Chapter 127 - The Truth Laid Bare
Dr. Miranda Lawson is hovering over Commander Morgan Shepard's still, unconscious frame, double-checking the readings she receives on the scanners and comparing them with the readouts provided by Dr. Chloe Michel. Liara is standing by the doors to the operating room, struggling with the effort that is taking her to remain upright in her condition, but she shows no intention in responding to the offer of a chair that Dr. Michel is subtly pushing towards her. Garrus, Cortez, Tali and the other quarian, Kal'Reegar, who had helped locate Miranda, remain outside, time and again peering through the gap in the blinds on the window to see the irritated expression on Lawson's scrunched up face.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, but clock betrays as merely twenty minutes, Miranda straightens up and puts the scanners away. "Can you fix her?" Liara doesn't mince words, asking urgently.
Miranda Lawson walks up to Liara, looking her in the eyes before she begins to speak, the human's words are far from what the asari had expected. "Dr. T'Soni, I did not think I would be the one to say this, but you are an utter idiot," for some reason Miranda looks incredibly annoyed.
"...what? I... I don't understand," Liara manages, stunned.
"Dr. Lawson, I'm sure there's no reason to-" Michel tries to interfere, but Miranda cuts her off sharply.
"I told them that Shepard's implants could not have been harmed by the Crucible beam. They're not Reaper tech, they're not even close enough to be recognized as Reaper tech. I tried to tell you, but you still insisted to drag me here and waste my time, when there are a lot of people down on Earth who need my help right now!"
"Shepard needs your help too..." Liara whispers, unable to comprehend just what Miranda is saying.
"I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped," Miranda speaks, her voice losing a little of its angry edge. "T'Soni, her implants are perfectly fine. I don't know how, but she is actively blocking them from working, herself. It's as if she has given up."
"Why... why would she not want to live?" Liara speaks, fighting back the tightness squeezing her chest, not wanting to break into sobs in front of the ex-Cerberus operative. Is that why she said that Miranda won't be able to help her? She knew what was going on? But... I don't understand...
"That's the question you should be asking her," Miranda says, pointing at Shepard's limp body. "I can't answer you. And I can't do anything else for her. I'm sorry."
"There is an ever increasing chance that the Commander will not regain consciousness," Michel's voice is barely a whisper, too.
"I know," Miranda sighs. "But like I said, there is nothing I can do unless she resumes fighting herself. Please... I'm sorry, Liara, but I wish to return to London and continue helping those that do wish to survive."
"Of course..." Liara says as Miranda opens the doors of the operating room, about to step through. "Steve," the asari calls out softly to Lieutenant Cortez. "Please, bring miss Lawson back groundside." The grim-faced shuttle pilot nods at that, wordlessly following Miranda out of the hospital.
Garrus and Tali immediately step forth, sensing their chance to learn more, the other quarian respectfully remaining behind. "Did she-" Garrus starts, but Liara feels too tired to explain now, as if the weight of the entire universe would be resting on her shoulders.
"No," she replies curtly. "But I will not give up. She said that Shepard's implants are still showing signs of activity... we simply need to figure out how to get them to work..."
"If there's any way to help-" Tali starts, but Liara doesn't give her a chance to finish either.
"I know you both are dying to help, but Shepard is in the hands of the doctors now and we must trust them," Liara lies without any shame, trying to calm her friends, and Chloe looks understanding as well, nodding in agreement. "Please... you both look terribly exhausted," the asari says then. "You can find the Normandy in our old docking bay, I want you both to go there and get at least a few hours of rest... her condition will not change this quickly. And you have my promise that I will call the Normandy if there are any new developments."
"I have a feeling that we won't be able to change your mind about this, Liara," Garrus grumbles, then throwing a quick glance at Tali, his girlfriend swaying a little on her feet, the last stimpack about to expire and the mental and physical exhaustion about to hit her like a wall of bricks. "But you are also correct, unless we get some rest we will become completely useless anyway."
