Chapter 55

I made a stop for a bottle of tequila and a few limes before heading home.

After changing clothes quickly, I walked to the wooded area by my house, and I ran. I didn't want to think, didn't want feel. I just ran, begging the woods to take all my cares away. I ran the three mile loop twice, and I had to stop myself before I took on a third. The thoughts still haunted me. Music wasn't helping either. I needed the tequila.

Once inside, I went to the bathroom and closed the door. I shrugged off my clothes and examined my back in the mirror. My skin was smooth and flawless. The scar from Heath was gone. Reality set in. It was all true.

I cried in silence for a long while in the shower. Finally, I pulled myself together. I wasn't weak. Thank goodness the Davenports had taken me in, and I'd led a normal life. I couldn't imagine living in trees or hunting Wesen. No, I'd complained about my abnormal life, but in comparison it was more normal than it could've been.

I hadn't opened the Grimm journal that my grandmother had given me. Nick had wanted to read it on the drive home, but I'd refused. I didn't want to know what was in there, especially after her insistence about the section on Blutbaden. I didn't want to know any of it.

I put the journal in my hiding place inside the false bottom of my cabinet in my bedroom along with the note my grandmother had written. I'd found this cabinet at an antique shop. The store owner had showed me the safety panel, and it was just what I needed to store all my secrets. I'd dubbed it my 007 cabinet, since it looked like something a spy would own. Its base had quite a bit of room, so I didn't have to hide my notebooks all over the house. Now it held notebooks, an ancient journal, and notes on how to access a secret room in California.

Two shots of tequila later, I called my best friend. I curled under the covers of my bed, holding my pillow in front of me as her phone rang.

"Hey, girl," she said with a smile in her voice.

"Oh, Chloe..." I moaned into the phone.

"Oh, fuck. What happened? Tell me everything."

And so I did. I gave her the details of my visit, from my boyfriend staring down the barrel of a gun and the Endezeichen Grimm philosophy, to the Bauerschwein head in a jar.

"Shit, Renée!" Chloe yelled after I'd finished talking. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I don't know. I just thought this was going to be good for me... I'd meet a blood relative, learn about my parents, and get some insight into this Grimm family thing. But then my grandmother turns out to be a murderous vigilante set to kill anything and everything Wesen.

"Endezeichen Grimms were like the boogeymen of all Grimms."

"Yeah, Monroe filled me in. He said there's a Wesen story book about them."

"I still have mine somewhere," Chloe replied. "But your grandma said she was non-practicing?"

"That's if I can even trust that she is. She was pretty bent on taking out Monroe. The woman knew he was a Blutbad without him even having a woge."

"Oh, wow. She's well practiced then." Chloe was clicking her teeth through the phone. "That's like honing a skill. Skills like that are the kind of stuff I've researched from medieval texts. This isn't something that happens in modern Wesen society anymore. At least I thought it wasn't."

"My grandmother said she's hung up her brands, but what does that really mean? What kind of lapses does she have?" I shuddered as the words left my mouth. "Chloe, I told her I still lived in Louisville. I was that afraid."

"That was probably the smartest thing to do, honestly," Chloe agreed. "I really wish I could be there for you. I hate this arrangement with you being across the country like this. You're holding your pillow aren't you?"

"Yeah." I let it go. She knew me too well. I couldn't hold the tears back, and now with my best friend I could let them out without judgment. Weak or not, with her I could be myself. "I want to call my mom and tell her about this, but I can't… I feel like I can't tell her anything about my life anymore because of all this, and I miss her so much."

"Your mom is doing okay, considering. I'm keeping an eye on her, and your aunts fawn over her constantly. She's well taken care of. But as for talking to her about your biological grandma… No, you can't say anything," Chloe said adamantly. "Your mom will fly that psycho out to Louisville to meet her. You know how your mom is. We can't have that here."

Chloe was right. Like everything else, this secret would go along with the rest of them. But the secrets were piling up again. I hadn't told Chloe about the Reapers, or the Daemonfeuer, or even the Waschbar. I'd told her enough tonight. Those secrets were staying in their box along with everything else.

"I'm just tired of feeling so scared." That I would say to Chloe. She didn't have to know all the reasons why.

"You're safe. Your grandma doesn't know where you live; she can't hurt you or Monroe. You're safe, Renée." Her words soothed me, and I relaxed from the tense fetal position I'd managed to curl myself into. "Besides, Mr. McHowly-Growly is there to watch over you, since I can't be there to do it. Their kind likes to eat grandmas, don't they?" she added, and I laughed. She could always make me laugh.

"Thanks, Chloe. I love you."

"I love you, too, but don't thank me yet. I'm the one that got you into this mess, remember?"

"Oh, Chloe. You had no way of knowing my little, old grandmother was a lunatic. You did what I asked, and I appreciate you for it. Even my real mom left home because of her crazy ideals. Well, that, and she was dating a Wesen... Ohh!" I had left something out. Something big.

