Chapter 85

Nick's Toyota was parked in front of my car at Monroe's house when we pulled up. Nick was sitting on the porch, picking at one of the branches from the tree by the steps. He stood as we pulled into the driveway. For someone who'd just had his heart broken, he looked good.

He smiled faintly as we got out of the VW and walked toward him.

"Hey man," said Monroe, laying a hand on his shoulder. "I've got beer in the fridge."

Nick looked over at me. "Is she staying?" he asked with a bit of hesitation.

"Nah, I think she's heading home," Monroe replied.

"Or I could stay for a minute or two," I piped up quickly.

I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to… Oh, God. The thoughts in my brain swirled like a pinwheel. I held them back, stashing them away in my mental filing cabinets quickly. But Nick looked so good. If I could just sit next to him for a while, brush my hand through his hair. No, what was I thinking? No… I ripped my eyes away from his and stared at the wolf on the door; anything to not stare at him and begin drooling like an idiot.

"Well, I did want to talk about the Klaustreich." Nick let out an exaggerated sigh. "I know you said you knew one, but man, this guy was…"

"Yeah, they're real assholes, man," Monroe replied with a scoff. "Between the one I knew and the one Renée dealt with they're…"

"Wait, Renée had to deal with a Klaustreich before?" Nick moved between me and the stained glass as I was tracing the scenery with my eyes. "What does that mean?" He looked directly at me. "You didn't mention anything like that. Hell, I don't recall us even getting to Klaustreichs in the database."

I chewed at my lip. "It's not something I like to talk about," I replied softly.

"Why don't we go inside?" Monroe motioned us both to the door. "I'll grab those beers."

I sat down on the couch as Nick sat next to me. "So what happened with the one you knew?" Nick asked as I shifted back in my seat away from him as far as I could. My fingers twisted into my skirt. He looked good. Why would I possibly think anything like that? Nick put a hand on my arm and I jumped. "So are you gonna answer me?"

"It was in college. He was a friend, but he wanted more than that."

"Wanted to date you? What?"

"Wanted more…" I repeated. Nick's face was still blank. "He tried to force himself on me, Nick," I finally added.

"Oh…" he nodded slowly. "So what happened?"

"We were drunk, and he tried to hold me down. Once I managed to get him off me, he attacked, so I knocked him out with a lamp."

"But you didn't get hurt though, right?"

"I got… scratched."

"Scratched? Try more like a Siegfried and Roy moment," Monroe chimed in, setting a few bottles of beer down on the coffee table and took one for himself as he sat beside Nick. "Which one of those dudes got mauled anyway? I forget."

"I guess that's one way to put it," I replied bitterly, "and it was Roy."

"Sorry," Monroe spoke out quickly as he took a drink from his bottle. "I just meant it was pretty brutal from what she'd described."

Nick's eyes grew wide as he turned my way. "So he attacked you while he had a woge?"

I nodded. "Slashed through my side to the point where the doctors didn't think they'd get it all stitched up."

"Yeah, I got to see what those claws were capable of."

Nick reclined further on the couch, propping his arm up on the back close to me. I stood, trying to refrain from more crazy thoughts, as I walked toward the fireplace.

"If I hadn't gotten away when I did, it would've been worse than that." I leaned against the fireplace, holding my arms. "He killed his next girlfriend a year later, so I was lucky."

"You didn't mention that part," said Monroe as he stiffened. A quick flash of red hit his eyes. "Hey, you okay, Hun?" Monroe asked.

"Yeah," I replied, flustered over my stupid thoughts. "It's just not easy talking about that night."

I crossed the room and sat in the swivel chair, closer to Monroe; anything to be further away from Nick. Monroe silently held out a beer in front of me, but I waved it off, promptly declining. Alcohol was the last thing I needed. No, I couldn't risk any of these thoughts seeping out. Completely sober was the way to go.

Nick went on to tell us about the guy who was sliced in two in the car, and the shattering of the Unbezahlbar. He turned back to me. "But you should've told me about what happened to you." He had that toothy grin when he said it. "If you'd taken the time to mention your Klaustreich beforehand, then I might've known what I was dealing with out there."

"My Klaustreich?" Nick's arrogance cleared the silly notions from my head. "Okay, first of all, he wasn't my anything. Secondly, my horror stories aren't research projects. It was an awful event that I don't go telling everyone about, all right?"

Nick continued to grin. "Well it still might've helped…"

"Why are you grinning about it?" I asked point blank. "You know, you're just too... happy." I shook my head as I scowled.

