Daryl was avoiding everybody for two days. When they woke up in the morning, he'd been already gone hunting. He came back late, threw his kills on the table and disappeared into his cell quickly.
Every day when the sun was going down, Carol started to be restless, impatiently waiting for his return. She couldn't help worrying that Daryl would bump into his brother in the woods and would reassess his decision. She was afraid he would leave the group, leave her again.
Carol was waiting for him, sitting on the cold metallic stairs, and sighed a breath of relief every time she saw him walking in, sweaty, dirty and tired. Normally he would look at her and gave her a small nod or even a smile, but in those two days he never looked up to search for her eyes.
Rick was growing impatient. The Governor could attack anytime and he needed Daryl to fully focus on improving their defenses and getting ready for the clash.
"He just needs time to wrap his head around it," Carol said softly, watching Rick's desperate expression, when Daryl disappeared into his cell again without saying a single word.
"Wrap his head around what? Merle just started fitting in slowly. It was Daryl's decision to throw him out. He can't blame the group for this."
"He doesn't," Carol pressed her lips together and looked down.
Rick looked at her inquisitively: "You know what happened between them?"
Carol shook her head. She didn't want to share anything of what had happened between her and Merle before she had a chance to talk to Daryl about it.
"Then he'd better start thinking straight soon," Rick sighed and went to check on Judith.
She stopped in front his cell and quietly watched him cleaning his crossbow.
When he looked up and saw her standing there, he jumped, genuinely startled.
"Hell woman, where did you get that habit of scaring people to death?" Daryl blurted out.
"Can I come in?" she asked.
"If you have to," he went back to cleaning his weapon, obviously not thrilled by her attempt to invade his privacy.
Carol decided she would not let him put her off. She leaned against the wall opposite to him.
"You're so angry and tense."
He looked at her with irritation: "Christ, tell me something I don't know."
She flinched where she got a proper look at his beaten face. "You should go to Hershel…"
His annoyed growl stopped her in the middle of sentence but she refused to give up.
"What are you so furious about? Kicking Merle out? Or staying here with us? Or stucking here and probably getting killed with us?"
"Fuck, stop this shit. Don't try to analyze me woman. Just go and leave me be."
She didn't move, looking at him with despair.
"We need you Daryl. The Governor can attack anytime and Rick… we need you. We need to know we can count on you."
Daryl jumped to his feet.
"Have I ever done anythin' to prove you can't count on me? Fuck..is it really freakin' too much to ask you to leave me alone for couple of fuckin' hours? Just give me a rest, all of ya!"
Carol felt tears burning in her eyes. But she would be damned if she showed her weakness to him right now. She stuck her chin out. She hated this angry, violent side of Daryl, but she knew she had to put up with it. It was an inseparable part of him and it somehow balanced his kindness and solicitude he rarely showed these days, but which all knew he had. She knew it had been a defiance and anger that had helped him to survive the horrors of his childhood but she was so afraid that now, with the emotions balancing on the edge and with the weight of his difficult decision on his shoulders; the dark side would overpower him.
"You haven't been yourself lately," she dropped her eyes to her shoes.
He didn't seem to even listen to her.
"I miss it," she confessed.
"Well, that's the price you gotta pay. Can't have everything, can you?" he barked at her.
OK, that was it. Carol felt tears welling up in her eyes and she knew she would lose it. She turned on her heel and was gone.
Daryl stared on the spot where she was standing just a moment ago. He groaned and put a throbbing head into his hands.
The night was unusually bright. Full moon wreathed the yard in silver light and for a moment it looked almost peaceful. Daryl nodded to Glen and Maggie, who came to relieve him from the watch. He hurried away, knowing that the couple couldn't wait to get some privacy in the guard tower.
He couldn't stop thinking about Carol. He was wondering how she can put up with him sometimes. First he'd left her and the whole group without saying a word, and then he'd come back with his brother, expecting her to understand all his reasons. Just a few days later he'd given her a piece of his mind when she'd chosen to go on run with Rick and Merle, hoping it would have helped his dumbass brother to fit into the group. But Merle had tried to kill her in return. When he'd found her half dead in the woods, he'd promised her he wouldn't have left Merle hurt her, just to treat her like a piece of shit this afternoon. He clenched his fists when he remembered the hurt in her eyes. He was surprised she wasn't tempted to punch him into his face every time she saw him.
He was lying in his cell but couldn't sleep. He sighed and sat up. He was weighing his options and then got up. He was carefully listening for a while and when he was sure than even Lil'Asskicker was fast asleep, he silently walked over to Carol's cell.
