A/N: Doubts over difficult decisions and fears of death seem like good combination for horrendous nightmares, right? But those nightmares are not necessarily prophetic dreams, though... yes, I would take no further notice of them. Just ignore those nasty dreams. Ha-ha.
Also, Liara says something that might be considered fairly tawdry. You have been warned.
Chapter 86 - Under Pressure
"Am I still welcomed on the bridge?" Shepard asks, approaching Joker and EDI, sitting in their seats and monitoring all the systems as the Normandy is getting ready to leave the Citadel and head to seek out the quarians beyond the Veil.
"Of course, Shepard, as the commanding officer of the Normandy, you are welcomed to come and go as you please," EDI replies, sounding surprisingly welcoming and friendly. "I wish to extend my sincerest apologies on behalf of Joker and myself for placing you in an uncomfortable situation. It was not our intent to cause you any distress. Rest assured it will not happen again."
"I might not necessarily agree with that sentiment," Joker mutters, still looking a little annoyed, but generally in a better mood. Shepard wonders whether it as result of his talk with EDI, but of course neither of them appears intent to elaborate, considering that Shepard has made it quite clear she does not support anything else but working relationship between the two of them.
"Look, I wasn't trying to be an ass, it just happened," Shepard shrugs, a little apologetically. "I'm just... not really good person to ask questions like that. I'm absolutely not an expert."
"Could we just drop the subject, Commander?" Joker asks.
"Fine, fine," Shepard sighs, giving up. "Did everyone report back to the ship yet?"
"Everyone with the exception of Javik," EDI replies.
"Javik? Oh... he did mention something about wanting to visit the Citadel, so maybe he just went out for a walk and lost the track of time," Shepard muses.
"There is an incoming message from Commander Bailey, which might shed light on the situation," EDI then says.
"What? Well, put it through!" Shepard urges the AI.
"Commander Shepard?" she hears Bailey on the comms, responding with a swift acknowledgment. "We've detained one of your people. The one with extensive genetic modifications to make him appear like a Prothean."
"...he's not genetically modified. He IS a Prothean!" Shepard protests.
"...oh. Oh! I see. Well, I think we can drop the charges for assuming false identity then. We're still upholding accusations of excessive public negativity, inciting the crowd and sowing discord."
Shepard groans. "That sounds like Prothy, alright. Listen, Bailey, we're about to depart and I could do with him on the ship. How about releasing him in return of a promise that I'll keep him on the Normandy during our next visits?"
"It's a deal, Shepard," Bailey agrees. "My people will deliver him to your ship shortly."
"Thanks, Bailey. Out of curiosity, just what it was that he tried to do?"
"Some hanar recognized that he looked like one of their Enkindlers and started praying to him, that drew attention of more and more people, forming a crowd. Then he started to lecture to them how this cycle has no hope in the war against the Reapers, how pathetic the civilizations of our cycle are compared to the Protheans... let's just say, there were a lot of unhappy people out there by the time we arrived to detain him."
Shepard sighs deeply. "One of these days, I just might lose my patience with him... once again, thanks a bunch, Bailey. Much appreciated." The connection is terminated shortly after that. "Okay, once Prothy is back on the Normandy, we're off to meet the quarians. You have the coordinates, right?" Joker nods wordlessly. "Okay. Has Kaidan settled into his new quarters?"
"Oh yes. I asked EDI's new platform to give him a tour of the ship," Joker replies with a wicked little laughter.
"...damn, he got a shock of his life, didn't he?" Shepard realizes her faux pas. "I didn't warn him about EDI using the body of Dr. Core... and you just had to use that, you cheeky little bastard!"
Joker grins smugly. "Well, he shouldn't have forgotten the 'don't shoot the Commander' rule. We're not going to roll over and make things easy for him after that!"
"Right. Is Kaidan in his quarters now?" she asks, EDI giving a quick affirmation. "Alright, I'll go check up on him. Please, no more nasty surprises, just wait for Prothy and then get us moving to the geth space, okay?"
"Sure, Commander! Whatever you say!" Joker replies jovially, looking very pleased with himself.