"Kal... you will join us on the Normandy, please," Tali turns to the other quarian, speaking in-between yawns that make her sound like a volus with a heart-condition. "You have not rested since before the battle and that was almost forty eight hours ago."
Having asked for and received additional reassurances that the Normandy will receive news if there are any changes in Shepard's condition, the trio finally depart, the two men almost having to support Tali as she is swaying dangerously on her feet. Hobbling, still refusing aid from Michel or anyone, Liara returns by Shepard's side, staring at her bondmate down on the bed, slowly and unavoidably withering way.
"Perhaps you could try speaking to her?" Chloe Michel asks. "She wouldn't be able to hear, but... some claim that it could still help, and perhaps when science is already stretched thin, we need a little bit of faith."
"I can do better than faith," Liara says quietly. It's time I got to the bottom of this, moral implications be damned, I'm not letting her die even if she for some stupid reason believes she has to! She turns towards Dr. Michel. "I might be able to reach her through the meld. But... it is something very private. I know it is a lot to ask, but... I must attempt it, and I must insist that I remain alone with her." Chloe nods and quickly leaves the room as Liara lets out a deep breath, lowering herself over Morgan, her palm gently cupping her bondmate's cheek. Forgive me for what I must do, my love... but I am not watching idly to see you die, spending the rest of my life wondering if I could have saved you...
The plan to get some rest immediately upon their return to the Normandy backfires spectacularly for both Tali and Garrus. Traynor immediately ambushes the turian with a request to proceed to the comm room because apparently Primarch Victus has been recovered from some deep ruins in London, an arm short and several new permanent scars richer, but his fighting spirit is undeterred and he has demanded to be put in contact with Garrus right away, hoping for an update on the situation. Garrus responds to these summons without delay, leaving Tali and Kal standing in the CIC. While tempted to show Kal to an empty sleeping berth anywhere on the ship and then just collapse somewhere herself, Tali decides to first take her old friend to the bridge and introduce him to the other quarian aboard.
With EDI permanently offline, the bridge seems cold and empty now, and yet the lack of the AI's presence is not the only thing that Tali finds a little off about the situation. Their new pilot had attached a small holo picture of her boyfriend just above the main displays, and now Tali sees that it has been removed, lying face down before Lia'Vael, the young quarian slumped in her seat, head rested against the switched off consoles.
"Lia?" Tali asks quietly, still managing to startle her friend, jumping up from her seat.
"Admiral Zorah, I... I'm sorry, I must have-"
"No admiral, at least not today. Just Tali," she speaks, taking Lia's hands in hers, feeling the young pilot shaking like a leaf in the wind. "What's wrong, Lia? Tell me."
"Received full list of casualties... the ships we lost," Lia'Vael sobs. "Ulnay... was amongst those ships."
"Keelah... I'm so sorry," Tali sighs, pulling the young quarian close and she does not resist, sobbing against Tali's chest. "Your boyfriend... I never got to meet him, I'm so... so very sorry. What about your family?"
"They were noncombatants... both mother and father are back on Rannoch, ancestors be praised..." Lia'Vael manages. "I am the only child in the family. But this... this hurts... so much. We only linked suits for the first time just before I was assigned to the Normandy, but still... I felt like it could become something... serious..."
"He will be remembered, along with all the other heroes who gave their lives to free us from the shadow of the Reapers," Kal'Reegar speaks quietly, slightly startling Lia'Vael again, the pilot not even having noticed that Tali had been accompanied on the bridge by someone else. "Lieutenant Kal'Reegar vas Neema, at your service, ma'am. Please, allow me to offer my condolences."
"Oh... umm... the Kal'Reegar?" Lia'Vael gasps, quickly swallowing her tears. "Admir-... uh, Tali, I... I wish you would have warned me... us... uh, I'm so sorry for throwing such a scene, Lieutenant!"
"The Kal'Reegar?" Kal himself appears a little amused. "I had no idea that anyone outside the direct chain of command actually knew of me."
