Chapter 36 - The Bitter Taste of Victory
Hey babe,
Just a quick note to tell you that I'm alive. Don't have the energy for more right now. We're just going to stop at Omega for a little celebration and then I'm coming home to you. Told you I would keep my promise!
Also, I might have done something to piss The Illusive Man off somewhat fierce. Or if I haven't yet, I will do that very shortly. I know I might be putting you in danger by doing this, so be careful. Even if I don't think he will react as quickly. Just... be careful. See you soon.
Love, Morgan
Shepard hits the 'send' button, before switching on the comms. "What's the ETA to Omega, Joker?"
"Thirty minutes, give or take," comes the reply.
"Perfect, thanks."
"Kasumi?" Shepard asks, stepping inside the young thief's quarters. She is sitting on the floor cross-legged, eyes closed, body perfectly still in meditation. "Can we talk?"
Her eyes open, but avoid facing Shepard. "What about?" she asks, no sign of her usual cheerfulness.
"I heard of what happened. Just thought... it might help to talk about it," Morgan clumsily suggests.
"You want to talk?" Kasumi's voice is full with disbelief. "You don't want to talk to me, you are probably regretting bringing me with you!"
"Why would I ever feel that way, Kasumi?" Shepard asks softly.
"Because, I... I..." she falters, turning away. "I got them both killed. I... failed."
"Don't think like that," Morgan sits on the floor next to her, putting her arm on the young thief's shoulder. "Zaeed did not die because you were slow at closing the doors. If he hadn't shouted at you and interrupted your work, he probably would have lived. That one was not your fault."
"You know this isn't about Zaeed."
"I figured it might not be, yeah," Shepard nods. "But you saved Jacob's life when you took his place in those ventilation shafts. In a way, he... returned the favor by saving your life in return."
"Didn't want him to do that. Would have never asked..." Kasumi sobs. "Better me than him, I would have at least been with Keiji again..."
"Come here," Shepard wraps her arms around her crying comrade, holding her tightly. "You really liked him, didn't you."
"Yes. And I thought he was starting to notice me, too... just so unfair. Why is life so unfair, Shep?"
"I don't know Kasumi, but I do see what you mean. Liara and I, we... never seem to have any time for ourselves during all these years. Maybe we're just meant to be miserable," she makes a sad attempt at a chuckle.
"Sure feels that way sometimes," Kasumi nods.
"I just don't want you to feel guilty over something that isn't your fault. Once the dust settles, you will realize that yourself, I'm sure," Shepard says, trying not to think of Samara as she speaks. Now and then, she finds herself staring at her hands, feeling the justicar's blue blood still flowing across her palms, staining them, the guilt burning like acid on her skin.
"Knowing that you don't blame me is a good start, Shep," Kasumi manages to sound a little less depressed. "Maybe... maybe I just need to find something to do. What's next on the agenda for you?"
"Well, I... planned to bring this bird back home to the Alliance," Shepard says.
"Oh... right," Kasumi realizes. "You'll need to drop us off at some point."
"Yeah..." Morgan admits. "Sorry about that."
"Actually... Omega's not a bad spot for someone looking to forget everything else about their lives..." Kasumi muses thoughtfully. "At least for a few days. Yeah, I'm getting off at Omega. Should probably start packing my gear."
Shepard reaches out and takes Kasumi's hand in hers, squeezing it gently. "There's no rush. But for what it's worth... it was a pleasure to have met you, Kasumi-san."
"Miranda?" she asks, opening the doors to her XO's quarters. "Can I come in?"
"What... oh yes, Shepard. Come in," Miranda looks tired, for once not appearing perfect. She sits slumped at the desk, holding her head in her hands.
"Everything alright?" Shepard asks, feeling a little surprised and worried about Miranda's appearance.
"No. Everything is... most definitely not alright," Miranda replies hoarsely. "I just had a... very difficult conversation with The Illusive Man. He was... rather vocal about some of your actions as of late."
"Already, huh? I haven't even begun pissing him off properly," Shepard shrugs, taking a seat opposite to Miranda. "He wanted something from me while I was busy blowing up the Collector base."
"Yes... he was having... second thoughts about it," Miranda admits. "He wanted you to preserve it for Cerberus. To use its resources against the Reapers. Something like that..." she adds tiredly.
"Your thoughts? All that Reaper tech in The Illusive Man's hands?" Morgan asks. "Sounds like a good idea to you? Something you would trust him to use responsibly? Without risking to become indoctrinated?"
