A/n: Hey.ü Another chapter here.ü

Enjoy.ü

By: Aningme

Chapter 18

Dilemma: The Sequel

She just sat there in her old/new sofa in her apartment.

Ginny told her it was the very same sofa she had way before at its very position. But it looked brand new, obviously provided by Draco and all the rest. She looked around at her things and sighed. It seemed like a good place to stay in for a while.

She sighed again, this time deeper, and slumped her back. Everything looked great and she trusted Ginny's word that it was all back in place just like before.

But how come she doesn't feel anything about it?

How must she confront this? How should she accept all these things and solve the broken puzzle?

And how, most importantly, could she be herself again? Everything seemed to be okay prior the accident. Everything looked like it was going great: Relina and her childhood, Ginny and Seamus' growing family, Ron's empire, Neville's climbing career, and her married life.

And now, she seemed to fracture her friend's lives because of all these madness.

She thought of how Relina watched her when theyvisited her, and the confusion lurking in the little girl's eyes. She thought of Ginny's never ending worrying and fussing. She thought of Ron's attention being split into half with his businesses and her needs. She thought of Seamus efforts of cheering her up, of reminiscing memories that she couldn't remember. She thought of Draco being the one who's hurt the most, doing everything for her and loving her as much as he does.

And she thought of the baby sleeping inside her womb, motherless.

She couldn't be its mother like this. She didn't think she could handle it.

She didn't know if she could love it as much as a mother should. Her feelings and emotions were torn and bruised so much, she couldn't determine what to feel.

And most of all, Harry's driving her nuts.

Willing herself not to cry, she shook her head and shut her eyes to clear her head. She couldn't even settle into one concrete thought about everything.

She stood up and reached for the phone, needing to talk to somebody.

Ron Weasley stared at his office window, watching the busy streets come by as it should. He was tired from all the meetings and proposals scheduled that day. He wanted to take a year off and be a free man.

But heck, he wanted this, didn't he? He liked handling the empire he built, the hardships he put through for it, and for the sweat, blood, and tears he had shed for it.

He, and only he, could run his company like he does.

Smirking at himself, he threw himself on his leather chair and moaned at the comfort of it. How long did he run around meeting conferences and lunch discussions?

Perhaps just too much.

"Sir?" The monotonic voice of his secretary suddenly interjected, her voice emitting from the phone by his desk.

He hissed and turned to it with a glare. "What?"

"Mr. Okinawa from the Tokyo Management is in line 1. He asks to speak to you."

"Tell him I'll call him back. I'm having a break here for pete's sake."

"He says it's urgent."

"I said I'll call him back."

"Alright sir. There's also Mrs. Newberry at the Morgan Foundation property in line two. She begs to speak to you."

"I'll call everyone back in a minute."

"And sir—"

"In a minute." His temper was already lurking into form. He just wanted to sit down for a minute. "Just a damn minute."

"Mrs. Hermione is in line 3."

"Hermio—" He suddenly jerked and grabbed for the phone. "Herm? Herm is that you?"

After a long pause, he heard a soft ruffle on the other line."Ron. It's me."

"Hi." Ron smiled and leaned back on his chair, forgetting about the others. "How are you?"

Hermione smiled. "Just fine."

"I heard you moved back to your apartment."

"I did."

"Oh. What about Malfoy?"

"He's okay. He's in…" She paused, as if to think. "He's in his house."

Ron furrowed his brows and just chuckled. "He actually let you go?"

"He did." Hermione sighed. "He's really kind to me."

"So I hear." He thought and stared absently at a wall. "Though I should say it wouldn't be proper to put his name and 'kind' in the same sentence."

She laughed at that, pleasing him. "He changed, you know."

"I know, I know. Just playing." Ron laughed. "Well, we have some good times." Really good fist fights and name calling. He mused.

"So I heard." She laughed. "Ginny told me all about it."

"About what?" Did he actually say that out loud?

"You know, the heat up between you two. She said you were the one who hated him the most when he was, well, when we were… uhm… seeing each other." It felt awkward to say it. "That's what I'm told."

"When I thought I could clean my records to you." He clucked his tongue in pretend disappointment.

"C'mon Ron." Hermione chuckled. "You're still a clown huh?"

"A butt kicking clown." He corrected. "And a good looking one too."

"Dream on."

"I don't need to dream about it, Herm. I just need a mirror."

"Really Ron." She shook her head. "You must know how to differentiate reality from your imagination."

He furrowed his brows. "You're insulting me, Herm?"