Shepard does not hesitate in getting to the Starboard Observation to find Kaidan inside, unwrapping his very few possessions, some of his hasty purchases still with their packaging untouched. "Everything alright, Kaidan?" she asks, approaching him. "Sorry about Joker and EDI's little joke."
Kaidan chuckles. "Hah, only to be expected. I'm finding it funny as hell, now." He falls silent for a bit, just looking around. "It's... strange to be back, you know? So much time has passed since Saren. That little stint from Earth to Mars didn't really count, never even got a chance to look around the cargo bay before we were back in action."
"Yeah, I can understand that. And this isn't SR-1 anymore. Though one thing I can say about Cerberus, they know how to build a damn nice ship."
"I notice that, they really didn't cut corners when rebuilding the Normandy," Kaidan agrees. "There's a whole lot of credits in here."
"Well, they really wanted me onboard, you see," Shepard remarks, but Kaidan does not reply to that comment, falling silent again, appearing to struggle with emotions.
"Shepard... I heard from my mom, just before coming aboard," Kaidan says, suddenly changing the topic of conversation. "My dad is MIA. He's presumed..."
"Oh... shit. I'm so sorry." Just when I hear that my mom's alive, what a kick in the quad. "What happened, you said they got out of Vancouver alive and well?"
"He left mom at the orchard and reported for active duty," Kaidan explains quietly. "That's all we know, but... it is enough."
"Yeah. It's hell down there, I keep hearing from Anderson, reading the news..." Shepard sighs. "Doesn't take much to snuff out a life..."
"That it does. I just... feel for my mom. She's now alone down there, in all of this."
"Not good, Kaidan, the Reapers are starting to sweep rural areas as well, she can't stay there alone and hope they won't find her," Shepard shakes her head, feeling deeply worried. "There has to be someone nearby who knows how to get in touch with the resistance. They could offer safety, protection."
"I know. I keep trying to convince her, but she's determined to stay at the orchard," Kaidan sighs. "Always been stubborn, my mom. If she has decided something, dissuading her will be next to impossible."
"Well, you had to get that stubbornness from someone, Kaidan," Shepard chuckles.
"Me? Talk about pot calling the kettle black!" he grins back at her.
"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about," Morgan huffs in reply, pretending to be insulted.
"Of course, Shepard. Listen..." Kaidan hesitates again before going on. "I've been thinking about the coup some more. Not just what happened with Udina, but you know, the whole thing. What was Cerberus after? This seemed drastic even for the Illusive Man! Did you see this coming from him?"
"I still don't know for certain why he would try to seize the Citadel, I mean if he wanted to just kill the Councilors as is the accepted explanation, he would have sent a small team of his phantom assassins, maybe led by that Clown Leng."
"What are you saying, Shepard?" Kaidan asks, looking alarmed.
"I'm saying that they wanted to take permanent control of the Citadel," Shepard explains. "I haven't been spreading this theory for fear of causing panic, but I'm not even sure that the whole plan belonged to the Illusive Man. Taking control of the Citadel seems more something that the Reapers would be interested in. I mean, it's the mother of all mass relays or something, right?"
"You think he could be indoctrinated?"
"I strongly suspect so. That's why nothing that the Illusive Man does can surprise me anymore. There are no limits at which he will stop, he seems willing to commit the most vile atrocities to get what he wants."
"Did you have any of these suspicions while you were working for Cerberus?" Kaidan asks the question that is obviously bothering him.
"Not until the very end, when I learned that he suddenly wanted me to preserve the Collector base instead of destroying it, as was our plan since the beginning," Shepard explains. "When I learned of that, I started to think that obtaining the Collector base and its resources had been his plan all along, and that he did not care a bit about the human colonies taken. It was just his ploy to get me onboard."
"It seems like they really manipulated you, Shepard," Kaidan winces, looking upset.
"Well, they tried to. But in the end, I ruined their plans, destroyed the Collectors and saved our colonies. So, I think the net result was our victory and their loss," Morgan shrugs. "Don't tell me you're going to go back to being all suspicious of me again, Kaidan!"
Kaidan looks a little like slapped across the face, lowering his eyes. "This time I did not mean to imply anything, Shepard," he says guiltily. "I'm sorry if that came across wrong..."
