CHAPTER 42 – STEPS
Paramore - Decode
How can I decide what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't win your losing fight all the time
How can I ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time
A/N: Haven't done a disclaimer in a while so here we go; Don't own any of Stephenie Meyer's awesome characters.
Moving on, I just want to say that I loved writing this chapter – more ExB coming up ahead and I hope you all enjoy….Also coming up ahead is the terrible twosomes return.
If I thought being the new girl was worse, I stand corrected.
After Edward got out of the car, he rushed in a human pace to my side so that he could open the door for me. Our audience was obviously captivated with his every move as well as curious as to who he would be opening the door for.
A collective gasp was shared when I placed my palm into Edward's outstretched hand so that he could help me out. He made things worse by carrying my bag for me, then linking our fingers together as we made our way towards the first building, once the first bell rang.
Everywhere we went people stared, even teachers gaped but I still didn't let go of his hand. If anything, I was gripping him tighter because I felt calmer knowing he was here with me.
Once we reached my locker, I took the bag from him and pushed it into the locker but made sure to pull out my needed textbooks, which Edward was quick to take into his own hands, ignoring the scowl that I was sending him.
My glares were then disrupted when I caught sight of the other students who had slowed their steps to curiously observe us. It made me feel self-conscious, like I had something on my face and I didn't care for it. Each stare unnerved me even more, "Everyone is staring" I whispered.
"Let them" he smirked in response.
He looked so different to when we first met and I decided to voice my observation, "You're awfully cheery for a vampire repeating high school for the hundredth time" narrowing my eyes in an accusatory manner.
"It's different this time" he murmured happily but it was so low that it seemed that it was more to himself. I only knew that he was talking to me because his calculating gaze never left mine, the same expression he had when he was searching for something, was highlighted in his marble features.
Each second that passed only made the intensity of his stare stronger which explained the gruffness in my voice as I forced myself to ask, "How?"
"Isn't it obvious?" he seemed genuinely surprised that I didn't know what he meant.
Still perplexed, I tried to rack my brain but came up short so I laid my head on the locker, a sign of my defeat, "Should it be?" I questioned exasperatedly.
"Yes" he rolled his eyes at me but the smile was still in place, "It's different because I have you" he confessed and stroked down my arm so that he could intertwine our fingers once again.
As if he couldn't be anymore perfect.
"Well, I have always been the life of the party" I teased him.
He quirked up, a wicked gleam in his eyes as he smirked, "Oh, have you…?", obviously amused by my antics. It seemed to be getting easier to reveal my true self to him, or maybe it was because of him, that my true self was emerging, after years of being isolated in a caged darkness.
When I found him still staring back at me, it dawned on me that I hadn't replied so I offered a wide grin and a small nod but froze when my gaze trailed off, only to lock with the malicious icy blue that glared at me. Once she knew she had my attention, she leaned into Jessica and whispered something in her ear, thinking that I couldn't hear her but obviously I did.
She leaned in towards her but her darkened eyes would stray towards me, "It won't last long. I-I mean look at her" Lauren hissed but Jessica only continued to stare, still choosing to keep quiet so Lauren tried again, "It's probably a charity case" she added in another detestable tone. Her icy glare roamed down my form, her malevolence only burning brighter in her eyes, the longer her eyes lingered.
"Bella!" he had probably been calling out to me for a while with the new volume in his voice. When my eyes finally focused on his concern filled ones, he offered a small smile. "You okay?" he fretted over me.
Blinking away the darkened thoughts, I forced a grin, "I'm fine". He continued to look over me with a contemplative expression so I turned back to my locker, pretending that I was sorting through it.
"Bella?"
"Mmmm" I answered noncommittally, feeling the salty tears blur my vision as Lauren's words kept ringing in my thoughts. I had told myself that I wouldn't let anyone get to me but hearing those words aloud, only provoked the suppressed within my subconscious.
From my peripheral vision, I caught him cocking his head to the side as he called me once again, "Bella?"
"Yeah?", briefly looking towards him, then back to my locker, keeping up pretences by straightening out the stack of folders for the fortieth time.
He sighed and I thought that he would finally let it go but instead, he closed the locker door. The loud slam startled me, crackling through my ear drums and I stared at him with wide-eyes. However, I didn't get a chance to get a good look at him because he was pulling me away, his fingers gripping my elbow as he led us down the hallway.
Everyone was still staring at us but Edward was so fired with his determination that he wasn't even paying attention.
Before I could stop it, he was pulling me into a classroom and my eyes searched the room, scared that there would be more eyes gawking at us but luckily the room was deserted.