"Well, is that insulting, Ron?"

They both laughed.

"So, how's everything back there? Is the apartment still good?"

"Yeah, it looks really great."

"Looks the same?"

Hermione just smiled. "I can't say."

"Oh." Oops. Stupid. Stupid. STUPID! "It should be. I heard Malfoy got the best damn caretaker in town."

"Yeah, he always wants the best."

"Yeah." Ron agreed. And suddenly frowned. "So… You two are coming along together then?" Besides the separation thing. Poor Malfoy. That must be a kick in the head. Ron contemplated and shook his head in pity for Draco.

"Yes, pretty much." She replied, wincing at herself. He's the reason why I'm calling you Ron. "Okay, a little, I think. Maybe."

"Funny. You can't answer me straight."

"It's not that easy Ron." She sighed in desperation. "I don't know what to do."

"Do about what?"

"Myself." She paused, feeling her throat tighten again. She closed her eyes for a moment and willed it to go away. "For the past few days that I spent with him, I remembered some things, things that troubled me."

Ron stayed silent for a moment, bracing himself for the worst. "What would they be?"

"I did learn that Malfoy and I are married. And that Seamus and Ginny are together, and they have a daughter named Relina. And that you own a heck of a big company. And that I live in a big mansion. And that Harry…" Tears were starting to choke her. "Harry died. I mean… well, I learned about them from you guys. But as I told you before, I remembered some things. By myself. And well… am I making my point?"

Ron wanted to come to her and hug her for the sake of comforting her. He could hear her voice breaking with what he supposed to be tears. "I'm getting you."

"Well, I had some dreams at night. They're weird actually." She stood up and walked towards the windows to stare outside. "I dreamt about Harry. And some days that passed since his death." She wiped at the tears on her cheeks. "I saw myself wanting to jump off a hospital building."

Ron's blood suddenly gone cold. Why didn't Ginny tell him about that? Did she even know about that? "You dreamed that?" He couldn't imagine Hermione thinking of that. He didn't know she suffered that much… Or was suffering that much… "Is that just a dream or a memory?"

"A memory…" Hermione answered. "I'm sure of it. I could still feel the cold wind of winter stinging my skin. I could still feel my will pushing me to the railing…"

He didn't speak for a moment. He wanted to choke Malfoy's life out of his body for letting Hermione leave his house unattended with these damned dreams hunting her at night. "Does Malfoy know about this?"

"He does." She replied. "He gave me a potion for that. Madame Pomfrey made it for me. They said it would stabilize my dreams. It's a part of the process."

Ron sighed in exhaustion. "Why did you think of that?"

"About what?"

"About killing yourself?"

Hermione smiled. "I wanted to talk to you about that. You see… I wanted to be with Harry."

"Harry?" Ron's face paled. "But he's dead."

"I know… That's the point."

"Oh." Ron paused, realization dawning over him. "You still love Harry." He said it more to himself than to her.

Hermione held back a sob. She closed her eyes and breathed deep breaths. "I don't know what I feel."

All of a sudden all those days of Draco searching for Hermione and Hermione hurting and craving to find him in Canada came back to him. It all suddenly felt like it was just yesterday. He once tried to separate them for good. He even almost succeeded at that. But now, another dilemma has arrived.

And he had no idea how to deal with it either. "Hermione… do you love Draco?"

She looked away from the window and went back to the couch, cradling herself. "I… I don't know."

Ron's chest suddenly ached for Draco. What the hell could Malfoy do about that now? "Is that your reason for leaving him?"

"It is…" She sniffed. "Well… partly. One is because I need to think through some things. I need to sort out what's happening and what happened to me, what I feel…" She sucked in a deep breath. "He told me he loved me. And I believe him. But I'm scared because I can't give him back the love that he gives me."

He just listened to her; let her bring it all out. It always has been her habit. Keeping things to herself. He felt relieved for her to trust him with these things. To talk with him about this.

"Hermione, love doesn't need to be equal." He mumbled, smiling. "It just needs to be true. You shouldn't be afraid if you can't give him back anything. Knowing that you really love him even for a little bit will be enough for him. "

She was quiet, pondering over that statement, then smiled, and sniffed again. "You sound like you've been friends with him for a really long time."

"Well, we were enemies for a longer time than we've become friends." Ron pointed out as a matter-of-factly. "But even so, I seem to know him pretty well."

She smiled at that, overwhelmingly pleased. And nodded. "Thank you Ron."

"For what?"

"For being a friend." She sighed, calming herself down. "It's funny; all I remember right now are the times before the war. But then, even before, you're still my best friend."

