I woke up the next day early because we had morning band practice. I had really no idea what to write about but I needed to do something. It was our goal to perfect to hopefully finish at least one song today.
So, today is a very important day.
But I couldn't gather the energy to face it. I sat in my bed staring at the ceiling. The sunlight was streaming in through the curtains and I rolled over in bed to look at it. I let the sun soak into my skin and sighed.
I have to get up, I thought. I sighed again before sitting up and leaning back on my elbows. I clicked the home button on my phone. It read 8:34.
I flopped back down and attempting to go back to sleep. I squeezed my eyes shut but I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. I sat up and walked over to the piano in the corner of my room. I sat down and lightly danced my fingers across the keys.
"Get up and face it." I whispered to myself. My bad feeling hadn't gone away, it only had intensified. I didn't want to think about what it could mean. I just wanted to forget about it.
I grabbed my songbook and flipped open to what I was working on last night. I had decided to work on a love song using the advice Fang had given me. It wasn't as hard as I expected so I was hoping to surprise everyone with it soon. I read slowly and hummed to myself under my breath. I actually really liked what I had written. My eyes fluttered shut and my fingers finally found the tune.
(The Weekend by Verite)
You can drive your fast car
Through the village 'til you die
Or you could take another deep breathe swingin'
For the days I could watch you run
Through the white lighted streets
Where the houses stay the same
Where we could drink
'til we'd never remember our names
You can bring me to life
You can bring me to life
So we can hang our noose
Under stars bright
Ready to glow
And we can fall in love for the weekend
We're on the edge baby
Two hearts starting to slow
And we can fall in love for the weekend
Oh….
I let my fingers slowly loose the flow of the song and leaned back contentedly. It wasn't to bad. I scribbled in my book a bit, changing a word here and there. It seemed these days I was constantly trying to perfect everything. I looked down at my song and smiled.
"Nervous?" Fang hovered in the doorway.
I didn't move from my position. "Figured one of you would come sooner or later."
Fang looked around my room before entering. I realized this was the first time he had been in my room since he had been back. It had definitely changed since the last time he'd been in here. I'd pimped it out Max style and it was beautiful. (AN: Link on my profile! Just subtract the telescope and substitute a small piano and stereo there.)
Fang walked over and sat down on the bench next to me. I leaned forward and rested my head on his shoulder.
"Stop stressing. You have more time." Fang nudged me. I smiled halfheartedly and laid my head on his shoulder.
Fang lifted his hands and set his fingers on the keys. I heard him breathe in deeply and then he began to play.
My eyes shot open. His fingers danced across the keys with confidence and full of grace. I slowly sat up in disbelief and stared at his hands. Fang let the last key slowly fade out. I turned to him sharply.
"You can play!" I yelled. He flinched from my loud proximity and gave a small nod.
"Oh my gosh, Fang, you're really good. Why haven't you said anything before?!" I asked him.
He shrugged.
I shook his shoulder. "Where did you learn to play?! How long have you been able to do this?! Tell me!" I can't believe I didn't know this about him! Why would he keep this a secret from me?
"Youtube. I learned a little over a year ago." The corners of his mouth twitched. I sat stunned.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I demanded. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Didn't think I was any good." I glared at him before slapping him upside the head.
"You're really good, Fang. You're as good as me." I mentally patted myself on the back for complimenting the both of us. He scoffed at my comment and lightly pushed me.
"Thanks for the high praise. " I grinned up at him.
"So what's wrong?" He asked. My smile faltered.
"I don't know. I feel like something really bad is gonna happen today." His eyebrows furrowed.
"Like what?" he asked.
"I don't know-"
"MAX! Band meeting STAT!" I jumped startled. Fang and I exchanged confused looks before getting up and heading downstairs. I walked downstairs just in time to be yanked back by the arm by Fang. Fang cradled me to his chest and turned his body to shield me. I heard a loud crash and almost swore. This is my goddamn house! I shoved Fang off of me and out of the way before storming into the living room.
"What the hell is going on in here?" I yelled. Iggy was being held back by Matt and Jacob and looked furious. Gazzy was furiously pacing back and forth, glaring at Dylan. Dylan looked mad as all hell and his lip was bleeding. Nudge, Ella, Isabelle, Alex, Tess, and Angel were huddled in the corner looking shocked and a little scared.
"What the hell happened?!" I shouted.
"Why don't you tell her Dylan? Explain to her why you're a fucking asswipe and suck as a human being!" Iggy seethed. I looked at him shocked. I don't think I'd ever seen Iggy this mad before and he looked like he was out to kill anything he could get his hands on.
I turned to Dylan and looked at him expectantly. He wouldn't look at me.
"Spit it out." I barked at him. He turned to meet my eyes.
"I quit. I'm not performing Saturday. I'm done with the band."
