The silence was broken after a few seconds as Jessie ventured softly, "I miss you Katie."
Anger surged once more, and dozens of responses tore through Katie's mind, 'Oh, now you miss me? What, got dumped by your Aussie girlfriend? Well too little too late, because I don't miss you Jessie.' She smiled ruefully at that last thought, knowing it couldn't be further from the truth, and let out an audible sigh.
"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't..."
"No, maybe you shouldn't. Why did you call Jess?"
"I...I just...it's a year since um, and I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten. It's like an anniversary, you know, and I..." she trailed off.
"So you wanted to take a trip down memory lane or what?" Katie knew she was being unnecessarily harsh, but she couldn't control the anger and bitterness that was burning to the surface after their long period of silence.
"I don't know what I wanted," Jessie responded quietly. "I just missed hearing your voice."
"You did this Jessie!"
"I never meant to hurt you."
Feeling all her patience snap, Katie responded to her initial urge and hung up on Jessie as tears sprang from her eyes. She felt the sobs overtake her as she replayed the words over in her brain. She remembered them well from one of the conversations she and Jessie had had just after the infamous night.
"I never meant to hurt you Katie."
"Are you kidding? Don't insult me like that Jessie."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Katie. I wasn't going to tell you, I just-"
"You what?" interrupted Katie as she quietly filled with rage that threatened to explode. "What do you mean you weren't going to tell me? What were you going to do? Just stay with me and have both of us? Huh?"
Katie heard Jessie crying as she responded, "No, I don't know. I just don't want to lose you Katie."
Katie's thoughts were interrupted by her ringing cell phone. She tried, unsuccessfully, to quell the tears that were still falling as she answered.
"Katie? Are you okay?" Jessie panicked as she heard muffled sobs through the older girl's greeting.
"Yeah, sorry."
"Don't, you have nothing to be sorry about. I'm sorry Katie."
For a few moments, the two girls relaxed and allowed the conversation to descend into silence. It was silence they knew wouldn't last, but for a short moment, they simply enjoyed it.
When Katie's tears began to subside, Jessie broke the silence once more.
"Guess what?"
"What's that?"
"I am officially a high school graduate!"
"Oh, that's right. Congratulations. When did you finish?"
"Well, classes ended in September, but my last exam was about a month ago. I had the worst timetable, all six of my exams in the first two weeks. Everybody else's was more spaced out."
"That sucks, although it's good to get them out of the way."
"For you maybe," Jessie teased playfully. "You've always aced exams with, like, no preparation. I need lots of study time."
"Oh yeah sure Jess, says you who skipped most of eleventh grade and still topped the HSC trials in how many subjects again? Three?"
"It was two," Jessie replied bashfully. "But these exams are so stressful Katie, you have no idea. They alone make up fifty percent of the mark that determines whether or not I get into university.
"Way too much pressure if you ask me," she finished emphatically.
Katie felt a slight tug at her heart as Jessie mentioned university. It reminded her far too much of the exact moment she realized Jessie was slipping away from her.
From the moment they were separated, Jessie and Katie had been planning their reunion and they were counting down to the time when Jessie would graduate and come home to join Katie at Brown. Things changed, however, when Katie began to notice small comments from Jessie about how great a certain program was at an Australian university, or how Rick wanted her to stay there for university.
It was an otherwise uneventful Tuesday when Katie, bringing up that she had received her acceptance to Brown, was greeted with a hesitant and awkward "congratulations Katie".
Breaking out of her trance, Katie responded, "I'm sure you did great. When do you get your results?"
"Three weeks."
"Where have you applied?" Katie asked hesitantly, knowing she needed to know, but wishing she didn't. A moment of awkward silence passed between them before Jessie answered in a hurried, nervous voice.
"Um, I've applied to Sydney, ANU, Monash and a couple of others."
"Sounds good."
"I really do miss you Katie," Jessie blurted out. "Sorry."
Immediately, Katie was at war with herself. It had been like this before they stopped talking, with Jessie invoking such a wide variety of feelings - from bitterness and anger to overwhelming sadness or (annoyingly) unending devotion - and it seemed completely random to Katie which would end up as the winner.
Anger tore at the edges of her mind, but tears betrayed her as they fell silently from her expressive green eyes.
"I miss you too," Katie whispered, half of her hoping it was too quiet for Jessie to hear.
