Chapter 134 - The Brief Normandy Homecoming
Another week passes, and by the end of it, Commander Morgan Shepard is finally able to move around freely without any lingering pain, feeling herself slowly getting back close to her best physical shape. There are more and more procedures to undergo and additional cosmetic surgery just to help the nanites in healing the few remaining ugly scars and patches of blemished skin. The good news is that according to Dr. Michel, she will be finally allowed to leave the hospital in four days.
Six weeks stuck in this goddamn bed... If not for Liara's constant company, and if not for our friends, I would have probably lost my mind. As it was, she never allowed me to dwell too much on things... and by the gods, there is so much to grieve for... mother, that they took you from me before I had a chance to reconnect with you again... it is so unfair. And David... you were often like father to me... Also, EDI, and all the others... I'll never forget just what we were forced to sacrifice.
Plans are already being made for the day that Shepard will be released from the hospital. There are celebrations planned back on the Normandy, and Morgan has managed to pull a few details from Liara about the crew already being hard at work in preparing for the festivities. Later in the evening after the Normandy party they have arranged a visit to Aria, Tevos and the girls at their Kithoi Ward apartment, or hideout as far as the councilor is concerned. The morning after that, Lt. Steve Cortez is scheduled to help Liara and Shepard get their belongings onboard of the Kodiak shuttle before taking them back to Earth for the first time since the bloody final battle against the Reapers.
Shepard has been shown some holos of the place chosen as their residence. City of Bradford in West Yorkshire has seen plenty of devastation, but some of the suburbs have remained completely untouched, leaving a lot of unclaimed dwellings, their owners fleeing the larger settlements, never to return. Their temporary home will be amongst one of the neatly aligned rows of houses in the Thornbury district, a comfortable two-storied dwelling big enough to accommodate a large family, but now assigned to her and Liara's personal use. The population of the British Isles has been cut to around 10% of the pre-war numbers, she still hears the words of Admiral Hackett in her ears, having voiced her protests about being given such a luxury. Shepard, there are a lot of empty dwellings that will never see their owners again.
"There's someone here to see you, Morgan," Liara suddenly interrupts her thoughts, poking her head through the gap in the doors just as Shepard has finished dressing herself. "A pleasant surprise, this time," she adds, opening the doors further to let in one of Shepard's oldest and dearest friends.
"Karin!" she exclaims with delight, rushing forth to embrace the older woman. "You're back on your feet as well, about time! Chloe has been telling me how helpful you have been working with her on my treatment plan..."
"Dr. Michel should take most of the credit for it, Commander," Karin Chakwas smiles. "She is truly an excellent specialist. I merely advised her where I could."
"Ah, Dr. Chakwas, ever the humble. But really, how are you?" Shepard asks, motioning for her old friend to take a seat, Liara deciding to leave them alone, likely having spoken with Karin before letting her in to see Morgan.
"I am fine now, child, the dizzy spells are all but gone and all tests that I have taken show that the recovery has been complete," Karin explains. "Quite remarkable, all things considered. Much as in your case, Commander."
"Yeah, we both had a lucky escape there, agreed. A... lot of the people didn't..." Morgan sighs quietly.
"Yes, I have heard of the death toll. I know it is not easy, but Commander, you need to think about the third that you managed to save, instead of tormenting yourself over being unable to save the rest. They were murdered by the Reapers, not because you or anyone else did something wrong."
If only that was the whole truth, Shepard cringes inwardly. "I'm... trying not to think of it, as much as I can help it. But... I guess I will always carry it with me, in a way," she admits. "Have you seen Jeff, Karin? How is he?"
Karin's face darkens a little as she thinks of their mutual friend. "I still could not clear him for active duty during his last check-up, which was five days ago. So despite what he claims, he is still not fit to fly the Normandy, and it is not just my opinion because I'm apparently biased to always support Commander Shepard. I have had dozen doctors tell him the same thing, because he would not believe me. Anyway, the last patients from the hospital fleets have been moved to the Citadel by now. I think Jeff is in the medcenter of level 13 of Tayseri Ward."
"Tayseri, 13," Shepard repeats to herself. "I will go visit him as soon as I'm able."
