CHAPTER 40 – UNCERTAINTY
Digital Daggers – Where the Lonely Ones Roam
Need to have a little trust in me
Just close your eyes and let me lead
Follow me home
To where the lonely ones roam
Won't you come out
I've been waiting for you
Holding my breath
Til my body turned blue
We've got everything to lose
Yeah I'm waiting on you
A/N: Thank you for the amazing reviews – longer chapter which I hope you enjoy. Next update will be up soon.
As the darkness of the dreamless night faded, I was slowly being pulled into the brightness of a new day. My worries and doubts wilted away as I fell into utter relaxation when my limbs unwound.
When lifting my head off the pillow, a yawn escaped and I reached up to cover my mouth.
Last night had actually turned out to being a great night which I hadn't expected. Esme had been so kind as to make me pasta Bolognese and even went through the trouble of making salad and garlic bread. They all stayed with me as I ate and engaged me in different conversations making me feel wanted. Edward had stayed by my side, of course through the whole time and his hand had remained in mine through the whole dinner.
After the wonderful dinner, Emmett had dragged me into the living room so that I could play his video games which actually turned out to be a lot of fun. Later on, Jasper had me engaged in a game of chess and after sixteen games, we called it a draw and then we had simply lounged around in the living room talking and getting to know each other more.
It had felt so normal and that was what had made the night amazing, that I hadn't realised just how much time passed. My eyes had found the back glass wall and looked at the midnight sky and it was then that I realised it was 1:13am but of course none of them was willing to let me leave the house at such a time which was why I was waking up in the green room once again.
Throwing my legs off the side of the bed, I stood up and went to the foggy windows. Lifting my hand, I wiped my palm across the glass to clear it so I could look outside and a smile stretched across my lips when I looked at the grey clouds that crowded the dull sky. The threatening rumbling that followed only made the smile widen further.
"Rise and Shine", this time, Alice wasn't shy to enter the room after her small three raps on the door.
Turning my head, I gestured towards myself with a smile, "I'm already awake"
"Oh good" she twirled into the room with a pile of clothes folded onto her palms and I was about to protest when she placed them onto the bed but she raised her hand to stop me, "We've been through this before, so let's skip to the end where you give up and say thank you" she grinned knowingly.
With both of knowing that it was true, I sighed and nodded, "Thank you"
"We leave for school in an hour" she announced and began to gracefully move out of the room once again.
This took me off guard and I almost lost my balance from my place on the window seat when whipping my head around to gape at her, "What?!" the exclamation was louder than I had intended it to be.
"We leave-", she began to repeat the words again but in a slower manner.
Shaking my head, I interrupted her so that I could elaborate, "I heard what you said" my explanation had a small crease forming on her forehead and her eyebrows furrowed in perplexity so I added in a lowered murmur, "It just seems like such a different world now"
"Says the angel" another voice joined us and the chill that it sent through my spine had me snapping up from where I was sat so that I could properly greet him.
When he saw that I was okay with having him in the room, he sauntered further into the room and a bright smile graced his lips and his golden eyes gleamed when they met mine. "Morning" he finally breathed with a lighter air in his voice.
"Good morning" I replied in a whisper, with my own smile tugging up my lips as I took quick strides so that I could stop right in front of him. He slid his hand down my arm thus awakening the nerves in my body and then moved down to slip his fingers through mine once again. It felt like it had been a long time since we'd been like this.
My gaze trailed over his form and I had to admit that he looked wonderful in the beige sweater and denim jeans while his bronze hair was a darker shade from his shower.
A small giggle broke my train of thought and we both turned to the little pixie who was smirking at us knowingly, "That's my cue…" she gave a slight bow before slowly backing out of the room and closed the door behind her which finally left me and Edward alone.
I grinned as I looked up at him but he still had his eyes glued to where his sister had just exited so my gaze fell back down to our entwined fingers. It all felt so right and I knew that I would never want it to end.
Edward finally whipped his head around to look back at me and his features immediately brightened. I noticed that he too gave my form an appreciative look as his eyes trailed from my head and then down to my toes but then linger on my legs before moving back to my face. When I felt his embarrassment, I knew that he knew I had caught him staring which made me smile, especially when he quickly tried to change the subject, "So…" he began but no more words were said.
"So…?" I tried to encourage him to say something else but I could tell with the contemplative look on his face that he was trying to think of something to say that would help cover up his previous actions.
Finally he pulled me back to the window seat and took his place next to me, never breaking his hold on me when he began his conversation, "Back to school?" he sighed with an underlying weary tone in his voice, "Are you excited?" he questioned but I could read into the intentional sarcasm.
My grimace must have said it been enough to answer his question because he began to laugh at my expression, "It won't be that bad" he tried to assure me.