When her eyes fluttered open for the first time as a sixteen year old, Jessie sighed contentedly and snuggled closer into the warm body behind her. She felt Katie's arms tighten around her in response and a lazy grin spread across her face.
She would miss waking up like this, in the arms of the most beautiful girl in the whole world. Her girl. She pushed the thought away that this was the last time it would happen for at least a year before it could ruin her happiness in the moment.
Karen had allowed Jessie to spend the night with Katie on the eve of her birthday on the proviso that she spent a mother-daughter night with Jessie on her birthday. Given that Jessie was flying out the next day, the girls had decided they couldn't spend their last night anywhere other than the attic - regardless of the fact it was mostly full of boxes and suitcases.
It had seen the most momentous and meaningful moments of their relationship, from the tentative steps they took towards becoming more than friends to their first kiss. It had witnessed a million nights they spent wrapped up in bed, wrapped up in each other, sharing their thoughts, their secrets, and falling in love.
Jessie felt Katie's lips against the skin behind her ear, placing three soft kisses before whispering, "Good morning birthday girl."
"Mmm, good morning," Jessie groaned as she rolled over to face her adoring girlfriend.
"Are you ready to be spoiled?" Katie asked as she trailed her fingertip lightly up and down Jessie's arm.
"Spoiled? Really?"
"But of course," Katie replied, indignant. "It's only the most special day of the year. Now, I believe you have something waiting downstairs for you so we'd better get up and get moving missy."
Jessie pouted at the idea of leaving their sanctuary and Katie, understanding her feelings perfectly, leaned in to softly capture the pout between her lips. Reluctantly pulling back, Katie stared deeply into big blue eyes.
"I promise there'll be more us time later. Now let's go before they come looking for us!"
Following a breakfast feast with Eli, Lily, Grace, Zoe and Judy, not to mention the opening of several very exciting sweet sixteen gifts, Jessie and Katie had showered and escaped the last-minute packing mania of the Sammler/Manning household.
When Katie attempted to leave Jessie at her mother's house, even just for ten minutes, she was met with staunch opposition and it was this stubbornness that led to Jessie sitting in Katie's car with her hands reluctantly covering her eyes.
Katie had insisted that it was necessary if Jessie were to accompany her on her gathering mission and Jessie's curiosity burned almost to the point she thought she could convince herself it wouldn't hurt to take a peek. As a distraction, she squeezed her blue eyes shut and remembered all the moments she and Katie had spent together in the countdown to this, their last day together.
Hearing the trunk slam, Jessie breathed a sigh of relief and flexed her fingers, preparing to return to the sighted world.
"Nuh uh," came through the driver's door as Katie opened it and climbed in. "One more minute."
Jessie groaned and was about to ask why she still needed to cover her eyes, when she suddenly felt warm breath puff against her neck. Her muscles tensed and she could feel fingers ghosting across her cheeks and down her jaw line.
Katie heard Jessie's sharp intake of breath when she moved her lips to the other side of the blonde's neck and held them millimeters from her skin. Her breathing shallow and jagged, Jessie fought the urge to pull Katie's lips to her own and kiss her senseless as she felt Katie place several soft kisses across her neck.
It took a few moments for Jessie to realize when Katie moved away, but her breathing refused to return to normal as a tingling warmth settled in her belly.
"You can open your eyes now Jess," Katie chuckled as she buckled her seat belt and eased out of her driveway.
The teasing remark earned Katie a mock glare, and she reached over to take Jessie's hand in her own. Linking their fingers, she brought them up to her lips and whispered 'I love you' into them, effectively ending any animosity - real or pretend.
As the morning drew to a close, Katie had already surprised Jessie with a stuffed Chicago bull and a CD she'd made of songs that were special to them. They had watched the first Harry Potter for the millionth time, wrapped in each other's arms, and spent a large amount of time being unable to draw their eyes from each other.
"Are you ready for lunch beautiful?" Katie asked as she felt her stomach emit a low grumble.
"Well it sounds like you are," Jessie teased as she threw herself on Katie and tickled her mercilessly. Katie shrieked and struggled against the surprise attack that ended with them unceremoniously falling in a heap on the floor. They stayed like that while their giggles subsided until Katie dragged herself up and bowed low in front of the blonde.
"Lunch time my fair maiden?"
