Disclaimer: I do not own nor claim to own this franchise or any of its characters.
Author Note: Pfft, Kiryu you so rude. Sorry bout this Sango, I don't mean to make you
Meltdown
It hurts so much. It so much knowing that it was I, I'm the one that got Yuusei killed. I must be a really sorry man. I must be really pathetic. I should just die, I should have been the only one to die. It would have been for the best, after all it burns to my core. Yuusei, the shooting star became a falling one, I'm sorry to the pit of my existence. If he could ever forgive me than I think that I'd never want for anything again. All I could ever want for is his most solemn forgiveness. I think I'm gonna choke. Aha. Poor Yuusei. I hope he's somewhere nice at least. I hope he's laughing even if he can no longer laugh with the rest of us. I hope he's somewhere nice. I want to go out for a ride. Maybe Kiryu will take me. My D-Wheel was confiscated by Security, they couldn't get Kiryu's though, not sure why.
I sit up on the sofa and look at Kiryu who's watching the news with his usually blank face.
"Kiryu?" I ask quietly.
"What do you want?" He growls back.
Kiryu's a very nice person deep down, he took me in after Crow and the others refused to. Then again he probably only did it out of pity for me, that makes so much more sense. He does hate me, rightfully.
"Could you take me for a drive?" I whimper.
"Why?"
"I want to ignore things."
"Fine, I'll take you I suppose. I need to be somewhere anyway."
"Ahhhh thank you Kiryu-San!"
I smile widely.
"Don't thank me and don't call me San. I don't need that from you."
Oh. Sometimes I forget that I'm not exactly wanted here. I wonder, did I act differently before? Was I a better person? Was I someone worth looking up to? Was I in love? Did I have any family, any friends? And if so why haven't they come yet? So many questions that I might never answer. It just makes me sad, most of the time. Sometimes, before, I could forget the hole in my memories by filling it with new ones. And now those new memories make me just as sad, so sad I just want them erased along with myself. I want to be deleted. But at the same time I never want to forget those precious moments spend with someone I love to the dearest degree. So stupid. I'm such an idiot.
Kiryu grabs onto me sharply and practically drags me to his beat up car. He throws me into the back seat.
"Ow, why are you so rough?" I shiver.
"You were spacing out again, the only way to get you out is to shake you out. It was a necessary evil. We're going now. Please don't space out again."
I nod slowly and he takes off. I quickly buckle myself up. There's been warnings of sudden rain, apparently it caused a small crash in front of someone's yard and now everyone's on the look-outs, people speeding or arguing or stressed are at a particularly high risk. Then again who would be foolish enough to drive in those states in these weather conditions?
Kiryu, it feels as if he's going really fast, the city is just a bright blue and white blur.
"W-would you p-please slow down?" I cry out. "You, you might die!"
Kiryu laughs with a hoarseness that I thought only those deep in the throes of darkness could laugh.
"I don't believe that be much of a problem. Who's going to miss me now?" He chuckles.
"What about those children you used to watch? Aren't you ever going to return to them?" I choke out as he goes even faster.
"Nico and West? They met with a terrible fate. It was my fault! As usual everywhere I go I bring death himself!"
I'm not sure what to say. I think I'm going to die here. Oh Yuusei, Jack, I'm sorry for what I've done. I'm child still slobbering on his thumb, my knees tremble, I'm so scared.
"Stop it then! Don't let anymore death pass your way!" A man much braver than myself cries out.
Kiryu calms down a little and slows down. The car then halts to a complete stop.
Why?
"We're out of gas." Kiryu laughs hoarsely.
Oh.
"I guess we have to walk back then, we couldn't have gotten that far." I mention.
"I was doing a hundred and eight miles per hour for seven minutes, we may not be that far but I assure you we are pretty damn far."
I silence myself. He's only going to get more angry. We start walking before he comes to a halt.
"Perhaps a kind soul would be wiling to let a couple of murderers siphon their gas. Though most don't us gas it is a long shot."
I nod in agreement and he completely ignores me.
We walk farther ahead in search of gas and come across a young woman sprawled out on the ground. She is bleeding from the head. She must be famous somewhere, her face is flawless. Maybe someone kidnapped her and she broke free or something? I head strange things happen in this city. Her eyes are shut fast. I hope she's still alive. I reach for her.
"What do you think you're doing Bruno?" Kiryu asks.
"I'm helping." I tell him.
"We don't have time to pick up every stranger in danger Bruno. We have to go to trial soon." Kiryu frowns.
That's true but, but I can't leave someone in danger. I gather my courage.
"You are so cold hearted Kiryu. How do you sleep at night?" The words slip out.
"Like a baby." Kiryu snaps back.
We're fighting again. Funny for me, I used to abhor conflict but, but things sure have changed. Though Yuusei would still be so-
"We shouldn't be arguing. Yuusei would be ashamed." I bring up.
"Don't talk about Yuusei like you love him."
"But I do, probably more than you."
Kiryu's eye twitches as some unknown force increases my courage by at least seven fold.
"Just shut up. Don't you have a random stranger to be helping?"
"You act so cold Kiryu. Funny as I seem to recall how you help strangers as well. She could be dying."
I instantly regret saying that as his jaw clenches.
"She? Looks like a he to me, despite the boots." He replies obviously trying to change the topic.
"I thought women were supposed to be delicate and helpless and men were supposed to be strong and brave. He looks very delicate and he is helpless."
"Who told you that?"
"The stories on television and in books."
"Are you seven?"
"No."
I reach out to grab the woman and she emits a loud and powerful screech.
"Don't touch me!" She shrieks.
"Oh. Maybe she is a woman. Excuse me are you a woman?" Kiryu asks the collapsed albino woman.
"No!" He barks back with a deep growl.