"What?! Of course everyone on the Fleet knows about you! Your heroics on Haestrom, Palaven, now Earth..." Lia'Vael exclaims. "You're no less of a hero than Admiral Zorah... ack, I mean, Tali! Keelah, I am so bad at this..."
"No need to be nervous, Lia, you are amongst friends," Tali speaks, gently patting the other woman's arm. "I've known Kal for years, he is the most unassuming and dependable quarian I have ever had the pleasure of knowing."
"Ah, the good Admiral is being entirely too generous," Kal looks at Tali appreciatively. "Though I must say, I feel a little embarrassed that the actions of the squads under my direct command have been dragged into the spotlight. I'm sure there are many more deserving role models amongst our military."
"See what I told you about unassuming?" Tali gently pokes Lia in the ribs.
"Indeed... well, I and many other young quarians believe you are an outstanding role model, Lieutenant Reegar," Lia'Vael says earnestly.
"Please, that would be Kal for you, Lia'Vael. I hate these formal addresses," Kal offers, already suspecting that with Lia being so jumpy she is bound to forget it and to continue addressing him by his rank anyway.
"...this will be very confusing... Kal... oh, and Tali," Lia'Vael turns away from Kal'Reegar. "Admiral Raan wishes to speak with you at the first opportunity. It seems that Garrus is done in the comm room and it stands empty... I could put you through right now..."
"Oh, goodbye sleep..." Tali sighs theatrically, nevertheless feeling very excited to hear from her aunt again, eager to learn about the situation firsthand from the most credible of sources. "You stay here, Kal, and keep her from moping, is that clear?"
"Yes, ma'am," Kal salutes at her, then turning back to Lia'Vael. "I hope that the Admiral has not set an impossible task before me."
"I... I'm afraid I won't be good company right now, Lieut-... uh, Kal," Lia'Vael replies, her voice breaking a little. "I was... trying to offer a prayer to the ancestors for him, right before you arrived on the bridge. But... I could not find the words. Did not know what to say..."
"I have said far too many such prayers for my men, Lia'Vael," Kal'Reegar speaks sadly. "I would be honored to speak another for your loved one, if you would allow me..."
"I... I think he would have liked that," Lia whispers, looking at Kal'Reegar appreciatively, taking his offered hand, before they both drop down on their knees. "He... held you and your deeds in very high esteem. It would... it would mean a great deal..."
Once all the doctors and nurses have fled the operating room, Liara takes a deep breath, settling in more comfortably next to Shepard, trying to reduce the strain of bending over her bondmate. Even if what she plans to attempt might seem like quick, fleeting moments during the meld of their minds, she is aware that in the physical realm it could last long enough to make her develop horrible cramps or worse, unless she is properly comfortable and relaxed.
Having found the perfect position that do not bother her injuries, Liara places her open palm against Morgan's cheek, feeling its fading warmth, beginning to concentrate and guide her mind, her eyes slowly growing darker and darker. Usually, Morgan's consciousness, warm and welcoming, would meet her half-way, guide her deeper inside her bondmate's mind, helpful and accepting. But this time, it feels like traversing a great, dark void, and she has serious difficulties in even sensing Morgan's essence.
Where is she? Is she deliberately hiding her mind from mine? Why? What is going on?
Finally, after much prodding and poking, she begins to feel Morgan's consciousness, reaching out to it, sending all the love, comfort and caring she can muster across the bond. The pure, undiluted fear and horror she receives in return is shocking and she nearly breaks the bond, shuddering powerfully back in the physical realm.
'Liara? You... you should not be here...'
'And you should not be lying here, close to death. I know the truth, Morgan. There is no use denying it.'
'...please, Liara... you don't understand... you can't understand...'
'Then make me understand! You are deliberately blocking your implants from doing their job and I would know why!'
'Because... because I was supposed to die...'
'What... what does that even mean, start making sense!'
'I was sure I was dying... if not from my injuries, then from the Crucible overloading... and I... I did something horrible, because... I thought it would have no consequences for me...'
