Chapter 4- Meeting place

The sun hid away for another fortnight, immersing Hogwarts in a foggy, suffocating daze. The temperature was rapidly dropping, in a reckless manner, as the cold, November air itched and ate away the color of the students' skin. The days had shortened as well, dark and uninviting, accompanied loyally by the downpour of heavy rain.

There was nothing particularly graceful about those weeks, and nothing particularly exciting or different about them either. Autumn had reached out to embrace Hogwarts, bringing with it the usual lack of light and death of flora. It was merely another season branching its way in; following the natural cycle of life: it was normal.

So, why did it feel everything but normal?

Draco had spent the last few days extremely attentive to his surroundings, hoping to catch a mild shift in the winds, or maybe a burning sensation in his unfortunate dark mark, maybe just a small change of scenery… Basically anything that could explain why everything around him seemed unsettling and wrong. Yet there was nothing.

The rain poured rhythmically every morning and every end of afternoon; and clouds embraced the school ground daily as well, as the wind died down just as fast as it started to hush. There was absolutely no sign of change, no sign of any abnormalities, or at least of no new ones.

He would consider himself oblivious and remarkably stupid if he didn't admit to the obvious transformations that shaped the present. Clearly things were different now. Many had perished, including Voldemort, including his parents, including many he wouldn't ever think of again. Now there was no more evil left roaming around in the magic world, except maybe him, and there was nothing else to fear: the world had returned to its usual state of banality, and with banality came a meaningless routine.

Maybe that was the abnormality: normality.

Draco wasn't accustomed to such a quiet, peaceful pace of life. Times of turbulence had rocked him for as long as he could remember, shaping him to be who he was now, and fear had enjoyed a lifetime of creeping up on him. The devil had never known boundaries, and even in his privileged life, evil forces lurked and allured him and his family. It was both a duty and a curse to pretend not to fear everything he was supposed to be proud of.

A duty that felt effortless at 9 and 10, when innocence and naivety controlled him. An obligatory job that became even easier at 11 and 12, when suddenly, dozens like him surrounded his every day-to-day at Hogwarts. Stuck-up mischiefs that shared not only his imposed ideas, but his blood purity as well.

But from then on out, growth was inevitable, and new thoughts haunted him. It was suddenly a struggle to cling to those unholy traditions he had been taught. It all meant blurred, almost indistinguishable lines, and a crippling doubt between wrong and right.

It suddenly meant a homicidal turned nearly suicidal mission at fresh age sixteen, and a permanent commitment to an ideal he no longer desired to follow. His condition decayed and his integrity continued to crumble apart, right up until he set foot back in Hogwarts. See, salvation seemed to repeatedly come through in the most desperate times, offering to take his tired hand and stray him away from trouble; distancing him from a dark end. Accepting such help meant weakness, but not accepting it meant a twisted death; it was purely a matter of survival: it certainly didn't mean he had to grateful or happy about it.

—

It was Sunday afternoon. Heavy droplets of rain raced down one of the tall windows of the hospital wing. Draco stared down at the squeaky clean, empty white bed, his hands clenched in a tight fist inside his pants' pockets. It was the second Sunday he had spent imprisoned in there, assisting 1st and 2nd years that had broken their bones doing something obviously idiotic. It was pointless. Reorganizing shelves of medicine, by hand, for hours well into the evening was torturous and borderline abusive. The only good that came out of it was that right on his first day of forced work, Madam Pomfrey cured his bruised face (and ego) and he recovered his porcelain-like skin, unblemished and perfect. And well, at least he didn't have to lay around robotically in the dungeons, pierced by stares and struck by rude whispers and inquiries about his well-being. Anything else about those miserable hours was detestable.

"Mr. Malfoy, what are you doing?" a tender voice called his attention, ripping him away from his looming thoughts.

"I'm bored." He raised his head up from the white sheets to find a worried Madam Pomfrey who had her arms folded across her chest. "Bored shitless."

"There's still so much to do before you leave." The elder lady told him "I was just about to tell you that a student fell outside and might have broken her leg. Could you please help bring her in here?"

