Disclaimer: Characters trademarked by Rumiko Takahashi – technically I'm not using anything other than character appearance and basic personality traits to write this story.

No Such Thing As Free Lunch

Chapter 4:

"So…" mentioned his half-brother nonchalantly, as they sat in the library the next day, "You decided not to be an asshole, then?"

With the way his arms crossed behind his head, Inuyasha looked effortlessly uncaring. Except for the giant flaw in his posture, which was immediately obvious to Sesshoumaru. No one posed like this, leaning back in a chair – without a care in the world – unless trying to look that way.

Sesshoumaru declined to give an intelligible reply. "Hn."

Apparently, this helped his little brother realize that verbalization was an important skill. "You said that you would tell the chick what I really meant and take the blame for me, but unexpectedly decided to change your mind at the last minute, and not tell her?"

"You sound disappointed."

Blushing, his half-brother uncrossed his arms and glared, resettling his chair on the ground with a thump. "Not disappointed," Inuyasha scowled, "I just thought that she already doesn't like you, so it would be easy for you to say that I… didn't actually… like her."

A long pause ensued, while the elder brother cringed, trying to figure out if his younger brother was really, truly, positively this… hopeless. Why would it be easier for Sesshoumaru to break up with Inuyasha's girlfriend, than for Inuyasha to take this action? Headaches were designed for situations like these.

"I can't tell her that, don't you see?" continued Inuyasha, emphasizing the first half of his phrase by slapping both palms down on the table, "It would be mean!"

The sunlight through the windows was pleasant, but it did not help illuminate a reason for Inuyasha's concern. Blankly, Sesshoumaru contemplated the meaning (if there was any) behind his brother's statement. If it was 'mean' to be honest with a girl, and Inuyasha did not want to be cruel, then…

"You do like the girl?" he inquired next.

"No!" wailed his half-brother, drawing immediate censure from the librarian for his loud tone. After a quiet moment, Inuyasha tried again in a more subdued fashion. "Sango likes Kagome, and Miroku likes Sango, and I'm friends with Miroku. I explained this to you already, okay?"

"Ah."

"Well?"

"Mm, you should explain that to her," pondered Sesshoumaru, completely and totally lacking any insight as to why this was such a difficult conversation. "Tell her that you want to befriend her, not date her?"

With a growl, the boy pushed back his chair and rose to leave. Sauntering out of the library without a care in the world was difficult, though, when distress pervaded one's countenance. Inuyasha seemed to be leaking distress like a physical presence behind him in the air.

Finally, Sesshoumaru took pity on his brother. Er… not pity. It was… Damn it. Okay, fine. It was pity. But that didn't mean he cared about his brother, who was still just as annoying as ever, especially now that the brat had decided to forcibly involve his elder brother in this mad scheme.

Gathering his books, he exited the room and quickly caught up with his half-brother. "You want her to realize that she does not like you," Sesshoumaru asked calmly, "Instead of the other way around?"

When Inuyasha turned around, the gleam of relief in his gaze was almost frightening. Obviously, that had been the answer the brat had hoped for all along. How to achieve this solution on his brother's behalf, though? That was still a bit puzzling.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Once again, Sesshoumaru was not studying, because he was busy worrying about personal problems. But today, at least, he was worrying about his half-brother's lack of a love-life rather than his own dismal, friendless existence. Perhaps hopelessness ran in the family, and both Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha had simply manifested this in a different way than their father? Or perhaps he was allowing himself to get morose and depressive over nothing…

Shaking his head to dismiss his earlier concerns, Sesshoumaru glared at his notebook, before deciding that he should use it to solve his current dilemma. So far, he had taken absolutely no notes that evening, nor had he completed any homework. But the notebook might still be helpful, since he was accustomed to writing his thoughts down to organize them.

Inuyasha's goal was to force the crazy, coffee-stealing wench to realize she did not want to date him. On the other hand, Sesshoumaru's goal was to ensure that his half-brother learned from this experience, and became a more honest, honorable person. Surely, these two goals were not incompatible.

First, he could simply tell the girl the truth – Inuyasha did not want to date her, but he was too cowardly to say so himself. While this would clearly achieve Inuyasha's goal – it would not help Sesshoumaru, because it would simply inspire his half-brother to hate him even more. Moreover, the girl might not even believe Sesshoumaru, given what his half-brother had said to her about his character. Finally, telling Higurashi the truth, even if she did believe it, this would only encourage her gullibility. The girl had to learn how to discover the truth on her own, not blindly accept what other people told her. So, it was an unacceptable solution.

So, what else could he do? Maybe he could encourage his brother to do ridiculous things in front of her, thereby ensuring that she would despise him? For some reason, though, it was hard to think of ways to emphasize his half-brother's stupidity.