'Please, Morgan, you could not have known that the beam would take out more than just the Reapers... EDI would have never held it against you, she would have happily sacrificed herself to defeat the Reapers, like everyone else amongst your crew.'
'EDI... the beam destroyed EDI? Oh... god... one more reason... please, Liara... just go, love. Leave me, let me pass on, let me be at peace... I... I can't live with the consequences of my actions, please, I beg you.'
Suddenly Liara feels Shepard trying to withdraw her mind, to pull her consciousness away, to hide and escape the meld, and it takes all her strength to hold on to the link, not allowing Morgan to flee. In the physical realm, the asari's body is shaking and shuddering, droplets of perspiration running across her skin from the effort.
'I will not allow you to withdraw without explaining, Morgan. You owe that much to me! I want to know what you did that was so horrible that you would choose to forsake me because of it!'
But there is only silence through the bond, Morgan still desperately trying to escape her clutches, and Liara is inwardly feeling very relieved that her bondmate is not someone more adept at putting up barriers and protecting herself from such invasion into her consciousness.
'Very well... you leave me no choice, Morgan. You may very well resent me, hate me after this, but... it is preferable than just watching you sacrifice yourself for no good reason.'
There is heart-breaking panic wafting towards her through the mental link. 'What... what are you doing?'
'You refuse to share the truth with me, so that leaves me with just one option. I will rip the truth from your mind, whether you want it or not.'
'No! No, you can't do this! You... you wouldn't! No!'
The panic is so powerful and overwhelming that Liara almost hesitates. But no, I can't stop now, I must save her, whatever the cost, she reminds herself, pressing forward, pained cry escaping from her mouth back in the physical realm. Dr. Chloe Michel, watching them on the monitors before her in another operating room, is growing increasingly worried, wondering whether she should charge in and stop Liara from whatever it is that she is attempting.
Liara feels her own consciousness surging forward, past Morgan's desperate mental barriers, her bondmate is far too weak and unfocused to protect the deepest recesses of her mind, her most treasured privacy from her, and Liara crushes everything on her path to the darkest secrets that her bondmate is hiding, Shepard's desperate pleas for her to stop now remaining a mere afterthought.
Her destination is painfully obvious. There is one particular memory that Shepard seems most desperate to protect her from, and she wastes no time in brushing her bondmate's pathetic defenses aside, quickly piercing the memory and immersing herself in it...
Suddenly, Liara finds herself in some sort of a chamber, no, it is something akin to a raised platform. Around her, there are myriads of lights of some sort of gigantic structure. The Citadel. With its arms still closed... slowly starting to open now... Watching everything from Shepard's viewpoint, through her eyes, looking down at her body, not a single spot that wouldn't be coated in dark, congealing blood, feeling exactly the same excruciating agony that Shepard had felt in these moments... No wonder she believed she was dying... to survive something like this...
She is not alone on the platform, there are two others with her. Admiral Anderson is one of the men. Liara ventures a guess that he has just opened the arms of the Citadel, the admiral still standing next to the consoles of the Citadel controls. The other one is no longer a human... the Illusive Man looks very much like Saren did in his last moments during the battle of Citadel, the Reaper cybernetics and corruption twisting him into something grotesque.
The Illusive Man is holding Anderson hostage, pressing his pistol against the admiral's temples, demanding that Shepard puts down her weapon as well. Anderson insists that she does not listen to the Illusive Man's commands. He orders her to open fire, if necessary taking out them both. Goddess... he knew she didn't have a lot of time... he asked her to do this... she... she shouldn't be blaming herself for this... oh Morgan...
With sheer horror Liara watches Shepard raising her trembling hand, the unsteady, shaky hold of the Carnifex, her bondmate on her last legs, about to collapse from her terrible injuries. The first shot misses completely, and Liara sees the surprise on the Illusive Man's face, not having believed that Shepard would do something like this. The second shot, much to Liara's horror, hits Anderson in the shoulder, and the third misses again.
