Banner's hiding place was small but comfortable. A bit claustrophobic (it was quite spacious for a person, but not four) but nice anyway, very home-y. There was a cupboard with food and a microwave on one of the corners, next to the medical kit. A small door that led to a white, tiny toilet. Next to it there was an old desk with a radio-casette and a bunch of books, also a shelf filled with cassettes, and a chair in front of the desk. On the other side a blue couch and a tiny bed sat. And a couple of cardboard boxes with who-knows-what. There was a flowered carpet on the floor and vents on the wall, to get air. Everything that was needed to live. It was spacious enough for people to be standing (even if Steve's and Loki's heads were really close to the ceiling) but the lack of windows made it a bit dark.
To compensate for the lack of windows and make it more human-ish there were some pictures on the wall of the desk which Tony examined in detail. The oldest one showed a young woman with a brunette kid, smiling. Bruce and his mom, most probably. Then there was another beautiful woman (old flame, perhaps?) and a picture of Bruce and him in a lab. Tony felt a bit touched to be in Bruce's wall of nice memories.
Loki's smooth voice interrupted his thoughts.
"I'm sorry we had to intrude here like this, Dr. Banner. And I am terribly sorry about getting your house destroyed. After all the help you have given I should be building you new buildings, not having them blown up."
Bruce was trying to get everything in order but smiled.
"Not your fault, Loki. You couldn't have known SHIELD was going to be so vicious when you came to me. I'm glad you did, you needed the help, even if... it has turned so... disastrous."
Loki smiled, but it was a sad smile. It had indeed been disastrous. This was the beginning of the end. Soon they would start discussing in which way they could get rid of him. And how was he going to elude going back to Asgard on his own? Especially when there men were targeting him. The Avengers were his only hope and they were probably already tired of him. And he was dirty again.
Since they couldn't be standing in the middle of the forever, Bruce, acting like the host he was, started talking.
"I have a couple of folding chairs under the bed, I think, just put them here to get them out of way, you know, but maybe we'll use them... Loki, you should sit on the bed, it's the lowest we have and you're the tallest, I think... Steve you take the couch, it's the most comfortable I have here and you took the brunt of the explosion, your legs are hurt... Just sit in there, Steve, no buts. Tony, I..."
"I get the folding chair, you get the desk chair, no buts, Bruce."
"We could make turns." Steve suggested. Despite its appearance, the couch was really comfortable.
"So, the thing is... What the hell are we going to do now? With SHIELD, I mean." Tony asked as they all settled.
The Avengers talked but Loki wasn't hearing them anymore. As he sat on the bed, he felt the weight of the world on him. His head hurt, from the blast. His leg shot bolts of pain every time he moved it. The wound in his stomach was causing much more trouble than it should. And he was trapped. Again. The good days were gone. Now the only thing he could hope for was a more comfortable prison.
"Are you okay?" Steve asked, next to him on the blue couch, so similar to the colour of his suit.
"Do not concern yourself, Captain. I will manage."
Meanwhile, Bruce and Tony were trying to get going a computer that Bruce had in one of the boxes and a dismantled router working to tell Clint and Natasha what had happened. Tony wanted to tell Pepper he was alive, too, but it was not going to be easy. The computer was from the nineties, it was probable that even if they got it working it wouldn't connect with the router. So, no internet. Loki went there to help, too. He'd managed to get the computer started together with Stark, but it had only lasted for a few seconds. Tony was amazed at his grasp on electricity, how he could figure out the way things worked just by looking at them.
And there was what Bruce had called the festival of fun, an unending exchange of ironies, puns and delightfully complex jokes between Loki and Tony. A true battle of wits.
Steve dozed off a bit while his friends worked and Loki wondered how could things could had been different if he'd had friends, back in Asgard. Not that he considered this people his friends (they merely tolerated him because he'd been useful) but he saw how much they did for each other. The affection, the trust. But of course, luxuries like those were reserved to Thor.
After a while, Tony and Bruce left the gadgets and decided it was time for dinner and heated up four cans of almost-expired soup. It was not an amazing feast, but at least it was something. Steve drunk it all up in one gulp (and then regretted it), Tony had a spoonful or two while he talked, Bruce drank slowly and Loki had a couple of spoonfuls and looked at the foul mixture disdainfully. Only when Bruce looked at him he would eat something, as it was not polite to insult the sustenance kindly offered by the man who had saved him.
