Wishes
Stage 2 - The Talk
"…shua… Josh, wake up!"
Joshua snapped awake almost immediately, almost bumping into the person leaning over him. It took him a few moments to realize he was still on top of the 104 building, but he must've dozed off at some point.
Shaking the weariness away, he turned to the person who had woken him, and nearly tensed up. "Neku…"
The redhead in question merely looked at him quietly from his crouched position. He was still in his uniform, so he'd probably come here straight from college. And Joshua wasn't sure he liked the expressionless look on the daiyoukai's face, but before he could start to worry, the redhead allowed a small smile.
"Thought you'd be up here… Mr. H was looking for you."
"…he was?" Joshua asked slowly. How long had he been asleep for?
"Yeah. He said you didn't show up at all toda… Josh? Are you okay?" Neku asked suddenly, reaching out a hand to Joshua's face.
The Composer flinched back almost immediately, before he realized what he just did and attempted to cover it up. "Yes, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
But Neku seemed unconvinced and frowned, but he said nothing and lowered his hand again. He watched Joshua for a little longer, before he moved to the edge of the building, leaning forward on the railing.
'…it would be so easy…' Joshua thought as he stood up. '…just one push and—no! No! Bad idea! Bad idea! Not only would he survive that, but he'd be pissed as hell and lord knows what he'd—'
"…my father's been diagnosed with cancer."
The words came so fast and so sudden, that Joshua completely lost his train of thought. "…what?"
"My mother called me during class today… course, that got me in a lot of trouble with the teachers… until I told them the news." Neku wasn't looking at Joshua. He kept his eyes on the city below them, unmoving. "And then they just let me go home…" At this point, Neku reached up and ran a hand through his unruly mane, the gesture almost seeming unsure.
"…What kind of cancer is it?" Joshua asked slowly, walking over to stand beside the redhead.
"On his kidneys… well, one of 'em. Discovered it by accident when he was just going to see if there might be something wrong with his lungs."
"Why did he think something was wrong?" Joshua wasn't even sure why they were talking about this, but he was a little glad for the distraction. It kept his mind away from… other subjects.
"He coughed up blood a while ago." Looking over from the corner of his eyes and seeing the surprised look in the Composer's eyes, Neku clarified: "He was using blood thinner at one point, and he got a nosebleed at that point. He probably inhaled some of it."
"Aha. I see," Joshua murmured, trying to make it seem like he didn't care. "So… now what?"
"Well… they're going to have to remove the kidney in question… shouldn't pose much of a problem, but there's the chance that it might have already spread to other organs."
"…"
What could he say? "Sorry for your loss" made it sound like the guy was already dead, and saying something like "I'm sorry to hear that" or "it'll be fine" just sounded like something he was forced to suffer through a lot ever since he was informed of the news. So he said nothing. Merely stood beside Neku and gazed out over the city without a word.
"…hey, Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"…thanks."
"…?" At that simple statement, Joshua blinked, turning to the other male, unsure. He hadn't said anything yet, so why was he being thanked? "For what?"
Neku merely allowed a smile. "For listening to me ramble." Silently, he pushed off again and took a deep breath, before letting it out slowly. "Whew… Well, I better head back… Still got homework to deal with and all. Ja ne."
With those words, Neku turned with a small wave and headed for the stairs.
Joshua watched him for a moment longer, sighing quietly himself. Just as Neku was about to reach the doorway, however, he whipped around and called out to the redhead.
"Neku!"
Said young man stopped and turned, slightly surprised, but he didn't say anything. Just waited for him to say what he needed to.
"…Don't give up hope."
'…did-did I just really say that? Shit! What's wrong with me?'
Neku seemed just as startled by Joshua's words as the silver-haired Composer himself was. For a moment, neither spoke, but finally, Neku allowed a small smile that, for some inexplicable reason, made Joshua freeze.
"I know. Thanks."
After giving a small nod, Neku turned back around and walked through the door, disappearing out of sight as the door clicked shut behind him.
