Still not the M rated I know... here is the second part of it... I keep changing my mind about what's going to happen...Enjoy :)
Ziva had always been proud of being jewish. She was wearing her maguen David like a... sheild. She found herself praying in the synagogue after her father's death she found comfort in there, a place she knew, bait knesset, house of assembly... House... Home.
Her family belonged to a liberal congregation in Tel Aviv. She was still part of it but it now seemed so far from her. She could barely remember sitting in the synagogue as a child. She could remember the rabbi's wife who used to babysit her and Ari, before Tali was born. She didn't even know if her father still attended the temple. Maybe he had let go as well...
She had been in the US for 8 years and she still had not found a temple that she liked to attend, a temple she felt she belonged to. She had thought that maybe it would be best if she just let go and live like all these secular people. But it wasn't right. She did belive in God, even after all he had put her through. Over all, He did send her a sign that she shouldn't loose hope, after her father died. After her father's death, she wanted revenge, it wasn't the first time she felt like that. After Tali's death she wanted revenge. Tali had suffer, she could have survive the attack, she lost her left arm and part of her left leg. She was hospitalized for weeks, and she got really sick. An infection had attacked her wound and her imunitary system was weaken by the high loss of blood. She was recovering hapily one day and passed away three days later. Ziva tried not to think about that. She forced herself to only remember Tali as the happy child and teenager she was before she got sick. Ziva was furious against the entire world. Why not her, why her little sister?
But after Eli's murder, she second guessed her revenge mission. Killing wasn't right. Seeking vengence wasn't right. But she could not forgive Bodnar. He betrayed her father, and herself. They had been really close to each other once, they grew up together. She felt like her country was divided into to kind of people, the good ones; who are inevitably dead, and the traitors.
She didn't trust anyone there now. Her long-time confident was a israeli operative after Munich, a spy, a killer, and she blamed Adam for being ther when she needed it. Even if she was consentant, she felt like he took advantage of her. Ziva was troubled, she did think Adam was bad in a certain way but she couldn't forget about the first time they had selpt together.