Summary: The war between Jotunheim and Asgard draws to a close, but thanks to a horrible twist of Fate (or perhaps not), the nameless runt of Laufey-King is not discovered by Odin and so begins a remarkable journey of life that should not have been. Jotun!Loki AU. Set pre-/during-/after Thor/Avengers Assemble. MCU-verse only.
Warnings: ANGST! Loki-whump! Language, adult situations, violence, child abuse, dub-con, sexual assault (also of a minor), substance abuse, one abortion scene (sort of), slavery, sex trade (maybe), some mild original character/Loki M/M pairings.
Comments: This is not a slash fic. Sorry. It's Loki-centric, although I definitely show the rest of the Avengers and etc. Please review! Constructive criticism welcome.
Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers. Marvel owns it. I do not get paid for this piece of work. Sadly, but understandably. LOL.
Thank you guys! You guys are really encouraging! Thanks to: Chiharu-angel, Elizabeth, InsolentKatt, SNKoolAid, deadly-lullaby-000, wbss21, vincent1875, Rogue
First off... SOOOOOOORRRRYYYY! Life and writer's block and work have sucked out my energies... T_T But this is another Thor Chapter and we all know how I feel about them! . So I have ambivalent feelings about it, but I hope it makes sense. This Thor is different because time hanging around Earth is catching up with him and Jane is different b/c she's not going to be tooo tooo moony. She'll love Thor but people gotta do what people gotta do.
Second, some may have asked questions without logging in, so some answers to questions or repeated questions are as follows:
Re dream/trip: If you don't know what's going on, don't worry. You will. The vague history will come clearer with the next Loki chapter. Whenever that happens. Later on, you can go back and re-read it and go OOOOHHHHH! So satisfying... right?
For Rogue and her question on Loki and his psyche: Please go to my Tumblr - kakashidiot and read my reply there.
For those who want to see pictures of my sis with Hiddles, please also go to my kakashidiot Tumblr.
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATENESS!
Distortions In Time
[Bitter Desolation, Incandescent Harmony]
Chapter 68
Thor: The High Road II
The Cosmos is a vast place, immeasurable and far beyond the grasp of the minds which live and grow and teem within it. Filled with Realms each with their own universe, Reality spreads its branches outward, rooted firmly on the unseen flow of Life and Death, as a great tree would on the bank of a river. Yggdrasil, it is called by some, by others, Reality. To the waterfolk of Terindyr, it is The Ka'autha'ndarna. The Skrull and their neighbouring species call it Shi'nuwu.
In between the Spaces That Are, there is the Realm That Is Not – the Tai'shu. It is empty they say. Empty and as immeasurable as That Which Is. It is the Realm of Nothing. It is the Void. Some believe, some Sages aver, that the Void is an existence more empty than Death itself. Others, scientists and curious mages, ever seek to harness the paths which cross through the Dark in attempt to achieve inter-galactic and inter-Realm flight. Others worship it as the ultimate end, as the necessary juxtaposition to Existence. Others fear it, ignore it and fill the silences with such noises of life so as to avoid the fact that it is waiting.
It is always waiting.
[…even here…]
[…Can you hear it?...]
For the first time in his life, Thor found himself inescapably confronted with the silences, with the grind of life, with the mundane and the ever growing burden of unanswered questions and self-doubt.
For the first time in his life, Thor wondered.
-0-0-0-
Grit caked his untrimmed, two week old beard. It ground between his teeth and dried out his mouth in an really uncomfortable way. Blowing about, it caught in the corners of his eyes, irritating his already sensitive eyelids currently twitching from fatigue.
Everything was irritated. His feet, still tender in their newly broken leather boots. His thighs, still achy from too long hours in the saddle. His back, now 'less godly', as Selvig had muttered, also joined the chorus of painful protest. And his neck – now painfully red from a new layer of burn… and his head, aching from the too bright, unrelenting glare of the sun. And –
Everything was irritated. Everything was irritating. The smell of sweat and cow and shat and dirt. The unimpressive vista of gorse bush and sand and weedy-looking grass. The seemingly millions of sway-backed cattle jostling for space as they were herded from the smaller field in which they had just been double-checked for heath (and other reasons Thor could hardly fathom) to a larger one. The incessant yapping of dogs. The tinny whine of someone's portable radio.
