Chapter 104

Natalie was sitting in her usual spot at the back of the yoga studio. I smiled brightly as I laid my lavender mat down beside hers.

"Good to see you!" said Natalie once I sat down. "Gosh, it's been a while since you've been to class. Did you get any of my texts? My article was printed last week. Did you read it?"

"Sorry. I did get your texts, but I haven't had time to read the article." Honestly, I hadn't read her texts either, but I was trying to be nice.

"Oh," she said, seemingly disappointed. "I really wanted to know what you thought."

"I promise I'll read it soon, but I've just been a bit busy… being in love." I couldn't help but grin at the words.

"What? Monroe finally said it? That's awesome!" Natalie grinned back at me. "You should've called me! How did he do it? Was it romantic?"

"Monroe? Oh… No." My eyes instinctively cut toward the studio door. He wouldn't come here, would he? No, even he wouldn't go to that extreme. Thank goodness Scorpios were secretive. I glanced back at Natalie, whose wide-eyed expression said that she was waiting for me for me to finish. I could share this with Natalie. I could trust her. "I'm in love with Nick."

"Nick?" Natalie questioned as her hazel eyes seemed utterly confused. "Who the heck is Nick?"

"Nick Burkhardt is a detective with the Portland Police." I sighed. I loved his name. Nick. It was just wonderful to say.

"You mean the cop with the sexy blue eyes?" Her eyebrows rose into her hairline. "You're with him now?"

I nodded. How did she know that… or him?

She picked up on my puzzled look. "That's the one that questioned me about the art theft," she said in awe. "You haven't mentioned knowing him before."

I'd completely forgotten about that. Crap. "Yeah, well it's been…"

"What happened to Monroe? He's really nice," she said, thankfully cutting me off, because I had no clue where I was going with that last statement.

"Oh, I still love Monroe, too." I stretched my legs. "He's not happy about my relationship with his best friend, but I don't think we're completely over." Natalie was looking more confused now. It made sense, right? Well, perhaps it didn't.

"Monroe's best friend is that cop? Oh, gosh. So, you're dating… both of them?" Natalie asked with a bit of contempt in her voice. It was rude to let her know about both the guys I loved when she was still trying to find one that she even liked. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it.

"It's complicated." I was using that word again. Why couldn't it make sense? "Don't worry about it. I'm happy, and that's all that matters."

"Well, okay." She shrugged and then stretched her arms over her head. "But it's just weird that you've found some other guy, when all you've been talking about is how you wish Monroe would just say the 'L' word."

I still wanted Monroe to say the crazy 'L' word. My mind froze a moment. What was I doing? I was so confused. I loved Nick, didn't I? So then why did it feel wrong all of a sudden? I shook my head. I really needed some Zen tonight to sort things out.

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

The Zen didn't help, and my mind was still as foggy as the top of Mount Hood in the morning. I packed my things quickly. Monroe hadn't shown up, which was good, but I still needed to call him back and figure out what to say. Nick called as I was leaving the yoga studio, distracting my thoughts away from Monroe.

"Hey!" I beamed into the phone. "So are you done with dinner? Can I come see you now?"

"Well, not yet. We have a double homicide I have to investigate. It might take a while. Can you wait for me?"

"Oh, I'd wait for you all night," I purred into the phone.

"Good. I hoped that's what you'd say." His grin came through, warming me up all over. "Dinner didn't go as planned. My partner is… Well, I'll talk to you about it soon. I really need to go."

"Call me when I can come by tonight. I miss you already."

We said our loves and our goodbyes as I hung up. Drat! I really wanted to see him. I walked home and took a long shower instead of a run. A long, cold shower.

There was a pounding on my door as I was finishing with the hair dryer. I brushed my hair one last time and wrapped a towel around me, bouncing to the door. Nick must have stopped here instead!

I opened the door, but it wasn't Nick. It was Monroe. His wild, curly hair was wilder and frizzier than usual. Large, dark circles hung below his eyes. And that smell… Yeah, he'd been drinking whiskey and a lot of it by how rough he looked. Jack was no picnic when he was drunk, but a drunken Blutbad? What was that like?

