Disclaimer: Slow runners are the tenderest. You know what else is extremely tender? Our fondness for our favorite show about Pickford, Phil of the Future:

Developed as a half-hour disguised promotion for the small city of Pickford, the two seasoned series offered an honest portrayal this 21st Century small town, complete with 19th Century values, less the futuristic hijinks. Yes, so many of Pickford's finest attractions and points-of-interests were cleverly inserted into each episode, from the tomato-squishing Pickford Tomato Ranch's Ketchup Days, to the state-of-the-art high school - complete with both a video lab and a billards team, Pickford's annual Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony, to Pickford's own world class Natural History Museum, and the city's conveniently located state prison. Many of the area's local wonders were highlighted on screen as well: the picturesque Kidd Rock and Pickford Park, the local community lodge with its dance floor/dining room, and local eateries, such as the popular Cocoa Palace and Otto's Pink Pig, while other, uh, attractions, were plugged unseen to whet your interest to visit Pickford: the swamp, Frayed Rope Bridge over Dead Man's Gorge, acres and acres and even more acres of tomato farms, the U-Dry-Em Raisin Ranch, Rikki Lake, Tiger Woods, the fabulous Pickford Swank District, and - don't we all wish we had been in town for the legendary Festapalooza concert? Of course, we do! Yes, we all want to come visit Pickford, live in Pickford, don Skylab Blue school colors and we will! ... as soon as one of us admits to owning Phil of the Future. I can't ... not yet.

•BEEP •

Hi again. This is still the veterinarian for the Petting Zoo. This is my last week in town and, though you're not returning my calls, I'm still trying to identify the strange man who's been disturbing my animals, several of which have gone missing. Several witnesses identified you with him, even claiming that you were rushing him out of the petting pen, shouting, "Barb, start the car!" These aren't rare animals, so I can't imagine why anyone would want to steal them or - you don't think ...? (Gag!) Please, please call me if you know who this character is and what he might be doing with the missing animals. Again, the description we have of him is that of a dark haired tall man, over six foot who was called "Big Brain." He kept asking visitors where the two-headed goat were and was always disappointed when there was no posted showing of monkey juggling. If I don't here from you, I'll be forced to stop by to talk to you where you work, Mr. Curtis. 555-8ZOO.

•BEEP •

BEEP approaches its 100th chapter:

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