Thor grimaced, his expression even more disgruntled than ever. By the Norns, he cursed mentally. I hate Midgard.
I hate Midgard.
Yes, he hated Midgard. Thor hated Midgard. He hated the too bright sun, the cloudless blue skies which barely yielded rain, the prickly trees and bushes which grew intermittently on the harsh plains. He hated the poky tired horses they called mounts. He hated the mean tempered steers (or cows or whatever) they herded from pasture to pasture. There was one particular bull who seemed to target him whenever Thor rode out with his 'senior partner'.
Thor hated that cow.
He hated the cows and the entire ranch in which he now lived and worked. He hated the early mornings, the dull endless grind of work which lasted until sundown and the equally boring repetitive entertainments which followed. He hated the odd clothing - the 'blue jeans' and light 't-shirts' and thicker 'plaid' which he now donned everyday. He hated the insular, ignorant culture and ideas fostered by his 'bunkmates'. He hated their laughter and easy-going attitudes as if nothing could destroy their happiness and current good fortune. Especially the young, cocky 'ranchhands' who thought the world lay at their feet and strutted with the pride of it.
Thor snorted. World? Ha! This backwater planet is the least of what I have seen. I have seen more power spent on Svartalfheim and even dying Realms or Realms straddling the borders of Life and Death itself hold more-
"Thor! Hey! Dude! You're fallin' behind."
Thor's left eye twitched again and, jerking at the reins of his mount which was incongruously called Hard-Head (thanks to his hard mouth, stubborn nature and perserverance), he called his strong-willed mount to attention as he turned at the call of his 'senior partner', Jakesson. Jake, Thor reminded himself. Just Jake. First names are a better, more familiar way to connect here on Midgard. Different from Asgard. It is all different from Asgard.
Just the thought of Asgard soured Thor's mood even further, for he was undeniably trapped on Midgard for the unforeseeable future and Loki and Frigga and his Father were up on Asgard waging war against those dread beasts, the Jotunn. Just remembering the dark-blue skinned, craggy featured beings, Thor shuddered, growled a short curse, and, forcing his attention back to the present, turned his thoughts away from his family, from Asgard, from the Jotunn… from…
…I was a fool...
He imagined Asgard falling in flames. No. No. He told himself yet again. For the millionth time. That would not happen. Not with Father there or Mother and Tyr and the Court and the Council… and Loki. Loki would protect Mother to the very end.
But would he succeed? Thor couldn't help but wonder. No. No. They would win. The Jotunn would be defeated. Even better, they would be erased along with their Realm for all time. No. Asgard would remain safe, would remain as it was. It has to.
…I was a fool. I was a fool to think you were ready for the throne of Asgard. That you were worthy of that title…
Thor missed it so much. His heart and body ached for the clear skies, the clement weather, the rising mountains, the chilly babbling brooks running down from Skythurs, the great falls, the vast ocean. He missed the familiar language, the familiar faces of his people and friends. His family. Wise Odin.
…I was a fool. I was a fool to think you were ready for the throne of Asgard. That you were worthy of that title. For many years, we prepared you. For this day, we all worked – in vain, I see now. In vain…
Gentle-hearted Frigga who's blue eyes could see through your very soul to your Fate, it was said. And his brother – green-eyed, sharp, witty and clever in his own way. Loki who had struggled and fought for his place within Asgard.
Thor sighed. If only Loki were here… it would not be such a trial.
Which is not the point, another part of him pointed out. A quiet voice which sounded sometimes like Loki, sometimes like Frigga. A voice which he had not heard so often but now, in the silences, it spoke to him.
It spoke to him when he worked alone in the cooler hours of the morning shoveling shat or forking hay or measuring out meal; when the occasional afternoon was filled with nothing but the buzzing of flies and nameless insects and the sun pressed down heavily upon the body as he lay back in the shared hammock below two warped trees; when the night hung low and heavy over the cabin which he now called home and far off he could hear a wild dog's howl.
He heard it then. And other things.
…you are unworthy of these realms; you are unworthy of your title. You are unworthy - of the loved ones you have betrayed…
[…Can you hear it?...]