"Too happy? Is that supposed to be an insult?" Nick laughed and he flashed that damn cute, toothy grin for spite. "And I'm not always happy."

"There. You're doing it right now. Even when you're discussing work or Wesen or... whatever, you have that silly, little grin on your face." I let out a short sigh as Nick crossed his arms and his grin widened.

"Renée, I don't think he's happy about what happened to you or anything," Monroe reasoned, then looked to Nick. "Right?"

He shrugged off the question. "If we're on the topic of pointing out faults, you're secretive, and it's unnecessary," Nick told me. "We're all on the same team here."

I sat up straight. "I don't have to tell you everything." Like how that grin of his was driving me giddy. I pushed on my anger to override the other thoughts.

"No, but if you let your guard down, maybe you wouldn't hate me as much."

"Let my guard down?" The anger was helping, so I let it out freely. "It's in my blood to hate you. You heard what my grandmother said."

"Okay. You know, no one really hates anyone," Monroe said with a gesture of his hands. "That's, like, such a strong word, you know? Let's not get into something like that, okay?"

"Renée you're half Grimm, too," continued Nick as he took a swig of beer. "So maybe you just need to let that side win out."

"Oh, if only it were that easy, Mister," I snapped back. "But things are more complicated than that."

"Maybe they don't have to be," countered Nick with a smirk.

I stood quickly. The heat from the conversation and from the waves of crazy thoughts passing though my brain had me so flustered. "I really ought to go."

Monroe stood as well. "Yeah, maybe so. Nick and I have some other things to discuss."

We crossed the room toward the door. "Thank you for today." I glanced over at my clock. "And for fixing this," I added.

"Give me a moment and I'll pack it up for you." Monroe reached for some bubble wrap, taking care as he slid the cuckoo into a cardboard box. He carefully lifted it, handing it over to me. "Just drive slowly and it ought to be fine."

I gave a short nod as I walked back to the hall, focusing on my boyfriend instead of Nick on the couch. "Thank you, Monroe."

He kissed me on the cheek. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry," I replied as he opened the front door for me. "Call me later when he's gone."

"Sure. Be safe going home."

I walked slowly to my car and took time to buckle up my clock in the passenger seat. As I closed my car door, I sighed loudly. I was losing my marbles. That had to be it. All the stress from everything had finally sent my brain on a one way trip to Looneytown.

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

My cuckoo set back on its shelf, a constant reminder that Monroe loved me. I looked at all the work he'd put into my clock, and of course he'd pushed real clients off to the side to work on it, no doubt. The damage that had to be repaired must have taken hours upon hours. And how did I repay that love? I sat in his living room and had thoughts about his friend Nick, and they were anything but innocent.

I took an early yoga class to clear my head. It didn't help. Nothing helped. My head was filled with Nick. He had clawed inside my brain and I couldn't get him out. I felt trapped between what I wanted and what I had. I hummed on the walk back.

"I'm living in between,
To hours that could count.
Between the future and the past,
Between feelings that won't last,
In a game that I cannot win…

Living in between,
The road that I chose to take.
Desires to run away.
Promises unmade.
Words I dare not say…"

Once I arrived home from yoga, I just kept thinking about Monroe and Nick. What were they talking about? Maybe I should go back over there. I wanted to see Nick again already. I missed him, and now that he wasn't engaged or heck, maybe wasn't even with Juliette anymore… Maybe… What? Maybe what, Renée? I smacked my forehead. Liking Nick Burkhardt? Just the thought was insane. I had Monroe, and I was happy. I was… Dammit, what the hell was wrong with me?

I went to the kitchen to thaw out the other half of my tart from this morning. Perhaps next time I went to the store I'd buy some Rocky Road ice cream. Until then, these tarts would have to do.

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

"Feelings for the Grimm, are you fucking serious?" Chloe exclaimed after I told her all the crazy dreams and the stupid notions I'd been feeling lately. "Have you lost your mind?"

"I know. It's crazy, right?" I munched on my thawed out apple tart. "I usually can't stand him, but now he's worked his way into my brain."

"You can't do this. I just started liking Monroe. That man practically died saving me and you. And he's probably come close the other times he was saving your ass from your reckless stupidity."

"You're right. I'm a terrible person."

"You agreed too easily," replied Chloe suspiciously. "Are you testing me? You know I hate it when you do that. I already told you I'm okay with Monroe now. You have my blessing to be with him, all right? Is that what you needed to hear?"

