Well, now we are at the second last chapter. I hope you guys enjoy this small piece. Next chapter is our last one. For those who have reviewed every chapter, feel free to get in touch with me either through PM or through email (kakashidiot at gmail), for a small gift - if you want a lovely poster made out of the front cover the book.
I'm also working with the lovely thaliaarche to edit Book 1 of Distortions in Time which I will be posting on wattpad under scarecrowslady.
Wattpad and Inkitt (both under scarecrowslady) will hold all of my original work as well as polished fanworks which I wanna showcase.
Thanks to those who took the time to review the last chapter! Your kind words were encouraging!
ALSO... This chapter could be called "Kakashidiot's Hiddles Foot Fetish". His feet are gorg. If you don't believe, rewatch Only Lovers Left Alive. OMG.
Chapter 94
Contemplations
Next morning, Loki woke with a mild headache. Mumbling curses at himself and Thor and Vanaheim ale in general, the warrior mage fumbled blindly for the second iron handle of his small side dresser in which was held a variety of potions and medicinal aids. After taking a dose of herbal pain reliever and sipping some water from the glass bottle on top of the dresser, Loki sank back into his beloved, much missed pillows.
When was the last time I spent a peaceful, worry-free night here? He wondered. Loki remembered his day of adoption. A moment of happiness. Yet, then there followed a slow ensuing realization in the days after that Thor would never be one hundred percent manageable; that said Prince was not ready for the throne; that no one would listen to the adopted Prince's concerns; that it was up to him to save Asgard from its loveable, well-meaning, yet dangerously thoughtless, Crown Prince. Perhaps never. Not for a long, long time at least.
Now things are different, Loki hummed happily to himself, rolled over, and hugged one of the large goose-down pillows to his chest. Everything is back to normal – better than normal.
He dozed off then for a short period, relishing his soft pillows encased in newly starched forest green pillowcases. As usual, runes of comfort and cool were embroidered into the cotton slip-overs. Mother had figured out early on how much I preferred being kept cool, Loki thought drowsily. He smiled to himself at the thought of his mother. She knew then what I truly was – or guessed until… Well, probably one of the times I ended up dragged to the Healers Hall after being wounded during one of Thor's insane quests. Mother was never pleased… Loki mused. She is, after all, very wise and does not bear thoughtlessness well. Why did I not tell her my troubles and fears earlier?
Loki knew the answer now: fear. Fear goaded by Thanos. Fear grown over a lifetime. Fear harboured by me.
Rubbing his eyes, Loki released the pillow in his arms, turned on his back, and gazed up at the ceiling above him. Lovingly carved yet simple in its lines, the beams of this room remained ungilded. The way I like it. Beautiful in simplicity.
His leisurely gaze moved down to the heavily laden bookshelves across from him and then the chest at the foot of his bed. Against the rounded chestnut top of his potions chest and the muted décor, Loki's long pale feet stood out. With a small smile, Loki wriggled his toes and then stretched back like a cat, enjoying the slide of well-worn cotton over his thighs and the firm give of the mattress beneath him.
It is good to be home, he smiled to himself, but then the smile slipped away as an unexpected thought flitted into his mind. If only Mal could see this – if only… Loki sat up then, clenched his eyes shut, and drew as steady breath as he could before forcing himself to gaze at his bony fists which bunched among the sheets.
"I am sorry, Mal," he apologized out loud to the room in a soft voice.
I am sorry, but in a short while I will have the time to mourn your passing. In a short while.
A few moments of silence passed. Loki did not move. Then, tossing his light blankets aside sharply, Loki rose, dragged on his favourite dressing gown (a deep mahogany affair gifted him by Mother), and wandered out of the corner of his room in which his bed laid. He bathed slowly, savoured the luxuriously warmed (but not too warm) water. Clean water, he sighed.
Then, gathering a few things he needed to consider – a notepad, a quill, an inkpot, and the paper Thor had brought him the night before – Loki went out to his balcony to dry off. On the way out, the prince noticed that his manservant had already brought his breakfast. Loki returned to the side table and picked at the meal. The tea was cold and the toasted bread a little stale, but Loki did not mind. I have had worse.
A familiar mantra.
