A/N – Sorry for leaving the last chapter on a cliff-hanger… all stories need the odd one or two now and again eh! So, here we go… reviews for this Chapter would definitely be appreciated, it took a while for me to get it how I wanted it (just hope you all think I managed to get it right!)
Chapter 64 - The Light
Darkness.
Complete darkness.
Okay, what was happening to me?
And why couldn't I feel the ground?
I felt… unattached… to my senses, my limbs… the only thing I seemingly had any control over were my thoughts…
Think, think…
What was happening to me? Why couldn't I see anything? Why couldn't I recollect anything?
Why?
Why?
There had to be some explanation…
And why did I feel submerged, yet light as a feather at the same time? Like I was floating… or drifting, slowly upwards…
Yes, I was definitely floating now… though my entire body felt heavy. Heavy and cumbrous. And my mind, listless and slow…like it was pleading with me to forget what had happened.
What had happened?
Noises.
I could hear faint noises now but my brain was unable to make any sense of where they were coming from, who they were coming from. Why couldn't I hear them properly? Why did they sound bated and muffled, like someone had placed their hands over my ears?
You need to calm down, and think… why do the noises lack clarity and distinction? Is it because they are too far away? Or are you too far away? Is there even a difference? Why do those noises sound so far away, yet near? Contradictions, so many variances…
Listen, try and focus on those low-pitched sounds… look, see where they are coming from…
Everything was still so dark… like I was standing in the middle of a tunnel, the noises coming from somewhere far ahead… I couldn't make them out, there were too many echoes.
Wait.
I could see something… or perhaps my brain was playing tricks on me.
No, I could definitely make out something… from below me… or was it someone…
No… this couldn't be right… I was deluded, I had to be…
It's you Bella.
No, no… it couldn't be… me?
It's you Bella.
How could it be me?
I was here, not down there… why were there two of me? Why was I so far up and yet so far down, at the same time?
Nothing was making any sense to me anymore.
I couldn't be in two places at the same time; it was a physical impossibility…
"Bella"
"Bella, No…."
"Please…. No….Bella…."
Someone was calling my name… like a tape recording on repeat… who was saying my name…
Where were they?
Who were they?
It was all still so faint.
I felt myself blink. I know I was blinking, because I could feel it… but as I looked down at myself, at the other Bella, I realised her eyes were firmly closed, tightly shut… yet I could see, even though she couldn't…
I could see everything now…
No, this couldn't be happening.
As my vision became clearer, and the darkness subsided, I felt myself blink again.
"Bella"
That noise again…clearer this time…
"Don't die, Bella, please don't die…."
Die?
Why would I die?
I was right here… wherever here was. I was subsisting, why couldn't they see that?
All of a sudden, someone or something flicked a switch in my brain; the sound was no longer muffled…
"Bella"
It was Alice.
Alice was calling my name, seemingly hysterically… but why couldn't I see her? My eyes were open; I was here… somewhere above what was down there…
Is this what happens when you die?
I didn't like that voice, my voice, the one that was playing around inside my brain.
I couldn't remember how I got here…
But then, I couldn't remember how I got down there either…
"Alice"
Another voice… I knew that voice… think Bella, think…
And then I saw him.
I saw all three of them, surrounding me… not the me who was up here, not the me whose eyes were clearly open, not the me who was thinking… but the me that was down there, the one who wasn't moving, the one whose eyes were closed… the one who was…
Bleeding.
Dark, red blood seeping from somewhere… trickling from me… but I wasn't bleeding, I felt fine… the me, up here…
But the me, down there… she looked far from fine…
"Oh my god, Bella…."
Another voice… I knew that voice too…
"You're a doctor, please… Carlisle, do something…."
Charlie… his voice almost unrecognisable… hoarse, frantic, broken…
I couldn't be here, because I needed to be down there… I needed to open my eyes and tell Charlie, and Alice… tell them I was going to be fine…
I can't leave you both, not now… not ever…
"Alice"…
This time it was me who shouted out her name, not Carlisle…
But nothing.
Nothing escaped my lips, I was moving them… I know I was moving them…but no sound.
And I knew why.
The Bella down there… her lips were sealed… she wasn't talking…. Was she even breathing?
Alice, Carlisle, Charlie… I'm up here…
Why didn't they look up? Surely Alice and Carlisle's vampire senses should detect that there were two of us…
Why were there two of us, why was she down there and why was I up here?
Up here….
Realisation finally hit me.
You're dying Bella.
So this is what it felt like, to die.
My body; down there, with them.
And my mind and spirit; up here… alone.
While she was down there, bleeding… approaching death… I was up here, abandoned, and no longer attached to anyone or anything.
This couldn't be happening, please god… not now.
I can't lose Alice… I can't leave her down there, alone, with merely my empty shell…
I can't leave them, all of them, I love them… it's not my time; please tell me this isn't my time?
"We're losing her, Alice"
Carlisle's words cut into me…
I was going to die, and I was going to lose Alice… forever…
"No, no… no…"
Alice was shaking her head vehemently…
"NO" she screamed, as she crouched over me, her hands in my hair, on my face, shaking my shoulders…
"Don't leave me" she whispered, her voice torn…
I could see them, now. Carlisle, Charlie and Alice… my Alice… all surrounding my body. Alice now holding onto my hand tightly…
"Bella… open your eyes, please, open your eyes" she almost sobbed as she brought my hand to her lips.