After all the small talk was done, Stark decided it was time for the big questions.
"So, Loki, can I ask you a question?"
"You can." He said, finally leaving the can of soup in the floor.
"Why you evil, son?"
Steve's eyes widened, shocked. Such an astounding lack of tact he'd never seen. Bruce was surprised, too and looked to Loki and Tony, worried.
"Is that the word on me? That I am evil? Well, that was never my intention." A powerful and efficient leader? Yes. A mighty god? That, too. Evil... not so much.
"Why don't you tell us your side of the story? Of why you did what you did." Stark continued. "That's something I bet's interesting."
The god merely smiled.
"For a long while, I didn't seek power. I only wanted to show everyone that I could be as good as Thor. To show our father that he had two worthy sons and not just one. That my tricks were as useful in war as hammers that I could defeat a powerful enemy on my own. But I should have known that they would only hate me more for my actions, that I would be despised again. So I fought Thor until I was on the edge of the universe, about to fall and pathetically begged for my father's approval. But he rejected me. He looked at me as I was about to fall to the void and said No, Loki. So I let go and fell." Everyone was silent. Loki's eyes were bright, but no tears fell.
"As I told the Doctor, everything after I fell is a bit blurry. The nothingness. Appearing briefly on earth, Thor's favourite realm. Then the Chitauri, with their promises and threats. Midgard. Being shot at and chased as I arrived. More Chitauri threats. Germany. Thor, again, saying that he mourned me. The liar. It was not power that I sought on Midgard... it was a cure for my injured pride. I thought if Thor's favourite planet cherished me as their beloved leader then the words of Odin would no longer matter. I would show that excuse of a brother and everyone else what a worthy leader I was. But I failed. There was I trial and I tried to escape several times until they threw on that cell. Then I had no choice... I had to face the truth that I would never be as worthy as the mighty Thor. That I was worthless. That I would forever be remembered as a monster."
There was a silence. Steve frowned.
"The Chitauri threatened you? Weren't you supposed to be allies?"
"Yes, but they never trusted me... much. They suspected that I could use them and then have Midgard and the Tesseract. So they made it clear that if I attempted anything they would torture me to the edge of sanity. You think you know pain, he will make you long for something as sweet as pain... But they're gone now, thanks to Stark and his explosion, and for that I am glad."
"No problem, pal." Tony answered. "Happy to help."
"And how long you spent in that prison cell?" Asked Steve, curious. "I know Thor said that time passed differently up there but could you do an estimation or something?"
Loki did not understand why the Captain was interested but answered, anyway. The Avengers were being a nice distraction so far.
"In Midgard time it would be... about seventeen years, I think... Yes, seventeen years."
Tony spit his soup, looking at him with the wide eyes. The rest of them also seem surprised.
"It is not considered a long time in Asgard. Of course, it felt painfully long to me, but... I could had been centuries there if it was not for you and your crisis." He said.
"You spent seventeen years in solitary confinement and did not go crazy? Dude, you are something else." Tony said, remembering how slow the days he had passed in Afghanistan. Spending seventeen years there... he didn't even want to imagine.
"So, how are you efforts with the computer going?" Loki asked, trying to deflect the attention for a bit. It was nice having people show interest but he didn't want to look like a weakling or start crying in front of those valiant men. No, the adventures of the broken computer seemed much more interesting at the time. And he didn't know if he had the strength to revisit old emotions again. Seeing Thor again had been difficult enough.
Soon Tony, Bruce and Steve started thinking of a way to fix things with SHIELD. Basically it involved major exposure of the RVG division with the help of people from the inside. They would get Natasha to talk with Hill, and maybe some other. Show the world what they had been doing. Tell them how how they've dropped a bomb knowing that their beloved heroes were there. That should slow them down, at least for a bit.
Tony knew that they were loved (Earth mightiest heroes), and if someone told them that a section of the government had tried to erase them there would be repercussion. People would ask for an investigation and would complain if it was shut down. All they needed was a big bunch of evidence, some testimonials and probably a couple of videos. And enough help from the inside to avoid another attack. They really hoped Clint was still infiltrated and that he and Natasha were okay. It was horrible not having any contact with the outside world, but they'd had no choice.