He then closed the door, placed my books onto one of the front desks before rushing back to me. "Bella…" his soft whispered breath caressed my cheek and I relaxed back onto the wall behind me with my own sigh.
"Edward..."
His concern was uplifted with the small smile gracing his lips, "You don't have to hide from me" he bowed his head so that he could meet my eyes, "You know that don't you?"
In anger, I placed my palms onto his chest and used all my force to push him back when the tears brimmed in my eyes once again, "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY, EDWARD?!" I snarled, ignoring the shock in his widened eyes as he took a stumble away from me. "WHAT SHOULD I SAY?" I repeated, finding it difficult to grip onto the shreds of my rationality as my voice gained more volume but breaking at the end.
"I JUST WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME!" his own anger hit me and I felt my knees weaken with the weight of it, causing me to stagger backwards. It was the first time that I had heard my angel scream. Knowing that he was screaming at me made me feel guiltier for burdening him with my aggravation.
His form grew distorted as my vision blurred so I reached up to angrily wipe away at the tears. However, this didn't help because more sobs racked my body, releasing some of the frustration. My arms instinctively wrapped themselves around my waist, trying to collect myself but failing terribly.
Comforting arms engulfed me, pulling me closer to his muscled chest while his fingers reached up to run through my dark tresses. "I'm sorry" he unexpectedly whispered.
Shaking my head, I took a small step backwards so I could look up at him, "W-what?" the disbelief broke with my hoarse stutter.
When he met my eyes, he used his thumbs to brush away the tears, clearing my vision once again. He then cupped my cheeks; his thumb was now tracing circles onto my heated skin, "I'm sorry" he repeated in a more hushed tone, "I'm sorry I made you cry" he explained before I could ask.
"Edward…" I groaned when the guilt became too much and because of this, I pulled away from him, turning around so that I could pace the small space before him. When glancing towards him, our eyes briefly locked gazes as he was following my every movement. The anxiety reflected in his furrowed eyebrows and creased forehead as he continued to look towards me. Occasionally, his fingers would twitch but then curl into a defined fist.
"You shouldn't be apologising" I finally spoke but my voice was still hoarse and shook at the end, matching the trembles that ran down my spine. "I should be the one apologising" I cried. More sobs threatened to break through so I bit down on my quivering lip to stop myself.
Releasing another deep sigh, I froze in my strides so that I could relax my weary muscles by slumping down onto the desk. My bottom lip still trapped between my teeth as I tried to find the words but only managed a barely audible stutter, "While I was with the Vo-" my thoughts fell back to how Edward had readied himself for a failing battle so I froze and made another attempt in voicing my doubts, "I-I have been hurt" with this murmured revelation, I bowed my head.
His slow steps echoed and I noticed the small falter in between, implying his hesitance. Finally they stopped in front of me before I felt his fingers push away my hair, tucking the tendrils behind my ear. With my head still bowed, he took initiative of placing his hand on my neck and tilting my head up, "You know I wouldn't hurt you?" he phrased the statement as a question so I nodded in reply. However, part of me was still dazed because having him this close, permitted me to catch his sweet mouth-watering scent, causing me to lean in further.
Staring back into the warmth of his topaz eyes, I reached up so I could place my palm onto his chest. The simply contact sent a shiver down my spine but I also noted how he also quivered under my touch. This movement had me snapping my eyes back to him but he was focused on my palm, an unfathomable expression in his eyes but the eyebrows were still furrowed.
Removing my palm from his chest, I then moved it to his cheek and had great satisfaction of watching his granite features slowly become tranquil. His eyelashes grazed his skin temporarily, when he blinked but then revealed the bright gold once again when he looked back up to me.
My own heavy gaze had fallen down to his lips, noticing how his skin paled in contrast. Sadly they weren't quirked in the boyish grin that I loved; instead they were set in a taut grim line. However, even with this, I couldn't help the strange sensation that sparked within when he parted his full lips, releasing the breath that I hadn't realised he had been holding.
Fighting off my instincts, I tore my eyes away and petulantly let my head fall down to his chest and in return, he placed his head onto my shoulder.
I drew in a shaky breath, feeling as it rushed into my lungs. This was done so that I could find the courage I would need to finally voice what had been troubling me, "You deserve someone better than me" I finally spoke and placed my index finger to his lips when he began to protest, "You deserve someone who knows how to care for you" my heartbeat raced as the words left my mouth, "…someone who knows how to love you…" this time my words were shaken.
