CHAPTER 33 – BELONGING
This Woman's Work – Greg Laswell
I know you have a little life in you yet
I know you have a lot of strength left
I know you have a little life in you yet
I know you have a lot of strength left
I should be crying but I just can't let it show
I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said that I never said
All the things we should've done that we never did
All the things I should've given but I didn't
A/N: Thank you for all the reviews. Next chapter will be more insight onto Bella's thoughts and how she is feeling at the moment…
When inching closer to the kitchen, I found that my steps grew more hesitant when descending the steps. My grip on the pearl while banister tightened and my breathing hitched as my thoughts swirled back to everything that I had revealed yesterday and how that might just change everything.
Would the others treat me differently today?
Alice and Edward hadn't.
With that consolation, I sucked in a deep breath and took a few more steps until I was standing outside the kitchen trying to calm my erratic heart.
My eyes darted to the door and I wondered if it would be easier to just run. Leave Carlisle to his family and to the life that he deserved. I recalled his previous offer for me to live with him – as much as I wanted to say yes and move into the family and acknowledge what I was feeling with Edward, I knew that what I was thinking was so wrong and that it could-
"You look great" Alice skipped towards me, evidently putting a halt onto my thoughts when she took my hand so that she could get a 360 view of her work but it was awkward as I hadn't expected it. "You look better than you did in my vision" she winked and I smiled.
Her words were a vote for confidence and it was nice to be in the comfortable skinny jeans and grey tank top. She had also given me a button up shirt probably thinking of how I preferred to hide my mark but something told me it was okay which was why I was standing there with my arms and shoulder bare plus I would not want to ruin Esme's clothes when I was cooking or eating.
"Thanks Alice"
She waved my gratitude with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders not realising just how much I appreciated her kind gestures as she casually answered, "No problem" she didn't even bat an eyelash to the fact that I wasn't wearing the shirt. In fact she actually seemed happier with this.
Someone moved towards us and I looked up to the smiling Jasper. It was a different look from the doubt that had seemed to be marbled into his features whenever he was around me. "Morning Bella" his southern drawl was so distinctive in his voice and I could practically see Alice swoon at this as she fell back to rest on his chest.
"Hello Jasper" I grinned allowing myself to actually fall back into the pleasant feelings that bubbled within. I wasn't going to dwell on the negatives because why spend my freedom living in fear. I had come to a decision that I should just let myself go and try and forget about any day before today.
Why spend what could be my numbered breaths crying over the past? I had to let go and I was willing to try…step by step, hoping that they would all be patient with me.
"Stop hogging Bella" Emmett's voice shook the atmosphere and I giggled as I looked towards him instantly feeling calm around them.
He walked towards us and stood behind Alice who finally let go of my wrists to allow Emmett access to me. I no longer feared him, the dimpled grin and curls made him look less intimidating. "Can I give you a good morning hug?" he questioned still wary to what my reaction would be.
I couldn't say not to the grin so I nodded and allowed him to engulf me in his arms but what I wasn't prepared for was him cutting off my air supply.
"Let the girl breath" Rosalie scolded but her laugh broke through the tough front she was trying to put on.
Although I knew I looked okay, glancing at Rosalie unnerved me as she was dressed similarly to me but in a red tank top and black skinny jeans with black leather thigh high boots, I could not help the stab of jealously at how they hugged her model figure. Her long blonde waves were perfect with no strand out of place while my own wet brown tresses were pushed back into a messy ponytail. Even though I could feel the pang of envy, it was nothing too strong which meant that I could easily control it so I just tried to ignore it and move on.
Finally Emmett set me back down to the ground and walked back but not before ruffling my hair. In response to his actions, I smoothed it down and turned to glare at him which only made him laugh while the others in the room released a few chuckles while observing our interaction.
It was strange how much I cared for them – each and every one of them and with this, I felt protective over them and because of this fact, I knew that I could never let any harm come to them. Just thinking about it caused me to shiver but I willed those thoughts for another time when I caught Esme's slow cautious steps make their way towards me.
"Well if Emmett gets one…" her arms were outstretched towards me. When I didn't make a move to back away, it was enough to encouragement as she took me in her arms. Her embrace was gentler than Emmett's…almost too gentle like she was afraid to break me so I wrapped my own arms around her to let her know it was okay. Her hold did tighten but I knew she was still holding back.
When she pulled away, my eyes flickered over to the immaculate kitchen before I said, "Alice told me you wanted to help making breakfast"
Esme had a small crease on his forehead before a grimace dulled her features. Her palm ran down from shoulder then down my arm before ducking her head to look at me and lowly uttered, "I wouldn't have minded to do it for you" her arm was looped with mine as she pulled me into the kitchen with her.
"But I would have minded" I argued in an almost whine.
She gave up with a roll of her eyes and a weary sigh, "Fine then" the sparkle returned in her eyes as she finally lit up her face as well as widening her grin before she cheerfully asked, "What do you like?" appearing to be the type of person that just enjoyed helping others.