"I'm not testing you, Chloe. I really think I'm attracted to Nick. It's horrible I know, but I still love Monroe, too. What's wrong with me?"

"Maybe that Daemonfeuer hit your head a little too hard." She let out a chuckle. "Don't create drama for yourself. You love Monroe and he loves you, and someday you two will grow up and actually say it. Until then leave the Grimm alone."

"It's like Nick is plastered in my brain. I can't get him out. He's a Gemini, Chloe."

"Oh, now I know you're trying to test me."

"No, he really is."

"What you and Monroe have goes beyond astrology, right?"

"Yeah. But isn't it ironic that he's a Gemini? That means something, right?"

"It means you're gonna have to try harder than that if that's your reasoning," she smirked through the phone. "Doesn't he live with his girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but…"

"But what? Are you a home wrecker? Renée, you're better than that."

"No, I'm not a home wrecker." I didn't have to be. Juliette had already wrecked their happy home by saying no to marrying him. "Besides, Nick probably wouldn't want me anyway."

"It's not about whether or not he would want you; it's about doing what's right. Renée don't you dare screw this up. One of us deserves to be in a happy relationship, and since my love life is in a body bag, you've got to get your head on straight and be fucking happy. You hear me?"

"But that's the thing. I'm not doubting my happiness with Monroe. I love him as much, if not more than ever."

"Then what the hell is your problem, girl?"

"I don't know. That's why I need you. Nick is just… Mmm." I bit my lip. "There's something about him and it's getting worse. Just today I was sitting next to him, and I had to fight with myself not to reach for him."

"Reach for him and do what exactly?"

My cheeks flushed just thinking about it. "I don't know."

"Oh, you know exactly what kinds of things you wanted to do. How badly are you blushing right now?"

I touched my cheeks. "Pretty bad." That direct link to my brain was all-knowing.

"This is because of that stupid 'L' word isn't it? Just because Monroe hasn't said it, doesn't mean he won't. Is it freaking you out that bad?"

"No. That's not it. If it hadn't been for Nick calling at the waterfall, he would've said it. But then he keeps stopping when things interrupt him."

"So, what's wrong with your mouth?"

"Because he seems to have some plan in mind and I…"

"You're such a girl," Chloe laughed.

"No, I'm just trying to do this one right."

"Do it right, yeah. Because wanting to get horizontal with the Grimm is doing it right."

Chloe was blunt, but she was always honest. This wasn't right. But it felt so right. Ugh…

"I don't want to do that." Not yet anyway.

"Sure you don't," she scoffed. "Okay. You called me for my opinion, and here it is." Chloe paused for effect. "Nix your feelings for Nick. End of discussion."

That was easier said than done.

"I'll work on nixing them. Thanks, Chloe. I love you."

"See how easy that is to say?" she laughed. "Now instead of pining over the Grimm, go tell your Blutbad that, and try not to sabotage anything else. I love you too much for you to go fuck things up. Don't think I won't be back on a plane to that horrid town and personally slap some sense into you."

"No. You're going to Florida. Enjoy the warm weather. I'll figure out something."

"See that you do. I'll check in on you."

"You enjoy your vacation. I'll be fine. I promise."

"There's that 'P' word again. You and promises don't mix."

"Apparently, neither do 'L' words either."

"Quit being a southern belle and tell him if you want it that badly."

"No, I'll wait. With all this stuff going on, maybe we ought to find out who's making plans for me here in Portland first. I already told you what happened to Monroe with the Reapers sending messages to Nick. If anything happens to Monroe because of me… Well, I couldn't live with myself."

"You said he took care of those Reapers at the airport. He's capable of defending himself, Renée."

"But I don't want to be responsible for someone sending me a message like that."

"Are you gonna dump him?"

"No! God, no…"

"Then you need to figure this out. You're good at presentations. Present this to yourself and make your choice. Just be safe, and try to find some common sense. While you're doing that, I'm going to take a nap and get used to Eastern Standard Time again."

"I'm glad you got home okay. Get some rest."

Once we hung up, I dipped my head down. I knew what Chloe would say, but I needed to tell someone what I was feeling. Most of the time she was better than Jiminy Cricket when it came to advice. But even Pinocchio ignored Jiminy sometimes, right? I ignored Chloe more often than I probably should've. Like this time. It was crazy. I was crazy. Our Lady of Peace here I come…

A/N: Renée's having trouble keeping her hands to herself, huh? Poor Chloe thinks her BFF is trying to sabotage her happiness. Can Renée nix these feelings? Guess we'll see...