"Nah, just messing with you, Kaidan," Morgan grins. "You should find something to take your mind off these things, though. I don't think Joker will stay pissed off at you for long, maybe you can give him some poker tips. He keeps losing his shirt to James."
"But Joker has like the worst poker face in the galaxy. I swear, Shepard, even an elcor could out-bluff him!" Kaidan chuckles. "Ah well. I love a challenge. Thanks for the laugh, Shepard, I needed this."
"It's good to see you in better spirits, Kaidan," Morgan says as a way of parting. "And now I think I'll be off to catch some shut-eye before we reach the Perseus Veil..."
She finds herself crawling through smoldering pieces of rubble and scrap metal, thick smoke and slowly subsiding flames often blocking her passage, but she presses on, following the cries of anguish and despair close by. She feels as if she recognizes the voice, hurrying to get to the source of the sound, feeling the protruding metal pieces scratching deeply into her skin as she crawls by hurriedly with complete disregard for her own injuries.
Following the voice leads her to what looks like the Normandy bridge, completely ruined and barely recognizable. Joker sits on the floor, gently cradling the charred and disfigured body of EDI, the synthetic looks to be disabled and beyond repair. "You!" his sorrow filled face twists into bitter anger and accusation, as he sees her approaching. "You did this! You killed her!"
What did I do? She wonders, opening her mouth to ask but finding herself unable to speak, no sounds escapes her lips.
"You never wanted us to be together, Shepard! You never wanted us to find any happiness, even as you claimed your own! And now you have killed her, and you rejoice in her death, I know you do!" the accusations fly from Joker's lips, making her recoil, shocked and confused.
I would never do anything to harm EDI! She protests silently. Why would I ever want to hurt her? This is madness!
She turns around to run away, to try and escape Joker's accusations, but finds someone standing in her way. She takes in the familiar suited form, the wide hips, arms folded across the ample bosom and the face hidden behind the thick glass of her mask. It is Tali, facing her, the quarian's posture radiating anger and betrayal.
"Look around you, Shepard," she snaps, venom dripping from her words. "Look around you and enjoy the results of your failure. Feast on it, for this is what you wanted, isn't it?"
There is a barely perceptible shift in the scenery and she is able to observe the sights surrounding them much more clearly. They stand in the CIC of the ruined Normandy, looking around to see the ground littered with the remains of crashed quarian ships, as far as her eyes can see.
What have I done? I never meant to do this! I needed the quarian fleets! All I wanted to do was to help them! She protests wordlessly as Tali approaches her, pointing an accusing finger at her.
"You have destroyed my people, Shepard. You have wiped out my entire race. With me gone, the extinction of my people will be complete," there is a pistol in Tali's hands and she presses it against her temples, Shepard frozen and helpless to stop her. "Know that I die with only hatred in my heart. Hatred for you." Shepard screams silently as Tali presses the trigger, collapsing before her.
This is not happening! This can't be happening! She flees in panic, clawing her way through the rubble, trying to escape, trying to get off the ship, away from all these horrors. Eventually, she reaches an airlock and jumps out, landing on the rocky ground of a barren and desolate unknown planet.
"Commander!" she recognizes another voice, its owner approaching her from the right. It is Kaidan, and she instantly feels assured and relieved as he sounds warm and friendly, with a smile on his face as he catches up with her. "Shepard, I cannot thank you enough for all that you did for me. But Commander... bringing me along was a mistake. Look!" He points back at the Normandy, Shepard recoiling as she sees the wreck now enveloped in angry red flames.
What is going on? I don't understand any of this! She thinks frantically, confused, frightened.
"Commander..." Kaidan speaks up again and she turns towards him, eyes widening in shock as she sees Major Alenko's clothes on fire that swiftly encircles him. "You tried your best, Shepard... but you failed..." he manages, crying out in pain as the flames quickly reduce his body to a blackened lump of flesh before Morgan's eyes.
She lets out an anguished wail and turns around to flee, but ends up running into two others blocking her path, unable to move past them.
"Operating the Crucible is a death warrant, Shepard," Hackett tells her, patience and sympathy in his stare. "That is the price for freeing the galaxy from the Reapers."
