As always thank you for reading and reviewing!
Chapter 17 - Unhappy Reunions
She receives the news as soon as the SSV Normandy approaches Ilium. Liara T'Soni is a very good information broker, and she is never taken by surprise, not any more. She knows that Cerberus have succeeded in rebuilding Shepard, she has heard of Morgan's recent exploits, wondering a little why Shepard has not tried to make contact before. She has been extremely busy. And perhaps she wanted our reunion to be in person.
There is also another thing that Liara does not know, and it frightens and worries her. They have rebuilt her, but is she still the same old Shepard? The woman I risked everything to bring back to this life, and I would do so again, she wonders, her heart heavy. Has she retained the same feelings we both once shared?
Then she attempts to harden herself. It would be better if those feelings had died with her, two years ago, she tries to convince herself. Right now, they would just get in the way of what I must do. Of what we both must do.
Maybe when this is all over, we can… we can go back to what we were, she muses, trying to cling to some shred of hope, but the reality is harsh and unpleasant. Morgan will eventually pass through the Omega-4 relay to confront the Collectors, and no ship has ever returned from the space beyond it. As for her… the Shadow Broker is still hiding somewhere out in his secret lair, and taking him down is the sometimes insurmountable appearing challenge before her.
Her shoulders sag in the stark realization and a few tears trickle down her cheeks, before she manages to bite them back. Steeling herself again as she awaits Shepard's arrival, Liara quietly laments the cruelty of her futile hopes.
When they finally reach Ilium, Shepard has become a jumpy bundle of nerves. As she stands at the mirror in her quarters, getting ready to step off board, the soft beep of the intercom startles her. Surprisingly, it's Miranda. "Commander... may I speak with you?" she asks, sounding very uncomfortable.
"Sure," Morgan replies. "Want to come up or should I get down to your quarters?"
"I would feel more comfortable in my quarters, please," Lawson says. Shortly enough, Morgan arrives on the crew deck, wondering what could be bothering Little Miss Perfect so badly that she even considers asking Shepard for help.
Miranda's reasons are serious enough. Turns out, her father has not stopped at creating one little wonder of gene engineering. Miranda has a twin sister, that she has so far managed to keep safe and protected from her controlling father, but according to her latest information, his influence and resources have finally enabled him to track down his other daughter. "I mention this because we are headed to Ilium," Miranda says. "That's where I hid my sister. She has been living a normal life up to now."
With Cerberus help, Miranda wants to relocate her sister and her adoptive family, asking Shepard to provide additional security as the relocation is taking place. Morgan agrees, even if she is not exactly reassured by Miranda's idea of involving Cerberus in the whole matter. "It would ease my mind a great deal if we could deal with this immediately after arriving on Ilium," Miranda says.
"I understand your concern, but the first thing I will take care of on Ilium is to visit Dr. T'Soni," Morgan says. "And I would prefer to do so being alone. Or with some of my old comrades."
Miranda nods. "Understood. I would not wish to intrude in your private matters, Commander. I thank you for hearing me out, nonetheless."
"We'll take care of your sister as soon as I've spoken with Liara, I promise," Shepard says.
Even though she considers heading off the Normandy alone, in the end she brings Garrus and Tali with her, trusting them to be respectful of her and Liara's privacy. Ilium is breathtaking, especially the busy, bustling metropolis of Nos Astra with its spires and skyscrapers, its skies dark with the traffic of swarming shuttles. Morgan barely notices it all, or any sights around her, quickly asking for a path to Liara's office and then hurrying there as fast as she can, uttering endless apologies as she bumps into one pedestrian after another.
Liara's assistant, a gorgeous asari by the name of Nyxeris, explains that Dr. T'Soni is already waiting for them. Tali and Garrus decide to wait in the little foyer, idly conversing with Nyxeris, as the doors to Liara's office slide open and they stand face to face again, two years and roughly one month since Normandy's destruction over the skies of Alchera. Morgan cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it is for Liara, knowing that she must have cried countless nights, dealing with her grief, now to see her again, alive and well, it must be surreal beyond comprehension.
There is a certain awkwardness between them and they approach each other hesitantly, finally Liara slips into her arms. "Shepard," she breathes, but Morgan feels the embrace is somehow different, and soon they separate. Shepard does not know where to begin, and it seems neither does Liara. "You look… well," finally the asari remarks.
"Thanks," Morgan replies, feeling a little self-conscious about the slight traces of her scars, even if most of them have disappeared after Dr. Chakwas careful treatment. "And you… enchanting as ever," her eyes run across Liara's slender shape, curves nicely accentuated by the purple-grey robes. "What is this I am hearing about you becoming an information broker?"
"You have not heard wrong," Liara says, moving back behind her desk and retrieving something from under the table, two small data disks. She throws them on the table, motioning for Shepard to pick them up. "Those disks contain the information you need about Samara and Thane Krios. You are looking for them, aren't you?" Morgan can only raise an eyebrow in reply. "I am a very good information broker, Shepard."
"But how… why?" Shepard does not understand. "The Illusive Man tried to convince me that you are working for the Shadow Broker and that you can't be trusted. I did not believe his words, so please tell me I was right to call him a damned liar."