Following Jake, Thor silently turned away from the herd to head out to the further pastures, one of which they were preparing for the newer group of cattle expected in two weeks time. Jake, one of the senior ranch hands and second son of the 'boss', was Thor's newest 'coach' or 'trainer' despite Thor's repeated (and increasingly annoyed) assurances that he was well-versed in handling horses. Apparently, experience riding horses was not enough for the regular ranch hand. Even after riding on the ranch for a good two months, Thor found himself paired with senior ranch hands. Seniority. He could understand it to some extent. It was some kind of law here on Midgard – and no visitor, not even the son of Odin, could avoid the regulations and expectations regarding all new ranch hands and their position within the community there. Thor had never felt so belittled but necessity had kept him silent.
Necessity. That is a new experience to contend with, Thor mused bitterly as the smelly, noisy herd of animals and men were left behind and the silence between the laconic Jake and he lengthened. Necessity has become my companion. Necessity and bitter defeat and the endless grind of life. This is what Loki felt, perhaps, as Kol'la of the stables, as a slave – restricted, powerless…
…I now take from you your power - in the name of my father and his father before…
Thor sighed.
"Penny for your thoughts," Jake's quiet voice broke the growing silence as the two men continued onward into the empty spaces of the New Mexican desert.
"Penny?" Thor blinked.
"Whatcha thinking about?"
"Oh." Thor frowned and pulled his tan hat more firmly down on his brow. The brim of the hat curled up oddly on the sides, a kind of fashion Thor could barely understand much less appreciate at the moment. He lifted up the light collar of the blue and white emblazoned 't-shirt' he had bought with Jane at a large market a month ago in a vain attempt to let the heat escape from his sweat drenched body. "Perhaps." A pause. Then he added: "I am merely remembering – trying not to remember…"
"A smart cowboy rides with his eyes on the road before him – not looking back at the trail he's leaving behind," Jake said.
Thor turned over the young man's words carefully and the nodded slowly as the meaning came a little clearer to him.
"I used to think that as well," he said. "I used to rush about and look forward to the horizon only, never having any care for what could happen, what would happen – or the mistakes of my past."
"I see."
"Now, I am to think on them, I suppose. Think on them and regret."
"Well, that's fine and dandy, I reckon, for a time, but then at some point in time, you gotta get back up on the horse. Am I right or am I right?"
Thor was not quite sure how to respond to that. Then he said:
"I suppose there is a time to... let the past remain in the past." Thor sighed. "In the end, I suppose I will never fully understand why these things happened to me. What my father meant when he sent me here."
"You were sent here? For what?"
Remembering Jane's warning, Thor followed Jake's lead down a particularly steep section of hill, taking the time to formulate a suitable answer.
You have to keep to your cover story, Jane had said, her dainty eyebrows furrowed with worry. God help us, we all have to. She had glared at the agents about them. For now, she had promised. I'll keep looking for a way.
With those words, she had promised him his world – and in doing so had, in some way, placed some distance between them. Yet another puzzle, another obstacle for Thor to overcome. Their talk recently had become stilted, but at the sound of her voice, his heart ached with love and he knew that she felt the same.
"My father told me that I had made a mistake... He took away what was most precious to me-"
Mjolnir.
"-sent me from my home-"
Mother. Loki.
"-and told me that I must prove myself a better... man." Thor ended lamely. "Although I must confess, I do not entirely understand what I had done wrong and so cannot know my way through this... mission... quest... task..."
"Tough," Jake said, succinctly.
"Tough?"
"Sounds like your dad wants you to go through the mill, as my grandaddy would say."
"Go through the..."
"Learn things the hard way."
"Ah. Yes. Perhaps. Sometimes," Thor admitted, "I did not understand my father."
"That's every son's burden to bear," Jake nodded. "Welcome to life, partner."
There was another long period of silence broken only by the wind, the creak of withered trees and rustling gorse. Thor focused on the steady clop clop clop clop clop of his mount, thought of Tim's instructions early that morning. A survey of the land is in order, Tim had said. Jake, I want you to take Thor out and show him the ropes. Not that he's a greenhorn, mind, but he's not been out in the far pastures yet.
Jake had returned from some 'big city' with a ton of business head knowledge and soft hands, Thor's fellow ranch hands had told him. Second son of the boss and and ready to work at the family business again.
Sure enough, after only one week, Jake was put back to work with the rest of the boys and was now bound for the far pasture with Thor in tow. Thor did not mind, for Jake was an amenable enough fellow although not the most talkative. Perhaps Boss Krezky had plans of his own, Thor mulled over the thought for a moment, knowing that lately he too had been less talkative of late.