Joshua spent a few more moments gazing at the door, before looking back to the city.
"…my father's been diagnosed with cancer."
Why had Neku even bothered to tell him? After all, he was Shibuya's Composer, and it was not unusual—or even unnatural—that, sometimes, people in the city he overlooked died, whether it was by old age, sickness, accident or even murder. It all happened, and Joshua could only do so much, and only with those who didn't die naturally.
And cancer was considered natural, so, even if he wanted to, there was nothing Joshua could do for the man.
But Neku apparently hadn't come to him because of that; he just needed someone to listen to what he had to say. He didn't even want a response; he just wanted to know that someone was listening.
…but why?
"Hm? Oh, hey, Boss. Where ya been?" Hanekoma asked as Joshua walked into WildKat. The place was, as usual, empty, so there was no need to worry about people overhearing.
"Oh, out and about," Joshua quipped with his traditional giggle. "You now, just enjoying how well Shibuya's been developing lately."
Not a complete lie; that was what he usually did nowadays, if only to keep his mind off of what he might be in for when Neku came for him next. Today, however, he hadn't really felt like listening, too deeply engrossed in his own thoughts.
"Heh. Can't blame ya there. She does appear to be doing much better than five years ago… although… hmm…"
Joshua resisted the urge to both frown and to bit his lip. 'Does he suspect something…?' he worried absently, before he asked: "Hm? 'Although' what, Sanae?"
"Ah, 's probably nothing, but I'd almost say her improvement spiked 'bout two months ago."
'…! T-two months ago?'
"…Really now?" Joshua hummed in thought, but then he giggled. "Well, perhaps my petty worries of our foxy little friend had me antsy so much that I wasn't thinking straight."
Sanae chuckled. "Maybe so, Boss. Oh, did you see Phones, by the way?"
"Ah, yes, we spoke briefly. He seemed quite preoccupied, though," Joshua said without a hitch, though his fingers twitched inside his pocket.
"Oh? Hmm… now that you mention it, he did seem a bit distant…"
So even Hanekoma noticed, huh? Though given from his response, he didn't know what it was about. Or he did and just wasn't telling Joshua.
"In any case, I suppose I'd better get things ready for the next Game. You had it scheduled for this weekend, ne?"
"Yep. Starting Saturday morning."
"Okay. In that case, I'll be getting back to work then. See you later, Sanae."
With those words, Joshua headed to his room in the back of WildKat, but as he walked up the stairs, he couldn't help but think back to Hanekoma's words. How Shibuya's progress had spiked up for the better two months ago, and it only seemed to be getting better.
'How does that make any sense? I've been feeling horrible these past two months! Because of… of… argh! I'm not even going to think on that! I've got work to deal with!'
And so it was that Joshua sat, working until late in the night, lost in thought about how to run the next Game. However, there were times when he noticed himself looking out of the window, wondering about so many other things.
'…why does Sanae believe it spiked two months ago…?' he wondered, sitting back in his chair. '…that day… had to have the worst day of my li—afterlife…'
BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP!
"Gah!" Joshua practically jumped out of his chair at that sudden sound, whipping around to face his madly vibrating and beeping phone on his desk. "Wh-what the!"
BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP!
"…It couldn't…" But as he picked it up, shakily, he gulped as he realized there was only one person it could really be. 'Neku…'
BEEP BEEP! BEE—
Before it could finish, Joshua flicked it open and brought it to his ear. "Hello?"
"…hey…"
"…? Neku?" 'Was that…? Why is he so quiet?'
"…yeah… sorry, am I interrupting?"
"Huh? Oh um… maybe a little," Joshua admitted, looking at what he had been working on. "I was just working out some stuff for the next Game this Saturday." 'Ack! Why'd I just tell him the Game's on Saturday? Shit! He's gonna get ideas like this!'
"…oh…" Silence for a long moment, before the male on the other side sighed. "Sorry… I'll call back some other time…"
"Ah! Wait, Neku!" Joshua called out, not even sure why he was doing so but unable to pull the words back.
