For man, as for flower and beast and bird, the supreme triumph is to be most vividly, most perfectly alive.
~ David Herbert Lawrence
On tennis and survival
Ivo was extremely athletic and felt I should be as well. It was unnatural, he told me, for man to sit all day. We were not so very far removed from our untamed relatives and simply because we were no longer occupied with mere survival as were our hunter/gather ancestors was no excuse for sitting on my bum all day. I needed exercise!
I had once made the terrible mistake of telling him that I played tennis as a child. This is to say, my mother coerced me into playing as her best friend's little boy played and it would give him something to do while our mothers were occupied with their own game. The entire experience was miserable. He, of course, played well for a ten-year-old. I, of course, did not. I was awkward and not built for quick movement. The racket made my arm ache and I hated being outdoors. I wanted to be indoors in my room reading by myself. So of course I made no effort to even try to hit the ball and of course he told his mother and of course my mother was extremely disappointed with me. Another day in the life of little Tim Cornish…
The prospect of playing Ivo was truly terrifying. There was no doubt in my mind he was extremely good. Ivo was good at everything he did. He was just that sort of person. To face him in an arena where I knew I would fail flail miserably was daunting. I took to bed pretending I was sick. He babied me and told me there would be many more opportunities, as if this were any consolation. I cringed inwardly praying the day would never come.
Of course I knew Ivo and Danny played. Izzy mentioned it once, said they were killers on court, determined to best the other. They played ruthlessly, in a way she found breathtaking, as if their very lives depended on it - like sea lions fighting for their mates or a musk ox in the grip of wolves fighting for its life.
That was so alien to me. I didn't want to fight anyone or anything. I slipped through life like water between boulders, falling here, falling there. I couldn't imagine having that sort of passion, that sort of energy. I was completely inert as a specimen. Ivo might have descended from hunter/gatherers but I was pretty certain my lineage was the flatworm, that soft unsegmented parasite.
"Nonsense," said Ivo briskly when I made the comparison aloud. "You're just afraid to live."
I might have felt bad about his words but he followed it up with a ferocious hug and kiss and said, "That's what they teach you, you know. To be afraid. That's how they control you."