Overhead, the clear blue sky of the morning gave way to the hard heat of the mid-day sun. Jake said nothing until just half an hour after the usual time for the mid-day meal when the two ranch hands approached a small wooden house.
"An outpost," Jake said, dismounting and leading his horse, Shady, around to a small lean-to stable. Securing the rains to a thick iron ring in the wall, forking some hay into the horse's feeding rack and checking the water trough, Thor followed Jay's lead to ensure Hard-Head had his own share of food and drink.
Nothing was said again until Jake had 'rustled up' something for the two of them, setting Thor to work on counting the stockpile of tins and other dry goods stashed in the 'pantry'. Writing was never interesting to Thor, but nonetheless he found himself once again faced with a task he did not much care for and no choice but to do it. Peering at labels and writing numbers as carefully as he could in the small boxes on the paper beside the names, Thor worked patiently down the list. It was not a long list, but it felt like forever until he was done and Jake's voice called him over for their lunch.
After lunch, 'siesta' was instituted by Jake and Thor was able to doze for a short nap in the sweltering heat of the cabin while Jake dropped off to sleep in the bunk bed above him. When Jake's hour long nap ended, the tall, lanky cowboy unrolled a map and got Thor acquainted with the surroundings, pointing out their final destination further north along the trail. A second cabin. A second list of stores to sort out, Thor supposed.
"We'll move out in an hour," Jake said, leaving Thor to stare out over the vast vista of brown and grey and dirty green from the front overhang of the cabin's southern-facing door. A bare place – dusty yet fairly neat and orderly. The beds' mattresses had been comfortable and the amenities were modern for the most part. When the two men took to horse again, Thor found himself reluctant to leave the small place, until he remembered there was no doubt a similar cabin up ahead.
That night, with the stars hanging low overhead – so clear and bright it seemed one could reach up and touch them, they reached the second cabin, tended to their now rather tired mounts, stumbled inside and rolled into bed, more or less.
When Thor woke the following morning to the smell of eggs and bacon, he sleepily forced himself to sit up and properly opened his eyes. Jake at the stove calmly frying up breakfast, eyes distant, obviously deep in thought. What he was thinking of however was not touched upon and Thor said nothing of it.
Loki, he thought, always became annoyed if I pressed him too hard on whatever he was considering. Jake may very well be the same.
Thinking of Tim Krezky and his younger brother and sister, Jake and Em, Thor wondered if they too struggled with the responsibilities inherent to those of children born to ranchers such as their father. Particularly as Tim is wont to complain about the markets and prices and dwindling resources. He wondered if Tim ever wished to leave the small confines of his ranch and roam about the planet to seek his fortune and experience life as a man who had reached his prime. Perhaps not, Thor thought, bringing to mind the equally tall, muscled older brother of the Kresky family. Perpetually chewing some kind of blackish substance and often lapsing into the local dialect which Thor found difficult to decipher at the best of times, Tim seemed to have embraced his fate whole-heartedly.
His fate...
That traitorous thought pulled Thor up rather suddenly.
His fate. Tim has come into his own, Thor thought. He prepares even now to bear the responsibilities of his ageing father and mother... Why did that word then taste so bitter in my mouth? Surely...
Thor thought of his own long years of preparation beneath the tutors and warriors and mage-clerics and statesmen and court officials and the older nobles and his own father. As the day had come closer, as his coronation had drawn closer, Thor had embraced his destiny with joy, had looked forward to proving himself to be a greater king, greater even than my father. And yet, and yet... Thor shivered. Perhaps. Perhaps deep down, deep down, I was not certain?
Surely not.
Surely not.
Surely...
[...in the silences...]
[...the silences...]
[...speak to you...]
The two men sat out back close by their horses, a small fire crackling away in a carefully dug pit surrounded by a hoop of corrugated, rippled metal. There was nothing but the starlight, the moonlight and the soft cool night wind. Jake stirred after a moment and sighed.
"Father told me that you were a quiet one."
"I was not always quiet," Thor said, pushing back his 'Stetson' and shifting one jean-clad leg to prop it up on a spare bit of wood handily pushed by his feet. He shifted in the rickety plastic and metal chair provided and sighed. "As I said, I have much to think on."