"…yeah?"
The silverette almost sighed audibly at the fact that Neku hadn't hung up just yet. "I was going to take a small break anyway. So, why'd you decide to call me at 11 in the evening? Shouldn't you be getting ready for bed?"
"…I… I just…"
Joshua frowned at the small hint of what sounded suspiciously like uncertainty in Neku's voice. It almost sounded like he was hesitant to speak up, which didn't sound like the Neku he had come to know.
"…what happens to humans when they die?"
When the question finally registered in Joshua's mind, he allowed a small chuckle. "Well, I would assume the same as anyone else, ne? They stop breathing, they get put in the earth or get burned and—"
"…that's not what I mean, Joshua…" Neku interrupted. "…I meant their soul… when they die… where does it go?"
Silence.
Joshua wanted to give another one of his smart comments, but the tone of Neku's voice didn't allow him. There was just something in the way that Neku asked that made him pause.
"…Neku, why do you want to know that?"
"…can you stop avoiding my question for once?" Neku asked in return. "It's… important to me…"
The Composer was quiet for a moment longer, before he sighed softly and said honestly: "I don't know…"
"…you… don't know…?"
"Not really… I only know that people who are killed or die in accidents get their souls sent to play the Game… if they have the strong desire to still live, of course. I really don't know what happens to those who move on…"
"…oh…"
"…ne, Neku?"
"…hm?"
"What about youkai?"
"…? What about them?"
"What happens to youkai when they die?"
"…technically… we can't die…"
"Oh?"
"But… we can be killed… though even if that happens, we'll be reborn after a while… maybe a century or two… given that the people still believe in us…"
"Ah, yes, I've heard that theory before; youkai are born from the fear and anxiety of humans, and the more one believes them to be true, the more powerful the youkai, ne?"
"It's a little more complicated than that, actually…"
"Oh? Do tell."
"While there are in fact youkai who get stronger the more humans believe in them, if there isn't a single human left alive, we would also disappear."
"And why would that be?"
"I'm not fully sure myself, but it has something to do with the aura humans emit when they think of and fear youkai. It's what ties us here. Most of us, at least…"
"Oh? Name one that doesn't need it, then."
"Kitsune," was the immediate response, making Joshua tense. "We're not born as youkai; we're foxes who have reached a certain age and gained the ability to speak and change our shapes."
"Hmm… I see your point," Joshua murmured, glad that his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt. "…Anyway, I believe we've completely lost what we were talking about originally."
"So we have…" Neku mumbled absently. The Kyuubi was silent for a moment, before he asked, for whatever reason, Joshua didn't know: "How did you die, Josh?"
"…how did I…?"
"Back in the Game, Beat mentioned the only way for a new Composer to be appointed is for a Player or Reaper to defeat the current one…" Joshua made a mental note to have a "chat" with the blonde, later… or to put a mouse in his shoes. Whichever he felt up to first. "So you were either a Player or a Reaper before you took over… And you have to die to become either. So… how did you die?"
"…" Joshua wasn't sure how to respond. Of course he remembered how he died, that wasn't the point; the point was that he really didn't want to discuss it with Neku. After all, was there anyone in the Game who ever openly talked about how they died? No.
"…don't wanna say, huh?" Neku asked quietly.
"…not really."
"…fine."
Okay, Joshua hadn't seen that coming. He would've expected Neku to at least pressure him into talking, but the other male said nothing about it. Not that he was going to mention that, mind you.
"…how's your 'dad'?" Joshua asked after a moment, but he was unable to keep the hint of sarcasm out of his voice.
"I'm not heartless despite being a youkai, Joshua," Neku said solemnly in response to the Composer's sarcasm. "And since you asked, he's doing fine. They're operating on him on Monday morning, to get it out as soon as possible."
"Ah. How're his chances looking?"
"Good enough. He won't die during the surgery, at least…"
"Don't say that too loudly now, dear."
"Don't call me that!"