"So, your mom dated a Wesen?" Chloe asked with curiosity.

"I did learn something out of this trip," I began. "My mom dated my dad... Who was Wesen."

The phone made a loud crash on Chloe's end.

"Uhh… Are you still there?"

Chloe was muttering and cursing as her voice got louder. "You're fucking with me, right?" she finally said into the receiver. "There's no way you're half-Wesen."

"Well, I am."

"Okay, so what are you then?" she asked with an unbelieving tone.

"Waldgeist."

"What the fuck is that?" she asked.

I explained what I'd been told about Waldgeists, my dad, and my encounter in the woods. I even explained the Harry Potter tree.

"Renée, this is the most implausible, ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Do you swear you aren't making this up? Because if you are, then I..."

"No, really I swear. I couldn't come up with something like this. Even Monroe thought they were a myth. But it's real. I met my uncle, their elder. Chloe, he looked younger than me. And my aunt was the same way. All these people, err, Wesen, they would've been carded to buy a beer. It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced."

"So, because you're a Waldgeist, a Wesen I've never even heard of, I might feel this need to take care of you because of it?" It sounded as bad when she said it as when I had.

"It could be. Chloe, I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. It's just... Well, it actually makes sense."

"How?" I asked. That surprised the hell out of me.

"Well, you're the only human that I ever gave a Reinigen's ass about, and I never knew why you were different. Well, you could see me. That was obvious, but it was more than that."

"Are you upset over this?"

"No," she simply replied. What the heck was I going to say now? We sat silently on the phone until she finally said, "I still love you."

My breath, that I didn't realize I'd been holding, let out. "Good, because I love you more than anything."

"And so you ought to, great protector of the woodland Wesen." She laughed. "No wonder you got your ass kicked by those Jägerbars over Ted. And then there was that time you had to talk yourself out of going downtown in a squad car over those two ducks."

"I told you I feel a need to help. Between this Wesen thing and the Grimm thing, it's no wonder."

"But at what cost? You can't risk yourself to save someone else."

"If I don't, then who will?"

Chloe was silent for a moment then replied, "I'm not going to argue this again. You're reckless and stubborn. All I ask is just be safe, and at least get a plan in your head before you go off on your tangents. I've got to protect you, too, since it's instinctual apparently."

I laughed. "You can't get rid of me. I'm going to be around for a long time, and I may even stay looking this young, too."

"Now if I start getting wrinkles and you keep that flawless, porcelain skin of yours, then I may start to get jealous."

"It's fine. In twenty years I'll just tell everyone you're my mom."

Chloe scowled through the phone. "Let's hope your Grimm side keeps you looking your age. But since you'll never act like your age, it might be good for you to stay young forever."

I laughed again. "And that's why I love you."

"So, when I see you in May, you gotta show me your eyes, because I don't know how I've known you half your life and never saw that."

"That's easy," I replied. "You hate the woods. Which isn't that taboo for a rabbit?"

"I'm not really a rabbit, Renée. You like to forget that."

"How many bags of carrots do you have in your fridge right now?"

"Shut up, Renée."

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

I went back to the kitchen after Chloe and I had hung up. The jokes were over, and the reality was back. I reached for the bottle of tequila and had two more shots. The shot glass was from Waikiki. Stupid vacation with stupid Jack. At least the glass was useful since the boyfriend wasn't.

I held the lime in my mouth as I went into the living room. It was almost nine by my cuckoo clock. I thought about my grandma, who I'd inherited the clock from. She wasn't really my grandma. The story of my great-grandfather saving that boy in Germany wasn't really part my heritage either. While my grandma had this cuckoo on her wall, my real grandmother had animal heads on hers, and in jars, and in books… Perhaps I ought to give the cuckoo to one of my cousins, so that way it would stay in the family. The right family.

I clutched the pendent around my neck. It was supposed to protect me, but would it protect me from all these negative thoughts? So far it didn't seem to hold that kind of magic.

Two more shots of tequila later, and I didn't care about any of it. George Thorogood and I sang 'I Drink Alone' together as I lay sprawled out on the couch in a drunken stupor.

"I drink alone, yeah.
With nobody else.
You know when I drink alone,
I prefer to be by myself…"

Three voluminous pounding knocks on my front door jarred my ears. I stumbled to the door and opened it.

"Renée," said Monroe as I leaned against the wall. "I've been knocking for the last few minutes. Can that music be any louder?"

"I said I need to be alooooone," I slurred out as I looked up at him.

"No, that's the last thing you need." He scooped me up as he stepped into the living room. "Tequila again, huh?"

"I need to be a-lone," I repeated as he lay me back on the couch.

"You know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself."

I sang with George again. Monroe walked over and turned George off.

"Aww, come on. Leave George alone, too," I whined.

Monroe sat on the couch and placed my legs in his lap. "Are you okay?"

"No, Monroe. I'm not okay," I mumbled. "I'm far from okay. I'm not even 'O.'"