"A girl?"
"Among other things."
"Ah." Pause. "There always is one."
"One?"
"A girl," Jake explained. "What's she like?"
"Beautiful," Thor said simply. "Beautiful and smart and... strong although she is rather small – and she would not wish me to say such a thing of her. She is rather fierce and reminds me of my mother in some ways. Although I have only known her for some months now, I know that she is someone I wish to protect, but as I am now... that seems impossible."
"Oh, I don't know about 'impossible'. You look at yourself in the mirror lately? Thor, you look like you could deal with anything that comes your way. I just kinda imagine bear wrestling and whatnot in my head every time I look at your biceps. I'm sure you can deal with... whatever it is."
"Perhaps, perhaps not. There are some things in this world that fists cannot overcome." Thor shrugged. "At any rate, I wish to bring her happiness and hope, as she did for me."
"What's her name?"
"Jane. Jane Foster. A scientist – that is what you would call her. One who studies the stars and other realms."
"Multi-dimensions?"
"I believe so," Thor shrugged. "I am not one for those kinds of things, but Jane was – is – she is so patient and kind-hearted and very stubborn." He laughed. "We got each other into a lot of trouble – all on my account of course, although she said it was for her benefit too. She wished for more information, that's what she said – although she was not so pleased with my second attempt, which made things worse."
"Second attempt?"
"I wished to retrieve... something from a group of people... and failed. Again. And then again, a second time."
"Well," Jake smiled. "Perhaps third time is the charm."
"Perhaps not," Thor said gloomily. "Have you ever lost an arm and discovered you could heal it anew only to discover your own arm had rejected your body?"
"Nooooo..." Jake drawled slowly, easing back a bit to look at Thor speculatively. "That sounds... a bit off, if you ask me."
"I cannot explain it any better, yet that is the truth."
"OK."
"Things are not well," Thor disagreed with a sigh. "They have not been so for a long time. A long long time. Longer perhaps than I wish to admit to myself. Thus I worry. Thus I wait."
"And Jane?"
"She helps as best she may – but she is only a scientist and has no skill or abilities to actually aid me in my task. I can hope, but that is all... and she is a comfort. Your father allows me to travel to town once a week to call her... on the, ah, the-"
"Phone? Skype?"
"Phone. We talk now. We can only talk."
"That's a pity."
"Indeed. She must go out and work and raise funds and do research where she must. With her intern. Darcy. A fiery girl and a great boon to Jane's endeavours. There was also Selvig – but I fear that he has joined..." Thor ended awkwardly not sure what to say to Jake. "Scholars must ever rely on others for their food and board."
"I'd say people must rely on others for their food and board, dude, not just scholars," Jake smiled then a little. "You're talking to a man of 'book larnin' as my granddaddy would say. I can tell you that we all rely on each other and if you think differently... well, you're just lying to yourself."
Thor frowned.
"Your father – your older brother-"
"Rely on us to be there for them, you know. Dad is a grand old man and Tim is Cow-wonder-boy, but that doesn't mean they can run a ranch on their lonesome. Can you imagine just one of them trying to herd up all the steers on their own? This isn't some dog-herding sheep challenge. This is life. Life is tough. Life is harsh. Life demands we stick together. Rely on each other – and in reality – if we are honest, at least to my way of thinking, the man up on top – the big boss – the head honcho – he relies the most on others, on all the others who stand below him."
"So, you are saying your father is weak?" Thor frowned, eyebrows now furrowing together in tension.
"Nah. All nine but one, dude. That's what my granddaddy would say. Not dude though. Haha. Well, no. I mean," Jake rolled his eyes, leaned forward and pinned Thor with a clear-eyed gaze. "Think about what I just said. No man can rely on himself alone. We are all of us interconnected. No person is weaker than another."
"So..."
"So, my Dad, Tim, hell, my granddaddy most of all – they are the epitome of strength. They are the West personified. When they were two, they probably climbed up on their own horses and started riding! We often joke that Tim was born in a saddle – and there's probably some truth to it too. Those kinds of folk who ride under the searing blue skies through the great plains of America, they represent all kinds of strength... but in reality, there's no true lone cowboy. There's always Tonto or a horse or a posse or someone. People to rely on, to support us, to keep us on the straight and narrow and call us on our bullshit. The more the better. It's true of me – and it's true of my Dad. That was what my dad first taught Tim and I – no man rides out alone."
