CHAPTER 29 – ACCEPTANCE

Bastille – Oblivion

When you play it harder,
and I try to follow you there,
It's not about control,
But I turn back when I see where you go.

I had done it.

Relived the whole night without a breakdown or a panic attack or worse – returning to the numbness. I had spent so many years in that dark tower, curled in a ball and simply staring at the window while feeling and thinking nothing. My every move was controlled and forced as I'd fallen into a subconscious state…but not this time.

In honest truth, I actually felt better.

Not healed…but better.

Tiny arms were encircling me, holding me close to her body, "I am so…sorry" her warm embrace was comforting but I was surprised when I felt another pair of arms wrap themselves around my trembling form when I finally felt the weight of everything crash down on me.

My thoughtless rambling fell from my lips, each word burning with the venomous anger, "I don't know why I'm crying – I guess I just never had the chance to grieve" Esme and Alice continued to cling to me while I simply trembled with rage, "H-he just burned their bodies and the house we lived in. He left me with nothing" the tears fell freely now and my sobs were uncontrollable, "I had nowhere to go…"

And I had no one…

"And you ran away to Forks" Carlisle seemed torn between grief and relief as he ran his fingers through his hair which messed it up but he didn't seem to care at the time.

Feeling greatly responsibility for having caused him any pain, I tried to smile, "And I found you" hoping to assure him but only felt worse when he buried his head into his hands with a frustrated groan. It was a common recurrence when seeing Carlisle lose it but seeing him now, worried me further.

I straightened up and look from Esme to Alice, both flanking my sides as I voiced my appreciation,"You and this amazing family" and this only made Alice and Esme tighten their hold on me but I couldn't help but cast wary glances to Carlisle who still had his head bowed.

It was when I scanned the room that it dawned on me that the others were gone and what depressed me further was that Edward had also disappeared. With these thoughts, both worry and dread filled me and it was sufficient enough to tear me away from my own sadness.

Sitting up abruptly, my eyes were persistent as they continued to search the room with a bewildered look, "Where did the others go?" my voice had gone up two octaves as I fretted over their whereabouts.

Had I scared them off? And Edward? Why did he leave?

Carlisle finally looked up but the forlorn expression was still marbled in his dulled features so I turned to Esme when she cleared her throat, "They had to calm Edward down?" her voice broke as she continued to gaze down at me with a mournful expression and I knew that if her and Alice could cry, they would.

For a brief moment, I wondered why they would have to calm Edward down. What could have angered him from my story? He had no reason to be angry…Unless he was angry with me for doing that to my parents. The possibility of this being true brought the threat of tears.

"Why?" my mind was still focused on Edward that I failed to acknowledge their pity, "I hope I didn't make them uncomfortable" placing a palm to my chest to feel the erratic thumping of my heart.

"No, you didn't" Alice croaked before her arms tightened around my waist once again and I tried to draw away their pain, it wasn't fair that they were suffering or even pitying me. I didn't deserve any of it.

Esme did the same before sobbing, "Bella, we are so sorry about what happened to you and your family" dry sobs racked through her trembling body. Realizing the unfairness of her feeling any pain, I attempted in taking in her sorrow too, all the while wishing that I had never said anything as it had hampered them with sadness.

"Thank you" I sniffled not able to decipher why they cared enough to feel upset over my own problems.

Esme continued to hold me, trying to comfort me as she stroked my hair like my mother did and I expressed what I had been thinking, "You remind me of her…"

My whisper was barely audible but she heard as she snapped her head up to me with astonished eyes, "Your mother?" she questioned to confirm her thoughts.

In reply I nodded eagerly when I felt the wonderful being that was Esme Cullen and I knew that she was perfect for Carlisle. She was good thorough and thorough as it even showed in her kind eyes, "Your warm spirit" I added in a timid voice as I thought back to my mother who had suffered a cruel fate and this only brought more tears to my eyes. It felt wrong to even grieve over their deaths because it didn't seem like I deserved to do that either.

Esme cupped my cheeks and tilted my head up so that I could look at her as she said, "She would be so proud of you" but I shook my head at the ridiculousness of her statement.

She didn't know what she was talking about. I had single handedly led the most important people in the world to me – I had led them to their deaths. All through this, placing their lives in the evil clutches of Aro Volturi and for months – not even days – simply months, I didn't question it. If I hadn't had that dream, I may have never found out.

Not only had I killed my father and my mother but I had also killed the baby that would've have either been my little sister or brother. It was because of me that they never saw the light of day. Never got to meet the loving parents that I had had the honor of having.

