Chapter Four
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose,
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances, you might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain – love won't set you free
"Happy" Leona Lewis
Olivia was surprised at how quickly she fell for Jake. After nearly a year in self-imposed emotional exile, she had all but forgotten what it was like to smile again. But Jake was a warm and caring man who loved Olivia deeply, and who was fiercely loyal to her. He was a former Navy man, much like Fitz, who had decided to continue serving his country after his time was over by entering into work at the Pentagon. The nature of his work allowed him to understand in a unique way why much of what she did in her everyday life was off limits, but it also gave them both a reason to find respite in each other when the day was done. Theirs was a whirlwind romance that came on quickly and quietly while no one was watching – at least, that's what she thought.
Fitz had had his secret service operatives install the surveillance equipment at Olivia's home and office, as well as in her car, during their ten month separation. He had watched her daily as she went about her routine, and he had sickly relished her deteriorating state during that time. He knew that he had hurt her deeply, as was his intention; but the magnitude of his feelings for her had not allowed him to stay away from her entirely. Instead, he tortured himself daily in the most brutal form of masochism by allowing himself to revel in memories of her scent, her touch, her taste… His only respite from this agony was his daily confirmation that she was in just as much pain as he was, which he got from his near constant surveillance of her.
Somewhere along the way, though, Fitz's feelings of malice toward Olivia began to subside, giving way to the sheer grief he felt at her loss. He mourned for their love, just as he knew that she did. He even began to forgive her for what she had done, finally recognizing that, whatever her reasons, she had loved him more than anyone else ever had in his life. He also acknowledged that they had both made mistakes in their relationship, and that, as beautiful as she was, she was just human, and just as flawed as everyone else. He took her off the pedestal that he'd set her on so long ago, and found that, when he looked at her as though she were a normal person instead of this perfect thing he'd crafted in his mind, he was still in love with her, maybe even more so now.
He also noticed in his daily watching of Olivia that she was changing, becoming more at peace with herself. She began smiling more and even laughing. She would sing to herself in the shower and hum along to the songs on the radio as she was driving in her car. It didn't take long for Fitz to figure out the reason for the change, although once he did he sorely wished that he hadn't. Finding out that she had finally moved on broke his heart in ways that he never thought possible.
Olivia was grateful for having Jake in her life. He was fun and easygoing and carefree, and she loved that what they shared was so deliciously uncomplicated. After her relationship with Fitz, which had been so fraught with heartache and grief and passion and secrets, it was nice to have someone with whom she could relax and walk around in the light, holding hands and enjoying each other's company without concern for who might find out. She felt herself growing stronger and stronger each day, and she no longer cried every night for Fitz.
Not long after Fitz's inauguration for his second and final term as President of the United States, Jake asked Olivia to marry him. She was so genuinely happy that she immediately said yes to becoming Mrs. Captain Jake Ballard. Yet, somewhere in the back of her mind, Fitz's face appeared, and she died just a little on the inside. That night, after much celebrating of their upcoming nuptials, Olivia crept away from a sleeping Jake and out onto the balcony of her apartment to look up at the moon. For just the barest of moments, she allowed herself to feel the grief that washed over her, knowing that, although she was happy, she had always pictured celebrating this day and this occasion with a different man. She allowed herself to sigh his name, "Fitz" just one last time, and then returned to bed next to her sleeping fiancé.
Quietly, on the other side of town, inside the Oval Office, Fitzgerald Grant finally broke.