Chapter 98

"So now are you ready to talk about last night?" Monroe asked as we lay tangled in a heap on my bed. "If you can form sentences yet, that is."

I tried to wet my mouth so I could respond. "Where words are scarce, they are seldom spent in vain," I managed to reply.

He angled his head to meet my eyes. "Are you gonna breathe some truth into those scarce words?" he asked with a grin. Monroe definitely knew his Shakespeare.

If I didn't discuss it now, then it would get swept under the rug. But there was too much to discuss. My brain slowly sifted through the molasses that had filled my mental filing cabinets.

"I don't know where to start," I finally said.

"Try starting with the enjoyable parts."

I held my hand over my chest as my heart raced. "I enjoyed letting go last night. I enjoyed being on top, and that you let me take over. And I enjoyed it when you told me to do… a few things when you took over." The heat crept up my cheeks.

"Well, it sounds like we had a good time then."

"But then you said things to deliberately scare me, and then you kept going afterward." I rolled over to completely face him. "What you said… Those horrible words… And the way you said them… And your claw… Holy crap, Monroe." I scowled. "Do you really think you would've… hurt me like that?"

Monroe breathed out slowly. "Not on purpose."

"You seemed pretty bent on it being purposeful." I shivered in spite of myself. "Why would you say all that to me?" I snapped as I held back tears again.

"Renée, man, it's just…" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You just don't wanna listen," he replied softly. "I told you not to ask me that, but then what did you do? You asked me again, just pushing the big, bad Blutbad envelope wide open." He shook his head. "I had to say something to shock the hell out of you a little bit, otherwise you were gonna keep pushing until I couldn't control it, and then…" He sighed heavily as he trailed off. The silence spoke for itself.

"A little bit?" I scoffed as I tucked a pillow under my head. "Well, you got your point across, for sure."

"Well, good." He ran his fingers along my stomach. "Because, you gotta understand, you know, I could really hurt you, and I don't want that." His gentle tone contrasted with the words. "Doing whatever I want isn't a viable option. We talked about Blutbad instincts, needs, desires, and all that… And, well, that's my… What did you call it? Hard limit." He stroked my cheek. "I can't ever hurt you again like I did before."

"Well, last night I would've let you," I murmured, letting my breath out.

"I was picking up on that, and maybe that kinda, umm, scared me, too," he admitted. "So, I scared you right back."

I pulled a sheet over me. "Then we should've stopped after that."

Monroe laughed. "Uh, I tried that, remember?"

"I mean after you said all those things," I explained. "You freaked me out and then you proceeded to… keep going."

He rolled over toward me, brown eyes changing to red. "Maybe I didn't want to stop after that."

I narrowed my eyes. "Was that part of the domination, too?"

"Not all of it." Monroe cleared his throat. "Umm, your fear scent mixed with all that arousal is a bit… Umm… stimulating."

I bolted forward, holding my sheet against me as I looked down at him. "So you got off on my fear?" What the fuck?

He propped himself up on his elbow. "Okay, when you say it like that it sounds really bad."

It was really bad and bordering on depravity, but I held my tongue.

"It's hard to explain," Monroe continued as he gestured with his free hand. "The scents they do things… and a combo like yours… Man, it's… I mean, it's like describing a rainbow to a blind person. Well, umm, if you could equate colors to scents, I guess." He scratched at his beard. "I wonder what blue would smell like?"

"I'd rather just stay blind," I replied bitterly, ignoring his pondering.

"Well, maybe so…" Monroe lifted himself from the mattress and curled an arm around me. "It was just a strange night all around, man. We both did things that weren't so great. But we liked some of it, too… So maybe we just need to focus on the good parts, and try to do those good parts again… next time."

I turned my head to face him. "Monroe, if you ever do that again… I can't guarantee there will be a next time." He'd help choose for me if he did. Nick didn't have claws or teeth.

"And the reason I did it is so there will be," His face darkened as he held me tighter. "Please don't tempt me like that anymore. You have to promise."

"Why can't it be easy?" I asked as I looked away, ignoring his request.

That question was for more than just this situation. The scales were tipping in Nick's favor. Maybe I was stupidly sadistic, but I still loved Monroe. Underneath all those startling revelations he remained my knight in a shiny VW, whose adorkable ways and genuine smile had me smitten like I'd never been before. Well, until I became smitten with Nick. With Nick it could really be easy, and I didn't have to question any of it. Monroe came with a whole questionnaire and a multiple choice quiz.