I pull my hands away and she stands up only to fall back down and be picked up by Kiryu.
"See he isn't screaming about me holding him?" Kiryu smirks.
A little victory to make him feel better.
"But I'm gentler than you. I don't know why he wouldn't want me to hold him. Maybe he's scared because I'm a man." I wonder.
"I'm a man!"
"But you are very delicate like he is."
"You are a piece of work you know that?"
"I don't know what that means. We shouldn't be fighting. Fighting is wrong."
We really shouldn't be, Yuusei would be so very ashamed of us both. So stupid.
"Put me down." The man shrieks again.
"No, you need help." I choke out in reply.
When people get worked up or yell I get so very anxious.
"Your head was bleeding and you can hardly stand." The rough man replies to our new companion.
The man stares at me before smiling and giggling and passing out in Kiryu's arms. He must have hit his head really hard.
Another beat up car stops by.
"You folks need some help?" The woman in there asks. "By the looks of it I reckon you're in a real bad place now."
"Yes, we do require your help. Our car, it runs on gas and we need to bring this injured man someplace safe."
She grins and gets out and takes out a gas can and fills up our car.
"Here ya go fellas, I always carry some round with me in case of accidents or some such. Really came in handy back when I was down in the Satellite, but y'all probably wouldn't know much about that. Heh. Anyway have a good one, a life I mean, your day must be pretty awful."
She got back in her car and drove off. Sometimes I met really nice people and it just makes me sad. I don't deserve any kind of kindness and yet they are always so eager to give it. So stupid.
We get in the car.
I really don't deserve this kindness, any of it. I killed two men. I'm a horrible person, I wasn't even possessed or insane, it was of my own weak free will. So stupid.
Soon enough Kiryu is so over the speeding limit if anyone was around he'd have killed us both. I'll count the minutes until we get back.
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
"We're there get out." He sighs out as he unlocks the door and unclicks his seat belt and runs into the house.
I step out and follow, carrying the man in my arms.
Kiryu begins to cook. He's actually really good at it. He says Crow's better though. I start rubbing my hands up and down the man's boots. They are so excellently crafted.
"Stop that." The man groans.
"I wanted to see what they were made of." I choke as I fall to the ground; I didn't know he was awake.
"Get up weakling." He snaps.
Weakling is very much right, so right it hurts.
"Your eyes are dead." He mentions.
Ah, they are dead, dead eyes of a murderer.
"What are you doing?"
"N-nothing."
"Are you fucking crying?"
"He is." Kiryu informs the man.
"Get over yourself! There is no point in crying it won't change anything! Sadness is pointless!" The man sneers at me with laughter and hate in his voice.
I sob even more. I deserve these harsh words, I deserve them all! I'll let them burn to my very core, until everything about me is completely erased! I'm so stupid! I don't deserve Yuusei's forgiveness.
"Sadness is pointless. Anger is as well. All feelings are. They just get people hurt." Kiryu sighs with trauma so evident.
I can't even stop crying. I hate, I hate, hate, hate, hate everything about myself. I'm a weak, naïve, murderer and I have no real reason to even exist. None of this, neither of their deaths, would have happened if I wasn't around! Yuusei would have been happy. I was the burden to his happiness!
"Get up! Don't be so weak! Stop being weak! You're like me! So you shouldn't be weak!" The albino man continues to berate me, rightfully.
"Get up! Get up! Be strong! Antinomy's stronger than you! That's how pathetic you are! Androids shouldn't be this disgusting!" He sneers.
So stupid, I'm so stupid. I should have left when I knew of Kiryu, I shouldn't have stayed, I shouldn't have let my emotions rule me, I shouldn't have helped shove him down, I, what, I.
I hear a loud clash as several dishes are dropped.
"That is enough! How dare you do this to someone that was brave enough and kind enough to help you! What is this nonsense about Antinomy and androids anyway? Are you insane?" Kiryu screams as he defends me.
More kindness I do not deserve, even Kiryu feels such pity for me he wants to give me such cruel mercy. I am only worth pity after all. No other emotions should ever have been wasted on the likes of me! It only brought despair! Kiryu and I must be cursed as the same! To always cause pain and death! I wonder, was I like this before? I want to remember, I want to erase it all, all of my new memories and personality. I want to make it as if I was never even here. It hurts so much, even my precious memories burn. Yuusei, Yuusei! Forgive me! Please! I so, so sorry, so, so stupid. I'm such an idiot!
I get picked up by the apparent android.
"How dare you look just like him."
A slap to my face.
"How dare you make me feel."
Another one, much harsher but oh so deserved.
"How dare you be so damned pathetic."
I want it all gone! Every memory! Even the ones where we were happy and you were smiling because it hurts and I'm weak, so damn weak, just as everyone says! I don't want this personality even anymore! I became a new person once, let me change again! Please, oh please, oh please, oh please.
"I'm, I'm sorry." I choke out.
I grab tightly onto him and so into his neck. He shrieks and slaps me off.
"Stop being so human around me! It's so fucking stupid! Are you punishing me? Were you built by Z-ONE to punish me? Is that it? TELL ME!" He screams as he throttles me.
And gears in my head begin to tick. That name, that name is so familiar it burns. Damn it! Just erase it! Let the memories flow back, let me be as I was and promise it won't hurt again! Promise me that! Yuusei! Yuusei! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm such an Idiot!
"Z-ONE? Z-ONE, I, I, I" I cough out and it hurts Yuusei!
Yuusei it hurts! It feels like something is tearing itself from my skull! Please, oh god, oh god, please forgive me Yuusei, please stop the pain, even if I fade to nothing, just, just please, stop it! I'm so, so stupid Yuusei, I'm so, so sorry Yuusei! Forgive an idiot such as myself! I'm such an Idiot!
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