"We have toast, cereal?" Alice offered and I perked up as it would be an easy breakfast to make, "Porridge?" she continued with the suggestions but I made a face at that because I had never been a fan of porridge. Alice only giggled when she capturing my grimace while shaking the box of porridge and teasing me while pushing it towards me but I back away which only made the rest laugh louder and for Alice to say, "Okay no porridge"
I tried to think of a way to explain how I felt so they could understand, "Porridge to me is what…" thinking back to Marcus' words, I finished, "…rats are to you" I answered and ended up laughing when I caught how they changed with the image that filled their thoughts.
Soon enough, Edward made himself known with his soothing chuckle that brightened his features as he piped in, "You've made your point" another chuckle escaping his lips and I couldn't help but stare in awe at how perfectly serene he looked at that very moment.
In great fascination, I watched how he took the offending box of porridge from Alice before putting it away so quickly as if the box itself burnt his fingers.
I was glad that what had happened upstairs wouldn't make things awkward between us but I did note that he was standing at quite a distance, on the other side of the counter and all I wanted to do was edge my way closer to him but I wasn't sure how he would take that so I stayed put with my fingers locked behind my back while observing him from a distance.
"How about pancakes?" Emmett suggested in a boisterous tone. His arm was wrapped around Rosalie while using the other to flick through the very large cookbook on the counter and then finally looked up to me in question with a waiting expression, "Humans seem to love them" he observed sounding proud of himself.
I propped myself up onto the stool next to the counter before placing my laced fingers onto the counter, leaning into him, "But I'm… not human?" a smug smile on my lips and using my peripheral vision, I was able to catch Edward crack a smile and my joy only exuberated further.
"So you don't like pancakes?" he asked.
I shook my head at the incredulous idea, "No way" I exclaimed with a lot more volume in my voice than I had intended, "I love pancakes" he grew confused so I elaborated with a smirk, "I just like correcting you" adding a wink.
He rolled his eyes at me and muttered. "Smart-ass" but the smile trembling on his lips gave him away so I knew he was not angry at me.
"Emmett!" Esme exclaimed in a scolding tone but I was just laughing along as well as earning him a smack on the back of his head from both Alice and Rosalie as retribution.
Esme was quick to walk towards me with a contrite expression as she tenderly patted my arm, "Excuse my son's behaviour" she apologised with a hard edge in her voice which surprised me, "Sometimes he talks before he thinks" she added in a solemn tone before darting a disapproving to a remorseful Emmett.
"Sorry Bella…" he apologised with a pout. His dulled eyes cast down onto the counter where his fists were, appearing to be feeling really guilty for what he did.
Once my amusement subdued, I shook my head at the ridiculous thought of him apologising for expression himself, "No really, it's quite alright" and this was the truth because I did enjoy his outgoing nature and the brotherly banter he presented, "I knew he was just joking" Esme finally accepted the words with a grateful smile, seeming pleased that I had not made an attempt to leave but I don't think I could. I was already in too deep and I did not want to leave.
My words assured Emmett as he finally looked up and rushed over to scoop me up in another bone crushing hug as he whispered, "Thanks Bella" but I didn't reply to this, instead, I waited for him to put me back on the ground before I reached up on my tip toes and then mimicked his previous actions when using my fingers to ruffle his soft brown curls before answering, "Don't worry about it" this earned amused laughs from the rest.
He glared at me for a moment but then couldn't' prevent the wide grin that lifted the corners of his lip within seconds, "You're gonna fit in just fine" he smirked with a knowing look and took his time when crossing his arms as he continued to stare down at me.
Warmth in his words gave me hope and I wished for them to be true. I wanted to stay because I actually felt like I belonged with them. Just their presence was enough to help me heal even though they didn't know that. I could not leave…I didn't want to leave them.
…But there might be a time when I have to…
With the contradicting thoughts, I felt myself grow restless but was thankful when Esme distracted with the great joy emanating from her as she grinned, "Okay…pancakes it is"
Still stuck between my mind and reality, Alice thankfully stepped in as she said, "We'll need flour" she was now sitting by the stool next to Emmett as both of them read the recipe from the cookbook.
"Someone's been doing their homework" I answered when I felt myself fall back into my senses when I finally composed myself and hoping that my troubled thoughts hadn't broken through my masked smile.
Looking around, I only noticed that Edward was staring at me with a contemplative look as he tried to read me yet again and I just wondered what he could possibly want to find. I was nothing special – nothing interesting so I didn't understand the fascination he reflected.
Alice had whipped her head up to meet my gaze as she replied, "Cooking network" the smug smile on her lips dropped as a secretive one replaced it as her eyes landed onto her brother when informing me, "Me and Edward watched about thirty different episodes" she confessed, a devilish smirk on her lips as she tried to capture Edward's eyes.
This took me off-guard as it only confused me further and I looked towards him hoping to read him without using my power but found that he had suddenly found the wall very interesting but I could read into the embarrassment with how rigid his form had gone.
"You did?" my gasp was only met with a shrug of his shoulders as he grew more embarrassed. He always seemed to leave me speechless so I just settled for the all too inadequate, "Thank you" but even that didn't sum up how I was feeling right now.
He finally looked up at me as if he had been doubtful over my reaction and at that moment when our eyes locked, we fell back into the private bubble where we were the only two in the room. His hardened eyes melted into the warm golden eyes and I watched as his whole body relaxed so I repeated, "Thank you" although this time my voice was a broken whisper this time as so many different emotions overrode the happiness I had been feeling.
I really did not understand what any of them wanted.
What he wanted.
Why was he going through all that trouble? Why were any of them putting themselves in danger for me? None of what they were doing made any sense and I just felt so torn – torn over the wrong which was to stay and live with this amazing family but the right would be to leave now and run into another country.
However, running away meant that I would be leaving all this behind. All of them - Rosalie… Jasper … Emmett… Alice… Esme… Carlisle…
…and Edward…
As selfish as it sounded, I don't think that leaving was an option for me anymore because just the mere thought of ripping myself from any of them and the idea of just leaving Edward without giving what we were a chance was killing me but I still knew that if I had to…I would.
No matter how agonizing it would be.
A/N: What do you think? Tried to get into Bella's mindset as everything has been rushing around her and I thought she just needed a few seconds to just delve into her mind. Moving on again…Thank you all for the reviews. You've all been great and I appreciate every single one…Thank you for inspiring me to continue writing. You all encourage me so I'm very thankful. Here are the responses…
InLoveJA – Thanks for the millionth time for your proof reading and you should know that I made the corrections as always. Also thank you for the great review and I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
jbrjaw27 – I really enjoy writing the Edward and Bella moments and I'm happy that you like reading them. Thank you for the review and yes BIG DRAMA ahead and it's only a matter of time.
Multi-Fandom-Lover123 – Regarding my story thank you for the compliment and I am pleased to know that you loved the chapter. I really enjoyed writing the little embarrassing moment – thought it cute and I'm glad you liked it. Best chapter so far? Thank you! What a compliment and thanks again…for reading and reviewing.
Moving on, let me just say that it takes a lot of courage to share your stories out there and even though there are people who will put you down, don't feel discouraged. Focus on the positive reviews and know that you're writing for those reviewers. Stopping your story isn't the way to go. If you're having fun writing it then that's all that matters. Basically, it's getting your voice out there. Let the haters hide behind their usernames because you know they wouldn't say that if they faced you. Sorry you faced this and ignore them because I think your story is fantasupertacular (Fantastic, Spectacular and Superb). Stress always gets in my way but I find that writing my story relives that stress so I find my spare time and write up my chapters so maybe you could use your story – the way you want to write it as your stress reliever. Boxing helps too…just saying.
Horses-are-my-life – Five horses – lucky you. Great names by the way. Thank you for the love to the story and for the review and in return I send love to you and your awesome horses. Paint horses are so cute – all my uncle's are quarters. Anyway thanks again – great to chat horses with you…
Twilightisforever – Satisfying to know that you enjoyed the chapter and I hope you liked this update. Kiss will come soon – just a few teasers though but it WILL happen.
cecilia4059 – Of course both of them are still doubtful. Edward has never been with someone that way and neither has Bella really. The whole thing is new to them so it will take time but someone will make the first move. They will start moving on very very soon. Your welcome but I really should be the one thanking you for reviewing this.
Twilight Rocker 12 – So pleased to know that you loved the chapter and B and E's relationship will be moving forwards very soon. Thank you again for reviewing.
IzzyPure – Understandable about the review – just glad you did it anyway. I actually did see the movie MAMA a few days ago and I loved it. I'm a huge horror movie fan. Kids were f***ing creepy especially how they crawled around. I was jumping around the seat and clawing at my friend.
Jack Reacher is amazing. Also an action as well as a Tom Cruise fan. Were you laughing at the bar fight scene? Along with this, I also watched Movie 43, The Impossible and Life of Pi which was surprisingly okay.
Easy money made right? Hope you enjoyed the books – sounds like what I would have spent it on as well as DVDs. Haven't actually read Les Miserables yet but I have already seen the movie. Thought it was pretty great. How's the book so far?
Maths was never my best subject – had to get a tutor. Don't hurt your head over Maths – can't always be good at everything. I'm sure there's something you're great at that others find difficult. Anyway, why not get a tutor – helped me although I used to sidetrack mine sometimes and we'd play paper games e.g. hangman, tic tac toe. Hopefully you have better concentration than me.
Nice on Latin – congratulations and yes I am very impressed. Speaking tests are always difficult – reading's usually easier. Sorry about the panic attack = hope you're okay.
Aw…he sat next to you…are you and Footguy close friends now…?
My aunt is a therapist – asked her to treat me of Candida disease and she laughed at me *pout*
Guest – What threats are you referring to? Thank you for taking time to read this story and for reviewing.
Valentine Rain – Sorry again about my mishap – won't happen again. Hope you enjoyed this update and thank you for the review as always as well as reading.
A/N: Due to requests from IzzyPure and InLoveJA, I finish with… Vale, Tot Ziens and GOODBYE (Any other languages out there…?
Have a good weekend...