"Are you certain it would be wise?" Chakwas asks, concerned. "He appeared very confrontational since I last dared to bring you up in a conversation. He blames you for both replacing him and for EDI's death, Commander. None of those things were your fault."
"Not my fault, perhaps, but still a result of my actions," she replies, remembering something that Mordin told her once long time ago, repeating his words aloud. "Not guilty. Responsible."
"You take too much responsibility upon yourself, Commander, but I suppose I won't be able to change how you feel," Chakwas says sadly. "There is... another issue that I think we should talk about. Which was also the reason I asked Liara to extend me privacy with you."
"Oh? What is it?" Shepard asks, both curious and concerned.
"Observing your implants at work, so to speak, provided us with an incredible amount of useful data that I and my colleagues could analyze to narrow down our earlier estimates. I will tell you what we have learned, if you wish to be privy to this information, Shepard."
"Damn it, of course I want to know! What kind of a question is that?"
"I certainly do not want to know the exact time of my death, Commander," Dr. Chakwas replies. "But I realize you are in a different situation. Very well, I will tell you. First of all, our prediction about the longevity of the implants themselves appear spot on. The first signs of degradation will appear after approximately one hundred eighty years."
"Yeah, I remember you saying something along those lines. It's not exactly asari lifespan, but it's pretty good. I'll take it." It will at least allow me to see my child grow up and become a young, proud maiden, fates be willing. "How will I know that the implants are failing?"
"The signs should be very easy to tell. When you suffer an injury, even a small cut, the healing will become slower as the implants lose their effectiveness. Once a certain critical point is reached, the degradation will proceed like a very swift chain reaction."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, that you could go to bed one evening looking like the vibrant young woman I see before me and wake up a scrunched, old woman in the next morning," Chakwas explains. "Your body would continue to rapidly age until at one point it would simply stop. It would be an easy, painless passing, Shepard."
"If a little shocking and disturbing to those having to watch me crumble before their eyes," Morgan mutters. "Maybe you can come up with something that monitors the state of my implants and warns me in advance before they give up?"
"Yes, that should be relatively simple to design, Commander. I will speak to my colleagues in the science lab about creating a prototype."
"Does Liara know already?" Morgan asks.
"No, she does not," Chakwas shakes her head. "This is for you to decide whether to share it with her or not."
"I will share it, of course. Thanks for telling me everything, Karin," Shepard says, rising from her seat. "But please. I would speak with Liara now. There is no sense in delaying these news..."
A couple of days later, Shepard manages to talk Dr. Michel into allowing her the brief trip to the Tayseri Ward, Morgan refusing to bring Liara along, regardless of the asari's insistence. Liara had reacted well to the news about Morgan's Cerberus implants, not that it was surprising, considering that most of it was simply a confirmation of what they already knew. The knowledge that they can look forward to many years together, slowly rebuilding the galaxy into a safe place for their children, is something very reassuring, and for a long while Morgan forgets to feel as if this is too much of a wonderful dream that she does not truly deserve.
The idea of speaking with Joker these two months later makes her more nervous than she thought it might. As she enters the hospital on the Tayseri Ward Level 13, catching Jeff's face with at least a week old unshaved beard, sitting in one of the lounges and fiddling around on his omni-tool, she suddenly feels as if looking at her old friend reflects all of her failures back towards her, making her swim in disheartening memories, but there is no way other than to face them, to battle through the unpleasantness.
"Hey," she addresses him simply, standing next to his chair, watching him idly play some kind of extranet game on his omni-tool. "Got a minute?"
For a moment, Joker doesn't reply anything, just frantically mashes some buttons. "Damn it, Shepard, you almost got me killed. Again. Just a moment... let me get back to the base and log out... hate this stupid design," he grumbles, then finally looking up at her. "What do you want, Commander? Unless you've come to give me back the pilot's seat on the Normandy, we don't really have much to talk about."
"It's your job, Joker, we both know that, but the doctors haven't cleared you yet."
"Bullshit," Jeff Moreau replies harshly. "If you'd have listened to the doctors before, I would have never been on the Normandy in the first place. Even when I'm healthy, I'm just one big fracture waiting to happen. You just don't want me there anymore, admit it."
"What? I wouldn't even care, Liara and I are not going to stay on the Normandy, we're moving planetside," Shepard shrugs her shoulders. "You can get your job back as soon as the doctors give you a clean bill of health. That's always been the only condition."