"Then why did you keep telling me you were fine on the ride home? I wouldn't have let you leave if I thought you were going to come here and drown your sorrows with Cuervo."

"What was I supposed to say?"

"How about telling me what you were actually feeling and not what you thought I wanted to hear."

"Oh, what I'm actually feeling… Right," I drawled out the word. "'Cause we always say what we feel, don't we?" I closed my eyes. Too drunk. Hush… "I just need to be alone." Maybe if I kept saying it, he'd get the point.

Monroe rubbed my feet as he sighed back. "You can keep saying it, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna listen."

Great. Back to talking outside my head. I held my forehead, hoping that would keep the thoughts in there.

"Honey, I don't know how to make this okay," Monroe continued. "You got some crazy news this weekend, I know. And, I mean, I'm sure it's a lot to process, but getting drunk isn't going to take it away, you know?"

"It's a temporary fix."

"It's not a temporary anything."

"But I won't have a hangover in the morning. You know why? Because I regenerate. Oh, lucky me." I laughed loudly. "I'm the lucky Princess Waldgeist of Crescent City."

Monroe shook his head, holding back a chuckle at my stupidity. "Okay, all titles aside, you gotta admit, your luck has gotten you out of some messes lately. And it's a good thing you heal fast."

"Yeah, I probably didn't get arrowed to death because the Waschbar was attracted to me… or something. Oh, and my best friend? My best friend is probably only my best friend because she feels compelled to protect me. And let's not forget that I'd probably still have scars and bite marks all over if it wasn't for my little healing trick. And the one scar I did have… well my uncle magically healed it. Poof!" I took the pillow from under my head and laid it over my face.

Monroe removed the pillow. "Honey… Now don't start over-analyzing it."

"Over-analyzing it?" I laughed. "My parents had some Wesen-Grimm, Romeo and Juliet love affair and created this mess." I pointed down at myself. "I shouldn't over-analyze?"

"Well, umm…"

"Music says it best…" I fumbled for my stereo remote that had made its way under my back on the couch, and pressed buttons until Cher began to sing.

"Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word.
Half-breed, she's no good they warned.
Both sides were against me since the day I was born…"

I sang along as I closed my eyes again.

Monroe took the remote from my hand, turning Cher off. "Sure you're a Grimm and a Wesen, but it's not a bad thing. Well, maybe it's not the ideal thing, but it's… umm… It's kinda ineffable to put into words."

"See? Even you, who always says the right thing, can't think of anything right to say." I sighed aloud. "This weekend was a disaster. You could've been killed by a psycho who wanted to play mind games, and I should've just stayed ignorant about it all. This isn't normal to be this way."

"There you go with worrying about being normal again. You know, normal is its own delusion. My grandfather used to say, 'Was ist normal dass der Wolf ist das Chaos für die Schafe.'"

"Huh? What is that suppose to mean?" I was too drunk to understand German tonight, let alone euphemisms.

"What is normal for the wolf is chaos for the sheep."

"Wow. That's some sage advice from your grandpa." I rolled my eyes. "Glad I'm not half a Seelengut."

"No, no, no… That's not what I mean. It means, what's normal for some is, you know, not normal for someone else… Or, umm, something to that effect."

I lifted myself from the couch and managed to stand. "Thanks for the pep talk, Monroe. It was sweet that you tried."

"Where are you going?" Monroe asked.

"For another shot of tequila. Want some? Not that you'll get drunk off it, but have a few shots with me since you won't let me be alone."

"I think you've had enough."

I laughed. "No, I'm still conscious. I think I need a few more."

Monroe reached for me before I made it to the kitchen. He held me in his arms as the room turned into a tilt-a-whirl. "Let me take care of you tonight."

Take care of me? Oh, God. Hopefully he didn't want to lick me again.

"Hey now," he said harshly. Back to talking aloud, perfect.

"Sorry. I'm really drunk, and I… I shouldn't be talking."

"For the record, I wasn't going to lick you. I was going to hold you."

"You're not going to let me be alone are you?"

"No."

I held up a finger at him. "See, you're stubborn, too."

"Not as much as you are, but close."

I leaned my head against his shoulder as he picked me up and carried me to my bedroom. "My grandfather was killed by Rissfleichs, and my uncle was killed by a Blutbad," I mumbled as he lay me down on my bed.

"Yeah," he breathed out. "And many of my family were killed by Grimms."

I looked up at him. "You and I are as bad as my parents. Opposite sides… falling for one another. What if we make a mess, too?"

Monroe kissed my forehead as he curled up beside me. "Then it'll be a beautiful mess."

A/N: Renée hit a rock-bottom moment, but thank goodness Monroe figured it out and came over. Renée's world is a bit off kilter right now. But she'll get through this... hopefully!

Thanks for reading. Love the comments. Don't be shy. The comments keep me going. (:

Stay tuned for more chapters this week... and I'm looking forward to a new episode of Grimm tomorrow!

THE HIATUS IS OVER! WOOT!