A pause.
"That kind of trail leads to stupidity and eventual death. Death not only to you – but to those around you. A good man recognizes those who support him and listens to them, thinks twice, heeds advice and considers the ramifications of his actions. This is doubly true of whoever has been given responsibility."
"Jane once told me that the greatest thing about humans is their ability to unite – for good or ill. Together, she said, the people may achieve greatness, one way or another," Thor repeated slowly. "Together. Moving thus, in the end, they give power to the ones put in charge – not the other way around."
"Yes. Yes," Jake nodded. "If you consider things such as the ranch, it becomes rather clear due to the dangers of the cowboy life. How many times I have seen a stampede get out of control because someone thought they could keep things in line by themselves – or because they did not work with the focus needed by the entire group. My dad cannot stop nature's force or a bunch of stampeding steers by himself any more than I can – but together, together, that is something we can achieve. I have seen my dad birth a calf with his own hands, shoot down a bunch of rabid coyotes a fair distance away, survive the wilderness for long stretches of time – you name it, he's seen it – but even then, he's not idiot enough to think he's got all the answers."
"My father..." Thor said slowly, "seems to always- He ever appears to know all, see all-"
"That's bullshit and you know it."
"Perhaps..."
"No," Jake shook his head. "Maybe he's not in a position to admit weakness or fear or whatever, but the rules apply."
You have not yet met Odin, Thor thought blackly, but then he remembered the officials and General Tyr and the Mage Agaeti. He remembered Odin's constant references to a time when he would be king and Loki would be there to help Thor, give Thor advice, to be Thor's voice within the diplomatic arena. I do not need aid to be king, Thor had sniffed, brushing off his father's words with annoyance. Loki's place is at my side, certainly, but half of his advice- Thor had never finished thanks to Odin's angry response and the two had dropped the conversation. Now, thinking back on it, Thor thought he had a glimmer of understanding.
That day.
That day.
...That is pride and vanity talking not leadership! Have you forgotten everything I taught you - about a warrior's patience, a warrior's ability to strategize and plan?...
His father's disappointment.
...I was a fool. I was a fool to think you were ready for the throne of Asgard. That you were worthy of that title. For many years, we prepared you. For this day, we all worked – in vain, I see now. In vain...
His father's judgement.
...You are unworthy of these realms; you are unworthy of your title. You are unworthy - of the loved ones you have betrayed...
Thor thought about his arrival on Earth. His headlong struggle. His thoughtless rush. Jane's remonstrances. Selvig's warnings. None of which he had heeded. He had hastened to Mjolnir and harmed innocents along the way. Thor remembered the dark-suited men loading up white vans with Jane's machines and research. Not entirely innocent... yet they had no quarrel with him and he had brought war to their camp.
Coulson had attempted to speak with him, but Thor's anguish and desperation, his denial and onset of depression, had stunned the ex-Asgardian into silence. Even Selvig's arrival could not cheer Thor up, ultimately. The devastation gnawed away at him like a hungry wolf chewing on the bones of its prey. True, Selvig's rescue had enabled Thor to find Jane again, but it ended with Thor's discovery that life at the side of a scholar was no life for him. Not yet at any rate, Thor had decided.
Jane was busy, legitimately busy and wanted and sought after in her own field of research. Like Loki, Thor thought, remembering all the times his younger brother had been brought to a halt on their way out somewhere thanks to some supplicant wishing Loki's advice – magical or otherwise – on some matter or another. As with Loki, Thor found it hard to sustain interest or ability within that world and often drifted off to other activities. In the end, Jane had been no different, especially when it was discovered that she had need of travelling abroad to other observatories to watch the night sky.
Thor could not follow.
For the first time in his life, it seemed as if he were some debilitated elder or fish-wife, watching at the gates of Asgard or on the wharf edging the sea, looking out and waiting for the return of some space or sea faring loved one or family. His place was now constricted. Constricted by necessity, Thor realized, corralled by need. A need to show my strength, a need for independence and now, as I gain the coin of this land for my sustenance and lodging, a necessary reliance on support.
