Oh ho! Who thought I abandoned this story? Shame on you! ...well shame on me, I got distracted with my Walking Dead stuff...I apologize. But here's a peace offering. I'm sorry? ^_^
Little Gem Magnolia - You know. I...I may lean towards Jon/Pam, just because they are sort of going that way on their own. It's organic enough, right?
CRAZY QUILT - LOL! Polka Dot Man! Mine would be Calendar Man.
LilyHellsing - There will be no 'Next' button on this chapter either until my next update. ^_^
Titan - Killer Croc, yes, most definitely. Bane, no, because no. Just kidding. I'll try to work them both in! ^_^
phibes - Yes, yes they would. Actually, I'm using MST3k movie episodes as a guide (so basically B movies.) Just because it amuses me.
jacksparrowlovesme - Firefly in the comics is much different. I agree. But then again, he isn't used as much as he should be (imho).
raikota - So, I guess I'll do this series when I have the time now or...
SKC83 - Sorry for the long wait! Eep.
NShadows - Thank you for the polite inquiry, I appreciate it. And I also appreciate you realizing I had another project on the burner.
NURSE J0Y - New chapter!
Nomad1 - Thank you. I'm sorry it's taking me forever to update it. I'm hoping to get back to this story.
Guest - Hehe, trying to guilt me, eh? LOL! Succeeded! ^_^
Katherine - I know...I am so ashamed. I'll go stand in the corner now...
Guest - Yes. Yes it was. It really was. ^_^
Chapter Twelve: Hamlet
**Selina**
"Eddie, wait!" She called after him, struggling to keep up with his long legs as he headed in the direction of the bay, Maxie Zeus and Two-Face waiting for her at the top of the steep stairs down. "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to throw myself into the bay and let the fish eat me bit by bit!" He growled over his shoulder, shoving his hands into his pockets sullenly and picking his way over the rocks. "And it's Edward!"
"You know, Eddie, if you'd just stop being such an arrogant ass, I could almost like you," she grumbled.
At the water's edge, instead of jumping in as he claimed, he stopped and stood and stared out at the water.
Moving to stand at his side, Selina inhaled the sea air and studied the Riddler's face as the gears worked overtime in his brilliant head.
"What's really going on around here, Ed?" She whispered to him. "You always know the game three moves in advance."
"What's happening is forceful abdication of a leader from—"
"If you say one more thing about Crane being chosen over you, I swear I will cram my fist down your throat," she growled.
"Selina!" He barked in a tone that she had never heard come from the man. He seemed to have realized his tone immediately, because he adjusted his tie and inhaled deeply. "Don't you see the joke here? We are the criminals, cutthroats, killers and thieves, being hunted down by one of our own. Do you see?" He approached her quietly, eyes intense and burning into hers.
"The Joker?"
Eddie sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, backing down from her. "I adore you more than any living creature, but you sometimes disappoint me."
She smirked. It was a backhanded compliment, but coming from Eddie, it was good enough.
"I won't claw your eyes out for that, Eddie," she whispered.
"Three moves ahead," he murmured. "And you'll find out that this is a test of sorts. We're all being put into a test."
"Why?"
The Riddler quirked an eyebrow. "Ah, that's five moves ahead, Selina. I'm no seer."
She watched as the hand that had been pinching the bridge of his nose moved to rub at his temple, his chin angling, his face turning towards her.
Selina stood in the light of the rising sun, a curl of hair had escaped her mask and was stuck to the corner of her lips.
Dropping his hand, the Riddler turned to her completely, his brow knitting, his eyes narrowing at her.
"Eddie," she began.
"Shh," he warned, taking a step in close to her, head tilting curiously.
"Ed—"
"Shh, don't move." He stated, voice still soft.
She didn't like having him look at her like he was, it was…unnerving.
"In five moves," he said, gently reaching up and tucking her hair back under her mask, hand settling against her cheek, "we'll be dead."
She frowned.
"Or alive," he added, rubbing his thumb over her bottom lip.
Instinct inside her told her to run or to fight him, but she couldn't move, he looked so rough and worn and absolutely beat to shit, but he also looked more human than she had ever seen Edward Nygma look.