"You're my best friend Herm. Even when I die." Ron chuckled.

"Thanks, Ron. I needed to hear that." She chuckled. "I really appreciate it."

"You need to talk to him." Ron suddenly said. "Both of you need to talk."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. I know so." He smiled. "Herm, thinking about it, I know how you felt about him before. Honestly, I tried to separate you from him."

Hermione frowned. "What?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I'm still sorry now. But the fact is, I know what both of you went through to be together. I know how both of you loved each other." He paused, emphasizing that. "You may not know what you feel about him now. But I believe you'll know it soon enough."

Hermione stayed silent.

"Talk to him Herm." Ron insisted. "Spend time with him."

She smiled. "I will then. I trust your word." She glanced at the golden ring still gleaming on her finger. "Thanks Ron."

"No problem." He leaned over his desk and propped his arm. "So… What are you going to do now?"

She glanced at her wrist watch. "I still have time to visit him. It's boring to stay here all day anyway."

Ron nodded, a smile sneaking up the corners of his mouth. "Good idea."

It felt like he slept for days.

Forcing his eyes to open, he glanced at his side table clock and cursed. It was already ten in the morning and a headache was screaming in his skull. His eyes burned and throbbed, and his dinner last night was slowly, almost painfully, climbing back up his esophagus. He slept late again, drunk as a pig. It had been a long time since he had any hang over. And so far, this was the worst.

Sitting up, he also noticed a small crystal glass plate holding a blue pill and a glass of water. A Sober Up, he mused, and struggled to reach it. But, feeling shaky, clammy, and feverish, his arm supporting him gave out, staggering him back on the bed and accidentally hitting the crystal glass off the table and into the floor. He panted and hissed, hating the feeling of helplessness.

He couldn't even reach a damn pill, for Merlin's sake.

Forgetting the shattered glass and the lost pill, he struggled to swing his feet on the side of the bed, lift his back straight, and plant his feet stable on the carpeted platform floor. He stumbled and swayed on his way to the bathroom, feeling the need to puke. Sitting beside the gleaming toilet, he leaned over and vomited his guts out. Merlin. What happened to me? He thought, his breathing turning ragged and shallow. His skin was gleaming with cold sweat and his whole body was burning with fever.

"I need a bath…" He tiredly mumbled, feeling his tongue getting thick, and crawled over to the tub. He tried to reach over the knob for closing the drainage, but hardly made it. He swore, closed his eyes for a moment, and reached over the cold water knob instead, having it closer to his range. He let the water sprays soak him, not even minding to take his clothes off, and laid back over the tub. He let out one shaky breath, his system going overload, and closed his eyes, giving in to his exhaustion.

It was just yesterday when she left this huge domicile. And yet, one glance at it never failed to amaze her. She just stood there, right in front of the gate, and stared at it for a full minute. The perfect combination of steel, wood, concrete, and marble astounded her. The placement, position, and maintenance of the trees and shrubs, and flowers seemed to create another world from the world behind the tall walls of this land. It all seemed like a forest, so mysteriously beautiful, with its sleek vines and pure colored buds blooming for the coming spring time.

And in the middle of the forest lay the fortress that Draco Malfoy built.

She stared at it and studied the way the soft sunlight played over the details of the building. Even as the dark thick clouds seemed to loom over it, it still looked marvelous. She almost gaped, just almost, as the fortress seemed to grow beautiful the more she stared at it.

Breathing deep, catching herself, she closed her eyes and smiled, settling herself from her amazement. It was then that she felt the claws of anxiousness gnawing her insides. It was then that she realized she was shivering, not from the coldness of the coming rain, but from her nervousness.

She dragged her eyes from the gates, to her hands, then to the small intercom system embedded on the wall. She hesitantly raised a hand to press the button and found herself halting mid air.

She wasn't sure if she should see him now. She wasn't sure of her intentions, of her purpose, of standing here, on his grounds, when she herself ran away from all of it.

It wasn't like I was running away. She contradicted herself, frowning over her thoughts. I was… Hell… I don't even know what I'm doing here.

She almost dropped her hand from the intercom and walked away, away from him.

But thinking of all he'd done for her, and of what Ron said, she took a deep breath and pressed the button.

"Uhm… excuse me?" She whispered over the intercom. "May I come in?"

A/n: Hm...

Chapter 19 will take a moment...ü

I still need to edit it.ü

Haha... I'm sorry.ü

Heck, I'm always saying sorry.

Am I getting irritable?ü