"For fuck's sake…" He muttered under his breath, tapping his foot against the floor. "Fine."

"Thank you, Mr. Malfoy, I will be waiting for you back here then." Madam Pomfrey nodded, as a cranky Malfoy left the hospital wing.

Rain continued to pour at an unbelievable rhythm, and Draco wondered why any stupid third years would be fucking around outside. Bloody idiots they were. He raced unwillingly through the castle, bracing himself for the thick, cold air that was about to hit him as he approached the courtyard.

Once outside, he immediately noticed the dark haired girl sitting down on the wet grass, and walked towards her, this time without rushing his pace. Much to his own surprise, he was enjoying the sensation of the rain pouring down on him, mentally noting to himself that he should leave the dungeons more often. Any of those days it would have been pointless to leave the interior of the castle, since he had to work any free time he had.

The evening's darkness made it harder for him to see her well, but upon a closer approach, it was obvious that the girl's left leg was twisted in an unnatural manner, which sent a quick shiver down his spine. He had never considered himself a queasy person, but that was not a pretty sight.

He sighed, frustrated. All he had to do was bring her in to the hospital wing and that'd be it, then he could go back to the dungeons and just collapse in exhaustion like he always did.

"Fuck fuck fuck." Draco groaned, feeling around his pockets to realize he didn't have his wand with him. "That stupid fucking old witch."

She was looking at him with a shocked expression, but he decidedly ignored her.

"Did Madam Pomfrey send you to help me?" the girl stuttered.

"Don't talk to me." Draco barked back at her.

Releasing another ugly, hoarse groan, he flexed his arms and picked the student up, much to her surprise, as he cursed even at his own existence. His brain told him to hurry back and his legs happily obliged, trying to avoid anyone seeing him roaming like a bloody idiot in the corridors. He reached the double doors of the hospital wing faster than he thought he would, and threw another curse against the wind.

Madam Pomfrey was already arranging the new bed for the girl, and all the medicine she would probably need was displayed on a metal tray as well. Malfoy let her fall out of his arms in an uncaring manner onto the bed, immediately turning to his captor.

"I'm done. Bloody done. Give me my freaking wand back or I don't even know what I'll do." He panted, stretching his arm out.

"There's no need to get aggressive, Mr. Malfoy." Madam Pomfrey smiled, holding his wand "I appreciate your help, no matter how unwillingly it is given to me."

"How good and humble of you." He huffed sarcastically, snatching his wand out of her old hands. "I'm leaving."

"All right." The elder nurse simply nodded, returning her attention to the student, still in a strange, pain and shock-induced trance. "See you on Wednesday."

—

"Remind me to break his neck next time." Ron whispered to Harry, eyeing his blonde enemy as he snuck into the Great Hall.

"For fuck's sake, Ron." Harry rolled his eyes "Could you stop acting like a fucking raging troll?"

"You know how much he annoys me, mate. If I could just lay my hands on him again…"

"Yes, I'm sure you'd do a great job of assuring another detention to ruin your weekend." Harry interrupted; trying to make sure his best friend wouldn't make another pointless mistake. "Just leave it alone. I thought he might've changed by now, but it's clear he hasn't. Just stop paying attention to him, you know he doesn't deserve it."

"Hermione has been pretty overwhelmed lately." Ron changed the subject, ignoring his mate's advice. "I know it's because of him."

"I noticed." Harry sighed, looking at her empty seat right across the table. "She's angry."

"And she has every damn right to be. She's bloody deaf because of death eaters; because of people like that scummy dickhead. If it were me, I definitely would've lost it by now. She's actually clinging to sanity much better than I thought she would."

"She's holding on but we both know just how far from happy she is. It doesn't even feel like she's the same person anymore."

"It's all his fault, really." Ron shrugged, observing a lonesome Malfoy eating breakfast. "If only he had died when his parents…"

"Ron!" Harry elbowed him, his eyebrows joined together in disgust "That's enough, mate."

"Fine." Ron obliged, arching his back over his nearly empty plate of food.

"Besides, I have a feeling Malfoy will get over his inflated ego and stop acting like this soon." Harry nodded to himself, adjusting his misplaced glasses.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm planning a truce." He arched up his eyebrow, spreading butter over his toast.