These spiraling thoughts became too much and I felt the air leave my lungs so I was hysterical once again, "I could've saved her but I didn't. I was too n-" I gasped out but was stopped my Alice as she gripped my hand to stop my trembling.

"This is not your fault" Esme's words were filled with an unexpected fierceness as she tried to get through to me but I continued to shake my head, removing my head from her hands as I squeezed my eyes shut. Instead of stopping, she continued, "You are so beautiful, so strong and so brave…" she listed while stroking my hair but I only felt worse as she carried on with her kind words.

"Please don't-"

I was everything but she was saying.

Still she wouldn't give up as she cupped my face again and forced me to meet her eyes so that she could whisper, "It's true"

My vision of her blurred as the tears clouded my sight and I broke away from her hold not wanting her to see me cry, "I wish I could have saved them" my voice was weak and it faltered at the end.

I wish I could feel anger but all that filled me now was an overwhelming grief that gripped at my chest, fighting it's way into my every pore. With my head bowed, I clutched at my hair and part of me wanted to tear the tresses out as the pain voiced through my sobs drove me to insanity. The need to scream out my frustration slowly grew so I bit down my lip but stopped as I feared that I would draw blood.

"It was not your fault" Edward interjected in a hoarse voice. Hearing his voice brought me out of my darkening thoughts and I snapped my head up to meet his eyes, watching as he walked into the room with his siblings on his trail but his eyes were still trained on me.

My eyes widened when he raced before me so I had to blink to focus on his broken expression when he whispered, "I'm so sorry" he cupped my cheek like Esme did but he did it with great hesitance. I felt like I should tear away from him like I did but his touch was so gentle and calming that I couldn't help back relax into his hand.

A wave of calm washed through me and I knew it wasn't just because of Jasper. Edward's presence had a strange power over me but right now I was less scared as I felt gratitude for him being here as I mouthed, "Thank you" to which a soft smile broke through but it didn't touch his stormy eyes.

I was about to question his anger when he stopped me by whispering my name, "Bella…" patiently, I waited until he spoke again, "What he did to your parents" he paused and gulped nervously which made me nervous too, "D-d-did he try on y-" he didn't seem to be able to get the real words out but I understood him clearly.

Not able to form the words in order to voice what Aro had done or even lie to Edward, I chose to look away from him which was enough to trigger Edward's erupt anger.

He shot up, his fists were clenched and the fiery rage was so strong that it shook his whole form. I hadn't expected such anger to come from Edward when he growled loudly, ripping through the cold silence. He paced the floor and all I could do was helplessly stare up at him with wide eyes with fear gripping my heart as to what was running through his mind.

Again he growled but stopped his pacing as he snarled, "I'll kill him" but what horrified me further was when he started making a move towards the door and it was that moment that I realized it wasn't just a figure of speech.

Just as I was about to race over and stop him, Emmett and Jasper were quick to block his path which only infuriated Edward more. As he tried to push through them still driven by his murderous rage, Emmett managed to push him back and crossed his arms over his chest with a stern expression.

"He'll kill you first" Jasper remained composed as he concentrated on him and I could literally feel the waves of calm roll towards Edward with the intention extinguish the flames of his fury but it seemed that his anger was too strong because he continued to push against them so I decided it was my time to intervene.

There was no way on this earth that I would let Edward die because of me. Just the mere thought of his up against Aro and his guards sickened me and I prayed that he would never be in that position.

I raced behind Edward as fast as I could so that I could take hold of his wrist gently. My touch seemed to have a similar effect because his tremors calmed and he stopped in his tracks when I whispered, "Please…". With the sound of my voice, he slowly pivoted to turn to me with questioning eyes, "Stay" I breathed again before reaching up to place my palm on the side of his face and met his eyes, "I need you here" hoping he would read into the plead in my eyes.

I felt myself break with the pained expression that marred his beautiful marble features before he finally agreed with a hesitant nod. Still not convinced due to his hesitance, I searched his eyes until I found that he was being truthful and my heart yearned for him.

This wonderful, incredible man with a beautiful soul had been willing to fight a losing battle for me, for some strange reason and I couldn't find the words to describe the gratitude so I decided to show my appreciation instead as I pulled him into a hug, my arms encircling his waist.

Thankfully, his own arms complied and he returned the embrace.

A/N: Thinking of doing an EPOV soon or a CPOV – we'll have to wait and see… Hope you liked this one. Responds to the reviews for this chapter and the last will be in the next chapter. Just wanted to update for you before I went to bed as a HUGE thank you for the reviews.