A/N: Thanks to Shelly, I hope you feel better soon and I love you lots :D
P.S... Don't hate me :D
Chapter 15
Kurt hummed as he walked. He'd never thought it was possible to feel happy like he was now. Nothing had changed, not really. Only now, after spending years on his own, he finally had someone to talk to. Someone who wanted to listen to him, someone who smiled when he told silly jokes, and someone who made him laugh. Kurt didn't care that Blaine was his teacher, he didn't care that just thinking about his name made Kurt's stomach twist in a knot that he didn't know if he liked or not. Kurt had never fallen for anyone before, who was there for him to fall for? Kurt knew he was gay, had known since forever, he also knew that there were no out gay kids in the area, which made any chance of a teenage love story for him near impossible. Kurt thought briefly that he liked one of the jocks, a tall naïve boy who hadn't bullied Kurt as much as anyone else, Kurt took his kindness for love and spent far too much time day dreaming about Finn, only to force himself into the blunt reality that nothing could ever happen. Was what he was feeling now for Blaine just another pointless crush, because deep down Kurt knew that nothing could happen between them?
"He wont ever like you like that, Kurt. No one will." Kurt sighed. As much as he tried, the voice was still there. Not as much, Kurt found that when he was around Blaine the voice was quiet, he could still feel it there in his head, a constant ache, but quiet. Kurt liked when it was quiet. "Who would want you Kurt? You're fat. Ugly. Crazy. Blaine's just putting up with you. He feels sorry for you." Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, he hated listening to the voice. It ruined everything. Blaine told him to ignore it, whatever it said none of it was true, but Kurt knew Blaine was wrong. The voice was right, it had to be.
"Where is he now then Kurt? If he wanted to be with you so bad, if he liked you the way you liked him. Don't you think he would be with you, you could be cuddling watching your crap on TV, you could be doing homework. Don't you think if he loved you, he would want to spend time with you. But he cancelled didn't he!" Kurt had let the voice in now. He knew there was no stopping it as it screamed inside of his head.
"He said he was busy," Kurt mumbled, wrapping his jacket around himself. Kurt had gotten bored at home, truth was he hadn't spent that much time there in the month he and Blaine had gotten close. If they weren't at school then they were at Blaine's house. It was comfortable, it was a routine and when Blaine had said he couldn't make it tonight, Kurt felt as though his world had fallen around him. Without spending time with Blaine what was he supposed to do?
"Busy with other people. He's grown bored of you. You were just his little pet project!"
"You're wrong!" Kurt said loudly, gaining a few strange looks from people passing by; nothing he wasn't used to from school. Kurt walked slowly around the streets, the voice screaming in his head that he wasn't good for anything, that everyone would leave him, that Blaine would leave him. Kurt just kept walking, he had no idea where he was going, his whole body hurt , just like it always did when he was stressed.
"No one loves you, you're going to be all on your own. Just you and me," The voice laughed, a cold horrible laugh that made Kurt's stomach twist, this time he knew it wasn't a good twist. He walked faster, hoping it could push the voice away, it only ended with him getting lost. After what felt like hours of walking, Kurt finally stopped. Kurt hadn't been to this area before, it was where the bars and clubs were, not that there were many in Lima, but Kurt had never had a reason to go. The area was busy, laughing people were walking around with no cares in the world, pushing into him, knocking him down, some mumbled a few drunken apologies, others just walked away.
"You're weak, people just push past you. You're nothing, Kurt. Nothing!" Kurt pulled his hands from his pocket and covered his ears, it was so loud in his head, everything hurt. Kurt backed himself into the wall, the cold bricks hitting his back hard, the slight pain knocking the voice down just a little. He slid down it, pulling his knees to his chest and gripped his head tightly. He just wanted something to take the pain away. Anything.
"Hey, Blaine, you want to come back to mine?" Blaine. At hearing his name Kurt looked up towards 'Scandals'. over the bad music coming from the club, Kurt heard him. That soft, sweet laugh.
"Sure," Blaine smiled, the man he was with grinned, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and leading him down the street. Kurt watched them go, his heart aching at the thought of Blaine going home with someone.
"I told you!" The voice was manic now. Laughing so loudly. "I told you he doesn't want you anymore. I told you, he was bored of you. He wants a real man Kurt. Not an ugly little boy."
"No...You're wrong." Kurt sobbed.
"You know that I'm not!" The voice screamed.
Kurt shook his head, he needed the voice to stop, he couldn't take it anymore. Without Blaine he was truly alone. No one else cared about him. No one wanted him. Blaine was gone. Blaine had someone else. Kurt stood up shakily, he would go home, go to sleep, pray that this was just a nightmare. He walked forward, he didn't care to look where he was going, everything hurt too much. He walked into the road, the only thought going through his mind as the car got nearer was maybe it would take the voice away.