Miranda takes a deep breath, finally fixing a firm stare at her. "No, I... that's why I said my conversation with him was... very difficult," she says quietly. "That was the first time I went against his orders. He was... unhappy."
"I'm proud of you, Miranda. I really am. For what it's worth," Shepard says, feeling deeply touched.
"More than you might realize..." Miranda admits. "Still, I... this puts us both into difficult position. I think he realizes that you have no intentions of continuing to work with him."
"I don't have any such intentions, no," Morgan nods. "I was hoping you would come to a similar decision yourself."
"I... would have thrown my resignation in his face, but then... then I remembered one thing," Miranda says. "Oriana. If I walk out on him, The Illusive Man will want revenge. I must move Oriana yet again. I... cannot forgive myself for doing this to her."
"You might want to consider handing in that resignation, until you have secured your sister's safety, Miranda."
"That is what I will do. Gods, back then you were right, Shepard, and I was so blind in my faith in him! How could I have been so stupid?"
"On this occasion, I take no joy in being proven right, Miranda," Shepard says quietly.
"Considering your plans to return to the Alliance, and my need to maintain an illusion of still being loyal to Cerberus..." Miranda speaks. "Commander, I think it would be in the best interests of us both if you ordered me to leave the ship and never to return."
Morgan nods wordlessly. "It's... stupid, really," she adds a while later.
"What is?" Miranda looks at her.
"There was time when I couldn't wait to kick you off my ship," Morgan admits. "But now when I have to, I find myself... not wanting to. Not anymore. I've grown to... respect, even admire you in a way."
"That... means a lot to hear, Commander," Miranda's smile is serene.
"If I could ask you for one favor, before you leave," Morgan looks at her. Miranda nods in reply. "It might be best if you took the Cerberus crew with you when you disembark. Chambers is back on her feet, and while I would wish to keep Ken and Gabby, I don't think it would be a good idea. Joker and Chakwas will stay on with me."
"Very well, I will inform them to make preparations for leaving," Miranda says.
Shepard rises from the chair and is about to leave Lawson's quarters, when she suddenly remembers something she has been meaning to say. "Oh yes, I almost forgot. My condolences about Jacob."
"Thank you, Commander. He was a... good man. Too good for Cerberus, really," there is a brief flicker of sadness in Miranda's eyes. "But if you want to comfort someone, it should be that girl, Kasumi. I hear she's taking it hard."
"It's been taken care of," Shepard says, before leaving. "Goodbye, Miranda. And the best of luck to you..."
Feeling tired, she watches the others spin in the crowd of dancers in the Afterlife, the sharp techno beat failing to set her feet in motion, the weariness in her heart making her immune to the desire of joining the revelry. Jack and Grunt are there, and Tali has dragged Garrus to the dance floor as well, and Morgan smiles briefly at how uncomfortable her turian friend looks out there. She has chosen to remain at the table she shares with Karin Chakwas, Thane and Mordin, working on emptying the bottle of brandy before her at faster than the recommended pace.
We've defeated the Collectors. We won. I can go home. To Liara, to the Alliance. Why do I feel so... I don't even know like what. I should be happy. For once, she thinks, pouring in another glass. Maybe I'm not happy because of all the new scars we've acquired. The people we lost. The new things to feel guilty about. About having to watch my friends leave again...
"Shouldn't you be out there, Commander?" Chakwas looks at her, pointing at the dance floor.
"Maybe later," she shrugs in reply. "How are you holding up, Doc? That... couldn't have been easy, what you had to go through."
"No, I... I will probably never stop thinking about how close I came to death. How easily I could have been one of those you did not reach in time," there is something haunting in Chakwas' voice, enough to make Shepard shudder lightly. "I'm holding up, Commander, but as for when I will be... at peace with what happened, I cannot say that."
Shepard nods quietly, turning to Mordin, sitting next to Dr. Chakwas. "Any place that I can drop you off at, Mordin? Citadel?" she asks.
"Omega acceptable. Will broker flight to Sur'Kesh," the salarian replies.
"Promise me one thing, Mordin. Don't forget Maelon. Don't forget Wrex. And don't forget Tuchanka."
Mordin's eyes fix on hers for a long time, before he replies slowly. "Won't forget, Shepard. Won't forget time working with you, Commander," he smiles. "Proud to have served, Shepard."
"Likewise, Commander," Thane joins in the conversation. "I knew you would lead us to victory, siha. I am proud to have been part of it, at the twilight of my life."
