Chapter 72 – Craze
Reuben's POV
She did it.
She actually did it…
And he let her!
And they think I am the mentally deranged one!
But you are deranged Reuben, it's the only condition that allows you to be the person you have always wanted to be… without it you would be nothing… you would be an empty shell devoid of emotion...
I am not deranged! How many times do I have to tell you? You never listen to me. I am balanced, and rational…
A hypocrite…that's what you both are…
Carlisle Cullen, the biggest hypocrite of them all. How you pretend to possess principles… how you tell others you are a strong believer in virtue… yet you stood by and let her turn a human into a vampire! Where are your morals now, Doctor?
Pah, you never had any morals. You let Alice bite Bella. And you let the Volturi torture me. And you stood by and watched as they asked me to leave...
You could have asked for his help, Reuben. You never actually asked him... you assumed he would help you and take pity on you because he was the only one who you actually paid any attention to... the only one who intrigued you... the only one you envied because of his self control... admit it Reuben, you liked Carlisle...
Like? Like! I hated him...
And Alice… tut tut… I always knew you were feigning… it all got too much for you in the end, didn't it my sweet? She was bleeding, and you couldn't control your thirst for the blood… the human blood…
Not so very different are we Alice?
But you shot Bella, Reuben. You made her bleed…
A mere casualty of war… I wasn't the one who bit her, was I? Oh no… I wasn't the one who turned her…
Of course, you still don't recollect do you Alice. You still have no idea it was me who turned you… all those years ago, watching you… waiting for my chance to make you mine, to taste you…
Not so very different are we Alice? Both battling to taste what was rightfully ours… oh, how you tasted… tell me, did Bella taste the same?
Carlisle and Alice, how you both stand and judge me… yet you are no better…
I applaud you, I really do… I never thought you were capable Alice… all those years ago, when I turned you… when I saved you…
You bit her Reuben, you turned her into a vampire, she never asked you to, you decided… you never asked her if that's what she wanted… not once... you assumed, again. Oh Reuben, how you always assume...
Of course it's what she wanted! I saved her!
I was the only one who cared about you, the only one who watched you exist in that… hell hole. How everyone mocked and jeered you. Nobody understood you, not like I did. They all emitted so much scorn and disapproval, but not me… I saved you from a life of insanity; I made you what you are today. Before me they all thought you were demented, a lunatic…
I took that madness and mania, and I made you strong and powerful…
And not once did you thank me…
Thank you? You honestly expected her to thank you? Reuben, your grip on reality is fading. Do you remember how you felt when you were changed? Did you feel an ounce of thanks then? Well, did you?
Of course I was thankful. I hated my human life. I hated everything about it...
You remember your human life, then? Because I do... and it wasn't that bad Reuben... not really...
Stop it, stop talking to me, I don't want to talk about me anymore, this isn't about me...
How I remember the look in your eyes when I took that first bite Alice…
Confusion and fear.
Of course she was afraid, you found her and you took her in the middle of the night Reuben! And then you bared your teeth and you bit her…
Of course I bit her, how else could I save her? Save her from her inner demons? Save her from the daily scorn that was thrown at her, from her family, her doctors, even the other patients…
I was a fool to think you would adapt, a fool to think you would accept the gift I gave you, a fool to think you would thank me and forever be by my side where you belonged…
Because this is what it all boils down to isn't it Reuben, you hate being alone... when you were human, when I was human, you weren't alone... you had someone... and you wanted someone again...
Lies. All you speak is lies... you're not me, you have never been me, you merely exist in my head, a voice... you're not me...
I recall your words Alice as if you spat them at me only moments ago…
"What have you done to me…? I despise you…"
You despise me? I who saved you?
And as I watched you cower, and shake… and cry… I knew then what I mistake I had made. You were supposed to be strong and appreciative Alice… not weak and ungrateful…
And the way you looked at me, with contempt in your eyes, contempt for the one who saved you…
Did you really save her Reuben?
Shut up! Shut up! I refuse to listen to you; you know nothing about me… nothing…
But I am you Reuben…
I should have finished you off, then. I should have bled you dry… if only I hadn't been interrupted…
I often wondered what happened to you. I always knew we would meet again, although I never expected this…
I, who gave you a gift… how ironic that it was actually you who gave me one… made me so much more stronger than before… so much more… adaptable…
Alice gave you the gift Reuben, so why do you hate her so much? Why do you despise Alice, Reuben... you loved her once... otherwise you wouldn't have bit her, you would have killed her immediately...
How dare you despise me Alice... despise me for biting you, for turning you, when you did exactly the same thing to Bella...
Reuben, Reuben… calm down… this agitation is getting us nowhere...
Bella.
Oh, how I wish I had been the one to turn her.
If you hadn't shot her, she would still be a human...
I refuse to listen to you any longer, I won't be subjected to this... you know nothing about me, you don't understand why I do the things I do, how could you? You're just a voice. A pathetic voice with no substance.
Look at her… look how she sits with her father… talking about what has happened… look at her, look how calm she is… look how thankful she looks!
My dear Bella, if only I had been the one… you would have thanked me for making you stronger, you would have acknowledged the gift I gave you, you would have stayed with me for eternity…
So very different to Alice.
I know now, oh it's so very clear to me now…
This is my destiny.
You, Bella Swan, are my destiny.
Alice was merely a… step… in the right direction. Merely part of the plan.
Its you Bella… you are the one fate has chosen for me.
We are so very alike, you and I…
All I need to do is make you see that. Make you see that I am the one you should be with, not Alice… not any of the Cullen's… they're all hypocrites…
What about Jake, Reuben? You haven't forgotten about him have you? Must I always be the one to remind you?
Of course I haven't… it will give me so much satisfaction extinguishing his light, as I should have done before…
When you shot Bella instead…
Its all part of the plan, I understand that now. The bullet was meant for Bella all along, for now she is what I am… strong and powerful, I may not have been given the opportunity to change her myself, but at least now she is my perfect partner… she'll see… Ill make her see…
And what about the others, Reuben? Don't forget about the others…
Stop taunting me! I know exactly what I need to do…
I'm going to take her away from you, Alice.
I'm going to show you what raw pain feels like when the one you love, disappears…
I'm going to break your world into small fragments and watch as they disintegrate gradually…
I'm going to watch your parents as they torment themselves for allowing you to turn Bella… and lose Bella…
I'm going to inflict so much anxiety and worry on your siblings as they watch you fall apart, knowing there is nothing they can do to help you…
I'm going to make you regret the day you despised me.
Hide and seek, my normal game,
Yet now I find it's far too tame.
Instead one message I will leave,
Addressed to Bella, this very eve.
I'll tell you how the wheel has turned,
I'll tell you all that I have learned.
I'll tell you all about our fate,
I'll tell you why you are my mate.
Life isn't that simple Reuben, she may not want to be with you…
Of course she will.
And if she doesn't…
Well…
I'll make her.