"I will never forgive you if you choose me over the galaxy, Morgan," Liara says, giving her a determined, fatalistic look. "You know that the responsibility of the choice will ultimately fall to you. Do not dare to falter. Do the right thing, or you will be dead to me either way."
Shepard falls on her knees before them, tears streaming down her face. "Please... please, let me use the Crucible!" she cries pleadingly. "If these are to be the consequences of my choices, then I want to use the Crucible! I could never live with this! Let me escape the responsibility for my decisions, please, just let me die!"
"Is everything alright, Morgan?" she hears Liara's soft tones, realizing that it has all been a dream, yet another nightmare. "You kept tossing and turning, I was starting to get worried." She feels Liara's hand on her chest, touching her. "Goddess, you are drenched in sweat! What's wrong?"
"Lights, low," Shepard calls out, before pulling herself up half-sitting with her back against the pillow. "Just another of those nightmares, I'm afraid."
"I wish you would tell me what is plaguing you," Liara sighs, also rising and sitting next to Morgan. "Or allow me to join my mind with yours. I could try and take some of those fears away."
"Fear is often irrational, Liara. It cannot harm me," Morgan smiles, even as she herself doubts whether that is actually true. "I don't want you to fill your lovely head with irrational crap."
"I still think that it would help," Liara shakes her head determinedly. "I wish you would let me try."
"Hmm, I thought I had six more of those koi fishes left in the aquarium. Now I can only see four. I swear, if I catch Javik sneaking in here to eat my fish, I'm going to introduce him to a taxidermist!"
"Morgan, that was the most unsubtle attempt at trying to change the topic of conversation that I have ever witnessed," Liara sighs, giving Shepard a reproachful stare. "Very well, if I cannot persuade you to talk about these things, perhaps I can use other methods to distract you from dark thoughts..." she then says, allowing the blanket covering her nude form to slowly roll off and leave her bare, smiling as Morgan's eyes are immediately drawn to her.
"That approach might meet with more success, yes," Morgan admits. "Though with the pressure building, it has become increasingly more difficult to get into the right mood, isn't it?" Liara agrees with a pensive nod. "So many other things going through my head, and these thoughts are getting more and more difficult to push aside so that I can concentrate on you, as I want to."
"I know what you mean, but I am still willing to try," Liara says, pulling Morgan's blanket away as well, and then spending a few moments in taking delight at the view of her lover's desirable body, before gently settling into Morgan's lap, feeling Shepard's hands encircling her softly.
"Don't go deep," Morgan whispers, as Liara leans in to kiss her deeply, her hand slipping between their bodies, fingers tightly pressed together, towards her lover's centre, aiming to bring her pleasure beyond description.
"I assume you were referring to my mind, and not my fingers," Liara breaks the kiss to whisper in a sultry voice, watching Shepard blush furiously, nodding as she continues to please her partner.
Liara's fingers continue their delightful task, slipping in and out teasingly, and as Morgan leans back against the wall, parting her lips to allow a satisfied moan to escape her mouth, the asari swiftly pounces on her, pressing her lips against Shepard's, capturing the Commander's tongue with her teeth, feeling her own desire bubbling over from Morgan's utter and complete surrender.
Later on, they both huddle together in the bed, sweaty, tired, but also relaxed. "This isn't one of our last times together, love, no matter what you think or fear," Liara gently whispers in Morgan's ear, cradling Shepard in her arms. "I won't let that happen."
"You promised not to dip into my thoughts, didn't you?" Morgan looks at her, a little reproachful.
"Well, you did broadcast that thought as clear and loud as a comm buoy, Morgan," Liara grins. "I couldn't really block it out even during a shallow meld."
"Oh, alright," Morgan smiles back at her. "It's like I said, my head is full of irrational fears. I... I do feel a lot better now, and it's all thanks to you."
"It was my pleasure," Liara chuckles. "Literally. The urgency and desperation of our Joinings as of late tends to produce... rather spectacular culmination."
"I, uh... quite agree," Morgan mutters, feeling rather tired. "Fortunately we still have a lot of time before we arrive at our destination."
"Time for a nightmare-free nap?" Liara asks, reaching close and kissing Shepard on the tip of her nose.
Morgan grins broadly, hugging her bondmate tight and resting her head against Liara's shoulder. "Sounds perfect to me..."