I gripped the door. "Are you okay?" I asked tentatively.

"What do you think?" he snapped back, shoving his way through as the door flew from my hands, banging against the wall. He slammed it shut behind him.

"I'm thinking …" I gasped a bit. "Maybe you should have called first?"

Monroe didn't acknowledge my response. Instead, his eyes flared red, and the twitching began. I glanced down. Oh, crap! I had on a red towel.

"You need to get rid of the red," he growled as he practically leapt forward. I backed up quite a few steps as the twitching became worse. Before I knew it, Monroe had a full woge, so I removed the towel, letting it drop to the floor.

"Better?" I asked with a coy smile on my lips.

"Renée, what the hell are you doing?" Monroe practically moaned as he looked over my naked body.

"You said get rid of the red, so I did," I replied with a shrug. He had me pinned against the wall a second later, kissing me every place he could. He wasn't retracting, and I was in ecstasy.

"God, I've missed this side of you, Monroe," I breathed out as his mouth reached my breasts. My back arched in response to his sharp teeth grazing across my nipple; first one then the next… The pain mixed with the pleasure.

He went back to my lips, pressing them forcefully against his own until they were practically bruised. I ignored the taste of whiskey, allowing the racing heat to course throughout my body. It was the kind of heat that only he could give me. The kiss seemed to go on forever, minutes drawing out as the heat burned between us, consuming me.

Once he broke our kiss, his mouth trailed down to my neck, nipping fiercely. Although it wasn't hard enough to draw blood, it sure enough hurt like hell. I groaned under the pain, but he didn't relent. Hands gripped and tightened on my arms as his claws dug into my flesh like ten, tiny needles pressing in. I winced and let out another groan, but he only growled at my pained response.

Monroe abruptly withdrew his mouth and spun me around, forcing me to the wall. He planted his body so tight against mine that I thought every button on his shirt might burrow right under my flesh. Was he trying to scare me again? Did I wait too long to drop my towel? Heavy breaths poured out while his chest rose and fell against my back. A guttural growl resounded by my ear. It was unlike anything I'd ever heard, but then again I'd never cheated on him before either. This must have been what it sounded like when a Blutbad felt scorned. Oh, boy.

Another growl came from him as he his head dipped down. Heat brushed over my throat while he held my hair back, sliding his fangs to the base of my neck. Sharp points clamped down, dangerously close to breaking the skin. I shut my eyes. He firmly held his mouth there, his growl low and deep. My heart raced, but I kept silent while I waited for that excruciating pain of those teeth to sink in and the blood to flow. He remained poised and ready, but instead of biting down, he removed his mouth.

"Mine," he snarled into my ear. "You are mine, you hear me?" he slurred. "Mi…ne…" The word drawled out at least a few seconds.

I didn't respond. I wanted to reply, 'yours,' but I wasn't his… not really. Not anymore. And after our talk about that word and now Nick…

Monroe turned me back around, halting my thoughts as his eyes locked on mine. His were still a fiery blaze. "You can't be around Nick anymore," he proclaimed as he retracted. "You are mine, Renée!"

"But I love him," I insisted.

"Again?" He held me flush against the wall, shaking his head as he closed his eyes tightly. "No you don't. You love…" Monroe paused and opened his eyes. The angry shade was returning. He was a bit manic.

"I love Nick, but like I told you… I still have feelings for you. Even when you're like this, I still adore you."

Monroe backed away from me. "You're killing me, dude. You know that?" The words squeaked out of him as he shook his head again. "Is it because he's younger, handsomer, what?"

"Shakespeare said that we don't look at love in the eye but in the mind." I paused and squinted. "Or was it we look at love with our minds not in our eyes?" I couldn't recall.

"The quote is, 'Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.'" Monroe scowled as he spat out the words. "He also said, 'Love is merely madness,' and, you know, I'm starting to believe that one more and more. But I don't want to hear damn aphorisms or songs. That doesn't explain why you're doing this. I need your words, not someone else's."