"Yeah, fat chance of getting that," Joker mutters.
"And that's my fault, how? Am I blackmailing the doctors or something?"
"Wouldn't put it past you..."
"Look, accuse me of things that actually are my fault, and god knows there are plenty of those, but don't invent stupid accusations just because you're pissed off at me," Shepard cannot restrain herself from raising her voice. "I know you think that you were ready to fly the Normandy into the final battle, but I have seen the medical reports by Karin and three other doctors. Joker, you were a bloody wreck!"
"I would have still done a better job than a stupid quarian," Joker grumbles.
"I'm quite angry with you myself over that, buddy. You want to be pissed off at me? Sure, go ahead, I can take it. But don't take it out on that poor girl!" Morgan snaps. "Yes, you deserved to be the one flying the Normandy in the final battle, after everything we went through together. But I couldn't change what happened on Rannoch, could I? I wasn't about to get you killed by putting you in the pilot's seat while you were still half-dead!"
"Err, Commander... I'm pretty sure what happened on Rannoch could have been averted if you hadn't killed that stupid admiral and caused his psycho girlfriend go all batshit suicide crazy on us."
Fuck... yeah, he's kind of right about that one, too. I... hadn't even made the connection, but fuck, yeah he's damn right, I'm to blame for that too, Morgan feels herself flinching from the realization. "I... I'm sorry, but it happened, and I can no longer change it. Apologizing over and over again won't change anything. I did what I thought was best. I could not always see what consequences my actions would bring."
"Yeah, got that in one, Shepard. Like you didn't know that the Crucible beam would kill EDI?" Joker asks.
"I... knew that it was calibrated to destroy the Reapers. I... did not consider that it meant everything built using Reaper tech," Morgan confesses. "I never truly knew just how much EDI was based on that Reaper code, it just did not occur to me... I'm sorry."
"But if you had known, would it have changed anything?"
One synthetic, someone who had grown and evolved to become a trusted friend, or the entire galaxy of organics, including dozens and dozens of friends, my bondmate... it is true, but as much as I hate to admit it... EDI would have been the acceptable casualty. "No, it would not have changed anything, Joker. I would have done exactly the same thing, and I wouldn't have told you about it," she blurts out the cruel, ugly truth, closing her eyes and wincing, mentally expecting Joker's angry retaliation striking her like lashes of a whip.
In the end, Joker's voice sounds very tired when he speaks. "Yeah, figured that. Just... leave me alone, Shepard. I think we're done here."
"I understand," she nods, turning around to leave. "And I'm sorry," comes the whisper, too quiet for him to hear.
"Shepard?" Joker speaks up one more time, before she has left the room. "I don't really hate you for excluding me from the final battle. You might have had a solid reason for that. And I can't blame you for what you did with the Crucible either, not really. But... what I am most angry at you about... is that you denied the little bit of happiness to me and EDI that you did not deny to yourself and Liara. That makes you a hypocrite in my eyes, Commander."
"Then... I guess that is what I am..." Morgan manages quietly, swallowing the lump in her throat as she tiredly limps out of the hospital and quickly seeks out a quiet corner of the Citadel where she can spend several minutes weeping like an inconsolable child.
Few days later, when Shepard is finally free to leave the Shalta Wards hospital, she finds herself still way too depressed to even think about any potential celebrations on the Normandy, and it takes all of Liara's persuasion skills to help Morgan summon a little bit of willpower and finally climb out of her hospital bed and start getting ready for leaving. She knows that her bondmate is greatly concerned about her somber state of mind, Morgan having seemingly forgotten how to smile after her talk with Joker, and Liara at times had looked quite desperate herself, failing to trigger any reaction in Shepard, no matter how hard she had tried.
With more time passing, however, Morgan has gradually started to feel a tiny bit better, and now reaching Bay D24 and seeing her beloved ship docked, about to enter the airlock and return to the only home she has known for the past three years, her spirits slowly begin to soar. Liara and Chloe Michel follow her, as they walk through the suspiciously empty CIC, the two others guiding her towards the elevator and then selecting the crew deck.