I gaped at him. "What?! Dylan, we need you to do this!"
He scoffed at me. "Like you'd need anyone Max." His tone was bitter and I felt my stomach drop. Oh, god he can't be doing this because I didn't say yes.
"Dylan don't act like this. You said you understood why I said no." I said. He can't be doing this over something so petty. He was fine the other day!
"Sure, I did Max. I totally understood why you completely shut me down for no fucking good reason and turn straight into Fang's arms afterwards. Who's the real piece of crap here?" He snarled. I stared at him in disbelief and stormed over to him.
"Stop being an idiot! I didn't even talk to Fang last night after I saw you! Why are you being like this?! We're friends. You're not like this! Can we just talk about this, please?! Dyl…" I reached for arm but he jerked away from me.
"Mind your own goddamn business, Max. You don't get to smile at me like that and hang all over me if you don't have feelings for me. You're not an idiot so I'm pretty sure you knew I had feelings for you."
"Dylan, I didn't know! You flirt with everybody! How was I supposed to know that I was different? Just calm down. You don't want to do this. Not after everything we've been through!"
"You obviously don't know what I want. I'm not doing it!" He yelled.
I exploded. "This isn't just my dream! It's all of ours! We all wanted this. How are we going to get noticed? What are we supposed to do now? We perform in three days at 9 and we've been advertising this for months now! We've been practicing non stop! You're gonna let this ruin everything?! I don't date, Dylan, and I thought you got that!" I pleaded desperately. I angrily ran my hands through my hair.
"Oh please Max the only reason I joined this cruddy band in the first place is just so I could get in your pants." He retorted.
I saw red. The next thing I heard was screaming and shouting and I could hear grunts of pain underneath me. I felt arms wrap around my waist and roughly yank me away from the chaos.
"It's not worth it. Stop it, Max." Fang whispered into my ear. I screeched like a mad woman and lunged for Dylan again but Fang continued to hold me back.
"What the heck is going on in here? James Griffiths, YOU STEP AWAY FROM THAT BOY AT ONCE!" My mom yelled. My mom stood like a bat out of hell, eyes livid. Iggy froze and stood from his crouched position over Dylan. All the girls looked as if they had been holding Gazzy back in a joint effort. Iggy's knuckles were bloody and I didn't want to look at Dylan.
"Does anyone want to explain to me what happened here?" My mom seethed.
I shoved Fang off of me and stood alone fighting back tears, looking at the ground.
My mom's eyes quickly assessed the situation.
"Dylan, I think it's time you leave." She pulled him up by his elbows and helped him stand. He didn't look half as bad as I had hoped. But I guess it's a good thing he didn't come out looking like living death or Iggy would be in a whole lot of trouble.
"Are you okay, Max?" My mom asked me.
I pressed my hand to my mouth, fighting back a sobbing breath and shook my head no. I turned from the room and did my best to not sprint to my room.
I slammed the door so hard the wall rattled. I frantically looked around my room for anything and ran over to my stereo. I opened my laptop and clicked onto youtube. I plugged it into my speakers and turned the volume all the way up.
Let's see if music can really drown the heart's sorrows.
I ran to my song book and flipped to a blank page. I started furiously writing, my tears staining the paper. I was so angry and what Dylan had done. He was my friend. I trusted him and he went and did this?!
But at the same time, I knew this wasn't Dylan. He wasn't like this usually. I couldn't hate him so I felt this urge to blame myself because I caused him to do this. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't lie to myself and say that I like him. But he did have a point. I did have an inkling of his feelings for me but I underestimated the depth of them. I should have made my feelings about him clear.
That doesn't change what he did, I furiously shook my head spraying tears. This was our future. Everything was depending on this performance. Music producers were attending, people with connections, people we needed to impress. He couldn't take this from us. I wouldn't let him.
A real friend wouldn't do that. However, I wasn't the best friend to him either.
"Max, honey open up the door." I looked at my door. I rubbed my eyes before opening it.
We stayed like that for a second, one on either side of the door. I had told myself I wouldn't show weakness, that what Dylan had said didn't make a difference, and I wasn't completely horrified and grief stricken that now my biggest dream would die. But I forgot all that as soon as I locked eyes with my mom. My mom's expression showed nothing but compassion and warmth.
"Sweetie, it's not your fault." My eyes prickled with heat and I launched myself into her arms, sobbing. She guided us into the doorway and shut the door with her foot.
We sat on the bed. She gently pulled away and tapped my temple.
"What's going on up there right now?" I gave a watery laugh and looked down.
"Everything would be completely fine if I had said yes. Everything would still be okay. But I didn't. I said no. I ruined everything. I don't even want to go downstairs and see Iggy and Gazzy. I ruined their dreams too. That's not fair to them. It's not their fault I'm incapable of feeling and ruined things for them. This is all my fault." My voice cracked.