"I'm sorry, but I don't have the words to give you." My head was too fuzzy to do this tonight. "I can't put into words what I feel or why. It's just there."

"What you feel? What you feel?" His voice deepened once more. "Doesn't it matter what I feel? Huh? Do you realize how much I want you, need you, desire you? Do you know how hard it is not to mark you and…?" He stopped and finished with another growl, then muttered. "Not that it'll ever stick."

"It matters what you feel, too." I ignored his other comment. My healing ability would never let it 'stick,' as he'd called it. "I didn't expect this to happen, but it has." Why didn't he understand? If he did, then I could have them both. I still wanted them both.

"How long has this been going on?" he demanded through clenched teeth.

"A week… Well, a little over a week now. But I was starting to have feelings when Nick left to propose. Then when Juliette declined his proposal, when he got back…"

"Seriously? Are you even listening to yourself?" Monroe interrupted as his voice took on a higher octave, almost laughing. "So, you guys are in love after a week? Come on, man! I mean, think that over…" He laid a finger on my forehead. "What is your head telling you? It can't be ruling this one."

When he said it that way, it sounded ridiculous, didn't it? But I knew what I felt. Monroe kissed me hard again, running his hands over my body and down between my legs. A tremendous surge of heat began once more. I let out a gasp under his mouth followed by a moan as his fingers beckoned me onward.

All at once he let go. "What do you feel now?"

I grinned at him, near panting. "Monroe, you know what that does to me."

"But do you still think you love Nick?"

"Yes." No use lying to him. I'd done enough of that already. "But come with me, and we can continue that."

"Seriously?" Monroe let out a heavy sigh. "Go put some clothes on now before I just…" He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and held his head down as he shook it slowly.

I smirked at him. "Okay, but I'm all for whatever comes after the 'just.'"

He lifted his head, narrowing his eyes. "No, I don't think you are, Renée. Look, just… please just go put something on." Monroe sighed again while gesturing his hands toward my bedroom door. "And hide that towel somewhere for both our sakes, okay?"

I grabbed the towel and went into my bedroom. I was still tingling below from where Monroe had touched me, and my lips were near swollen from his kiss. He felt so good. I knew I loved Monroe, that was a given. But I missed Nick something awful. I just couldn't get my feelings straight. I donned a black t-shirt and one of my many pairs of black yoga pants then came back into the living room.

Monroe was sitting on my couch's edge, both hands holding his sullen face. He looked up as I entered the room. I smoothed out my hair and sat down beside him.

He tensed as I tried to lean against his arm. "Can you just not do that right now?"

"Please don't be angry with me," I said softly but he growled as I spoke.

"Of course I'm angry!" Monroe snapped. "You can't tell me that you love Nick and expect me to be happy right now. I'm trying real hard to keep my cool here, man."

"Do you want something to drink? Water maybe?" I asked. "I'd offer you a beer, but it seems like you've already had some alcohol tonight."

"No, I don't want anything to drink," he scowled. "I want to talk."

What he'd done moments earlier sure hadn't been any palaver I'd ever experienced.

I leaned my head back into the couch. "How much did you have to drink already?"

"Three…"

"Three drinks?"

"Three bottles."

"Bottles?" I sat up and looked square at him. "Monroe, are you… are you drunk?" If he were human, he'd be in an ambulance.

"Yeah, maybe a little."

A little? Holy crap!

"But that doesn't matter," he continued while holding his head. "Right now I need to know why this is happening, 'cause if you ask me, I feel like I've been dropped into some kinda bizarre alternate reality, and no one bothered to inform me. So you wanna tell me why?"

"Why?" He wanted a reason why I fell in love? That was like asking why my heart beat or why I breathed. Or was that from a song? I think that was a song… maybe?

"Renée… answer me!" Monroe snapped me from my thoughts.

"I don't know why," I replied. "I didn't plan this out or anything. It just happened."

"These things don't just happen." His laugh was sardonic. "Going to the store and, you know, forgetting the milk… that kinda thing just happens. But this… No, this doesn't just happen." Monroe's head tipped back onto the couch. "This is just dämlichkeit!" Monroe continued his rant in German, but there was no way I was able to translate it all.