By this time, the Illusive Man has shaken off his surprise, turning to fire at Shepard, but the fourth shot that leaves Morgan's Carnifex hits the Cerberus leader on the side of the neck, wounding him grievously, spinning him sideways. Morgan's hand trembles powerfully before she unleashes her next shot, the bullet moving way off target and hitting the already badly injured Anderson in the chest, and then the Illusive Man shoots him twice through the ribs for good measure, as Anderson silently collapses, dead, the soft fall accompanied by Liara's mental cry of anguish. There is just one more shot fired after that. Before the Illusive Man can turn his weapon on her, Morgan fires again, and with amazing accuracy the last bullet pierces the forehead of their despicable foe right in the center, instantly killing the Illusive Man, decapitating the head of the snake that is Cerberus.
Goddess... I know he asked her to do this, but... Liara thinks as she pulls herself away from the memory, still struggling to maintain the bond, what she has just seen has left her emotionally drained like never before. She was forced to shoot at, to kill one of her oldest friends, almost her father figure... I... I should not be surprised that it has broken her will to live. But... I still must convince her that she has to fight, that I will help her heal and recover from this...
'You can stop hiding now... I know the truth, Morgan.'
There is some anger and resentment coming through the bond, but not as intense as she had feared it might be. That she would have deserved for this... unforgivable invasion she has subjected her own bondmate to. 'Then you have to understand why you must let me pass on. Please.'
'And you do not believe that this time I would be to able to help you heal? To make things better? We... we could help each other. I... I will need your love, your forgiveness to live with what I just did to you, Morgan... to asari, it is considered inexcusable crime...'
'You have my forgiveness, and my love, always, Liara... but there are limits to what-'
'No! No, there are no limits! You said it yourself, you agreed that our love would transcend everything! Come back to me and together we will figure out how to make things better, I know we will, and you must believe it as well.'
There is only silence across the bond, however.
'Please, Morgan... if you do not consider me worth coming back for, then-'
'It's not that, Liara. You are my everything, you know that... it's just that... I don't have the strength anymore... there's... too much of everything, too much death...'
'Then don't add to those deaths, you selfish fool! And it's not just me who will need you. This child deserves to have a father, and I'll be damned if I let you deny her of that!'
'...what?!'
'It... it is true. I am in my second month, Morgan. I... did not want to put any more pressure on you by telling you about it. I did not want you to falter from the hard decisions... but now, you need to know just what you will lose if you stop fighting!'
'A child... you're with a child... how... when...'
'Just before Tuchanka. After I showed you the time capsule... you remember?'
'Yes... I thought something was off about that Joining... why did you not tell me? You... you should have told me...'
'It is possible that in not telling you, I... made a mistake. Please... you can hate me all you want for it, but you can't give up the fight now...'
'Hate you? No... I don't think I can. Even if I am... as upset with you as I've ever been. It's just... I feel overwhelmed. Did you... plan for it to happen?'
'No... not as such. But the words you spoke when we discussed the time capsule... I... I did not think I could love you any more than in that very moment, and I was so overcome by my feelings that I could not stop myself from mapping your DNA. It was not... completely intentional, but I do not regret anything. Please... do not make me regret it, Morgan. Fight. For me. For our child.'
'I... yes... this... this changes everything... I will fight.'
'Promise?'
'I promise.'
'Good. I am becoming extremely exhausted my love... I need to break this bond soon, or I will collapse any moment.'
'I understand. I will fight, Liara, I promise. Keep yourself and the baby safe, do you hear me?'
'I will, Morgan... I will...'
Then, she is forced to slowly pull back, breaking the meld, leaving herself free from the mental connection, immediately sensing how stiff and numb her body feels, aching all over, drenched in sweat, the feeling of lightheadedness rushing over her. Unable to remain upright, Liara slowly collapses on the floor next to Morgan's bed, the last thing she hears is Dr. Michel and her staff rushing in, but for the moment the asari feels safe in her knowledge that she has given her bondmate a fighting chance.