"The truth is, Selina, I can't concentrate properly."
"Because of me?" She asked, sticking out her hip and resting a clawed hand on it.
"Ha!" He barked, stepping back from her and returning his hand to his forehead to rub it some more. "Don't flatter yourself, kitten."
"Because of Ivy?" She teased.
"Ivy?" He repeated, hand dropping.
"Yes. You remember her. Loves plants, hates you?"
"Ivy…" he tapped his forehead with his finger.
"Sometimes it goes with Holly," Selina went on smugly.
"Ivy…" Edward went on murmuring. "Of course!" He declared, sweeping his arms out.
Selina smiled. "You on to something there, Eddie?"
He snapped his fingers. "I bet Ivy put Crane up to usurping me! Only she would be that petty and vindictive!"
"Oh my God!" Sweeping her own arms out, Selina sighed and turned around, heading for the steps back up to the top. "You know what, Eddie? Why don't you just jump into the sea! Do me a favour!"
Storming up the steps, she approached Two-Face who was idly rolling his coin over his knuckles and puffing away on his cigarette.
"Want me to beat him to death?" He asked her.
Selina smirked. "What does Harvey think about that offer?"
Two-Face pondered this for a moment, before his scarred side grinned wickedly. "Half dead, then?"
Crane joined them then, eyes on the Riddler who still sulked and pondered on the beach below them.
"Is he pouting?"
"He's rationalizing," Selina greeted.
"Stubborn ass."
"He's your friend."
"Hn, and
Edward pushed between them, heading back for the lighthouse with a determined glint in his eye.
Selina sighed, but trailed after him anyways, shadowing the smartest dumb ass she knew.
Eddie burst into the lighthouse like a fireman entering a burning building and pointed a finger at Crane.
"Alright, Crane, we're going to solve this puzzle today!"
The Scarecrow frowned. "Okay."
"First," Edward declared loudly. "We look at every single villain Gotham who isn't being affected by this! We look at motives and we look at alibies. If our enemy is going to act like a bunch of criminals, then we treat this like a criminal investigation! Crane, you're in charge here, you keep all information gathered here in this place, you choose men to defend our position here. Meanwhile I'll take a few people out to beat the streets. If we go anywhere, it's in pairs, we pick a partner and stay with them."
Selina smiled a little, proud that the giant elf seemed to have gotten his act together.
"But I'm in charge," Eddie finished.
Crane heaved a sigh. "Edward, your ego is going to be deflated at the worst possible moment someday. I wouldn't puff it up too much if I were you."
"What ego?" Edward demanded, adjusting his tie. "Selina, you're with me."
"I'd rather not," she said coolly, wandering over to the dark corner where Firefly skulked.
"Fine," Edward spat. "Firefly you're not allowed to partner up with anyone."
"Eat me, Nygma," Firefly returned exhaling a stream of smoke.
Crane sat up straighter on the table where he perched and sighed. "Can we all just pretend he has some authority, for the time being at least?"
Selina smiled to herself as people slowly began to separate into pairs.
"I don't want you to be my partner," Firefly growled from her side.
"Good, I don't want to be your partner," she stated.
"Now you are all just pretending to listen to Crane just to spite me," the Riddler pointed out. "You know he would gas you in a heartbeat. He has no loyalty."
"Says the man who two timed me in Rome," Selina pointed out. She knew she was being hard on Eddie, but he had it coming.
"Well, it's expected of me, Selina dear, I never claimed to be loyal to anyone." His face brightened and he beamed. "Riddle me this—"
"A star!" Jervis shouted from the stairs, where he was hugging the broom tightly.
Edward hesitated, blinking, before sighing. "No. It…no."
"It could be a star, who's to say that it isn't? Stars are eternal and sparkly." The Mad Hatter argued.
"You're out of your star," Edward shot back.
"A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself," Jervis countered swiftly.
"Hatter logic," Firefly murmured from beside her.
Selina scoffed.
"Break it up over there, we have work to do!" Eddie shouted at them.