The greeting party is of considerable size, and so is the noise that they make when Shepard and the others enter the mess hall. There are jubilant cheers, colorful banners that welcome her back 'home' and confetti being sprinkled everywhere, in true spirit of a homecoming party that finally puts the smile back on her lips, and nobody is as delighted to see that as her beloved bondmate, smiling back at her.
Almost all of their friends have gathered to meet her, and surrounded by the shroud of friendship and love, Morgan's depression lifts quickly. I did right by all these people, and they care for me greatly in return. I couldn't do right by everyone, but to expect that of myself would be... unreasonable. I need to start taking pride in the good things I have achieved, not to constantly drag myself down in the mistakes that I've made. Everyone makes mistakes. It is... only human.
She stops by to speak with everyone who have chosen to attend the welcoming party, starting with her closest friends, Tali and Garrus. "We wanted to invite even more people, and they would have been willing to come, I'm sure," the excited quarian explains. "But we weren't sure if too large crowd wouldn't be overwhelming for you, Shepard. I hope you're having a good time, Commander."
"Besides, I'm not sure we could have arranged for more food, Wrex has already eaten most of it by himself," Garrus chuckles, pointing at the large krogan hovering over the food table and cramming large portions of everything onto his plate.
"It's perfect, thank you two," Shepard grins. "How's everything, are you having any more issues between your people?"
"The situation is much improved, Shepard, after we oversaw the last three shipments ourselves," Tali explains. "I think we will be fine now."
"Yes, I quite agree, I suspect we no longer need to inspect every shipment," Garrus nods. "Those issues are probably a thing of the past by now."
"Hope so," Shepard agrees. "Anyway, must mingle! Say, is that Jack? I simply must talk with her," she says, moving on to her old psychotic-biotic friend, chatting with Samantha in a more quiet corner of the mess hell. "Would you look at that?" she grins, looking at the pair. "My favorite engineering deck stowaway has returned to the Normandy! Good to see you, Jackie."
"Hey, Shepard," Jack replies, sounding a little surly and not very party-like. "Liara. Just needed some place to bunk, really. Figured you wouldn't mind."
"Nah," Shepard smiles. "And I'm sure the fact that Sam is onboard the Normandy didn't contribute to this decision one bit," she adds, watching Traynor blush a delightful shade of red.
"You can check the surveillance vids from the engineering sub-level if you want an answer to that question, Shepard," Jack grins broadly in reply.
"I disabled them," Samantha inserts quickly, lowering her eyes.
"You... what? But you told me that you'd leave them on... aw, damn it, Sam!" Jack complains, making Samantha blush even more fiercely.
"Do you have any plans to return to Earth, Jack?" Liara asks. "Shepard and I are leaving tomorrow."
"Yeah, I don't know... I'm kind of expecting someone in the Alliance to remember about my existence and throw some shitty orders at me," Jack shrugs. "The kids are all gone, Anderson croaked too, damn it, I'm not even sure I want anything to do with those guys anymore. Sam wants me to stay on, though, I know she does."
"Yes, I make no secret of that fact," Traynor nods.
"Got any recommendation, oh omnipresent authority figure?" Jack chuckles, looking at Shepard.
"Whuh? Err... not sure," Shepard shrugs, herself uncertain what to think about the path the Alliance has set itself upon. "I guess you should report to whoever it is you're supposed to be answering to and see where they're assigning you. You can always tell them to fuck off if you don't like what they're asking of you."
"Hey, that's not a completely crap idea, Shepard," Jack agrees. "Alright, Sam, perhaps later you can find someone still alive from the 103rd Marine Division, and ask if they have any uses for a psychotic-biotic, alright?"
As Traynor nods, satisfied, Shepard and Liara move on to the next small group of people, two quarians chatting with Lt. Steve Cortez. Morgan barely manages to notice that the quarian couple release their hands as soon as they become aware of being watched. Oh, holding hands in public already? she thinks at herself, unable to suppress a grin. We are definitely seeing big progress here, yes indeed. Tali does an excellent job, yes she does.
"Lia'Vael. Steve," Shepard greets everyone warmly, turning to Kal as last. "And Admiral Kal'Reegar, of course. My congratulations about the new post, well deserved, I'm sure."
"Thank you, Commander," Kal'Reegar nods. "So far it has been more tiring than shooting Reapers, but I have been told that I am improving at this strange concept they call 'diplomacy'."