As Loki overlooked the busy Realm which now spread before him in the clear morning light of Asgard's rising sun, Loki felt very lucky. Far off, he heard the bells toll ten. The day was getting underway – without him. Loki reviewed his schedule mentally. Frigga had set apart the entire morning for rest.
"Food and rest is what you need," she had said as she surveyed his bony frame.
Food and rest, he now had. At the thought of Jotunheim and Asgard, however, Loki felt restless. There is so much to do. So many decisions to make. He glanced at the waiting notepad and quill and then turned back to looking up at the blue sky.
The warrior-mage nibbled on another piece of toast, gave his flat belly a long considering look, and reminded himself to regulate his diet. The last thing I need to do is make myself sick, Loki grimaced. My stomach will need time to return to its regular capacity… and I will need to take up some regular exercise in order to regain my muscle.
Out of the corner of his eye, a slight breeze tugged at white paper. The white paper Thor brought, Loki mused. Reaching over, he gently tugged it out from under the ink pot.
Loki's green eyes slowly perused the script. It looked familiar – yet unfamiliar. All-Speech, a spell which allowed for understanding of any spoken language within the Realms, did apply to written language. The coordinates, however, would be easily followed with the right ship. Nesta. Nesta and the Noradians… and an ancient history of a lost, blue-skinned race: the Phylloxians, the Lesser Kindred. And… the Trowatal. And Mal. This had been put in his pocket. Who had put it there? Mildy? Jace? Karl? Or… Mal?
The numbers tugged at his curiosity, asking to be discovered, to be deciphered.
Loki set the paper aside, once again pinning it down by the ink pot. Rising he walked over to the edge of the balcony where his plants still grew. The herbs and flowers faithfully tended by the servants and his mother, no doubt. Beyond their green leaves, the golden city of Asgard lay. My home.
…for now…
For now, it is my home, Loki told himself firmly. Yet, he also knew. A mystery called. Another world, another time, another people. His people. The Lesser Kindred. The Lesser Kindred, who dreamed of returning home.
Home? What is home? Home, Mother would say, is where the heart is. My heart wanders; my home is everywhere and nowhere then. Perhaps that is as it should be. Asgard is my home now – perhaps Jotunheim will one day also become my home again.
Loki's consciousness, brushing against the Casket he still held in his possession, felt the gentle call of Jotunheim's Other-Soul.
…Jotunheim waits…
…it is always waiting…
Your destiny was never easy, he told himself. It was never simple. You are a being straddling the edges, the fringes, of many Realms. Thor, he understands, I think. His heart is on Midgard with Jane. My heart… perhaps never left the Utanheim. That is not a bad thing, perhaps.
Loki sighed.
Enough thinking. The day will not stop for Prince Loki.
-0-0-0-
In the afternoon, Loki ran an errand for his father. Odin needed Heimdall to cast his eye on Midgard to ascertain whether the Midgardians were recovering well from the attack. Frigga, realizing that her youngest son was too restless for his good, sent Loki down to the Observatory to carry Odin's request.
"The boy has no need to go," Odin said, slightly scandalized. "We have servants for that-"
"He has much on his mind," Frigga gave Odin a look. "Too much on his mind. There is so much Loki needs to process – his experiences in the Midgardian Realm, his duty to Jotunheim and to Asgard… You might not realize it, but a mother knows. Loki needs time to process all of it."
"Hm," Odin drew his wife close, his arm find its way around her waist. "I will defer to your intuition, Frigga. As always."
"Hmph. Always? I wish it was always. We would have a lot less trouble for our boys if you had not made decisions of your own will." Frigga shook her head remembering Odin's return home, heavy-hearted with news of Thor's exile. At least she had been there to say goodbye to Loki. "I would have liked a say in their punishments."
"It was meant to be." Odin replied simply. "My heart told me that their journeys would bring them home – and they have returned with knowledge and experience you or I may not have gifted them otherwise. Still it was not easy for me either."
"The Norns could have found another way to inform us concerning Thanos," Frigga sniffed. "If I was in charge of Fate…"
"The world would be a better place," Odin laughed then, "and very well ordered."
With that, Odin kissed Frigga gently on her temple, and the two sat for their prescribed hour of lunch in thankful peace.
-0-0-0-
"Many visit the Observatory," Heimdall noted from his traditional stance with his sword in hand on top of the Observatory's dais, "but few have the courage to stand so close to the edge."