"Thanks, Thane," she smiles. "You probably want to get to the Citadel. Spend time with Kolyat. I can arrange-"
He quickly brings up his hands in protestation. "No, no, it is not necessary. Getting to Citadel from Omega is simple, you need not bother on my behalf."
Suddenly, Shepard feels a pair of hands around her shoulders, trying to pull her out of her chair. She looks up to see Tali struggling to get her to rise. "Come on, Shepard... join us," her quarian friend tries to convince her.
"Fine, fine..." Shepard finally agrees. "But with one condition. I need to talk to you and Garrus first."
"Sure. Over here, Garrus!" Tali shouts, seeing that Garrus is on his way back from the bar, returning with their drinks.
"I swear that asari at the bar is trying to hit on me," Garrus sighs, sitting down at the table and raising his glass. "Ah, just what was needed."
"Okay, can we be serious for a bit?" Shepard admonishes them both. "I need you two to do me a favor."
"Of course, Shepard. Anything, just name it," Tali replies earnestly.
"I need you to take Legion back to his people, beyond the Veil," Shepard says. "I can't just dump him here on Omega and expect him to get back on his own. Despite everything... he has served us faithfully. I don't want to condemn him to being shot just for being geth."
Tali chuckles. "If someone on the Fleet knew about me escorting geth to safety... they would probably stop harboring these ideas of promoting me to the rank of admiral." She then suddenly perks up with realization. "You know, Shepard, I'll do it!" she says.
"Thanks, Tali," Shepard smiles. "Any plans after that? I'd love to stay in touch... for real, this time."
"I don't know, Shepard... I will probably have to return to the Migrant Fleet soon," Tali shrugs. "Then... we'll see. I won't forget about you, I promise."
"What about you, Garrus?" she asks the turian.
"I'll get in touch as soon as I can, Shepard," he replies, but any more banter is interrupted when Tali impatiently and unceremoniously drags them back towards the other dancers.
"Glad to see you join us, Shepard!" Jack shouts at them, moving like a small, angry tornado. Even her style of dancing is full on tension and aggression. "Thought you were going to sit down at the table all evening with those old farts!"
"Well, I am quickly becoming an old fart myself," Shepard grudgingly admits, starting to give herself away to the rhythm of the beat, her feet and hands taking over the rest of her body. "You okay with getting dumped on Omega, yeah?" she asks Jack.
"Sure. Dig this place," the psychotic-biotic grins in reply. "Just want to make sure to catch the Cheerleader before she gives me the slip."
"Sorry, but she's already off the ship together with the rest of the Cerberus crew," Shepard says, watching Jack stop and face her with an angry glare.
"What the fuck? You went behind my back, you bitch!" she rants. "I thought we had agreed on it, I can have a piece of Miranda once we're done with the Collectors!"
"That's what you really want? Really?" Shepard steps up to her, staring Jack down fiercely. "After all that we've been through, is that still so important to you?"
Jack hesitates. "Fuck... no. I guess not... still, should have told me!" she points accusingly at Morgan.
"She's leaving Cerberus, Jack," Shepard replies simply. "I will not let you touch anyone who comes to that decision."
Jack thinks for a bit, then nodding and resuming her wild dance anew. "Alright, I get that. You're off the hook, Shepard... for now."
Morgan smiles briefly, turning towards Grunt, the other dancers wisely giving him a very wide berth. "You'll have to find your way to Tuchanka on your own, Grunt," she calls out to him. "I sent a message to Wrex. He'll be expecting you soon."
"I'm sure I can convince someone to take me there," Grunt grins widely, pounding his heavy fist against open palm. "So... you're no longer my battlemaster, Shepard."
"No, that dubious honor now belongs to your clan leader," she replies.
"I see. You realize that makes you... a worthy opponent?" Grunt's disturbingly broad grin gains a more vicious hint to it.
"Don't even think about it," Shepard snarls. "I would hate to disappoint Wrex by having to put you down like a rabid varren."
Grunt laughs heartily. "Well spoken, Shepard! Very well, you can keep your life... as long as I can keep Zaeed's stuff."
"Sure. Whatever," Morgan shrugs, turning away.
Everything has been said, everyone has been informed. There is nothing left to do but to live out this night, to give herself to the rhythm, surrender her senses to the brandy induced dizziness, watching the tantalizing shapes of the scantily clad asari dancers. I'll be home soon, Liara. Will you dance for me like that? Just this once, my love... dance for me.