Yet I couldn't feel it, from up here.
I glanced at my hand, and…
Nothing.
No feeling.
Just numbness.
I didn't want to die. It wasn't my time to die. Why was I bleeding? Why couldn't I remember getting hurt?
I continued to bleed, I could see it so clearly now. The blood, on my chest, my white vest absorbing it… Carlisle's hand pressed down over the wound…
The wound… how did I get that wound… think, Bella… the answer is there, on the perimeter of your brain, waiting to be let in… let it in… remember…
A gunshot.
Someone had… Shot at you…
No, someone had shot you…
Reuben.
Had.
Shot.
You.
Reuben had shot you…how pathetic and weak…
"Carlisle, please save her… please…" Charlie whispered as he rested both his hands on the sides of my face.
Her face…
Yet still…nothing.
I couldn't feel his touch.
More movement from below… someone else… no, two others… who were they?
"You can save her Alice"
Who said that? Wait… Jake… yes, it was Jake, standing beside… Rose! Both looked… shell shocked. Jake was shaking, his eyes red as Rosalie held a pale hand across her mouth, also shaking…
Yes, you can save me… please…
Carlisle lent over me… I couldn't see myself anymore, but I knew I was there, bleeding…
"You need to decide now Alice; she doesn't have a lot of time left"
Time.
How I had taken time for granted.
And now?
Mine was running out… I had been born, and the timer had been turned as the grain of sands leisurely fell…
But now?
Now, Reuben had picked up the timer and thrown it against the wall where it had broken into hundreds of tiny pieces, so small they could never be humanly put back together again…
Unless…
"I can't lose her, I can't…but I never asked her Carlisle… what if she didn't want this…"
Bite me.
Bite me Alice.
Bite me, and save me.
You never had the chance to tell her…
Alice, please, bite me… I can't lose you… I want this, I want this more than anything… please, hear me, hear my words…
Heat.
I could feel warmth on the side of my face.
Where was it coming from?
The light, Bella. It's coming from the light, the light that is coming for… you…
No.
I wasn't ready.
No…
"She wanted this, Alice. Please believe me… she wanted this…"
That voice… Rosalie… yes, tell her Rose… please tell her… I want this Alice, I want to be with you, eternally… I always wanted that… please tell her before the light engulfs me…
The light was getting warmer… and closer…
Terror… I felt pure terror…. I wasn't ready to leave… I would never be ready…
I tried to ignore the light as it started to bath the side of my body.
I watched as Rose lent down and placed a hand on Alice's shoulder… "You know how I feel about this Alice… you know I would never lie to you… she wanted it…"
Yes, I wanted it… it's all I wanted… tell her Rose, please make her see, make her understand...
"Alice can save her, Charlie… if you'll let her"
Jake's voice again… I watched as he crouched over Charlie and pulled him up… "Let her" he almost pleaded, his voice also broken as Charlie looked down at me… his eyes wild with confusion…
Let her, dad… please… she's all I have that will stop the light from taking me…
"I don't… understand…" he stumbled, as tears ran down across his cheeks.
And then he looked up…. at the light that was pulling at me, it's only quest to take me into the unknown, some afterworld where I would exist alone until my loved ones passed on to join me…
But Alice… she never would… she would never join me, there…
No, no… I won't let you take me away from her, please – I don't want this… I can't be in a place without Alice; I'd die all over again and again…
"You can't take her" he almost spat out as he looked back down at Carlisle and Alice…
"Do whatever you have to do to save my daughter"
Bite me… please Alice… I love you and I can't leave you…
Do it, before the light takes me away from you completely… I can feel it now; it's nearly covering my entire body…
Do it, do it…
"Do it, I love you…"
I hadn't heard that voice since I floated up here…
It's your voice Bella…
I blinked… my mouth was moving… not just my mouth, but her mouth… the Bella down there… she had spoken..
I had spoken.
I watched as the light started to pull at me.
"I love you Bella" Alice whispered as she lent down…
She was visibly shaking as her lips rested on my neck…
I could feel those lips… a slight caress… I could feel it, from up here…
Do it. Alice, I prayed, as the light started to pull, firmer now.
"I love you" she whispered again against my skin as Carlisle gripped at her shoulder and Jake placed a hand on Charlie's arm. Rosalie took a small step back and closed her eyes.
Esme… I could see Esme now, standing behind Rosalie, with Jasper, Emmet and Edward, deep affliction etched across their beautiful features…
I can't leave you all now, I love you all, I want this I mentally screamed, as Edward's gaze fell onto me… but not the me down there, the me up here… he looked right at me…
And smiled.
"Do it Alice" he whispered.
What happened next was a blur as the light battled with my will… and battled with Alice's lips as she lent in further and bit me…
Alice was biting me…
Biting me…
I could feel a slight throb as I felt myself tumble down…
And down….
I was falling…
Plunging from the unknown into the unknown.
And I had left the light far above me as it slowly started to withdraw…
"Alice"
My voice, it was my voice, and it was coming from my lips… my lips from down here… I felt my eyes flutter open….
I was no longer up there, merely down here, with Alice.
My Alice.
And then the pain hit me….