"Are you insane?" Ron widened his eyes, rubbing his forehead "Yes. You actually are. Bloody mental I tell you."

"I've always hated Malfoy just as much as you have, but times are different now. I'm tired of this rivalry. Ever since the war, McGonagall has pushed us, though forcefully, towards house unity. And I think I speak for the majority of us when I say that it has felt great to finally admit we're all the same: students who made it through a dark and exhilarating war."

"You sound like Gandhi or something." Ron sighed, remembering the time Hermione gave him a lecture on the most important peaceful political figures of the muggle world.

"I know you agree." Harry added "Just trust me on this, if the plan works, you'll be glad we are giving Malfoy one last chance."

"How many more times are we going to allow him to disappoint and betray us?"

"Just one more time."

—

Tuesday night, Astronomy tower.

Hermione stared at the never-ending dark sky, and infinity seemed to stare right back at her. It hadn't rained all day and after a few long weeks of repetitive, intense showers, the sky had finally cleared up. The only remaining repetitive annoyance was the insomnia that refused to leave Hermione alone. Every other night now she would creep out of the dormitories to wander around the castle, trying to stray way from the loneliness and slight paranoia that shadowed over her. Professor McGonagall had already caught her once or twice, but fortunately didn't seem to mind Hermione's nightly trips. Her maternal and caring instincts always got the best of her when it came to Hermione, and she allowed the hurting student to wander around after hours. It was slightly unfair to the other students, but it was a well-kept secret between them.

That night was no different. It was probably well after midnight when Hermione sat down on the Astronomy Tower's floor. Her chest was heavy with thoughts and the same sorrows of the yesterday and the tomorrow. Ever since her body touched the surface of her bed hours before hand, an overwhelming thought raced through her brain… A memory that was stuck in frame, frozen and out of reach, no matter how desperately hard she tried to reach out to it.

It was a song.

Her mother used to hum it all the time when she was young. It was a devastatingly beautiful song, she had always thought so, but now she couldn't remember it. Some memories were slipping away, as she lost the ability to piece it all together. It was a happy melody but made for a complex emotional response.

"Shit." She rubbed her temples, blinking away the tears she could feel burning in the corner of her eyes.

She missed her mother so much. A mother's love is essential, nurturing and natural. There's nothing you can add to it, nothing that can compare. Without it, no soul is intact or complete. Needless to say, Hermione felt incomplete. It took months, but she now realized that her world had begun crumbling down long before she lost her hearing. The day she obliviated her parents was the moment everything changed. With such an excruciating mission came the hideous outcome of now being without a family; without a place outside the wizarding world. Identity shattered. Memories locked away, some even lost forever.

But the song: How did it go? Something about the sun. The sun…

It was ridiculous. For most of the times she could remember voices and songs if she tried hard enough. It didn't come to her that easily, but it was possible. Sometimes she would read Harry's notes in his voice, and it was calming. And sometimes she could still hum a lullaby or a popular song that had one time gotten stuck in her head. But now, her favorite song, her mother's favorite song, she couldn't remember. How stupid of her. The brain can be so fucking cruel.

—

Complete darkness. A sense of desperation that pumped blood loudly to his head and ears. A hand slowly reaching out, and a shaky limb attempting to grab it. Time was indefinable and the emptiness was eating his fading body away. A deafening scream pierced through space, and droplets of sweat began forming. His legs lost control. He was falling. Falling into the nothingness. His heart rocked against his ribcage in an attempt to remind him he was still alive. No use. There was nothing to hold on to anymore. The end was certain.

Draco's eyes shot open as a gasp choked him awake. His lips were dry and quivering, and his body was frozen still, as if he had been petrified.

Another nightmare.

His watch was somehow still placed on his wrist as he hastily read the time: 1am. Barely two hours of sleep and he was already awake, and definitely not falling back asleep anytime soon. He was so sick of the insanity brought on by those realistic dreams; sick of the tiredness that came with his fucked up sleep schedule. The only thing to do in times of fear and insecurity like those was simply get out of bed and walk around. Draco did it more often than he probably should, but he had thankfully never crossed paths with another soul on his nightly wanders. He considered it a diversion from his unconscious, though he admitted it wasn't a good one. It only served to remind him of everything that had happened it the last two years. Dreams were dead scary, but the reality was even more frightening. Still, it's better to walk around with your feet firm on the ground than to sink in bed, trying to catch your breath.

It was rare for him to go far away from the Slytherin dungeons, though at that moment, the furthest away from the dormitories, the better. It was an exceptional night, freezing cold, but with a clear sky. Maybe he could sneak into the Astronomy Tower and stay there for a while. Ever since his return to Hogwarts, Draco promised to himself he wouldn't return to that haunted place, yet something about the thought seemed alluring and absolutely necessary. Returning to the scene of the crime was notably a terrible idea, but his brain was pressuring him to go there and relive that dark turning point in his life.

The stairs that lead to the top of the astronomy tower seemed leaner and suffocating, his trembling legs signaling him to stop and turn back. The more steps he took, the more he tried to convince himself that he needed to experience the well deserved peace and solitude in the Astronomy tower. Or so he thought he would.

"No fucking way." Draco sighed, rolling his eyes.

Granger was sitting not too far away from where he was standing, with her back turned to him and her wild hair decorating her frame. He was so fucking unlucky. How likely would it have been for him to run into her in the Astronomy Tower at 1 something am on a Tuesday night? Especially when he had barely caught a glimpse of her over the past two weeks, something maybe strategically planned by her, ever since he got that embarrassing letter. Only Granger would come up with such an exaggerated, polite way of telling him to fuck off. But he guessed she was just overcompensating for being deaf now. Maybe she was trying to take control over some meaningless action to compensate for the lack of control over her disability… For fuck's sake, even in his thoughts he was a dickhead to her; that's just how it worked.

Despite knowing much better, he took a step forward, trying to hear if she was saying anything. Her broken voice could be heard in between hushes of wind, but Draco couldn't understand what she was whispering.

"I'll remember."

Draco's chest tightened. It sounded like she was crying. A deaf, vulnerable and lonely Granger talking to herself… What a tragic scenery. His instincts told him to go and mess with her, get in her head and get his revenge back from that stupid letter, but he couldn't move. The sentiment taking over him was unidentifiable. He wasn't used to ignoring his vicious impulses, yet he forbad himself to say anything or make himself known. Maybe what he was feeling was pity. Well, he had always pitied her for her blood, but this was a different feeling. This time he didn't feel superior, he actually felt like shit as well. Maybe he really felt sorry for her.

How unnatural and repulsive. Draco felt disgusting. He needed to get away from her, from that place, from that feeling.

"The Beatles." She managed to choke out, taking in a deep breath "I just know it."

Draco had no idea what she was mumbling to herself, and he couldn't care less. At that point, even lying in bed, fearful and wide awake, seemed better than listening to another second of Granger crying. It was disturbing, everything about those ill minutes he had just awkwardly spent with her felt wrong. She didn't know he was there, and somehow that made it all even worse.

—

Wednesday morning.

"Hermione!" Ron smiled as his friend lazily sat down across from him, hands intertwined in her wild curls. "I haven't seen you at breakfast for a long time. Are you okay?"

Hermione let her eyes wander and study Ron's lips as she absorbed each word he was saying. It was the most interest he had shown in her since the summer, and it felt incredibly satisfying to think that maybe their awkward distance was closing in.

"I've been busy." She shrugged, resting her tired head on her head. "I'm good though. Better."

"That's great to hear." Ron nodded "Really."

"Where's Harry?"

"Hm…" The redhead hummed, as if he was deciding what he should say "With Ginny."

"Oh." Hermione nodded, a slight chuckle escaping her lips. "I'm glad they're doing fine."

Ron noticed Hermione's expression and couldn't help but feel his stomach tie in knots. This was the happiest he had seen her in too long. Rose lips curled up in a relaxed smile, eyes bright and cheeks blushing. A Hermione that was happy, even if only momentarily, and a Hermione that had her soul freed, roaming around the Great Hall, attracting the morning light like a moth to a flame. It was the most heart-warming thing to see his best friend, his greatest life teacher and almost lover, purely happy.

Even if he couldn't admit it was all a platonic sentiment, it was at least pure. He wasn't interested in her in that way anymore, but she had a permanent and prevalent space in his life, and that was something that would never change.

"Me too." Ron replied, stirring away from his inner monologue. "I thought that after the war things would be different for them… But I guess they figured it all out."

Hermione nodded along, unsure if he was still talking about Harry and Ginny.

"They have each other." She continued his train of thought, also unsure if she was really still talking about the couple. "Best way to get over stuff. You know, together."

Ron was amazed. This was the most perfect-sounding speech she had let out in a long time. It was also their longest conversation since the war and the sense of admiration was taking over him. It didn't sound exactly like she used to, you could definitely notice the insecurity and sometimes a strange pitch, but he was so amazed with how well she was doing.

He knew they had always been different. Just being born into the magic world was a very different experience than falling into it. And though Ron hadn't always had the best quality of life, he was quite thankful for everything he had ever had. Despite everything, he just knew he wasn't half as strong as Hermione was. They had both grown together, showed their true potential to each other and to everyone else, but if he had been the one in the arms of the death eaters that day… He knew he wouldn't have dealt with it with such maturity as Hermione did. For that and a million other reasons, he looked up to her. Not because he wasn't enough, but because she always taught him something new. And with a clear string of thoughts, came the realization that he had been fucking stupid to distance himself from her. A mistake he was gladly ready to overwrite with a new chapter.

"Definitely." Ron shuffled his hands through his morning hair, before taking a breath "I know I've been a shitty friend these months…"

"You haven't." Hermione interrupted "I've been shutting people off."

"No, I shouldn't have distanced myself from you like that. You needed a friend and I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry, Hermione, so bloody sorry."

"It's okay." Hermione smiled, blinking away the small tears welling up in her eyes. "You don't have to…"

"I do. It was a stupid thing to do and I'm so done with being the one who broke the group. Forgive me?"

"You didn't break us." Hermione sincerely nodded, watching the happy couple approach their table. "Nothing's changed."

"Hermione!" Both Harry and Ginny called "Long time no see."

"Yeah, sorry about that." She replied, taking a sip of her orange juice before giving Ron a reassuring small smile. "What have you… Been up to?"

"Morning stroll around Hogwarts." Harry awkwardly said, bringing an embarrassing blushing to Ginny's pale complexion and earning an eye roll from Ron. "It's a lovely day."

"I'm sure it is." Ron sarcastically answered "But I think we all would be thankful if you didn't tell us about it."

That Wednesday morning was a strange turning point. It was the most natural interaction any of them had shared since the war. It brought out everything they had longed for: normality and a sense of relaxation. Even after their return to Hogwarts, tension had carved itself into everybody, and at that moment, they were suddenly released. Everything was in place.

"We should really go to class." Ginny sighed, finishing up her toast with jam.

"If McGonagall catches me late one more time…" Ron widened his eyes "I'm a dead wizard."

Hermione could feel words itching at her throat, but she ignored the urge to continue speaking. It had been an overwhelming half an hour of conversation. Having to read everyone's lips and try to catch up at every moment was mentally exhausting. She enjoyed every second of it, but she was tired. Silence would suffice for now.

Harry and Ginny were walking in front of them, hands intertwined, and Ron followed them shortly behind, distracting himself from their displays of affection. He understood by Hermione's closed off expression that she wanted some space, so he let her stay behind.

She had just passed through the Great Hall's grand doors when someone stood in front of her, blocking her way. Her heart picked up the pace, as she looked up to find Draco Malfoy staring her down.

"Get out of my way." Hermione impatiently spat at him, folding her arms across her chest.

"I will. Just wanted to offer you a little advice first." Malfoy slowly spoke, his cold, uninviting grey eyes locked on hers "You really shouldn't wander around alone at night, Granger… You never know what might be lurking in the shadows."

—

a/n: Hey! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I knew I took a long time to update but I still hope it's good! Thank you for the reviews, favorites and follows. I really appreciate it! :)