His fingers gently wrapped themselves around my wrist so he could pull my finger away from his lips. He then reached up to grasp my shoulders when he pulled back so he could look down at me, "And you deserve the same" he replied with an underlying desperation. His honesty was enough for me to crack a small smile, "All of that and more" he added, the flames raging in his piercing gold gaze.
Ducking my head, I stared at my fidgeting hands that were placed on my lap as I lowly muttered, "I don't know how to be with you" my melancholy tone filled with regret, "I w-wish I could-" I cut off my stuttering, still unsure on how I could express what I wanted to say, "I-I w-want-"
Again his hand slipped under my hair so that he could cradle my head in his palm, "I understand" he gulped, then nodded as if to affirm his words. "There's no rush" he added, again with the intention of assuring me. "Baby steps" he added and I gave a small smile.
"I need you to know…" I swallowed down my fear when looking back up to him. My fingers moved from his cheek and onto the back of his neck so that I could run my fingers through the tufts of his hair. I smiled when he made a low guttural sound from the back of his throat.
He liked it.
He liked me running my fingers through his hair.
That was definitely worth noting.
"What do you need me to know?" he quirked with a trace of a lazy smirk on his lips.
Smiling up at him, I paused my movements much to his demise but I had to finish what I was saying, "I need you to know…" pausing once again when the fear of my confession filled me, "You need to know, that I do" my words had him hitching his eyebrows so I tried elaborating, "I do trust you" my smile faltered as my eyes fell away from him, "I trust you with all my heart" I breathed.
I heard as he drew in a sharp intake of breath and I thought he was about to say something but the silence that followed told me otherwise. Instead I felt his head fall back onto my shoulder and this time he released a relieved sigh.
"Mr. Cullen!" the new voice that joined us broke us apart and when he spun around to look at the intruder - Mr. Mason, my English literature teacher, got a view of me. A laugh almost rippled through at how high his eyebrows shot up, "…and Ms Swan?" he acknowledged my presence in surprise.
After clearing his throat several times, he blinked for a few seconds before finally finding his voice, "Can I have my classroom back?" there was a teasing tone mixed with his disbelief.
"Sorry" I squeaked, blushing furiously under his perceptive stare before gathering my books so that I could rush out of the classroom.
Once we rounded the corner, I fell back onto the wall and allowed myself to release the burst of giggles. Edward finally joined me, his own grin stretched across his face as he stared at me with an awed expression.
He now had his hand pressed onto the wall next to me so he could lean towards me. Bright topaz eyes were laced with what I could only identify as being admiration. His intense gaze subdued my giggles but the smile still remained as I enjoyed having the peace.
Just me and him.
No eyes stared at us in the hallway.
No rumours were being whispered between groups.
Nothing.
The peaceful silence surrounding us made me realise that the hallways were deserted so I turned back to Edward, "We have to get to class" I reminded him.
He nodded, removing his hand from the wall so he could take the books away from me, "I'll walk you" he vowed but I rolled my eyes in response…
…before following him.
A/N: THANK YOU ALL! Great reviews as always. Very thankful to your support…edging closer to 400 reviews. Can't wait. Already writing the next update.
MaryE1980 – Enjoy writing ExB moments and it's so awesome to you liked it. Hope you enjoyed reading this one.
cecilia4059 – We're now going to be taking steps forwards in the ExB relationship which means that the kiss is only a few chapters away. You will soon find out about what Carlisle had been thinking.
Horses-are-my-life – I do feel sympathy towards her because she's just lonely. Also feel sorry for Owen – will he find his dad? Feel really sorry for snow – I knew her killing Cora would have a big impact on her.
pfkman23 – Better piano player? We'll have to wait and see…Who do you think will be better?
Twilight Rocker 12 – We'll be moving forwards now with Bella…great things are comi9ng up for her. the fanfic is still up so I sent her a PM – hopefully he/she will take it off soon.
dj071688-Coppertop – Aw…I can't believe you did all that for me. Thank you anyway. I had sent her a PM and hopes he/she would take it down.
IzzyPure – Its so strange that I've gotten to 41 chapters – well 42 now. It seems like its been such a short amount of time. CONGRATULATIONS for being my 360th reviewer!
I've always been in love with Doctor Who. My favourite Doctor is David Tenant but the new guy isn't too bad either.
Footguy is out of order for giving you silent treatment. Just because he's dating someone, doesn't mean he shouldn't talk to you. The eraser thing just throws the whole thing out of the loop. He's unpredictable and that's a good thing…I guess.
A/N: Please review…let me know what you thought about the ExB moment in the classroom…or about Lauren…?