"You're gonna have to talk to me in English," I finally said between his blabbering.

He stopped and lolled his head toward me. "It doesn't matter the language. I would've done anything for you… Anything. And this… You don't just do this… and…" Then the German came out again. Apparently alcohol made him chatty, too.

More words I couldn't comprehend sprung out in slurs as his hands animatedly waved along with the dialogue. Bits of English were thrown in, and something about his ex, Angelina, and someone named Adam, and then back to more German. His version of chatty was way beyond my drunken conversations.

Then the words ceased as his face darkened, intensifying the bags under his eyes. He was back on my mouth, hot and aggressive. I tried to gasp for air, but it was pointless.

All at once he let up, and I sucked in a shaky breath. I needed to understand German better.

"Tell me you're mine." He glowered while his face remained hard. "Tell me this isn't happening, that you're committed to me, and I'll forgive this. Make your choice now."

"I can't choose," I said between breaths. "I don't want to choose."

Monroe sat up, rolling his shoulders and balling his hands into fists.

"Monroe, please." I reached for his hand, but he moved it away. "We can still make this work, right?"

"Make this work?" He jerked his head toward me. "Are you serious? No! No we can't. You loving Nick kinda stymies the whole making it work thing." He stood and looked down at me. "What happened to us?"

"Nothing." Maybe I didn't understand the question because he glared at me.

"Well, something must've happened to be all in love with the half-wit Grimm all of a sudden."

"Hey, he's not a half-wit!" I protested.

"A couple of weeks ago you would've been the one calling him that, not me."

"Well, maybe I didn't see his potential until recently."

"Was it because of that one night? Because of what I said that scared you?" His eyes shot up. "But that was… less than a week ago. Oh man…" he growled as a light bulb seemed to turn on above his head. "So, you were with him and me... like, together? Like, at the same time? I mean, not really at the same time, but…" His sigh finished his sentence.

"There were only a few times I saw you both in the same day." I pursed my lips as I held in my breath. Thank goodness he didn't know about the dream.

His hand clasped his forehead as his chest swelled. "You've lost your fucking mind!" he yelled, having a woge as he snarled. He retracted as he towered over me, grabbing at his hair again until it was sticking straight up. "I don't know why I even bothered to come over here."

The fire in his eyes burned me to pieces, but the fire in his words was what did me in. Tears welled up in my eyes, trickling down my cheeks. I held my arms, trying not to shake.

"Oh, now you want to have emotions?" he scoffed as he threw his hands up in the air.

I wiped the tears away. "Of course I have emotions." The glaring continued. "That's all I have right now."

"Yeah, well, obviously they're being spread all over town." He groaned.

"Monroe, I…" The words lodged in my throat. No, I couldn't say it. Saying the crazy 'L' word right now would just sound like I was throwing it out there. "I adore you, Monroe. And now I also love Nick. I can't explain myself. But please know that I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you."

"Well, you have and you did. More than anyone ever has." His eyes were red, but not from the woge this time. "If you love him, then be with him. I'm done, man. So incredibly done!" Monroe growled and turned, bounding for my front door. "Sour grapes, Renée," he muttered loudly while he yanked at the doorknob. "Fucking, sour grapes."

"Don't go!" I yelled at Monroe, but the door slammed shut before I could say anything further. I hovered on my couch, waiting the obligatory 'he's going to come back' ten seconds, but he didn't return.

I ran across the living room and opened the door. The VW was already driving off my street with two red tail lights glowing as intense as his eyes. My heart sank to the floor, and I cried again. Singing softly, I closed the door and walked back to my couch.

"Torn between two lovers,
Feeling like a fool.
Loving you both is breaking all the rules."

A/N: Whew! Okay! So that conversation didn't go so well... Renée is still having trouble saying the right thing, so that didn't help either.

I think Renée surprised Natalie a bit, too, huh?

Dear readers, are you still with me? We're getting to the last of the big extremes, so stay with me and keep reading. (:

3 more chapters for now. (: