Peeling the skin back from my eyes I felt surprised
That the time on the clock was the time I usually retired
To the place where I cleared my head of you
But just for today I think I'll lie here and dream of you
~ Uncertain Smile, The The
Another time, another place
The worst times are when he sleeps. No sooner does he succumb to the needs of his weak body when the cold rational confines of his mind are brutally stripped away and heavy waves drag him down to the memory bank.
He remembers those halcyon days when their lives fit together seamlessly – hand in glove, a second skin really. Remembers their routines, the phone call in the middle of the day to check the status of plans made that morning. Remembers the comfort of his presence – self and clothing and books and papers and such – strewn with an artful carelessness about the house. Remembers viscerally the peace that comes with the cessation of loneliness, the feeling of completion when one belongs to another.
Once they had designed a butterfly garden with the intention of capturing the flight of the monarchs as they emerged from their cocoons and Danny won an award for the film. Once they painted the rooms of their house outrageous colors which Ivo pronounced "vile" and Danny "vibrant". Once they made a set in the barn for a short Danny wrote, gathering nets and buoys from the shore, but the fishy stench brought the feral cats in droves and gave Mrs. Tidbits fleas and Ivo said it had to be dismantled before the neighbors called the Mounties which Danny said was a shame because it was the best idea he'd ever had but he agreed to stage the shoot on the beach.
Danny made Ivo a collage of tiny pebbles and shells and green and blue seaglass he found on the beach and Ivo framed it and hung it in his office where he could look at it all day. Ivo bought Danny a sloop thinking it would be romantic to sail off into the sunset every night sipping wine and Danny loved it though the waters of the Bay were hard to navigate and Ivo taxed himself every time getting them back to the breakwater safely. Danny christened his collage "Serenity" and Ivo christened the boat "Severity" and they both felt the combination summed them up quite nicely.
Danny liked posh hotels and lavish meals and Ivo liked roughing it in the wilderness. They compromised and spent the trips to and from excavation sites indulging a bit beyond their means and consequently had to use tarps as makeshift barriers when the torrential rain proved too much for their less than state-of-art camping gear. But how they had laughed and laughed and agreed it was the best adventure so far because making love in a muddy flooded basin with thunder and lightning all around was unsurpassable and Danny said it was even better than the Mariott on the waterfront on the first of July and Ivo pressed his lips to Danny's hand with something akin to fierce joy.
Sun beams flitting across his eyelids wake him and he finds that he feels oddly rested, calm. He blinks to remind himself where he is, the dream was so very vivid. And as he makes the transition to a wakeful state he discovers something remarkable:
The memory of Danny no longer hurts.