"I had forgotten about it. All of it" I admitted in a hushed whisper while releasing a mental laugh at my own ridiculousness, "School just seems so insignificant right now…" I trailed off and cast my faraway gaze onto the raindrops sliding down the glass.
He sighed and tried to calm me by using his thumb to draw circles on my inner wrist, "We don't want to raise too many questions" he muttered.
"You're right" my shoulders slumped when I released the breath, I didn't realise I had been holding. "I guess, I better go shower" sighing when it dawned on me that there was no escape to this.
He nodded in acceptance and seemed alert, probably thinking back to what had happened last time. Instead of staying around like last time, he stood from the window seat, pulling me up with him before letting go of my hand and placing them on my shoulders, "I'll get started on your breakfast"
"Uh uh" he shook his head but all I could think about was the fact that his finger was placed on my lips, "Let's skip to the end where you give up and say thank you" making me laugh for the fact that he had copied Alice's words. This meant that he had been listening in on the conversation with Alice so maybe he had sat outside just like last time.
"Thank you" smiling in gratitude and having the satisfaction of him squeezing my shoulders before moving towards the door and leaving the room.
-XxxxX-
Again, Alice had been considerate and remembered to include something long sleeved which is why my outfit consisted of a nice cream sweatshirt that had a leopard print design which I wore on top of the black tank top to keep warm. Along with this, she had picked light blue denim skinny jeans with a ribbed design and brown fur boots.
Once I was dressed, I made quick work with putting my hair up in a messy bun as I was inn a rush to find Edward once again – can you really blame me?
When I was happy with the look, I made my way downstairs and my senses were assaulted with the mouth watering scent of warm baking but it smelt unfamiliar.
Rounding the corner, my enthusiasm was clear with the quickened strides that I took to rush for the food but then halted when it dawned on me that there were other people in the room.
"Morning Bella" they all erupted with smiles on their faces when they caught sight of me. Their penetrating stares caused me to blush which only led them to chuckle at me.
With a small wave, I shuffled further into the room, "Um…morning everyone" my murmur was met with a few more chuckles so I simply rolled my eyes and took the seat that Esme had offered to me. She had intentionally made space for me to sit next to Carlisle while she fell onto the seat next to me.
I was about to greet Carlisle but there was a shadow on the surface of the table and then felt strong palms on both my shoulders. When looking up, I was met with Emmett's wide grin, his whole face lighting up with his joy, "Good to see you again Bells" he cheered with a boisterous laugh.
"Good to see you too" I retorted with an amused smile as I watched him take his place next to Rosalie, who actually sent me a warm smile when our eyes met, which I returned.
A warm hand covered my own and I snapped my head towards the gentle and kind face of Esme. When she saw that she had captured my attention, she tilted her head to the side and seemed to be trying to read me, "How did you sleep dear?" her voice was light and an octave higher as it was laced with what I could now easily identify as being her concern.
"Like a baby" I tried to assure her with my own smile when I placed my other hand on top of hers.
Her eyebrows furrowed and a crease was formed on her forehead due to her confusion, "Is that good?" she questioned with uncertainty playing in both her voice and in the warmth of her eyes.
Throwing my head back, I laughed while nodding, "Yes" still laughing at the look on her face, "It's just an expression" I explained once the laughter subdued.
Carlisle placed his morning newspaper back onto the table before nudging to gain my attention, "So, are you ready for school?" the amused grin told me that he already knew the answer to my question.
My mood instantly dropped with Carlisle's question and I felt the return of my fatigue. Just the simple thought of going back to that school brought the throbbing in my head so I shook my head in reply before replying with a simple, "No" and this again earned another round of chuckles from the group.
"Don't worry, you'll be fine" he tried to calm me but I still couldn't help but grimace when it dawned onto me that I would be spending more time with Lauren and Jessica and Tyler and Mike…
She was then momentarily distracted by something over my shoulder and I was about to follow her line of sight to find out for myself but she then captured my attention with her following words, "Maybe some breakfast will make you feel better…?" her voice was filled with her hope but her gaze was no longer on me as she nodded towards something behind me.
This time I turned around and found Edward placing a plate onto the kitchen counter. "Breakfast is served" he grinned with his hands now gripping the edge of the counter.
I no longer felt so nervous around him which was why I found it easy to get up from my seat and head to the stool that he had assigned for me. "Thank you for doing this" flashing him another grin when my eyes fell onto the feast that he had laid out for me.
Like his family, he treated this with a passive manner with a simple shrug of his shoulders when casually replying, "It was no problem"
A plate of freshly baked croissants, another plate with an omelette with two slices of toast and then there was a small bowl filled with…strawberries. With this, he had placed a glass and a black mug, as well as a carton of orange juice, apple juice and cranberry juice.