"Max, you did the right thing in saying no. From what you friends told me, his intentions were not pure and you shouldn't make it big by compromising yourself. You make it by working hard and not giving in to a guy who is going to help get you there. That's not how things work. Or rather, that's not the right way." She rubbed my back soothingly.
"What did they say?" I asked.
"They said some pretty awful stuff about Dylan." She admitted.
"Anything about me?" I winced at what the answer might be.
"They only thing they were concerned about was if you were okay or not. I had to fight to be the one to talk to you first. " Her eyes sparkled at me and I tried not to sigh in relief.
"Now I only feel a quarter less horrible." I grumbled.
"Tell me, sweets." she said.
"I don't know how we can perform now. Dylan won't do it." I ran my hands through my hair. I felt my eyes watering and quickly wiped my eyes. I can't believe he was doing this. This was our biggest chance of being noticed before we graduate.
This just wasn't fair.
"Everything happens for a reason." She kissed my forehead. I chuckled at her cheesy comment and wrapped an arm around her waist.
"Thanks mom," I whispered. She leaned her head against mine. "Anytime."
She stood up and pulled me with her. I wiped my eyes and pinched my cheeks.
"Do I look like I've been crying?" I asked her.
"You look beautiful." She answered. I looked in the mirror and smiled at her.
"I love you," I told her. She smiled back at me and nudged me towards the door.
"Love you too. Now go on down there and talk to your friends. I'll make cookies." I instantly perked up at that and could feel my mouth watering. I nodded frantically in agreement and she laughed. We walked out my room and down the stairs. I hesitated before entering the living room and she gave me a gentle push. I took a deep breath and entered.
"MAX!" Nudge threw herself into my arms. I felt relief flood my body and laughed. They weren't mad at me.
Or at least, Nudge wasn't.
"Oh my god, are you okay? I couldn't believe Dylan said that! How dare he say that to you or anyone?! He is such an ass! I can't believe he's refusing to play today! Oh, but I'm so glad you found out about him now or you could've been signed with him! Imagine if that had happened! You'd be stuck with him forever! Oh, but what are you guys going to do today? You guy's can't not go on! Who's going to take your place?! WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?! We have to think of something! This can't be the end of Nevermore! It can't be! It can't be that hard to find another guitar player on such short notice! WE CAN DO THIS PEO-mmph mm!" Gazzy slapped his hand over her mouth. He pulled her slightly behind him and stepped up to me.
"Are you okay?" His look was intense. I nodded and gave a small smile. I reluctantly turned away from them and looked over at everyone else on the other side of the room. The girls were huddled together on the couch with Iggy sitting on the armrest. Fang was leaning against the wall next to them.
Iggy's face was unreadable and tilted downward. I gulped nervously.
You can do this, I thought to myself.
"I'm really sorry, guys. I had no idea Dylan would do this but if I had I would've avoided him or talked to him less. I would have changed something." I pressed my hand to my forehead and took a deep breath.
"I might have even said yes to his date." I whispered. Iggy's head snapped up and he crossed the room in three long strides. He crushed me into a hug and I sank into his embrace.
"Don't say that. None of us knew he was scum. I didn't know and I live with the guy. We'll do fine without him. He wasn't the best and we will find someone better. We'll figure something out." Iggy said. I snuggled into his neck and squeezed my eyes shut. I pulled back.
"I can play."
Our heads all swiveled to the wall. Fang stood looking slightly uncomfortable with our scrutinizing looks. My mouth dried and I had to cough several times to get it working again.
"Um, as good as the piano?" I was afraid to hope. After a slight hesitation, he gave a small nod. I almost cried out in relief.
"What can you play? Do you know any songs? Are you a fast learner?" I looked at him anxiously.
He shrugged.
I turned and sprinted up to my room to grab my acoustic guitar. I leaped down the stairs with it in tow and tossed it to him. He caught it with ease and my heart soared.
I sat on the floor in front of him and waved the girls to move off the couch so Fang could sit instead. They situated themselves on the floor around me and I gestured for Fang to sit.
"Play something."
Fang slowly walked over to the couch and sat down. He tested it out and started slightly tuning. Alex and Tess held each of my hands. Please be good, please be good, please be good, I prayed.
And then he began to play.
(Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy)
( Acoustic Version (obviously))
When Rome's in ruins
We are the lions
Free of the coliseums
In poisoned places
We are anti-venom
We're the beginning of the end
Tonight
The foxes hunt the hounds
It's all over now
Before it has begun
And we've already won
We are wild
We are like young volcanoes
We are wild
Americana exotica
Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby? Yeah
Come on make it easy
Say I never mattered
Run it up the flagpole
We will teach you
How to make
Boys next door
Out of assholes
Tonight
The foxes hunt the hounds
It's all over now
Before it has begun
And we've already won
We are wild
We are like young volcanoes
We are wild
Americana exotica
Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby? Yeah
We are wild
We are like young volcanoes
We are wild
Americana exotica
Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby? Yeah
(End of Song)
It was dead silent. My mouth had dropped open a long time ago and it hung gaping. Nothing in my life could have prepared me for that.