"Why thank you," Jessie replied as she used Katie's outstretched hand to draw herself upright.
Walking into the dining room, Jessie gasped as she saw a blanket on the floor, complete with picnic basket, unlit candles and rose petals. She looked over at Katie, her heart feeling as though it would burst with the love she felt for the girl staring shyly at her feet.
She drew Katie's eyes up to meet her own and kissed her softly, "I love you."
"I love you too Jessie, with all my heart," Katie replied, all traces of shyness disappearing as she dragged the birthday girl down to sit cross-legged on the blanket and began lighting the candles that surrounded them.
Together they shared a final supper, a feast of all of Jessie's favorite foods with romantic touches, like chocolate covered strawberries and mini birthday cupcakes, thrown in for good measure. When they had stuffed themselves to the brim, Katie told Jessie she had one final birthday present.
"Katie, no! You've already done so much."
"Nonsense. I told you I was going to spoil you," Katie replied, preparing to stand and retrieve the gift.
"You're amazing. Thank you for this. I'm just going to clean this up before Mom comes home."
"Nope," Katie replied. "I packed a picnic for a reason."
She helped Jessie up, rolled everything inside the blanket and dumped it inside the basket, smiling proudly at her clean-up job.
"You're a dork," smiled Jessie. "Bring it up to my room so my mom doesn't see it."
Ignoring the pang in her stomach at having to hide their romantic activities, Katie winked and shot back, "that's twice in two days Jess, you'd better watch what you call me."
Lying on her childhood bed with her first love, the first person to make her feel as though she belonged, Jessie couldn't help the string of insecurities from spewing forth.
"We're going to talk right? Every day? And you'll come visit soon? And we're still going to Brown together aren't we? And…and," she trailed off to barely a whisper. "You won't forget me?"
"Jess," Katie whispered, her voice soaked in seriousness. "Jess, look at me. I could never, ever forget you."
She punctuated her statement with a kiss to Jessie's forehead.
"And we will talk every single day," she paused, kissing her on the cheek.
"And I am already saving to come see you," she smiled and kissed Jessie's nose.
"And I sent my application to Brown last week."
Jessie opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by Katie's lips meeting her own. She forgot the words she had planned to say, perhaps all the words she had ever known, when she felt Katie shift her weight to hold herself above Jessie.
She felt Katie's arms quiver slightly with the effort as they continued kissing, and responded by reaching her fingers down to the outside of Katie's thighs and running them slowly over her hips, up her sides and onto her back. She pulled Katie down, reveling in the feeling of their bodies being so close.
After several minutes of heated kissing, Jessie slid her hands under Katie's shirt and traced patterns on her skin, delighting in the goose bumps that broke out under her touch. Katie sensed the purpose in Jessie's touch and pulled reluctantly away from Jessie's lips, causing Jessie's fingers to still.
They'd been further before, sometimes in little more than underwear, or with hands and lips that wandered everywhere above the waist, or producing enough friction to power a small village. They'd discussed it on several occasions, concurring they weren't ready, and happy to wait till that perfect moment.
Worried that Jessie was pushing things out of fear of losing her, Katie gazed into Jessie's eyes and tenderly pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Jess," she paused. "We can't do this for the wrong reasons."
Jessie drew her hands up to cup Katie's cheeks, her eyes blazing as she drew her down for a kiss that lit a fire inside Katie with its crystal clear intention.
"Katie, this has nothing to do with tomorrow or Australia or any other part of the world outside this room. This is because of picnic blankets, because of skirts that don't catch trees, because of Billie Holiday. It's because of hands that can still my panic, arms that make me feel safe, and lips that bring me to life.
"There are a thousand reasons that I love you Katie, and only one that I need. If you're not ready, that's okay, but I want this. I want you."
Jessie used her thumb to wipe the lone tear that spilled from the green eyes staring down at her, and slowly guided Katie's lips back to hers. When their lips connected the world melted away, leaving two hearts, two souls, and two bodies to become one.
Katie lay in bed that night thinking about all that had transpired, from her draining conversation with Jessie that had ended on an unsatisfying but amicable note, to pancakes, a shopping expedition and an afternoon drive with Taylor that threatened everything she knew.
Preparing to roll over and sleep, Katie tried to clear her mind until one thought grabbed Katie by the shoulders and shook her upright.
'I have to do it. I'm going to Australia.'