"Partner up, big guy?" Selina asked with a grin, looking over at Firefly.
"Only to piss Edward off," Firefly replied calmly.
"Piss him off?" She demanded, not noticing the Riddler's dark, stony stare.
Pushing off from where he had posted against the wall, Firefly flicked away his cigarette butt and replaced his helmet. "Well, I suppose."
"No, wait," she argued. "You said to 'piss Edward off'. What do you mean piss him off?"
Firefly headed for the door, pushing between Edward and Crane who were both scowling unhappily.
"If you find anything," the Riddler began.
"Kill them all," Firefly returned calmly.
"Report back here."
"No," Firefly stated quietly. "I will purge them in the cleansing baptismal heat of hellfire."
"I…Selina?" Edward pleaded.
"We'll report back."
"No we won't."
"Don't be difficult," she growled, pushing Firefly out of the lighthouse.
Outside they walked quietly side by side, before she said, "you don't like him much, do you?"
"Who?"
"Eddie."
"You're wrong," he returned. "I like Edward very much. I may even go so far as to say I respect him."
"Then why bust his balls?"
"Because in my family you torment the ones you love."
She smiled a little as they hit the street.
"Why do you respect him of all people?" She asked.
"What's not to respect? He's intelligent and good looking, plus he dresses like a college English professor. That's something every man strives to be."
She chuckled.
"I'm serious." He deadpanned.
"Come on, Garfield, you're handsome and smart."
"But I dress like a member of a German synth pop band," he finished.
She covered her grin by turning her face away, studying the pink glow of the rising sun.
"What I wouldn't give to wear an avocado green three piece and a bowler," he went on.
With his helmet in place, Selina couldn't tell if he was joking or not, so she narrowed her eyes.
"Besides, my intellect is average and my looks are…somewhat better than a hog. My only claim to fame, so to speak, is my ability to light a fire."
"But you do it so well," she teased.
"I'm not bemoaning my lot in life, mind you," he went on. "I just sometimes wish I could rock a three piece suit while taking care of business."
She smirked. "You're teasing."
"Usually."
They passed by a couple of harbour types, heading for the wharfs and Selina sighed. "Maybe we should get off the streets in our costumes, you're beginning to look good to these longshoremen in your black leather."
"We're both in black leather," he argued, ducking into an alleyway with her.
"Yeah, but my tits aren't getting the attention they deserve," she growled, grabbing hold of a drainpipe and hefting herself up. "I hope you can climb."
"Just because no one is looking, doesn't mean you should hide yourself away and sulk," he returned, moving nearby to where a dumpster lay open. "I happen to think they were just being gentlemen." He went on, hoisting himself up onto the edge of the dumpster and using a nearby telephone pole, braced his legs against it, his back against the wall and climbed up that way, arriving on the rooftop with her.
Selina took to the roofs easily, pausing now and then to ensure he was with her.
Firefly wasn't as graceful or as good as her at leaping over the gaps, but he managed to get over in any way he could.
"What are our plans?" He asked as they paused at a large gap and she pondered how to get them both across.
"We get into street clothes," she said. "Can't wander Gotham looking for ninjas in our work clothes unless we want to attract attention."
"I thought that was your goal?" He retorted.
She jutted her hip out and rested her hand on it. "Are you…actually getting bored enough to just throw bullshit out at people? Is that what this is?"
"Yeah."
Smirking, she motioned him to the wall where a fire escape dangled just below the ledge. "Come on, I'll lift us some clothes from this building. What shoe size are you? Seven?"
"Twelve," he corrected.
Hopping down, she tilted her head. "Could have fooled me."
"Don't be fooled by my shoe size," he said, scrambling down after her. "I'm not very measurable as a man."
She chuckled and scoped the window of the apartment they were standing outside of. It looked dead, but it also looked very girly. "Think you're shit out of luck, cowboy, we might be squeezing you into something pink and frilly."
When he said nothing, she glanced back and grinned.
"You wouldn't care at all, would you?" She demanded.
"Nothing wrong with pink or frilly, it may even make me look more intimidating."
"I'm tempted." She said, breaking the window and opening the latch. She could have been more subtle about it, but she didn't have time to use any cunning and it was low on her list of priorities.
Digging through the closet, she emerged with a flecked sweater grey t-shirt and some jeans.
"You're in luck, Garfield, looks like she had a boyfriend," she handed the clothes over.
Firefly held up the shirt. "She had a tiny boyfriend."
"Not all men are giant redwoods like you," Selina teased, helping him undress. "Keep the boots, keep the pants, put the tee on."
Removing his helmet, Firefly scowled as Selina shoved his jacket off and shucked his under protective vest off.
She knew he could very well dress himself, but she wasn't going to miss her chance.
Removing his undervest, she dropped her hand and stepped back in mild shock. "Oh."
Under his clothes, his chest and stomach was a combination of wrinkled flesh and smooth patches where he had been licked with fire.
Selina blinked. "I didn't know. I'm sorry."
He quirked a brow. "I'm not ashamed of it," he said. "To be kissed by fire is a badge of honour. She let me live."
Carefully she reached out and touched the scarred tissue.
"When flames get hot enough, when the nerve endings burn, it feels cold," he explained. "I wanted to be entirely consumed."
"Why?"
"Because She's so beautiful."
It was then that she understood his madness. Firefly wasn't so much a pyromaniac, nor was he a pyrophiliac, he honestly loved fire.
"You're mad as a hatter," she said softly, not at all disgusted or bothered by it.
He smiled.
"It's no wonder why you were no match for Batman though," she went on, turning to find clothes for herself. "You're not angry, just crazy."
"I don't ever mean to hurt people, but the fire chooses who lives and dies, I give birth to Her and God decides after She's born, when She takes over and rages through the land. And only God can give or take."
"God is a woman?" She asked, plucking a tight black long sleeved shirt from the hanger and studying it.
"God created the heaven and the earth, and then gave Her daughters the ability to bring forth life of their own, of course She's a woman."
"I like you more and more each hour we hang out, Garfield," she said. "You have the name of a cat and the opinions I like in a man. We should partner up some night and cause a little chaos."
Pulling the tight t-shirt on, Firefly eased onto the bed and ruffled his hair, watching her go through the closet.
"Why does he like you best?" He asked her.
She glanced over her shoulder at him.
"I've been watching you and the Riddler since we've all been together and he likes you best out of anyone I've yet seen."
"He likes Crane."
"They're alike, but Edward is…easier on you. He listens to you."
"Sometimes," she murmured bending over to unlace her boots to remove her uniform.
"Why?"
She paused in removing her boot, looking at the wall of the closet. "I don't know," she said after a minute.
"You're not like us," Firefly said. "You're whole."
She scoffed, stepping out of her uniform, not at all worried about him seeing her half naked. "I'm broken too," she said. "Just in a completely different way."
"I used to be whole," he said. "But one day I saw Her dancing and she called to me said it was my duty to introduce her to the world so that she could purge and cleanse. Did She urge you to steal?"
"Why is it whenever I'm with you and we're having a heart-to-heart I feel like I'm in therapy?" She asked, squeezing her powerful ass and thighs into the thin girl's jeans.
"Because as a child I liked to capture bugs and analyze them, before returning them to the wild," he said, standing up and approaching to help her into the pants, yanking her up by the belt-loops.
She laid a hand against his bicep and grinned. "Easy, big fella. I may be able to kick your ass if I had to, but I'm still a lot smaller than you."
"You tame him," he said.
"Who? Eddie?" She laughed then. "No. I don't think anyone could tame his crazy ass. We're just two particles travelling at the same velocity towards the same end goal."
Firefly stepped back, eyes glinting in the dim light. "One always gives the other a boost in speed to help them along and keep you from straying off your path."
She smirked and patted his chest. "Look at you with your moderate intelligence."
"Drift velocity was twelfth grade physics," he replied. "I happen to have been paying attention during that class."
Pulling on a shirt from the closet and replacing her boots, she stuffed their gear into a suitcase.
"We'll store these on the rooftop and come back later."
"Nothing like returning to the scene of the crime," he replied, following her out the window.