He spoke to the straight, slender back for the dark-haired prince. What Loki thought of Heimdall, the dark-skinned Asgardian could only guess. Annoyance and distrust, perhaps. Heimdall's golden eyes softened. The feeling is mutual, I suppose. Always he has managed to slip past my gaze, but it has taken me some time to learn something I never thought important: trust is a matter of the will, a question of faith – and faith is not a matter of the eyes. It is the will of one's heart. A matter of choice.
"I am ever standing on the edge," Loki's soft voice finally broke the silence between them. "Always have I faced fear."
"Fear of what, my prince," Heimdall asked.
"What anyone fears," Loki turned then and offered the Gatekeeper a half-smile. "The fall and the dark."
"You have faced both," Heimdall reassured the young man's unspoken question. "You faced your fears; you overcame them with courage; you grasped ahold of destiny… It acquitted yourself quite well, Prince Loki."
Loki turned to give the endless vista of nebulae and stars before him a final glance. Then he approached the Gatekeeper with his chin held high, shoulders back, and a confident stride. The swing of his favourite dark leathers gave the well-groomed prince a mildly rakish air.
"You think so," Loki raised an eyebrow. "You think a path of destiny lies before me?"
"All beings within the Nine Realms have their own path."
"Do you see kingship in my future?" Loki's green eyes glinted and his jaw tightened a little. "Last I saw you, I recall you having doubts about my abilities."
"If I had doubts," Heimdall replied gravely, "I no longer harbor them now."
"Hm."
Loki's gaze ran over the newly recreated podium – the Observatory's activation mechanism. He turned to gaze up at the rounded, lovingly carved ceiling and the runes of protection etched into the equally gilded beams. As usual, the architects, the carpenters, the workers, and the mages had lavished as much finery into the building as they could practically allow.
"You are skeptical," the Gatekeeper noted.
"The last time we parted ways," Loki had to point out, perversely, "your Observatory was dropping off into the abyss of a black hole."
"That was a particularly spectacular failure," Heimdall had to agree. He smiled then. "The motivation was admirable. The execution needed finessing, however. Perhaps a successful result was something none of us desired. The King and Queen hold to the traditions of Asgard. There are tales of when Asgard and Jotunheim's people were at peace – a long time ago before even the All-Father's memory. The ancient peoples of Asgard and Jotunheim aided each other… Perhaps we will find such peace again."
"You think an actual alliance will be forged in the wake of this disaster?"
"I believe it will happen. If not in the All-Father's lifetime, then when Thor is King and you sit upon the throne of Jotunheim."
"I do not know if that is where my path of destiny will lead me," Loki said stiffly.
"Neither do I," Heimdall agreed. "These eyes were not born to see the future."
"Still you hope."
"I still hope," echoed the Gatekeeper.
"At any rate, before I take up the throne of Jotunheim – if I am to accept Helblindi's offer – I have other things I must do." Loki ran long fingers through his dark hair, rumpling it.
"A quest?"
"Quests," Loki huffed. "I have had enough of those. No. Enquiry is probably a better term to use."
"You will not leave too soon," Heimdall turned to give the prince a hard look. "I am to understand that the Queen has planned a victory banquet tomorrow."
"Oh yes," Loki said. "I will be there. If I was not, I am certain Mother would pay you a visit and hunt me down."
Heimdall smiled.
"We all deserve to celebrate."
Loki glanced across the round room to the open archway which led out to the stars. For a moment, something that looked like sadness passed over his face. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then thought better of it and refrained. Giving Heimdall a stiff smile, the Prince nodded politely and made his way back to his waiting mount.
"I suppose we do," the warrior-mage agreed. "Well, I should return to the palace. I will carry your reply to All-Father right away."
Heimdall turned to watch the prince ride away over the bright humming Bifrost.
Loki, as usual, was a mystery. Just like his future.
Well, one more chapter to go! Exciting! Let me know what you guys think!
What do you think Loki wanted to say at the end of this chapter? Hmmm...
-KI
p.s. I saw Civil War. Surprisingly I am on Captain America's side regarding supervision and 'who will watch the watchers'. I wouldn't trust the UN with a cat let alone a bunch of superheroes. But that may just be me. I will say that Ant Man and Spiderman were awesome as well. Black Panther was cool too. I love cat-like heroes.