When my gaze landed on them, I could feel his burning gaze fixated on me so I snapped my eyes towards him with a knowing grin even with my cheeks heating up. "Strawberries…?" I smirked up at him.
"You seemed to like them yesterday" he shrugged again, still staring back at me and refusing to break our locked gazes but I broke it with my laugh. When I made an attempt to look up at him again, he was now grinning which heightened my joy thus causing another giggle to ripple through my lips. For some strange reason, this only made his grin widen further.
After a few seconds, something snapped into place because he blinked and then pushed the plate closer to me, "Eat, eat" he ordered but still keeping his voice gentle. "Would you like coffee of tea?" he inclined his head towards the other side of the room where the coffee maker was.
I almost forgot to answer because a moan left my lips after the delicious taste of the cheese omelette awaked my taste buds.
"That good?" Rosalie joked and I snapped my eyes open to find hers. When my gaze scanned the room, I noticed that they all wore similar smirks to hers so I just nodded in reply before ducking my head and continue eating while trying to prevent anymore embarrassing sounds escaping me.
Edward's pale fingers were reaching over to grab my mug with his own smug smirk, "So…coffee?"
Finally hearing his question, I quickly answered him with a shake of my head, "Oh, no thank you" a light laugh escaping at the memory of what had happened last time I made the mistake of not following my parent's orders, "Coffee isn't really good for me…" I trailed off thinking back to my rebellious and very regrettable moment.
My reaction seemed to have easily grabbed their attention with Emmett being the first to react as he straightened up with wide alert eyes, "What?" his loud booming voice echoed through the still atmosphere, "Aren't humans addicted to that stuff?" he mused.
"You keep comparing me to humans…" I murmured in observation and dropped my fork so I could looked back at him through narrowed eyes and pursed lips.
He shrugged and answered in an offhanded manner, "It's easy to forget"
"So, why can't you have coffee?"Alice reminded me.
Taking a sip of the cranberry juice, I set the glass back down with a small appreciative moan before giving them the first explanation that rolled through my thoughts, "Well…elements of the stimulants within the coffee such as theobromine and hypoxanthine seem to have a negative chemical reaction on my kind's cytosine as well as within the plasma" after I was done with my rambling, I reached over to take one of the croissants before taking a small bite and then having to suppress yet another moan.
They were all staring at me like I'd grown a second head but it was Emmett who then broke the silence once again with his thundering tone, "In 21st Century English?"
Rolling my eyes at him, I swallowed down the bite of the pastry before trying to rephrase and simplify my explanation so that he could understand what I meant to say, "The caffeine components of coffee make me lose control of my emotions as well as the control on my power" recalling how horribly my last encounter with caffeine.
I had grown to enjoy how engaged they became every time I revealed something about myself. You would think they thought I was some kind of superhero.
"That sounds…" Alice began but trailed off when he couldn't find the right adjective, filling the ending of the sentence with cut of silence.
Rosalie tried to help her out with her own suggestion, "Dangerous?"
Whereas Emmett obviously had other ideas because he excitedly pumped his fist in the air, "Super cool" his dark golden eyes sparkled with his childish enthusiasm which made me laugh.
"No, actually" the smile had seeped into my voice, "Rose is right" she actually did ask me to use her nickname which was a good sign. "Losing control over myself is a very dangerous thing" my voice was now stern and had dropped an octave when I thought back to all the people that had lost themselves because of the rush of the power.
A dangerous thing…indeed.
The chair next to me gently scraped against the linoleum floor and I looked up to see that it was Edward, "What happened?" he whispered and I could read into the apprehension that hardened his eyes, causing creases at the corners when he looked at me.
In response to his question, I dropped my cutlery to the plate with a light clank, I reached up to rub my forehead in then ran the palm down my face. Knowing that they were still waiting on me, I knotted my fingers together and placed them on the table before breaking into the story of my childhood.
"My parents warned me…" a wistful sigh broke through with the mere thought of them. It seemed like it was only yesterday that we were all laying on the fields and staring up at the stars. Even now, I could easily conjure up the memory of that day. "They warned me but I was at point where I was just tired of all the rules" adding a shake of my head when I thought back to my stubborn self. "I thought I could hide the fact that I took the coffee but it seemed the stimulants had made it so I had no control over myself" to think back to it now, a shiver ran through my spine when I remembered the energy that soared through me making me feel so…superior. "It was difficult to even pretend to be human and I almost exposed us to the humans" the words brought my shame and I hung my head, "My emotions were heightened and with this, the need to practice my power grew…" I trailed off when the screams echoed through my thoughts, "I almost burned down a house" the silence that followed was deafening, "I've done a lot of bad things" I cried out and snapped my eyes open to stare at the table when the image of my parents flashed in my mind. "A lot of bad things" I repeated in a more hushed tone.