"Relationships are never easy," Monroe simply replied.

"No, I realize that." I brushed away the tear that had managed to escape. "But why can't the typical rules work for us? It's supposed to be boy meets girl, not boy eats girl."

"Dude, I'm not gonna eat you." His laugh was awkward and strained as he rubbed my arm. "All this is new to me, too. I mean, it's not like there's a rule book for what we're doing."

"I don't want you to change who you are." I wanted to add, 'But I don't want you to kill me, either.' Nick was looking better every minute I kept this conversation going.

"Dude, I've been changing who I am for almost a decade. It has nothing to do with you."

Monroe was so complex. But lately the complexities were increasing. What else did I need to know? What other things would set him off? What the hell was lurking in his closet? This Scorpio-Blutbad was a wicked combo. Maybe I needed to break down and read my grandmother's Grimm book and some other astrology books, too.

Monroe was watching me, studying my face as my brain ran though everything.

"I think there's more you're hiding from me," I finally blurted out when I could no longer tolerate his burning gaze. "And I don't mean the obvious things that I don't want to hear about."

"Hiding?" he repeated. "Oh, and this is coming from the same woman who, you know, couldn't tell me about her lunch break today?" he scoffed.

I closed my eyes. "Is this your first time telling a woman what to do in bed?" I'd just listen for the warble.

Monroe sighed then asked, "Is this about the blindfold thing again?"

"Answer the question," I replied. "Is this the first time?"

"No."

I opened my eyes as I turned to face him. "Do you usually do this with women you date?"

"Look, you've got a past, I've got a past. We've already dealt with part of your past, so let's not crack open mine and dredge it up all over the place, okay? I didn't mean to hurt you by bending the truth... a little bit."

"It's more than just lying about ropes and blindfolds," I replied, my breath shaky.

Bending the truth? Call a spade a spade. Okay, well perhaps I wasn't the best person to cast the first stone in my glass house of deceit, but still, call it what it was… lying.

"Okay, then what is it?" he asked, studying my face.

"It has me…. It's… I'm playing out some crazy scenarios in my head, and I just don't know what to make of them just yet."

Since reading that silly Fifty Shades book and after the woods in Kentucky, I'd been curious. Curiosity wasn't smart. It killed the proverbial cat, and ultimately I was a Leo. I was also reckless, which was a bad mix if I wanted to keep my nine lives.

Monroe had mentioned things even before we'd tried the rope that had piqued my curiosity further. He'd say a little something here and there, just to test the waters. After the talk in the car and last night, however, I was expecting to find an arsenal of chains and whips and who knew what else in Monroe's closet. (Or dungeon. I wasn't ruling out he had one.) My mild mannered Monroe was starting to become C, none of the above.

He stared at me intently. "What kinda… scenarios?"

My face flushed. "The kind doesn't matter, but it's just making me think there's a darker side to you and I don't…" I glanced down at my hands, which were much better to look at than at his eyes. "And I don't know how dark it goes."

His finger met my chin, tilting my head back up. So much for my hands. "If we, uhh… Let's say we factor the aftermath of that one night out of the equation…" He licked his lips slowly. "Did you enjoy anything about the night I used the rope?"

Factoring that out was easier said than done. The biting had severely tainted the overall experience, and the whole thing had lost its curious charm. After a brush with death, bondage had no longer seemed as fun as Ana and Christian in the book had implied. Granted, neither of them were Wesen, either, so they didn't have to worry about needing safe words to prevent ripping and tearing. But before the biting… I thought back, blocking out the finale. Well, it wasn't all that terrible. Actually, it was… quite enjoyable.

As I tried to think, Monroe kept my chin held firm, so there was no way to avert my gaze. The red bore into me as my breath came out in uneven spurts. If he kept looking at me like that, I'd let him tie me up right then and there.

"Can you… Can you change them to brown, just for a minute?" I asked.

He looked puzzled. "Change what?"

"Your eyes… Can you focus and just go to brown, please?"

I'd never asked that before, but I needed Monroe the man to talk to about this. I hated separation, but right now I was separating. We needed to be two people talking about weird, kinky things. Not a Wesen that had claws and teeth talking to a Wesen that regenerated.

Monroe blinked a few times as he let my chin go. "Uhh… I can try?" His face tensed and his brow jutted forward like he was concentrating, which only gave him red eyes with an angry expression. No, that was worse. Much worse.