Shepard chuckles. "Yeah, I've struggled with that one too. Much easier to just grab a big gun and shoot the problem, right?"
"Wrong," Liara replies, poking her in the ribs, grinning as Morgan winces.
"Yeah, I thought that she might disagree," Morgan conspiringly whispers to the others. "And how are things with you, Lia?" I feel like I should express my condolences about the boyfriend, but it has been almost two months and she seems to be healing so nicely that maybe better not to even bring that up, she decides.
"Thank you, Shepard, I am doing much better," the young quarian sounds almost happy. "There was just one thing I wanted to ask of you." Shepard nods instantly, urging her to go on. "A permission to leave your service and return to my people. I have grown to care about everyone on the Normandy, but... my people need me, while with the Normandy docked, I am not really contributing here. Besides, I am aware that your old pilot is close to being ready to return to his post."
"Of course, Lia. Permission granted. You did a wonderful job here on the Normandy and it will not be forgotten," Shepard smiles, suddenly finding herself hugged by the young quarian. "Where are they transferring you to?"
"Uh, the Neema needs another experienced pilot," Lia'Vael admits bashfully.
"The Neema? Now, isn't that curious, Admiral Kal'Reegar vas Neema?" Shepard asks, winking at the two quarians. "I must say, you should consider yourself quite fortunate knowing you'll soon get your hands on the most skilled pilot amongst your people."
As the two quarians make strangled noises, trying to come up with a suitable reply, Liara and Cortez both let out deep sighs, rolling their eyes at Shepard. "Well, I certainly hope you are more eloquent at the Admiralty Board meetings, Kal," she adds with a chuckle. "But anyway, run along now and enjoy the party, I'll talk things over with Steve for a bit."
"Commander?" Steve asks, as the two highly embarrassed quarians step a little aside.
"How's everything? Ready to drop us off tomorrow?"
"Absolutely, Shepard, just let me know when," Cortez nods. "You know, someone in the Alliance Command analyzed some data readings and figured that I've made the most shuttle trips to Earth to evacuate the wounded. I suspect that Traynor slipped this data to someone, but the girl won't confess. Anyway, they want to pin some kind of medal on me for that."
"Oh, well done Steve, well deserved!" Shepard exclaims, feeling happy for their friend.
"I could not agree more," Liara adds. "If only James was here to see it..."
"Yeah," Cortez nods. "Still can't believe he's gone. Thought nothing could bring that man down... damn, that's Reapers for you."
"He was a good man, and he gave his life for something he believed in," Shepard says. "I like to think that if he had to choose a way to go, this was the way he would have preferred for it to happen, in the thick of the battle, surrounded by the corpses of his enemies."
"Aye, aye, Commander," Cortez agrees. "Tonight, I'll raise a few glasses for him. Hadn't really had the opportunity to celebrate his memory, but now I will. Thanks for remembering him."
"Of course, Steve," Shepard pats him on the shoulder, moving by. "Have a good time, and we'll catch you tomorrow."
Shepard and Liara exchange smiles with Karin Chakwas, sitting at the table together with Dr. Michel and exchanging all sorts of stories from their colorful experiences over a bottle of wine, immersed in their conversation and a little oblivious to the others present. At least Karin doesn't hate me for replacing her on the Normandy, and hasn't been sending hateful messages to Chloe... Shepard cannot help but to think as she moves on towards the last of the guests they have yet to speak with.
"Commander!" she is instantly jumped by a very excited Engineer Daniels, sticking her hand in Morgan's face to display a thin golden band with an impressively large stone on her finger. "Kenneth finally proposed! Isn't the ring just beautiful?"
"Well... it's certainly big!" Shepard nods, smiling happily. "Ken got lucky at the poker table for once?"
"Ha ha, very funny, Commander," Donnelly grouses. "This one's from my personal savings. Gabby deserves only the best."
"Ah, young love, such a wonderful sight. I'm very happy for you two," Morgan smiles, looking at two others in this small group, a very familiar human girl as always wearing the hood that manages to obstruct her face in such manner that even a year later Morgan Shepard has no real idea just what Kasumi Goto truly looks like under that hood. Next to her stands the salarian Spectre Jondum Bau, curiously observing their antics and silly banter. "And speaking of young love..." Shepard's grin widens as she turns to Kasumi and Bau.