A hand was placed on my shoulder making me jump but when looking up into the familiar golden eyes, my7 shoulders slumped under his cool touch, "We all make mistakes" he was still trying to make me feel better but it didn't seem to work this time because I knew that I didn't deserve to feel better.
Reaching up to take hold of his hand, I lifted it off my shoulder and placed it on the table but then locked gazes with him and pleaded for him to understand, "I've made too many" the cold harsh tone in my voice stunned us both.
The troubled expression that dulled his features made me feel guiltier so I abruptly stood up, almost knocking down the stool in the process before gripping the edge of the table to stop me from losing my balance. "Thank you for everything. The breakfast was lovely but I'm afraid I need to go now" I thanked them before pushing away from the table.
With the first step I took, Carlisle was quick to flash before me, looking down at me with his fatherly concern but he wasn't my father…My father was dead and it was because of me.
His hand was placed on my shoulder which then pulled me from the trance that I was dangerously stumbling into, "Isabella…" he called.
Pushing away from him, I cast a menacing glare and allowed the venom to drip into my words as I spat out, "Don't call me that!" my self-control was splitting at the seams and I felt my subconscious try to salvage it but I could feel myself losing it. I needed to get out of here before I did something regrettable so I whispered my final words, "Never call me that" the life was drained from my voice
Once I was out of the house, the ice cold air hit me and I felt my knees buckle so I bent down to rest my hands on my thighs to support myself but the nausea that hit me caused me to stumble in the process. Instead of trying to right myself, I felt that I needed the impact of the fall but it never came.
Strong protective arms were wrapped around my waist holding me close to his side. "I've got you" he whispered and I felt the tears brim behind closed eyelids. "I've got you" he murmured once again so I slowly opened my eyes to look up at him. The crease had returned and a storm played in his eyes which dulled into a distressed expression.
Once our eyes locked, he began to pull me up so that I could regain my balance but even when I was back on my two feet, I desperately clutched at his sweater, still fearful that he would let me go.
His fingers were then placed under my chin and he then tilted head up so that he could look at me once again. In a swift manner, his thumb was quick to wipe away the tears, "I will never let you fall" his burning gaze grew intense and I knew that he was silently pleading for me to understand the underlying meaning within his words. He wanted me to understand – to trust him and…I did.
"I won't let you fall"
A/N: Thank you all so much for being so forgiving and for still hanging around and being patient.
sujari6 – Glad you came back and I'm so grateful for each of your reviews so thank you. Thank you for the love for the meadow scene; like twilight, this moment was monumental for both of them.
Don't worry about Jacob or Billy – they won't get in the way of Edward and Bella.
Fee-Sha16 – Aw…thank you for the amazing review. Your flattery is appreciated so thank you again. Fantastic to know that you're reading my story and enjoying it.
Horses-are-my-life – Yes! I watched it. I am so pissed that Snow couldn't even enjoy her birthday and she lost one of her dear friends on her birthday – how unfair. Aw and when we found out that Neal was engaged. I'm so annoyed.
cecilia4059 – Thought it was nice for them to have a place to escape. For me, writing is where I find my escape from reality – what's yours…? If you have one. Glad that you liked it so thank you for your review.
Multi-Fandom-Lover123 - Yes, this is our thing. Thank you again and you're welcome. It was so tempting to have them kiss at that chapter but I've already got the perfect moment in mind. Hope you liked this update – thought I'd give some more ExB moment.
dj071688-Coppertop –You're so sweet. Thank you for your compliments – they mean a lot to me. I'm really excited for you guys to read when Aro comes back…
Valentine Rain – Thanks for caring. I'm just happy that I'm back and I was ale to deliver an update that you all enjoyed. Thank you for reading and reviewing as always.
Twilight Rocker 12 - Another update filled with ExB and I hope you liked it. Thank you for yoru forgiveness and your support with each review you send and for just reading…
pfkman23 - Thanks for your concern. I too am glad that I'm feeling better because I missed writing so I'm pumped to get back to it. As for Bella and Edward p they can only go up from here so I hope you enjoyed this update…
A/N: Also forgot to mention this last time but it was brought to my attention that there is another author is trying to steal my identity. They stole my penname (trixxycullen02) but instead of a 0, they used a capital O. Furthermore, they've also stole my story – copied the chapters – word for word.
Of course I'm annoyed and I will be having a civilised PM message with her. Although I am strangely honoured that they thought my story was worth stealing…anyway – hope you know that I'm the original trixxycullen02 and this is MY story.
Serious moment over – I'd like to say thank you again - you're all awesome and super cool for the support that you've given me. Like I said, next chapter will be up very soon.