He could tell the boy to start wearing nothing but pink, perhaps. Or Inuyasha could ensure that whenever he laughed, he sounded maniacal. Or Inuyasha could begin telling long, embarrassing childhood stories, or he could start a web-site that…

No, this was hopeless. Violently crossing potential ideas off his list, Sesshoumaru angrily stared at the paper below his hand. After a full page of scribbling, his mind was still blank, even though the paper was not. Realizing he could not force his half-brother to do anything, he tore the page out of his notebook and threw it into the trash.

All those solutions rested upon his half-brother's actions. Better to exaggerate the boy's existing, negative traits. For instance, Inuyasha was impatient, often late, and he did badly in school. Perhaps Sesshoumaru could emphasize these traits, somehow, in front of the Higurashi girl?

Higurashi had to make her own decisions. And Sesshoumaru had to ensure the decisions she made were the proper ones. Rubbing his forehead with one hand, the pale-haired boy stared at his notebook once more.

Unfortunately, it seemed that the only solution was to push them toward each other. Then, stand back and watch the fallout. It might be amusing. Tormenting his half-brother was usually a pleasant idea. But this time, he felt unsettled by the thought of Kagome Higurashi and Inuyasha… together. Even if it was only for a brief amount of time.

Did this disturb him, because she resembled Kikyou so greatly?

But Kagome was not Kikyou. Furthermore, Kikyou was dating someone else, anyway. It didn't matter. And he really had to stop thinking about his fellow class-representative. Immediately.

Growling at himself for being foolish, Sesshoumaru focused on the plan, failing to hear tiny footsteps that scuffled behind him. At last, a tiny throat cleared behind his head, and he turned to see Rin, tightly gripping her favorite stuffed bear against her chest. His step-sister wriggled from one foot to the other, then climbed onto his lap.

"Rin wonders if…" mumbled the petite nine-year old, "If she could skip eating the shrimp in her o-bento, every day, even though the teachers say it is important to finish all the food?"

He frowned. "Does it taste bad? Why would you want to skip it?"

"No, it's just boring. Everything is the same. There's only rice, and shrimp," Rin pointed out, helpfully. "The other kids have lots of different kinds of food."

Embarrassment trickled down his spine, as Sesshoumaru realized that he was really, truly not the best chef in the world – at least, when it came to making school-lunches for nine-year olds. He could not make many dishes, at all. He had simply perfected the few recipes that he knew, figuring school was more important than learning how to prepare food. Yet allowing his little sister to be disappointed by something so trivial, so soon after her mother's death, this was terrible! Asako had always kept her daughter happy, so Sesshoumaru vowed to do no less.

"Tomorrow," nodded the oldest sibling, congenially, "You'll have something different."

And just like that, the answer to his problem fell into his lap. He could push Higurashi toward Inuyasha, under the guise of selfishness, instead of altruism. It would be more in character, anyway.

Sesshoumaru was not excited about assisting his half-brother. The girl would probably fail to believe him, if he claimed to be concerned about their non-existent relationship. But he could offer her a 'date' with his half-brother, in return for o-bento box lunches! For a week. No, for a month. Or more.

Yes, that sounded very promising. Provided she was a good chef, of course. Maybe he would have to eat the first lunch personally, to test it.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The next day, there was no difficulty finding the girl. In fact, she approached him, with fire in her eyes, only to be shocked when Sesshoumaru appeared pleased to see her.

This time, Higurashi had come alone, without a friend trailing along behind her. When he slipped his arm through hers, dragging her away from the lunchroom, she protested vehemently.

"Hey! What are you…"

"I owe you an apology. As you say, I have been too hard on Inuyasha," smiled Sesshoumaru. The strain it placed on his cheeks was dreadful, but it clearly captured her attention. At the moment, the girl looked slightly frightened.

Hmm. No, wait. Inspiring fear was not his goal, here. Even if his smile was fake, he had not anticipated that it would be... scary.

With a sigh, he decided to skip the pleasantries. "You think that I want to steal my brother's chance at happiness. This is not true. I only want to ensure that he has… adequate…"

"I have to get to class, you know." Unthreading her arm from his, the dark-haired girl scurried toward her classroom.

Wide-eyed, Sesshoumaru internally flailed for balance. Honestly, women should not be allowed to move that quickly. Although he was trying to phrase his request, in a positive way, she refused to listen to him, even for a few minutes! Civility was clearly lost on this girl. Deciding that he would no longer attempt to explain his idea in a reasonable fashion, he marched after her. He would simply tell her the plan.

"In return for a hundred box-lunches," growled Sesshoumaru, getting straight to the point, "I can set you up on a date, with Inuyasha."

Slowly, the blue-eyed girl turned and stared at him, completely nonplussed. After a moment of contemplation, Higurashi asked, "Are you completely out of your mind? You want me to make you lunch, in return for… And what makes you think I need your help to get a date with Inuyasha?! "

Sesshoumaru tilted his head to one side, considering his companion carefully. "Ah, I see," he nodded, "Then, you have already succeeded in this endeavor."

A bright, cherry-colored hue overtook her cheeks, violently fast.

"I fail to see how that is any of your business!" she quipped. He was reminded of their first meeting. Somehow, he had a talent for dragging this particular comment from her lips.

With a smirk, the light-haired upperclassman reclaimed the upper hand. "I was merely attempting to offer my congratulations."

She narrowed her eyes, propping her hands on her hips. "Oh? Sure, you were."

Unfortunately for her, however, studied blankness was one of Sesshoumaru's trademark looks. He graced her with it, now, and her resistance crumbled. It had only been a few days since she first tried to ask Inuyasha on a date. And the man in front of her was Inuyasha's brother. He would probably know the truth behind her situation.

"A hundred o-bento?" she groused, "That is ridiculous. How about one? One lunch, upon the condition that you are never, ever allowed to relate to anyone else… who made it."

"Fifty," grinned Sesshoumaru, probably enjoying her capitulation far more than was healthy. Bargaining was a useful life skill, and hard to practice in a modern marketplace.

"Fifty?!" she shrieked. "That's as bad as one-hundred! Bring some lunch money!"

"What makes you think that I will eat them?"

Blinking at him in puzzlement, the blue-eyed girl trailed after him, down the hallway, as he slowly journeyed toward his locker. "Wha- … Why do you need o-bento, then?"

"I fail to see…" drawled the third-year student, in amusement, "How that is any of your business."

Meanwhile, Kagome seemed to have developed a permanent blush. "Fine," she responded, frowning. "One week."

"Forty days."

"Two weeks!"

"One month, and that is my last offer."

"Agh! Fine!" squeaked Kagome, "But I demand more than one date with your brother! If I am doing this much work for you, then you owe me dates with Inuyasha all during that month, whenever I ask!"

Nodding complacently, he agreed to her terms. They worked out the minor details, such as when and where the lunches would be delivered – early in the morning, obviously. He needed to store the box lunch in one of the school refrigerators every day, so that Rin's food did not spoil while it waited for her. After all, the lunches would be made two days in advance, instead of one.

The downside was that both of them would need to arrive at school quite early every day. But while Higurashi complained about her misfortune, Sesshoumaru just smiled. (Sincerely, this time.) Like magic, he had bought himself an extra month, in which to learn how to make appropriate lunches for Rin, ones that his step-sister would enjoy.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The rest of the week flew by. The third-year student found himself more bewildered and stressed, each day.

He had delivered the first of Kagome's home-made meals to his little sister, only three days after she originally requested 'new' and 'different' types of food. And Rin returned that evening, miraculously impressed with his new talent.

She had been bored of rice and shrimp, and his attempts at making tempura the next day had failed miserably. Personally, Sesshoumaru had thought that it would be easy to tell he was no longer the one preparing her lunch-box. But he was shocked to discover that Rin did not notice. She merely complimented his new skill.

Chagrined, he had thanked her for the compliment. Then, his guilt forced him to help her with homework. He was not used to denying praise – furthermore, he could not rightfully admit to the nine-year old that he had abandoned making her lunches – but allowing Rin to be misled by a lie, this was almost as bad as simply telling her he did not make anything! How to explain that he was simply training, for a month, learning how to make delicious lunches, while a complete stranger prepared her food? Hm… No. He couldn't admit that.

Meanwhile, his o-bento-making assistant had demanded a date with Inuyasha that very weekend!

Suddenly, his earlier idea did not seem so fantastic anymore. Sesshoumaru had not figured out how to coerce his half-brother into a 'real' date, with the infamous Kagome Higurashi. However, he had promised to meet her that Saturday, at noon, and to show her where Inuyasha was waiting. Now, if only he could con his half-brother into wasting time at a popular, semi-romantic, date-location...

Unfortunately, when he asked Inuyasha to go to the movies that Saturday, his half-brother had asserted an annoying streak. The brat had refused. Honestly! Sesshoumaru hadn't tried to dictate which movie his brother could watch – he had simply listed a place and a time. But as long as Inuyasha refused to go to the theater, this 'date' had to be scrapped.

Moving on to (hopefully) greener pastures, Sesshoumaru quickly invented other possible date scenarios into which he could drag his ignorant half-brother. Subsequently, Inuyasha denied needing items from the mall, wanting to eat at an outdoor café for lunch, or secretly hoping for a trip to the arcade. He had refused an offer of a free trip to an amusement park, a regular park, or even a local museum. In fact, by the end of the discussion, a terrorized gleam had overtaken Inuyasha's eyes.

"Why the f- are you suddenly trying to hang out with me, bastard?!" he had protested strongly, "I'm playing a video game, later, with Miroku!"

Thus, their weekend activity was chosen. At noon, as promised, Sesshoumaru arrived at the schoolyard and escorted Kagome to his house, deftly avoiding all inquiries concerning Inuyasha. Meanwhile, huge chunks of guilt started to weigh down his conscience like heavy bricks. A curse upon his half-brother! The girl had chosen a cute dress and matching shoes, for the imaginary date which she believed she was about to have. And Inuyasha only wanted to play a stupid video game?

And Rin believed that he was the one making her o-bento boxes.

And Kagome was beginning to shuffle her feet, nervously, as she sat beside him on the train. Probably due to the fact that he was refusing to answer any of her guilt-inducing questions.

Stupidity wasn't a contagious disease, or something, was it?

Grinding his teeth, Sesshoumaru silently vowed to buy them a nice lunch, if she could succeed in getting his half-brother off the couch.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Naturally, Kagome succeeded in getting Inuyasha off the sofa, merely by appearing in the living room. Sesshoumaru's panicked brother shot to his feet, the instant she entered, and he tripped backward over the armrest of the seat. In the background, the noise of the video-game paused.

Calmly, Miroku looked up from his perch on the sofa. "Wow, Kagome!" the violet-eyed boy exclaimed, with a pleasant grin. "I didn't know you were coming over. It's good to see you!"

Inuyasha merely sputtered.

Hn… This was blatantly obvious. There was no way that she would believe him, now. Why, o why, did his little brother behave like this girl was going to assassinate him? Inuyasha should have said 'hello' or something like that, instead of completely falling to pieces. Then, it would have seemed like he was playing a video-game to pass the time while he waited for her to arrive. But now, it was quite clear that he never expected to see her, at all.

Of course, Kagome glared daggers over her shoulder at the eldest brother in the Inuhito family. "I meant a real date, you jerk!" she hissed, "He didn't even know I was coming over, did he?"

At her comment, the other two began to stare. Miroku looked especially interested in the fact that a girl believed she would be having a 'date' with someone in the room. Perhaps the misguided youth hoped that she meant himself, instead of Inuyasha?

With a sigh, Sesshoumaru took Kagome's hand and dragged her into the kitchen. The room was empty and far enough from the living room that they could avoid being overheard. On the other hand, the kitchen was closer to the carving knives... He made sure to stand between the girl and any potential weapons, because by the time he released her, she was spitting mad and looked ready to boil a tea-kettle on her head.

He watched her temper rise, in fascination. Surely, he had not made her this angry, merely by a… good-natured… trick? Well, all right, perhaps it had not been good-natured. Technically, he was using her to prepare o-bento lunches for Rin, and she honestly thought she should obtain something in return.

Quickly, Sesshoumaru came up with a plan to pacify her. Claiming this was an actual, honest-to-goodness date would stretch the limits of comprehension, but he was willing to fiddle with the definition of the word a bit. "This is a first step, you see?" he murmured, warily backing away from his irate companion. "A date is a social activity between two people, not only a romantic venture."

"I'm not trying to date Miroku," Kagome spat, in return. "If you want someone to make your food, ask someone else! This is ridiculous!"

"The first step in a good relationship is to spend time together, doing normal activities," he continued slowly, "You do not wish to get to know Inuyasha, better, as a person?"

Her blush deepened, and Sesshoumaru belatedly realized that the color in her cheeks signified frustration, not only embarrassment. "Fine!" shouted the blue-eyed teenager, stomping one foot on the kitchen tiles. "Your point is made! If I want to date Inuyasha, then I ask him myself. I understand that now! You are useless."

"No, I meant…" he began, trying to salvage the situation. But it was too late, and Kagome marched out of the room without looking back.

As she returned to the living room, where Miroku and Inuyasha waited, he sensed the situation had just slipped out of his hands. The waters would close over his head, at this rate. Blinking absently, he wondered how she could have drawn such a mystifying conclusion from his actions, that day. He had meant well. And a date was a social activity, not just a romantic venture! If she did not know Inuyasha already, then she should spend time with him, before rushing into a relationship. First things first!

In the background, he overheard a loud declaration. "Inuyasha! You and I… We're dating. Got it?"

"O-okay…" mumbled his half-brother, crumbling in the face of her vehemence and Miroku's presence.

And at last, Sesshoumaru understood exactly why his half-brother had seemed so intimidated by this girl. She possessed a very strong spirit, to be sure.