How could I not know?
He was good! He was better than good, he was fantastic! His voice was naturally sweet and rich and every lyric he sang sounded as if he'd individually given each word tender love and care before sending it to you wrapped like a beautifully wrapped christmas present. He sounded just as good as Patrick Stump singing it.
How could I not know?
"Fang…" I croaked. Alex squeezed my hand. I cleared my throat embarrassedly. I looked to Iggy and Gazzy.
They were already looking at me. Our eyes locked with each other. I looked between them but saw the same thing in both eyes. I nodded slowly and turned back to Fang.
"We've got a lot of work to do. Let's do this Fangles."
Everybody had left soon after Dylan. They couldn't do much when they realized we needed serious practice, just us as a band. We spent the entire day teaching Fang our songs. We rehearsed like crazy until we had a little more than half of the set sounding like actual songs. By the time we were feeling confident about our progress, the sun had started to set.
Slowly throughout the day, I had started to write a song. Practicing with the guys reminded me that we were still here. We weren't giving up and we weren't going to let Dylan take this from us.
Thus, a song was born.
"Max, how are those two songs coming?" Iggy questioned.
I blinked. "I actually have one done."
"Completely finished?" Gazzy asked.
I ruffled through my notes and leafed through my songbook. "I have some stuff but I wanted to run it by you guys and see if you wanted to help with some of the verse. Chorus is good."
"It's right here." I turned to the scribble I'd written earlier.
"It's called Now. "
(Now by Paramore)
Don't try to take this from me
Don't try to take this from me
Now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow (x2)
Feels like I'm waking from the dead
And everyone's been waitin' on me
'Least now I'll never have to wonder
What it's like to sleep a year away
But were we indestructible?
I thought that we could brave it all (all)
I never thought that what would take me out
Was hiding down below
(Chorus)
Lost the battle, win the war
Bringing my sinking ship back to the shore
Starting over, we'll head back in
There's a time and a place to die but this ain't it
If there's a future, we want it
(Now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow) (x4)
Don't try to take this from me
Don't try to take this from me
Now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow (x2)
Wish I could find a crystal ball
For the days I feel completely worthless…..
"It'd pretty much just repeat the chorus after this verse. It's not done but what do you guys think?"
"It's great, Max." Iggy said seriously.
"Even though Dylan left, we don't stop. We're not through yet. He doesn't get to take this from us." I fixed them all with an intense look.
"We will have a future as a band. We will work something out. I refuse to let it end here."
We weren't going down without a fight.
Gazzy laughed and bumped fists with Iggy. The corner of Fang's mouth quirked up. My heart lifted at the sight.
"And Nevermore lives on." Fang gestured to us with his hand.
I flashed a smile and we delved into the music aspect of it. (AN: I'm not at all musically inclined so I'm just gonna leave it at that.) After we completely finished the lyrics and had the general idea on how to do the music we kept practicing until it was almost perfect.
By the time we felt it was ok to stop, it was nearly midnight. We all felt ready to crash so Fang gave his goodbyes before heading across the street to Nudge's. My mom had called Iggy's and Gazzy's moms earlier and told them about Dylan so they had the all clear to sleep over.
Good thing, because we needed a serious talk about the band.
After we had settled their sleeping arrangements in my room we all sat on my bed in silence. The only light glowed from the lamp on my nightstand so I couldn't see a clear view of their facial expressions.
But I didn't need to see them. I decided to voice what we were all thinking.
"Fang's only here for the end of summer." They didn't answer.
"It's fine now, because he'll be here for the performance. But what about after? Dylan left. I've tried calling him all day but he won't answer. I don't think he's coming back." I looked down so my hair acted as a shield. My hands crumpled my sheets, my knuckles turning white.
"This is the year we need to be amazing. We can't be busy searching for a guitarist. And if we do manage to find one, I doubt they'll be as good as Dylan or Fang."
Wordlessly, Iggy slid over next to me and wrapped his arm around me. Gazzy rested his hand on my knee.
"What are we gonna do?" My voice cracked. I covered my mouth with my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. Iggy gently squeezed me.
"I'm so sorry." I cried. Tears leaked out and I covered my face.
"Nobody blames you, Max." Iggy whispered. Gazzy gently pried my hands away from my face and wiped my tears.
I managed a watery smile and looked at my bandmates. I was so grateful to have amazing best friends who were always there for me. Even though, we didn't have Dylan and would have to say goodbye to Fang sooner than we'd like to, we still had each other.
"We'll take it day by day." Gazzy promised.
What else could we do?