Life is hard. Life is hateful. Yet, Jane was right. There is hope too – as long as we remember the important things in life. In the end, the things you most wish for is not Asgard's great halls or mounds of gold or its plenteous riches, nor the sessions of council meetings, nor even the war. In the end, you miss those faces whom you loved the most.
Father. Mother. Loki. Sif. Volstagg. Hogun. The captains of the guard. The warriors. The fish-wives and their beleaguered husbands. The merchants and the visiting elves and dwarves.
In the end, it is the people. The people whom you endangered. Thor rubbed his eyes, forcing back stinging tears of dismay and humiliation. I risked it all in a fit of pride and passion. I risked it all and lost it all.
Mjolnir was the least of it.
Thor sighed again – this time a long rattling sigh filled with suppressed tears. He stared up at the stars and for the first time found himself appreciating their ethereal beauty. From a distance, he could almost hear Loki's familiar drone about some constellation's movement or Frigga's off-hand comment about solstices or farming. He could hear his father's increasingly rare laughter.
[...drifting...]
[...the wind carries it onward...]
[...the silences hold the secrets...]
[...and the truths...]
After two months of living in Midgard, Thor had begun to find the place unbearable as though its very soil and sky were bars of an invisible prison. His spirit, ever charged with wanderlust from the day of his birth, had ached for escape, had desired war, had sought for honour once again. Thus seeds of discontent took hold and grew rapidly as the days passed onward, fed by the eternal rains of disappointment and sadness.
Thor hated Midgard. He hated the overly hot sun and blinding glare of sand, the rarity of water, the weakness inherent to mortal beasts, the incomprehensible words of the older ranch hands, the odd traditions common in that area and the new life he had no choice but to embrace. Thor hated the uncertainty, the weakness, the inability now bestowed upon him. He hated the uncomfortable tension between him and the organization called SHIELD, now exacerbated by his second 'visit' (which had ended with Coulson telling him that they would be 'keeping an eye on him'). He hated spinach and the odd creatures called shrimp and the weak piss they called 'light beer'.
He hated the cow. That one bull.
Yet...
and yet...
There were other things. There was starlight and warm winds and variable seasons. There was coffee and Pop-tarts and 'phones'. There was the waitress, Shauna, who knew his order every time he went into town. There was Jake and Tim and Mr. Kresky and Mr. Coulson and Selvig and Darcy and... Jane.
There was life. There was hope.
Perhaps, perhaps, the future is not as grim as I feared.
So there you go. Thor has made A LITTLE BIT OF A JOURNEY. He's obviously not figured out the importance of responsibility over personal glory and he's still a racist (when it comes to the Jotunn), but he's taken a first important step. I hope this was believable... the setting and the whole talking and the character growth. Let me know if there are any errors - spelling wise or plot wise! Thanks again!
Let me know what you guys thought!
-KI
Alien Glossary:
'auzha – fucker
bollen - boulders/monoliths
chi'iano – a radioactive piece of rock similar to uranium
cho'ai - lover
Dou'ma – idiot
Eno'Keshi'ko – the system of Eno, a type of magical level measurements
Fen'chi Galaxy – Andromeda Galaxy
gan'ga'war – steel balls
gan'ko – ganka'jya chon, a steel beetle
iz'kyr – a kind of frozen stone powder which is used as a narcotic for some species
Ka'autha'ndarna - Reality
kalo – a kind of purple-red fruit, similar to a pomegranate or dragonfruit
Kholathan – Safety Belt/Protected Zone
kol-sava'atha – a titanium-rich ore
kon'bi – short for konji'bifu, space bat
lasu – space rat
l'gon – storyteller
Morning-star - a mace
myech'myena - shape-shifting
Mye'hyoi Peyt – Milky Way
n'ch'nka – a kind of cow
oma'auzha – mother-effer
oto'oa - big sister
pu'lotni – plutonium
pye'nee - a kind of bird
Ra'ska'yeh o Phyllo'xia – Tales of Phylloxia
roobyn – a red stone
r'senk'ne – a kind of deer/cow hybrid
Shen'grid – the Protected Zone, the zone in which habitable planets orbit around a sun
Shi'nuwu – Reality/Yggdrasil
sigan – short for yan'sigan, rock-worm
So'shah – Earth/Midgard
syem'fyerma – family/community farm
Tai'shu – The Void
tro'watal – perseverance
udji'oo – a drug, like opium
whota – wheat