"Never mind," I said and fell back on my pillow. I took a slow breath then continued. "Before the 'incident,'" I used finger quotes as I talked to the ceiling, "yes, I found parts of the control enjoyable." There, I admitted I was apparently weird, too. I closed my eyes before Monroe tried to look at me. My face became as hot as the surface of the sun while I awaited his reply.

"You've already told me you like it when I take control…" he said after a few moments. "But what about the rope?" His voice had that dark, ominous tinge to it that I wouldn't have normally caught with my eyes open. "What about you losing your control, with your hands bound tight… giving me all the power?"

Giving him all the power? The blaze of heat continued to burn from my cheeks. His voice alone was as hypnotizing as those scarlet red eyes of his. The ropes had brought out fear, but apparently it turned him on if I was simultaneously aroused and scared out of my wits. My recklessness fed off the fear, too, so perhaps I was no better. The vulnerability was enjoyable when he held me down, but the ropes intensified it. They added something altogether different. Something that hadn't been duplicated since that night. But once the biting began… God, if he had tied down more than just my hands… Well, I wouldn't have survived that night, literally. Dammit.

"You know the ropes triggered fear," I said, tapping my nose to make my point.

His hand brushed against my cheek. "Yeah, but it triggered other things too, right?"

"Yeah it did," I breathed out.

"So did you enjoy the rope?"

I took a hard swallow. "Yeah."

A small growl, so faint it was almost a whisper, came from him. "So, okay…" He paused as I continued to keep my eyes closed tight. "So, let's say I enjoy it, too?" There was another pause. "And if we both like it, umm, then that doesn't mean that it's dark as much as it's… something we can both enjoy, umm, together… again… sometime?"

"You really want to try that again?" Was he attempting to smooth talk this into something conventional? 'Oh, it's Saturday night, Honey. Let's get the ropes out.' Holy crap.

"Uhh… If I said yes," he cleared his throat, "would that be the wrong answer?"

I sucked in my breath. "What if I bite my lip again, or you see something red in the room that sets you off, or…?"

His finger pressed against my lips, startling me. "Or what if you give in to me and we have some amazing, out of this world sex because of it?" His voice was back to silk, the words swirling my brain, warming other parts of my body. He traced my lips with his finger. "The next time, we'll plan better."

Nick came back to mind. Maybe we were too quick to take time off. Did Nick have any weird kinks I needed to know about? Maybe easier was the way to go. I could be with Nick, and leave Fifty Shades of Monroe's Gray Sweaters before I let him talk me into visiting his Blutbad red room of agonizing pain and sharp teeth. All these fears and worries about Monroe could be eliminated if I chose Nick. Lovely thoughts of Nick and me in the trailer, kissing and holding each other passed through my mind. Maybe he was thinking of me tonight, too, and…

"Renée?" Monroe breathed out my name, snapping me back to present. A light wave of air brushed by my face.

"I still feel it," I said with a smirk.

"Just checking," he chucked in reply. "So, uh, you're quiet, and you're smiling, and there are some other things flourishing, too." He tapped my nose this time to make his point. "So, umm, am I to take that as you like the idea?"

My smile faded as I pressed my lips and opened my eyes. "If I hadn't kicked you that night, would you… Would you have stopped?" Internally I finished the sentence, '…stopped before you killed me?'

Monroe's brows furrowed. "I don't know… I wasn't…" He widened his eyes, which were back to a fiery red. "I wasn't me… Well, I was me, I mean… The control only holds so much, but when the blood… your blood…"

"Is there something wrong with my blood?" I asked, interrupting him.

"Oh man…" Monroe groaned. "Wrong isn't the word at all. It's just… different."

I pressed my lips again. "The Blutbad that held me outside that night at the bar… He said it was different, too."

"WHAT?!" Monroe jerked forward, looming over me. "He bit you?!"

I squeezed my hands over my ears due to the roaring growl that went along with the question. "No, when he scratched me he had a… taste," I replied quickly, lowering my hands.

Monroe reached for my shoulders, yanking me up. "Why didn't you say anything? Dammit, Renée. I would've killed him… Would've…" The growls and German replaced the words.

"Please calm down." I held his face in my hands. "I wouldn't tell him what I was, so he said he'd just find out, and so he…" I was getting flustered. "He said it was… I was… tasted… different and really good."

"Well, yeah, 'cause it's…" Monroe paused, wild-eyed.

"Oh, God." I clasped a hand to my mouth. "It tastes good to you, too?"

I really was Wesen cocaine. Crap!