He didn't want to wake her but something was telling him that she wasn't getting a good night sleep either. Not that he had anything to do with that.
By the way her body was tense under the thin blanket, he knew he was right. He knew she could feel him standing there, but she didn't say a word.
"Can I come in?" he whispered.
"If you have to," she threw the words back into his face.
He knew he deserved it and pressed his lips together.
"I can go...," he offered uncertainly.
"Whatever."
God, he could say she was pissed, not that he was surprised.
Daryl slowly stepped into her cell. She propped up on her elbow, not moving on the bed to let him sit down as she usually did.
"Sorry, I've been a dick lately," he said quickly, shifting his weight.
Despite the brevity of his apology, Carol could say he meant it. Daryl was not a man of words and she knew that even coming to her cell had been difficult for him.
She'd already forgiven him but she was not going to make it easy for him.
She was watching him silently, not moving, and not saying a word. Daryl was growing more and more uncertain, searching her face for any sign of mercy. When he couldn't find it, he hung his head and turned to leave her cell.
"Apology accepted," it was not louder than a whisper but she knew he would catch it. He turned hesitantly and saw her shifting on her bed, making a space for him to sit down. She smiled at him softly and he felt his heart to skip a beat. He was sitting next to her in instant.
"Took your time," he grumbled but she heard a smile and relief in his voice.
Goose bumps rose on her skin when he unintentionally brushed his arm against hers in order to sit more comfortably.
They were sitting silently for a few moments. Carol didn't push, giving Daryl all the time he needed.
"Ya must truly love Dixon's family," he chuckled bitterly, "trying to kill Glenn, Maggie and you in the end."
He heart ached hearing him saying that. No matter what happened, this man kept blaming himself, undertaking his brother's sins as well.
"It was all Merle, not you. You are a different person."
"Yeah, I've just proven it this afternoon, haven't I?"
"Maybe not this afternoon, but you'd proven it when you'd sent him away. And you've proven it tonight as well," she whispered and looked into his eyes, "thank you for choosing us over Merle."
"He gave me no choice this time. I believed he could change when I asked the group to take him in. But after what he did to ya and what he was plannin' to do…I just couldn't let him...," Daryl starred on the wall and paused.
Carol waited, knowing how much Daryl needed to get it out of his chest.
"Still…Merle is a bastard, but in a strange way I know that he really cared for me. Kickin' him out was like…I don't know, I just felt like shit," Daryl sighed, unable to describe the lost he felt.
"Did you tell anybody about Merle…what he wanted to do to you and Rick…and the others?" Daryl's voice was suddenly low and hesitant again.
She just shook his head and didn't the miss the gratitude that flashed in his eyes.
"Do you think…it could stay like this? They all hate Merle anyway, ain't reason to add fuel to the flame. He's gone now, he ain't comin' back."
She covered his large hand with hers and gave it a quick squeeze of agreement. When she touched him, she felt Daryl shiver. She quickly withdrew her hand and put it in her lap.
She was itching to touch him. She caught herself wondering if she just wanted to comfort him or if she wanted to feel his body against hers for purely selfish reasons. She blushed on this thought and quickly pushed it away. The last thing she wanted to do tonight was to confuse him and scare him away.
"You miss Merle…it's not going to fade away quickly, trust me. No matter what you do, it'll stay with you. But you must stop blaming yourself," Carol sighed sadly, turning her attention back to Daryl.
When he finally turned his head and looked at her, she saw a tiny smile forming in the corner of his lips: "However, I'm pretty sure I've done the right decision this time."
She nodded, genuine smile on her lips:
"I'm glad. Somebody must lull Lil'Asskicker to sleep. She will be teething soon, it'll be hell."
"And somebody must keep you on the leash. Rick's got a lot on his mind; Hershel ain't able to catch up with you, which leaves me to be the responsible one."
She chuckled and Daryl's smile widened at the sight of her looking happy. He needed to protect her; he needed to make her happy. He needed her. Who was he kidding pretending he didn't care?
"Don't ya think I forgot about what I'd told in the woods. Ya gonna to listen to every word I say now, do ya understand?" he tried to look menacing, but it was only a pitiful attempt, which failed as soon as she smiled at him gently.
He froze when she leaned to him and placed a soft kiss on his forehead, just above his eyebrow.
"I will, thank you," she whispered against his ear and pulled away quickly. Fire rolled through his veins in a response to this quick act of tenderness. Daryl nodded abruptly and jumped to his feet.
"Good night Carol," he was out of her cell before she could answer.