"Oh no, Shepard, you're not doing that to us, we are above and beyond your childish attempts to somehow embarrass us!" Kasumi laughs, shaking her head. "Anyway, good to see you up and about, Shep. Also, Miranda sends her regards. She regrets that she can't make it today, apparently she's very busy with something back on Earth. The whole message was very mysterious. But she did say that she will make contact with you when you arrive planetside."
"Hmm, mysterious indeed!" Morgan nods. "Wonder what that's all about. Eh, I'm sure we'll find out sooner or later. Anyway, what have you been up to lately, master thief?"
"Eh, playing escort to Dr. Cole and the rest of the scientists, learning more about mass relays than I ever cared to, digging up more Prothean stuff in the Mars Archives... maybe collecting a trinket or two for my personal collection... it's been passable, Shep," Kasumi replies jovially.
"Well, I'm glad you're having fun," Morgan adds. "Liara will probably want to speak more in depth with you about all the new things you've found in the archives."
"Such thought did cross my mind just now," the asari speaks, visibly fighting to restrain her enthusiasm. "Perhaps you should stop by for a visit, once we have settled in on Earth, Kasumi? And... if some particularly interesting specimen happens to find its way into your pockets... well, I would not mind taking a closer look at it..."
"Told you so," Morgan grins, then turning towards the salarian. "And how does the illustrious Mr. Bau factor into all of that, hmm?"
"Those Mars missions can be very dangerous, as you found out for yourself, Shepard," Bau nods sagely. "Miss Kasumi can always benefit from additional security provided by an experienced Spectre."
"Good answer!" Shepard grins, clapping her hands in appreciation. "Well done."
"Also, Shepard, I understand that you have agreed to retain your Spectre status," Bau continues. "Allow me to express my approval of your decision. I will consider it the highest honor to serve alongside as distinguished and respected colleague as yourself."
"The sentiment is appreciated, Mr. Bau," she smiles, turning her head to look at the last guest of the party who is yet to acknowledge her presence, Wrex continuing to gorge himself full with the food, stuffing half of the cherry cake down his throat. "Wrex, is the food really more important than greeting your sister in arms?" she admonishes the old battlemaster.
"Can't talk, too busy eating," Wrex mumbles, reaching out for a large slice of pizza.
"They had him on a diet at the hospital," Bau whispers as an explanation.
"Still, it's very impressive just to watch him go at it," Kasumi sounds almost reverent. "It's... like there is a small black hole at the pit of his stomach where the food just... disappears..."
"You know, that could be true, actually," Shepard nods, chuckling.
"So... Shepard... I hear you're... going back to... Earth tomorrow," Wrex speaks, busy munching, bits of food escaping his mouth as he tries to eat and talk at once. "Going down... to the planet tomorrow... myself."
"Oh right, then maybe we'll meet down planetside, Wrex," Morgan tells him. "You let me know if you find out the truth about those fish, alright?"
"Count on it, Shepard," Wrex grunts in reply, having swallowed the last slice of pizza. "Damn, the only thing this party is lacking is some good booze. Wish your dad was here, Liara."
"Yes, me too," Liara agrees.
"Well, we don't want to get drunk right now, anyway," Shepard replies. "Liara and I have another, slightly more private gathering in the evening, and we should be sober for that."
"Oh, a private gathering?" Donnelly asks, giving them a knowing wink. "Say no more, Commander. Say no more. But feel free to take pictures."
"Kenneth!" Gabby hisses angrily at her fiancé. "You and your big mouth!"
"It's... actually not even close to what you think. It's more of an evening of culture and arts, instead of something debauched," Shepard says, noticing that Liara looks at little amused next to her. "Uh... or at least I hope that I have not been misinformed," she adds, peering at her bondmate.
"No, you are most likely correct... though considering the company, I suspect that sometimes one does not exclude the other," Liara replies quietly.
"Alright... now I'm kind of confused and a little bit curious," Morgan scratches her head.
"And I'm even more convinced that you absolutely must take pictures, Commander," Kenneth Donnelly adds with a knowing grin, then shrugging his shoulders and waving his hands helplessly as his fiancé glares at him. "What? What did I say?"