"Fuck…" he growled, shutting his eyes briefly. "Now don't get the wrong idea there…" he shook his head, opening his eyes as the red saturated them. "It's just... Maybe it's the Grimm thing, or the Waldgeist side… Hell, I don't know. It's not human, umm, tasting, which conflicts with the scent. It's like… You remember Crystal Pepsi? Like, it was clear, so you expected one thing, but then it tasted like Pepsi, so then it messed with your senses a bit? Like, it was good yet different all at the same time."

My boyfriend had just equated my blood to soda. Wow… Sadly, I was a little more shocked he ever drank soda at all.

I sat up straight, tightening the sheet around me. "I really shouldn't have said anything about this." My head dipped as I gripped the edge of the bed with my fingers.

"No, you should've said something that night. Man, Renée, you need to tell me what's going on so I can…"

I jerked my head up. "So you can kill people?"

Monroe growled then let out a huff. "No, I mean… Dammit. I wouldn't have actually killed him. We don't kill our own." He tugged at his hair.

"Would you have killed the Daemonfeuer?" I asked. "She's not your own."

"Yes." Monroe sucked in a breath. "Yes, I would've."

"You can't become my personal hit man, Monroe." I said while taking his hand. "My God, what do you think I'd do if they hauled you off to jail?"

"I'd have to get caught for that to happen." His voice was dark again, and my eyes didn't need to be shut to pick up on it.

"I don't care what someone does to me. You can't kill them." Holy crap, was I really having this conversation? Oh, my normal life.

"The Daemonfeuer deserved to die, Renée. What she did to you…"

"She whacked me on the head when I stood up to her, and then tied me up. And I was tied up and wounded again, which I got over, too." Monroe pursed his lips at that comment. "I heal, and it's fine. We learn lessons, and we move on. Don't stand up to a dragon, and don't get tied up with red rope around a Blutbad. Live and learn."

"It was more than that, Renée. The fear that poured off you in that tunnel, it was nothing I'd ever smelled off you before, even more than that night with us."

"Yeah, because I was scared for what, an hour, maybe two? I couldn't escape, and I didn't think anyone was coming for me or for Juliette. And that I couldn't help her either, that upset me, too." I shook my head at him. "But it doesn't matter. You can't kill someone, no matter what they do to me. If they murder me, then you let it go. Or find them so Nick can take care of them. He can legally make them suffer, you can't."

"You say that, but your scent said something else entirely, man. It was like, fear mixed with despair in that tunnel and it hurt me, almost like I was feeling it. That mixture, it's like…"

"Hold it," I cut him off. "If you start using more soda or rainbow analogies I'm not going to be able to take it."

"I was gonna use fruit this time, but okay." He sighed. "But what I mean is that's not how we operate. If someone hurts one of our own, then we… we take care of it."

'Take care of it.' Those words were starting to give me a headache.

"I want to say this without being rude, ungrateful, or disrespectful." I took his hand in mine. "I'm not a Blutbad. I'm a half-human who needs to know her boyfriend isn't a murderer. My conscience can't take you killing people because of me. Does that make sense?"

Monroe glowered at me as he stifled a growl in his throat. "I'm reformed, but even I have limits to my reformation, Renée. That's who I am. There have been times, not too long ago actually, where I held back for the greater good, and I've lost those I care about because of those decisions. I will not lose you, and anyone who tries to take you away from me will suffer."

Holy fuck… I was gonna get Nick killed.

"Unless they're a Blutbad, right?"

"I just said we don't kill our own. Suffering is completely different." Monroe studied my reaction as my mind went back to the Blutbad at the bar again. As if he read my thoughts he asked, "What else did he do to you?"

There was no way I was telling him anything more. "You know the rest. He rubbed up against me, and he wanted to know what I was, probably because I knew where to whack him with an umbrella, since apparently I shouldn't know that."

He palmed my chin, staring into my eyes, the red practically pulsing. "Are you sure that's it?"

"Yeah," I coolly replied. "Then you came out of nowhere and saved the day like the hero you are." I tried to grin, but it was difficult with how he held my face.

Monroe let go. "I'm no hero, Renée," he muttered while staring off at the bedroom door.

"Well, like it or not, you're my hero." I wrapped my arms around his. "Even if you are a little dark around the edges."

A/N: Okay, so Monroe and Renée are both revealing a bit here.
A lot of you are probably too young to remember Crystal Pepsi, so I guess I'm showing my age, huh? LOL! Look it up, or ask someone that's in their 30's and older.

More chapters on the way... STAY TUNED!