Joshua merely chuckled in response. "Though you surprised me… I was under the assumption you wouldn't care much about him."
"He's a good person, Joshua," Neku said simply. "And even if I'm a youkai, he is the person who has been looking after me for the past 20 years. It would be dishonorable if I did not care for him to some degree."
"…" Joshua couldn't say anything to those words. He wanted to, but he couldn't find the words to say. No matter how much he racked his mind for them, he couldn't find the words that he wanted to say in this situation.
"…hey, Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"…thanks…"
"That's the second time you've thanked me today. Whatever for?"
"Sometimes… all people need is a listening ear."
"Oh? Where'd you hear that?"
"'Stalker'," Neku said with a small chuckle. "Anyway, I'll let you get back to work now. Oyasumi."
"Oyasumi."
And that was the end of the conversation, but Joshua remained with the phone to his ear for at least five more minutes before finally moving.
He had not expected Neku to question him about where people went when they died, sounding almost hopeful for an answer. Unfortunately, he didn't know the answer. Composers, he knew, could eventually ascend to the status of Angels if they so desired, but Joshua had no wish for that. He just wished to watch over Shibuya and to watch it grow and prosper…
This may surprise you… but I have a friend who believes that the heart… is like an unborn child. You can try to kill yourself as much as you want… but that 'child' inside your chest will keep fighting to live. It will keep pounding, screaming, and crying until you stop and listen… listen to its wordless pleas to live…
Neku's words from that night echoed through his head, and Joshua began to understand why the Kyuubi had spoken them. He had said that, when one becomes Composer, the city they oversee becomes their heart, and it's the responsibility of the Composer to ensure that heart keeps beating and living. And, in a way, taking care of you heart was like taking care of a baby… you had to consider very carefully what to do with it if you wanted it to stay healthy and to keep beating powerfully.
It was something Joshua had only come to understand two months ago, when he had been punished harshly by the Kyuubi for his negligence.
Suddenly, his phone vibrated and beeped once, signaling an incoming message. Having a feeling who it was from, Joshua slowly flipped open his phone and read the message.
One new message from Sakuraba Neku
"Almost forgot… -chu-"
And that was it.
"…chu? Seriously?" Joshua asked slowly, but his face felt a little more hot than usual. "Ugh… does he expect me to… dammit, he probably does, doesn't he?"
Sighing dramatically, Joshua quietly texted back. But, before hitting send, he brought the phone to his lips and gave the screen a small, chaste kiss.
One new message from Kiryuu Yoshiya
"Oh, just hush and go to sleep, dear. -chu-"
Neku allowed a deep, rumbling chuckle as he reclined back on his bed in the apartment, flicking the phone shut and placing it on the nightstand. Stretching, he allowed himself to settle against the headboard, before sliding down it to lay down on the bed.
"So… there's another Game on Saturday, huh?" he murmured softly to himself, hands behind his head. "Fun… mmm… hm?"
Sitting up straight, Neku frowned darkly, barely breathing as he only listened. It did not take him overly long to fins what he had heard; a distortion in Shibuya's Music, making is beat irregular, just slightly.
"…Taboo…" Neku snarled out, his pupils contracting and shifting into vertical slits. "Too far long at this point… looks like I have to jump backwards for tonight."
Shaking his head, he settled down upon the bed, hitched up his shirt a little and placed his hands, held in a diamond shape with index fingers and thumbs, over his stomach, and then shut his eyes, falling asleep slowly. And for the rest of the night, Neku didn't move an inch.
Those who saw him, would even go as far as to say he wasn't breathing…
A/N: About the "diamond shape on the stomach" thing... I recently found out that's it's a Japanese urban legend that if you go to sleep like that, your soul can leave your body.
The youkai theory Neku mentions is actually based on the theory from the anime "Karas", in case you're interested. As for the "your heart is a baby" thing... I got that from a manga somewhere but I forgot which it was, sorry.
As for the thing with Neku's dad... that comes from personal experience.