After they finished talking, Steve realised that Loki had fallen sleep and was sprawled in the bed, limbs twitching slightly. He went over there and found the god moaning in his sleep.
"Bruce, he's burning up." Steve said, after he'd thrown the blanket that was at the foot of the bed softly on the man.
"Not again!"
Bruce took out his medical supplies and cooled a hand towel to put on the man's forehead. He wasn't looking so good.
"I'm starting to feel bad for the guy, you know?" Tony mentioned."I know he's done a bunch of horrible things but... even after all that he was willing to help us. Came back to us after he escaped."
Steve look sad, too.
"He saved me again, right before we found you. There was a SHIELD agent with a gun while I tried to get through the door. Loki appeared through the shadows and disarmed him, all in one movement. I hadn't even seen the guy. A guy who had orders to kill me."
"So... what are we going to do about him? Try to heal him, obviously, this is torture... but then what? Send him back to Asgard, to the hands of that man who is killing him slowly? Keep him here, where basically everyone but us wants to see him dead?"
Bruce sighed. It was not going to be easy.
After a couple of hours they all decided it was time to sleep (whichever hour it was). Steve in the couch, after some convincing. Bruce and Tony in the floor, sharing a blanket and using some towels as pillows. It was much more comfortable than it should had been. Tony blamed how tired they were.
When Loki opened his eyes, the Captain of America was pointing a gun at his head. And he was blurry. Stark and Banner were behind him and they had hostile expressions. Aggressive expressions.
"Why so surprised?" Stark asked. "You couldn't really have thought that we liked you, right? For a guy who claims to be so smart, that was pretty dumb, pal."
Of course. They had tricked him into going there. Maybe they had even tricked Thor into leaving so they could finish him without any problems. Tricked into going into that cell, so they could play with him. Torture him for his mistakes and finish him. He should've never trusted the kind words, the sympathetic looks. He thought he'd found something good but now they were looking at him with pure hatred.
No peace for you, monster. You're only getting what you deserve.
He had only imagined the nice words.
No peace for you, monster.
The Captain's gratitude.
Never for you, monster.
The doctor's concern.
Monster.
The iron man's snarky admiration.
MONSTER!
They were only an illusion.
He didn't have friends, he never would.
He had the scorn, the mockery, the years of pain and abandonment. That was him. Never good enough.
Abandoned, over and over again.
Abandoned by Laufey, just as he was born.
Abandoned by Odin, rejected as he hang on the edge of an abyss.
Abandoned by Thor in that infect cell.
"You are only getting what you deserve." said Rogers, as he started firing his gun at him.
Steve didn't know how many hours had passed when a strange gurgling or choking noise awoke him. Always alert, Steve looked around him and found that the noise was coming from Loki, who was still sleeping. There was blood in his mouth and he seemed to be choking on it. Alarmed, Steve moved him to the side and blood cascaded from his mouth, staining the sheets and the mattress.
"Loki?" The Captain asked, worried. The twitching was more noticeable now, has almost become convulsive. And there were tear stains on his cheeks... he'd been crying in his sleep. He was even warmer than before. Damn.
"Loki, wake up!"
But he wasn't waking up.
Steve couldn't know that it was a dreamed version of himself that was damaging Loki. Because with every shot Nightmare-Steve fired, the spell got stronger.
You will only know pain.
Steve took the god's shaking form in his arms, desperately trying to get a reaction.
His hands got stained with Loki's blood as he shook him in vain.
Your penance will never enough.
"Loki, come on, fight, wake up! Guys, help!"
You MONSTER. You disgusting little thing.
The Nightmare-Avengers were looking down on him.
You were never good enough for us. You will never be.
"Loki, whatever those voices are saying don't listen to them! Come back!"
A/N: Oh, the whump! If you were looking for happy-nice chapters... Sorry. It's been mainly whump. Poor Loki can't get happy without getting much worse. Did you like it? No? I wanted to kind of blur the nightmare and reality, not sure if it got confusing. Hope you liked it! Thor and the outside world will be back soon. Do tell me what you thought!
You know you want to review!