Liara's fists clench tightly and her hands glow blue with a crackle of the biotic energy, her face twisted by anger. "He said that, did he? No wonder," she grinds out the bitter words. "He wants to gain your loyalty, and towards that goal he needs to limit my influence on you… if it is even still a factor. He does not want you to trust me."
"But I do trust you, Liara," Shepard says simply. "I'm simply confused and out of the loop. Why don't you start with explaining why you became an information broker in the first place?"
"My goal is first and foremost to track down the Shadow Broker and destroy him, once and for all," Liara slams her fist on the table in a way that startles Shepard a little. "To find him, I needed to become an information broker myself. It is a respectable and profitable occupation here on Ilium, and my scientific background has actually been very helpful in disseminating a great amount of data. Like I said Shepard, I'm a very good information broker."
"But why do you want to destroy the Shadow Broker?" Shepard asks.
Liara doesn't reply for a long time. "I suppose that the Illusive Man has not told you that story." Shepard shakes her head in denial. "It was… a month after your death. When I watched Normandy getting blown to pieces over the skies of Alchera… something died within me, Shepard." Morgan looks at Liara, and the asari shudders lightly, overcome by emotion.
"I was still grieving when Cerberus contacted me," Liara continues, once she has sufficiently recovered. "They made me a proposition. Somehow, the Shadow Broker had acquired your mortal remains and was going to sell them to the Collectors for a hefty fee. Cerberus wanted to recover them and bring you back to life. And they sought my aid in recovering your… corpse."
"Gods…" Shepard sits down at the table heavily. "I… cannot imagine what that would have been like for you."
"At first I refused. I didn't trust them, given our history. I didn't believe they could even do what they planned. But… somehow, that Illusive bastard managed to convince me," Liara sighs. "With a help of a... friend, I recovered your corpse. Handing it over to Cerberus was the hardest part… I almost decided against it. I wanted to give you a decent burial. In my mind, I had already buried you."
"I know what you mean," Shepard agrees. "When I first woke… I felt what was done to me was wrong. Why did I deserve this second chance?"
"Because I was weak, Shepard. I had not buried you in my heart," Liara says, turning around, her shoulders shaking slightly. "I was weak. I could not let go. Shepard, when they told me that they could bring you back, I just could not let go, it tore me apart, but I could not let go!"
"Now that I have come to terms with it all, I'm glad you did not let go of me. For what it's worth, know that if our roles would have been reversed, I would have done the same as you did," Shepard says quietly, wanting to take Liara in her arms, to comfort her, but somehow sensing that it would not be appreciated.
"I suppose it makes it a little bit easier," Liara says, slowly regaining control. "But even now, seeing you is… difficult."
"So where does that leave us?" Shepard asks, her heart sagging at the anticipation of an answer she fears she might loathe.
"I mentioned that a friend helped me to rescue your body from the Shadow Broker. During our mission, he sacrificed himself, allowing me to escape with your remains, as he himself remained a prisoner of the Shadow Broker," Liara explains quietly. "We both owe our lives to him. I will not deny… there is a part of me that wants nothing else than to hold you in my arms again, but I… simply cannot even entertain the thought. It would be the greatest insult to Feron, as he rots away somewhere on the Shadow Broker's secret base."
"Then let me help you. Let us track down the Shadow Broker together," Shepard says with determination. At least she still cares. There is hope yet for us.
"It is not that simple, Shepard," Liara shakes her head, resolutely. "Peeling away the layers of Shadow Broker's network is a slow and dangerous process, and it could take me years before I am ready to strike at him. And in the meanwhile, you have your own mission that cannot wait, cannot be abandoned…"
"Yeah," Shepard sighs. "Going through the Omega-4 relay to take fight to the Collectors."
"And nobody has ever returned from beyond Omega-4 relay," Liara's voice falters just briefly as she speaks.
"You are worried that I am heading into my death, again," Shepard realizes.
"I cannot lose you for the second time, Morgan," Liara sobs, covering her face with her palms. "I cannot even bear to look at you now, thinking I might lose you soon again."
"Then come with me," Shepard says quickly, without thinking. "With you at my side, I believe we can take care of those Collectors. And after that, I will help you take down the Shadow Broker and rescue Feron."
"No, I can't do that, Shepard. There is a high probability that we would both die, and who would help Feron then?" Liara wipes away the wetness from her cheeks, before shaking her head. "I'm sorry, but I can't join you. We go each our own way for now. I will forward you any useful information about the Collectors that I come across, anything that might increase your chances of success."
"Then for what it is worth, I thank you, Liara," Shepard says quietly, getting up and grabbing the two OSD's. "These two additions to my squad will go a long way towards that."
"I wish you luck with your hunt, Shepard," Liara says, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice and almost succeeding. They cannot bear to say anything else than polite farewells and shortly after Shepard leaves the room, surrounded with chilling, heartbreaking coldness.
"Shepard, wait up," she hears Garrus shouting after her as she walks away swiftly, having almost forgotten about him and Tali. "How did it go?"
"I got what I came for," she replies, holding the two OSD's in a raised hand.
"That's not what he asked about, Shepard," Tali says softly, having caught up with her.
"There's nothing else to say," Morgan shrugs, swallowing the tangled lump of bitterness in her throat.
"But..." Tali protests weakly, her posture sad and disappointed.
"Enough about this," Shepard turns around and speaks dismissively. "There's nothing else to say. It's over."