Why was I was so disappointed?
Not in myself.
I had tried to catch Sam's gaze not once, not twice, but three unsuccessful times, but with Samwise acted as if I hadn't pulled up my chair next to him, and made it so painfully obvious that I wanted to talk to him tonight.
"You trying to get a kiss out of Sam-" Nick and Nibs make kissy faces at me, while Jolly looks like he would fall over if it weren't for a still sober Tom that had spent the time flirting and enjoying himself with Mentha.
I was jealous of their fun.
Because Sam had made me feel like the ugliest female in the Shire.
"Don't make that face Rosie, you'll get wrinkles," Tansy takes my hand, and pats the top of it.
She tries to comfort me, "forget him Rosie! Remember what mother says," there is a hint of beer that wafts from her tongue, she is drunk too, "be picky, because any hobbit would be lucky to have you."
I felt like I had explained this a hundred times. To her. To our mother, and to myself.
"I don't want just any hobbit. I want Sam."
"You're ridiculous."
"I sure feel that way."
Despite being drunk she picks up on the glum cloud that was following me home. "Listen Rosie, he doesn't even look like he cares for a wife. You trying harder isn't going to fix that."
"How do you know for sure?"
She sighs at my stubbornness. "You could be wasting all your time with him, and he could never see you in that way. Then what would happen then? You would have let all the good ones get away." and for once I listen to her.
"Maybe, your right Tansy," my four rowdy and drunk brothers catch up with us, and so I don't get to tell her of my decision.
My painful decision to let go of my dreams of marrying Samwise Gamgee.